tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38232942.post7978633505850171180..comments2024-03-15T01:38:51.061-07:00Comments on MotherhoodLater.com - World’s leading newsletter, website and community for midlife moms: The "H" Word by Robin Gorman NewmanRobin Gorman Newmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38232942.post-39045467554321725532011-04-08T16:50:14.217-07:002011-04-08T16:50:14.217-07:00I agree with Laura. When I read the blog the first...I agree with Laura. When I read the blog the first time I felt like crying myself. I'm sure, over time, Seth will come to you communicating how he feels. And you have to be ready to listen and become non-defensive, regardless of how painful what he says is. As I've said before, Brandon has never told me he hated me. But he has come close, like when he shredded his money and yelled for me never to talk to him about money again. The fact that he was so specific in identifying his anger towards me leads me to believe he probably will not tell me he "hates" me. But adolescence has yet to rear it's ugly head, so anything is possible in the future.Cara Meyershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05929269041124368708noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38232942.post-23230005634654777332011-04-08T10:09:25.665-07:002011-04-08T10:09:25.665-07:00Laura and Patty -- Thank you both so much! Until ...Laura and Patty -- Thank you both so much! Until the "h" word is directed at you, you hear about kids saying it, but you can't anticipate how you will feel if/when you're the target. I'm glad I was able to share my experience in a constructive way, despite the pain. Appreciate the support from moms like you! We're in this together. :)Robin Gorman Newmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06816036736416667540noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38232942.post-34872528545538114192011-04-08T09:13:53.403-07:002011-04-08T09:13:53.403-07:00Oh Robin, what a painful experience, but so good t...Oh Robin, what a painful experience, but so good that you went beneath the surface to figure out what the emotions were behind the words, and to teach other ways of expressing them. "I hate you" can mean just "I'm angry because you're not letting me have my way" (a strong, but passing reaction to something concrete) or "You don't understand me. You don't care about me. You don't hear my needs" (a much deeper cry for help). It is so important that you cared where it was coming from and didn't just react with anger and shut down the discussion. You showed that his feelings are important but so are yours, and that words have impact and he needs to choose them carefully. Really well done, Robin.Patty Chang Ankerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13233396931358883493noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-38232942.post-71558935130177874612011-04-08T06:12:34.979-07:002011-04-08T06:12:34.979-07:00EXCELLENT entry, Robin. I could feel your pain in ...EXCELLENT entry, Robin. I could feel your pain in your words. You came across so clearly that I got upset, too. I love how you handled this. And it's a great glimpse into my future, too. I am going to get double the "I hate yous" and I better be ready. Still. That first time. Ouch. And good for you for showing/sharing your pain the first time. My mom never responded at all when I told her I hated her, so I didn't learn how poison the words could be. Now I do. Thanks.Laura Houstonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12049115743307375415noreply@blogger.com