Tuesday, March 18, 2008

The Green-Eyed Monster

I'm jealous. And, I'm sorry for how I feel, but at times, I can't help it. I'm being brutally honest.

I'm deeply envious of those moms who still have their parents and have a close relationship with them. They are SO lucky, and I feel the loss.

My mom passed away 10 years ago, and as I think I've mentioned in previous blogs, she never met my son. I try super hard not to dwell on this, but clearly it has left a wound for me. I adored my mom, and nothing would have made her more happy than seeing me become a mom. I would have liked to make her proud, and while I know her spirit is with me, Seth did not meet her. I tell him about her and he's seen photos, but for sure, it's not the same.

I broach this subject because a mom friend of mine emailed me today that she is going to Europe with her husband for a family function. I asked if her two kids are going? She said, no, they would remain at home with her folks, who would stay at her house while they are away.

I found myself emailing her back and writing You are SO fortunate to have them.

While the last thing I aim to do is put myself on a soap box about this subject, there is a little voice inside me that often feels compelled to scream to other moms "Cherish your mom. Appreciate her. Let her know how you feel. Flaws and all."

My mom wasn't perfect. What is perfect? But she was MY mom, and that was all that mattered. I love my dad big time, but he's different than her.

What a treat for kids to spend time with their grandparents, especially if they live close and can visit regularly...and want to be there. And, how great for a couple to have the opportunity to get away and know that their children are in top notch hands, and that it is a special bonding experience for all involved.

I would have so welcomed that. As a 40 something mom, I recognize that if I had become a mom earlier in life, my own mom would have lived to see it. But, everything happens, I do believe, as it is meant to. I don't live in regret. We wouldn't have Seth if things had played out differently.

It just pains me at times when I hear people complaining about their well-meaning mother. I respect that people have differences. But, for example, another mom I know says that her mother spoils her child by buying him so many toys, for no occasion.

While I understand the concept of toy overload (we have that in my home)....in the scheme of things, that would be a nice problem to have. That you mom relishes your child so much that she can't do enough for them. And, perhaps she has wisdom to share. I find myself often quoting my mom and recalling what she would likely say, if I'm having an off day.

So....to all the moms out there who still have their mom....enjoy!!!

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Blogger Joanna Brody said...

Robin, I read this just was my mother was leaving after spending an hour with my children this afternoon (and saving my sanity!), and it made me appreciate her even more. My husband and I stayed in Los Angeles for years, anticipating that we were going to have a family, and knowing that we'd want my parents close by. Though my parents have 8 grandkids total, including my two, these are the first ones close enough for them to see on a regular basis. And see they do - "can I come by and kiss the babies?" is no kidding, almost a daily question. While it can be disruptive for me and my husband, who both work from home, it's also the most wonderful thing in the world for all involved, my children, my parents and us. Thank you for reminding us to put aside our petty annoyances and appreciate the heck out of them.

4:23 PM  
Blogger M.E. VanWalleghan said...

I read your blog just after talking with my mom who as my daughter for a few days. You are so right about how lucky I am to have her near and really present in my daughter's life. One big benefit to having children later is that if one's parents are healthy and retired it is so different than if they are working. My mom is 67 and retired. She can handle my daughter for a few days still. Amazingly she was there at H.'s birth and helped care for her when I went back to work after my leave was over. For ten years I lived in NYC, thousands of miles from her. It has been such a gift to live within an hour to two hours from her since my daughter was born. Thank you for reminding me how lucky I am.

10:52 PM  
Blogger Sang-Hee said...

I know that my parents really want to meet their first grandchild (our daughter). But I hesitate to travel overseas with a baby just yet, and my mother cannot come here because of my father's health. It does make me sad that they don't get to see how fast the baby is growing. On the other hand, my in-laws visit often, so I'm thankful that our daughter will grow knowing one set of grandparents well.

12:47 PM  

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