Thursday, March 20, 2008

Going Back to Work (2)

Ten days until I return to work. And I continue to address my anxieties.

One major problem has been solved: we found a babysitter. She came for the interview, and we knew that we found the one. We checked her references; all enjoyed long-term relationships with her (17 years and nine years), retaining her for house-cleaning once the babysitting years were over. But she wanted to take care of babies rather than to clean houses. We decided to give it a go.

The first day she came to babysit, our daughter was happy with her all day long, playing, sleeping, and eating on schedule. We were so happy for having found such a perfect match. Then the second day came with a surprising turnabout: our daughter shrieked and wailed from the moment I handed her to the babysitter. After 30 minutes, I left the house, my heart broken and trampled by powerful emotions of guilt, sadness, and desire to hold her, even though I knew in my mind that everything would be alright. When I returned home after a couple of hours, I found the house bubbling with gentle singing. Our daughter calmed down after an hour, I was told.

Today is the second day with the babysitter. This time, after 30 minutes of shrieking and wailing, the babysitter took our daughter out for a walk. They came back, calm and happy.

Maybe our daughter thinks shrieking and wailing is the way to greet someone?

No, I should be honest with myself. She must be reflecting my own set of emotions: anxiety (of entrusting her care to someone else), sadness (of not hanging out with her), and fear (believe it or not, what if our daughter becomes more attached to the babysitter?).

Perhaps a change in my attitude is the answer to a smooth transition. I'll try that next time.

3 Comments:

Blogger Robin Gorman Newman said...

So glad you found someone to watch your daughter who you are comfortable with. That must be a huge load off your mind.

Your feelings are all so natural, as is the reaction of your daughter. I remember so many times with my son and our nanny, even as he was a toddler, he would cry and cling to my leg as I tried to leave the house.

There were times when my nanny had to actually hug him tightly so I could jump out the door.

Thankfully that no longer happens, though he will tell me to hurry home at times.

And...to tell you the truth....if he didn't mind at all that I left him, I'm not sure I'd like that either.

Ahhh...the life of a mom is so emotionally conflicted.

Join the club!

6:49 AM  
Blogger naomicatgirl said...

It's very difficult, leaving your child with someone else. But over time, she will certainly develop a strong bond. Just wait for the day when she calls for the babysitter instead of you.

Yes, I've been there!

6:26 PM  
Blogger lin liyi said...

Comments

2:15 AM  

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