Monday, May 04, 2009

Loving My Dad, as Mother's Day Approaches

I lost my mom 10 years ago (before I became a mom), and my dad is 90.

I've written before about sandwich generation challenges as a "later" mom, and as Mother's Day approaches, I find myself all the more grateful for my dad.

I miss my mom and think of her often. And, I admit, I get pangs of jealousy when I hear of others making plans to spend the day with their moms in a special, celebratory fashion. I so wish I could do that....even just to hear my moms voice a bit and to see her react to my son.

My senior dad stayed with us this past weekend...his live-in aide went home. Both he and Seth had bad colds, so we mostly laid low in the house, popping Vitamin C, Cold Calm Tea, etc. and lots of napping for both of them.

My dad has had multiple abdominal surgeries in the last few years, and from each, has come complications leading to yet another surgery. He's now in a place where he has daily discomfort and is seeking relief, perhaps in the form of yet another surgery (elective). I can't fathom it and am not convinced it will cure his symptoms. And, I fear for his life.

I realize at 90, he can't live forever. None of us do. But, the notion of one day being parentless is hard for me to grasp. It always has been. I've thought about it for years, particularly since I became a parent. Being a motherlesss mother has been bittersweet enough at times.

I do empathize with my dad's pain, and wish I could rid him of it. Why does the scalpel have to be an option? Can't he just pop a pill? (He's tried, and has seen countless doctors.)

In a way I feel like it's selfish of me not to support him if his choice is to have a surgery. Yet, I can't help but question it. He actually made a comment to the effect that if he were to pass away during the surgery, he wouldn't know the difference anyway since he'd be asleep. Not that he wants to die, but he doesn't fear it.

How different we are. I fear it for him and anyone I love, including myself.

Maybe my dad has the right attitude. To forge ahead....and do what it takes to try to lead a better quality of life... ideally painfree. But, at what risk?! Surgery is not the solution for all, and you never can be sure how your particular body will respond. What about the recovery which can be rough at this age!?

I guess for now I have to try to stay strong and not get all stressed about the surgical prospect.

Mother's Day is approaching, and I do want to enjoy the occasion. Both my beloved mom and dad would want that for me. Not to mention my husband, Marc, and Seth. I'm grateful to have them both. Their unconditional love and support mean the world to me.

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Blogger Barbara said...

New Yorkers,
On Father's Day,
Share an hour of Great Music and Fabulous Refreshments!
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Happy Father's Day!

Instead of attending a baseball game or spending an afternoon bowling this year , New York fathers can share a wonderful music experience and enjoy light refreshments with their families. Join Link Ensemble for a hilarious, educational and totally unexpected musical journey. Kids of all ages will enjoy the hilarious Wolfgang Amadeus Schmutzinberry as he presents the great chamber works of the twentieth century A group of four can see LINKDS, the family show presented by Link Ensemble on June 21st at 2 pm at the Tenri Gallery, 43A West 13th Street for only $55. That is the price of a single upper deck ticket Yankee Stadium .

Link Ensemble and Rami Vamos created a production giving children the rare opportunity to experience the music of their time - including lots of audience participation in an hour-long performance. LINKIDS steps out of the ordinary repertoire to invite children to taste the music of Ravel, Bartok, Messiaen, Harrison and Reich as they sample fantastic snacks. So,come in and hear the unexpected combinations of voice, violin, cello, flute, clarinet, piano and percussion and meet Pierrot (Lunaire) at Tenri Gallery, a wonderful, intimate space.

Tickets are usually $17.

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more about LINKIDS
Wolfgang Amadeus Schmutzinberry, the imaginary composer, thinks he is a musical genius. He looks and dresses like Mozart but lacks basic skills... Each Schmutzinberry program is an entertaining event that involves live acting, live music, and of course plenty of audience participation. Every time his feathered quill touches paper, the musical ensemble sounds out his ideas… no matter how many amusing mistakes he makes. When Wolfgang encounters a problem young audience members cannot help him with, he travels back and forth in time using his secret note combinations which will take him anywhere: Wolfgang has been back in time for composition lessons with Beethoven, Brahms, even rock legend Edgar Winter. in this new show - Schmutzinberry will learn about contemporary music through musical experts from Schoenberg, Ravel, Bartok, Messiaen, Harrison, Reich and Babbit and will learn together with the audience about the journey of chamber music in the twenty first century.

Schmutzinberry meets PierrotLINKIDS
Sunday, June 21, at 2:00 pm
Tenri Gallery
43A West 13th Street
Tickets - $17 - or call 212 868 4444.LINKIDS Eblast draft1 - Google Docs
Special Family Discount - Pay only $13.75 when you order at least 4 tickets. This offer is available by phone only. Call Smarttix
at 212 868 4444

11:55 AM  

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