Thursday, June 24, 2010

Getting Perspective by Liimu

First, let me just apologize in advance for today’s blog. It may be a bit of a downer. Oh, and while I’m apologizing, let me also apologize for neglect to post a blog last week. I’ve been sort of caught up in my own stuff lately – my 6-year old has to go back to Children’s Hospital for more tests tomorrow, swim lessons and swim team are starting up and finally my business is picking up (thank God).

The thing is, I have a tendency sometimes to get so caught up in what’s happening in my life, and honestly it is often quite intense. Having to take my daughter to get MRI scans of her spine, facing down tons of creditors and trying to carve our way back to financial solvency, etc., etc. These are things that have been going on with me that outsiders often are very sympathetic about. Well, of course you are stressed. Who wouldn’t be? We’ll pray for you. That type of thing.

Well, this morning it was all put in its proper perspective. Call it a Higher Power, Source, God, the Universe, whatever you want. It definitely has the bigger picture and isn’t afraid to shine a light on that when necessary.This morning, I was running with a friend, getting in my obligatory 4 miles before beginning my day. I was complaining about how worried I am about the testing, about having gotten little sleep because said 6-year old couldn’t find her favorite penguin at 4 am, on and on. My whole perspective changed in an instant when my friend mentioned that someone we both know, someone I have known for over ten years, someone who has been like a brother to me, killed himself this past week.

I met my friend in AA when I first moved to Philadelphia, and we became friends right away. He even asked me out on a date and one point and after a super fun (but not at all sexy) night of dancing, we decided to remain friends and were extremely supportive of each other over the years. The first time he stopped coming to meetings, I asked around and found out that he was suffering from depression and though he hadn’t taken a drink, he’d had a hard time of it for nearly six months. I called him to see how he was doing and was so glad when he started coming back to our meeting. When he got married to a beautiful woman in AA, we were all happy for him. Truth is, life is hard and my friend’s life was harder than most. He struggled to be a good husband, a good dad, a good employee, to do all those things according to the principles of recovery, even when every cell in his body probably screamed out to go berserk, throw a tantrum, succumb to a fit of rage. As far as I know he never did. As far as I know, he lived his life with grace and without a drink or a drug all the way to the end.

He will be dearly missed.

Between tearful breakdowns, I actually talked to two other people who were dealing with the horrors of active addiction. Okay, Universe, I get it. I GET IT. And yes, no matter what happens in my life, I am sober, and I am sane and because of that, I can overcome any obstacle. And for that and for all the blessings of my life, not the least of which being my beautiful children who I am SO grateful to be accountable to and present for, I am truly, truly grateful.

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