Wednesday, March 02, 2011

Judgment Call - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I have a chip on my shoulder that I would like to remove. It happens to parallel one of our other Blogger’s blogs, by Laura Houston. In her blog, she was appalled that mere acquaintances or even strangers have no qualms about walking right up to you and giving you advice on how to parent your own child. Completely unsolicited advice. From people you hardly know. I wholeheartedly agreed with Laura’s blog. But I want to take it a step further.

I am not even divorced yet, and already people who I hardly know are saying to me, “You’ll find someone wonderful one day. You are such a pretty lady and so intelligent and so lovely. You’ll find the right person one day.” Who said I want to have any more relationships at all in my future?? And although they are certainly well meaning, I haven’t even gotten through the grieving part of this trauma. Do I really want to jump into a relationship when I can still barely fathom that my marriage is coming to its demise??

I consider it rude to make assumptions about others regarding very personal matters. For example, people who walk up to a pregnant woman, who has two little boys with her, and these relative strangers say, “Gee, you must be hoping for a girl next.” Who are these people to make a judgment call like that??

There is even an extremely lovely older woman I know, who has a son going through a divorce, who wants to “have the two of you meet sometime.” I don’t want to meet anyone! I want to get my son and myself through this tragedy and try our best to establish a new life! I don’t need any other complications in my life. My plate is full, thank you very much.

I must say that none of my close friends have made statements of this type, and I sincerely appreciate their support and understanding without unsolicited advice. Hearing from acquaintances, “Oh, you MUST get out and mingle with the world! You’ll never know who you’ll meet!,” just doesn’t help my current emotional state. I wear my wedding band on my right hand, because I really like it and want to continue to use it. But the other day, at the train station, this completely uninteresting man kept trying to conjure up a conversation with me, all the while glancing at my left hand. At one point I slipped the ring from my right hand to my left and casually brushed my hair with my left hand. Our conversation came to a dead halt. At least the ring is useful in those types of situations.

What I really want to convey to the world is to please think twice before giving unsolicited advice. Whether it is parenting, pregnancy, miscarriage, divorce or any other very personal matter. It makes the receiver uncomfortable at best. It makes them feel as if they have to justify their actions at worst. And honestly, it is just plain rude and unnecessary.

Forty-eight percent of marriages end in divorce. I NEVER thought I would fall into that statistic, but I will. It would be nice for others to just offer a simple, “I’m sorry,” and change the subject. After all, would I ask you what color underwear you are wearing??

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8 Comments:

Blogger Laura Houston said...

Cara: You brought something to my attention. I often say to the broken hearted: You'll find love again.

I never thought about it, but you are right...you gotta give people their space to heal. That's what's healthy. The people who run right out and start dating again just repeat their mistakes.

The best thing anyone said to me when I got divorced was this: I hope it all works out to be what is best for you and your happiness.

And he said it so sincerely. It was a bandage on my heart. Those little wishes for people go a long way.

Nice post. And when I was ready, maybe a year after my divorce, I sold my wedding ring and used the money to take all of the friends who helped me through the divorce out to dinner. I got them drunk on good wine and friendship.

THAT was healing. For me. I hope whatever is right for you happens.

Laura

6:59 AM  
Blogger Len Sandler said...

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6:59 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Divorce is indeed a very hard decision to make and I support you for being a strong woman despite knowing that you will go through it. It is right that you live your life with your son alone first before getting into another relationship. You have to learn to be strong on your own before you can get another load to carry. If ever you meet someone again, you have to be carefully in making decisions with your brain and your heart. family lawyer perth

6:35 PM  
Blogger michaeloco said...

As a long island divorce lawyer, I would try my best to give you a helpful unsolicited advice. At times that you are confused with your situation, it is best to be at peace first. Let go of all the problems and relax for a while. Afterwards, you make seek help from your friend or accept those annoying unsolicited advices. There is a time when you are ready to hear other people's thoughts but until then, you have to avoid them because as much as it is right that they affect your decisions, you just might get confused. When you think you are already strong enough to deliberate your situation, then you do it. Weigh which advices could help you and make a decision that you can say that you made by yourself. Something that you will not regret afterwards and that you would blame others for it when anything goes wrong.

8:24 PM  
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Blogger zonaspellshrine said...

My Name is TRACY, From United Kingdom. I wish to share my testimonies with thegeneral public about what this woman called
Zona has just done for me , this woman has brought back my lost husband,with her great spell, I was married to this
man called Steven we were together for a long time and we love each other but when I was unable to give him child after 2 years,he
left me and told me he can't continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told
me about this woman. My friend gave her email to me and asked me to contact her but I didn't want to cos I doubted at first but later reconsider cos it's so rear for a woman to be as powerful like she said. So I contacted her through this email
(zonaspellshrine@gmail.com) You won't believe this when I contacted this Woman and told her my problems she casted the spell and my ex came back begging on his knees and asking me to forgive him. Not only that after a month I missed my monthly flow,when I went to my doctor,he confirm that I am pregnant so I told my self that I will testify to the whole wide world about the wonders of this powerful woman if I give birth successfully. I am so happy today cos I am a mother of a bouncing baby girl,thank you once again the great zona for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through any of this problems listed below:

(1) If you want your ex back.
(2) if you always have bad dreams.
(3) You want to be promoted in your office.
(4) You want women/men to run after you.
(5) If you want a child.
(6) You want to be rich.
(7) You want to tie your husband/wife to be
yours forever.
(8) If you need financial assistance.
(9) How you been scammed and you want
to recover you lost money

contact zonaspellshrine@gmail.com. She is really powerful and reliable,a trier will convince you.

4:19 PM  

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