Tuesday, August 05, 2008


Why is the process of adoption such a challenge?

I have such a mixed feeling about this.

My son is adopted, and we went through a very difficult and emotional course until we successfully became his parents.

Adoption is a common path for many later parents, and while I know some who seemed to make a child their own with greater ease, I know others struggling.

A close mom friend of mine now wants to add to her family through adoption and has shared with me how overwhelming all the paperwork felt, etc., just getting to the point of being able to advertise. Now she is speaking with potential birthmothers, and that's a whole different experience which nothing in life truly prepares you for.

On one hand, I respect that a legal system was put in place to protect children and ideally have them adopted by good homes. However, it just seems that many families whose hearts are in such a good place, and want to adopt, not only have to pay a lot of money to do so, but then have to endure the process which can easily feel like an emotional rollercoaster.

And, sometimes it doesn't even seem like a reality that you will get a child. This friend of mine has big moments of doubt, and I totally empathize. We went through that as well. Until it happens, it's not an easy thing to believe. It can be such a waiting game, all the while your heart just yearns to love and provide for a child.

I feel for the aspiring moms out there who have chosen to go the adoption route, for whatever reason. It's a wonderful way to create a family. I just wish that somehow the process was more inviting or easier to follow.

I have assured my friend that the child she is meant to get will find its way into her home. But, until then, she has anxious periods of waiting for the phone to ring and holding her breath that it will be a truly viable situation that they can see through to completion.

Have you adopted, and what was your experience? Did you find the process a hard one? Did you have your doubts that it would happen for you?

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Blogger Joanna Brody said...

Robin, I agree with everything you said! Taking birthmom calls is one of the oddest experiences in life and is inexplicable to anyone who has not been through it. We also had some major challenges including supporting a birthmom through her 8th month of pregnancy, who we then realized was a pathological liar. That, plus a whole host of other seriously over the top reasons, caused us to back out. And the questionnaires you have to fill out - we were asked 5 questions on potty training, including "How do you feel about potty training?" My answer? "We are in favor of it." And the expense is so out of line. Not what the birthmoms get, but what everybody else gets - the attorney, the agency, etc. BUT, I can with all my heart say that the right child found us. When we learned about Joey (while he was still in utero), it became crystal clear to us why we had gone through all we had gone through - to get to Joey. Any other path would not have lead him to us. As you said so eloquently "the child she is meant to get will find its way into her home." It's the same thing I tell my friends.

2:21 PM  
Blogger no one said...

We are still waiting for an adoption to go through - and its just taking forever. And yes, sometimes I do wonder if it will work out or not. I feel very sad sometimes! :(

3:54 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

My husband and I adopted an older child internationally (from Brazil) last year. I agree that the adoption process is unbelievably challenging. We had an arduous first year of building our dossier and waiting for our referral. And the actual adoption process in Brazil was awful. It's one year later and we are still recuperating! Our son is darling, but does not come without huge emotional issues. The difficulties of adoption certainly does not stop once your child arrives. And, we are in our mid-50's so adopting older is yet another mind boggling experience! If anyone has any questions about the process, please don't hesitate to contact me. I have not yet found a supportive group in Los Angeles with people who can identify with our situation so it can get very lonely! Thank goodness for the love that exists in our home.

12:30 PM  

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