Thursday, December 16, 2010

Life is good....Week 27 by Liimu

Maybe I’ve been lulled into a false sense of security or something but right now, at this moment, all feels right with the world and with this pregnancy. I don’t remember ever feeling so … okay.

I think I want to take a moment to revel in the moment. Call it my gift to myself.

1. I’m ready for Christmas. Gifts are purchased and mostly wrapped, the tree is decorated and looks beautiful, cards are ready to send. I’m pretty amazed at this, considering everything else that’s been going on and how many hours I’ve been working since September. I'm slightly amused, also, as I had given myself permission to slack off and do none of it except presents, and here I am, having done more than even last year! Maybe that's the secret - low expectations?

2. Work is slowing down. I had a tough couple of conversations lately that have resulted in a more reasonable schedule – not the 70-hour weeks I’ve been working. Plus, I’m working from my home office exclusively, which makes a huge difference in my stress level. Again, this was one that has far exceeded my expectations. I had been telling everyone for months that things slow down in the New Year, I'll be lucky to be working even 20 hours a week, blah blah blah.... Well, I don't know if it's a sign of a rebounding economy, or if I'm just unbelievably blessed, but things are only slowing down slightly and only because I've pulled back on the reins in preparation for our son's arrival.

3. I feel pretty. I know I’ve mentioned before that I feel prettier with this pregnancy than I ever have before, and that hasn’t changed. In fact, it’s gotten better. My skin is clear and glowy, my hair is thick and shiny, and my weight gain has finally slowed down to the recommended average of a pound a week. FINALLY! I just feel in love with the world and in love with my family and in love with this baby that’s coming. I feel so happy and so hopeful and optimistic for the future. Life is good!!

I hope I can hold on to this feeling. I fully intend to. Again, I can chalk this up to low expectations yielding positive results. Tomorrow marks the official beginning of the third trimester and I had thought I would be positively miserable by the time this day arrived. Quite the contrary - even the things that should be causing me to moan and grumble (it's 3:45 AM as I type this) are things I take in stride and am managing to make the best of (what better time to have a nice, quiet cup of tea?).

People told me that once you get past two kids it really doesn't matter how many you have. Varying degrees of chaos, I say, with a wry smile. Secretly to myself, however, I feel like it's not even the number of kids that makes the difference, but moreso my ability to take things in stride. When my first child was born, I resisted every challenging experience with a "why me?" attitude. That made it hard for us both, believe me. When my 2nd daughter was born, I will never forget the turning point in my experience of motherhood. My sister had come to visit with her two toddlers and all the excitement had the baby riled up and crying. I immediately called for the nurse to take the baby to the nursery. Suddenly, I stopped. What was I doing? I could do this. I had done this before. I looked down at my new baby girl and said, "No, this is not how this is going to go. You and me, we can do this." When the nurse arrived, I told her I had changed my mind and was going to keep the baby with me, after all. I haven't second-guessed my ability since then, no matter how hard or challenging it's been.

I can do this. All of it. And if I can't, I know I can ask for help. Maybe that's why life feels so good right now. Because life feels like it is exactly the way it should be, all is right with the world, and I have the capacity to understand and appreciate that right now, in this moment, every single bit of it.

I wouldn't change a thing.

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