Loving Without Regret -- by Cara
I read Robin’s article about happiness on Friday. She truly loves her son, and it most certainly comes across in her blogs. I know she has exasperating days; we all do as parents. But Robin doesn’t give up. She lives in the moment and tries to find a silver lining in even the most trying of situations with her child.
I aspire to be more like Robin with my son. He’s tough. He can easily give you a run for your money and you usually have to be two thought processes ahead because he’ll stop you in your tracks, speechless, with some of the things he says. He is not rude or obnoxious in any way. He’ll just catch you off guard when you least expect it. For example, if I ask him to clean up his toys and he doesn’t want to, I will give him a consequence to ponder. I will inform him that if he will not pick up the toys, I will give them away to other children who need toys. His comeback, “Okay. You can take that game over there. I don’t play with that anymore either.” See what I mean? He’s tough and he’s smart.
I sometimes run through a lot of days like this with him. Sometimes a whole week of moody, irritable behavior. And I admit, I say to myself, is it really worth it having a child? Yes, I marvel at how adept he is at putting together a complex Lego set. Or melt when I see how gentle and empathetic he is with all types of animals. But those trying days, especially several in a row, do make me question my decision to have had a child.
I decided to blog on this topic because another Mom, on a different website, posed the same question: “If you had a second chance, knowing what you know now, would you still have children?” I must say, that’s a bold and gutsy question to ask a group of other Moms! But this group of Moms can take questions such as this and not be overly judgmental about them.
The answers were shockingly honest, but the consensus was that although this group of Moms want to sell their own children sometimes (this IS a bold and gutsy group!), they do not regret being parents at all!
So I asked myself the same question: If I were able to do it over, knowing what I know now, would I still have wanted to conceive? And the answer is without a doubt, YES! I would hate to get to age 80, childless, and be left with “what if” floating over my head. I want the experience of being a parent. And it is an experience that changes and matures you like no other experience ever could or will.
Yes, I wish my son were not so antagonistic or whiny or moody. But he is who he is. And I accept that. He is still young at 6, and is just at the point in his life where he is testing limits and boundaries and new dance moves! He is learning what acceptable versus unacceptable language is, no matter where he hears it from. He is learning tolerance and at least a little more patience. He is bursting with newness every single moment!
So as a 40+ Mom, do I get tired? Yes. Exasperated? Yes. Even too worn out to properly discipline? Unfortunately yes to that too, sometimes. But do I regret being a Mom and watching my son grow and evolve? Not a single chance! A little extra sleep and a few extra cuddles definitely helps makes it ALL worthwhile!
I aspire to be more like Robin with my son. He’s tough. He can easily give you a run for your money and you usually have to be two thought processes ahead because he’ll stop you in your tracks, speechless, with some of the things he says. He is not rude or obnoxious in any way. He’ll just catch you off guard when you least expect it. For example, if I ask him to clean up his toys and he doesn’t want to, I will give him a consequence to ponder. I will inform him that if he will not pick up the toys, I will give them away to other children who need toys. His comeback, “Okay. You can take that game over there. I don’t play with that anymore either.” See what I mean? He’s tough and he’s smart.
I sometimes run through a lot of days like this with him. Sometimes a whole week of moody, irritable behavior. And I admit, I say to myself, is it really worth it having a child? Yes, I marvel at how adept he is at putting together a complex Lego set. Or melt when I see how gentle and empathetic he is with all types of animals. But those trying days, especially several in a row, do make me question my decision to have had a child.
I decided to blog on this topic because another Mom, on a different website, posed the same question: “If you had a second chance, knowing what you know now, would you still have children?” I must say, that’s a bold and gutsy question to ask a group of other Moms! But this group of Moms can take questions such as this and not be overly judgmental about them.
The answers were shockingly honest, but the consensus was that although this group of Moms want to sell their own children sometimes (this IS a bold and gutsy group!), they do not regret being parents at all!
So I asked myself the same question: If I were able to do it over, knowing what I know now, would I still have wanted to conceive? And the answer is without a doubt, YES! I would hate to get to age 80, childless, and be left with “what if” floating over my head. I want the experience of being a parent. And it is an experience that changes and matures you like no other experience ever could or will.
Yes, I wish my son were not so antagonistic or whiny or moody. But he is who he is. And I accept that. He is still young at 6, and is just at the point in his life where he is testing limits and boundaries and new dance moves! He is learning what acceptable versus unacceptable language is, no matter where he hears it from. He is learning tolerance and at least a little more patience. He is bursting with newness every single moment!
So as a 40+ Mom, do I get tired? Yes. Exasperated? Yes. Even too worn out to properly discipline? Unfortunately yes to that too, sometimes. But do I regret being a Mom and watching my son grow and evolve? Not a single chance! A little extra sleep and a few extra cuddles definitely helps makes it ALL worthwhile!
posted by Robin Gorman Newman at
3:00 AM
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