The Last Summer at Home by Sharon O'Donnell

I was looking forward for my oldest son, a college junior, to live with us at home this summer while he completed an internship nearby. I like the feeling of having our whole family at home, the way it feels when all three of my sons are in the house as I go to sleep, the way it feels when we all sit around together and watch a game on TV. I've known that when my oldest got older that the moments of having all 3 boys at home would become few and far between. And yes, that is what has happened. The college he attends is only 20 minutes away, so I do get to see him about once a week, even though it's usually a quick hello when he stops by sometimes after class or work. I cherish the times when he comes home for a night on the weekend, and I know my husband and our other sons, ages 17 and 11, like it when he's there too -- although, they still engage in their sibling teasing and fighting.

With our middle son finishing high school in the spring and starting college also, I knew that having my sons all together would become even more infrequent. So I've been looking forward to having the oldest one home for what I considered 'the last summer' for everyone to be here.

And then came the dreaded 'apartment lease'. My son and some friends who had been living on campus the first 3 years of college decided to live in an apartment close to campus. In the long run, it would be no more expensive, and there would be more privacy and better living conditions. I was all for that. So I met my son at the complex last week to sign the papers. That is when it dawned on me that the lease ran from June through June; in other words, my son would not be living at home this summer after all. And then would come his senior year. Grad school. And the summers in summers in between -- when he would also be in an apartment.

As I signed the papers, it hit me that my son would never again live at home, in the house he grew up in, and I gotta say it took my breath away for a moment. I did say to him afterwards, "I was looking forward to you living at home this summer, Bill." He smiled and said something about he knew that and he would be by as much as he could but that all of his friends would be having apartments too and he didn't want to be the only one living at home while interning at a corporation. And I could understand that. . . . Couldn't I?

It was time to let go -- the time I'd heard so many parents talk about over the years. This was my time to do it. And it was hard. It will continue to be hard, particularly when my middle one heads off to college in August. It will be tough. But I've learned through the struggles my middle son has had with anxiety, that as a parent, having them be healthy and happy enough to leave you is exactly what you want. But it will be bittersweet.

Thank God, I still have my 11-year-old. He will be starting middle school in August, and my husband and I will start the middle/high school thing all over again. And I hope we will remember to savor every moment of it. And if we forget to do so, I hope someone reminds me.

Forever Different by Sharon O'Donnell

Today I'm on my way to tour the University of North Carolina at Wilmington with my husband and our 17-year-old son. It's one of the colleges to which he has already applied, but he has not yet taken an official campus tour. The school offers several of the majors he is considering and has made national surveys in the up and coming type categories. Of course, the university is in Wilmington, which is on the coast and near several beaches -- a definite plus. As a matter of fact, I've been on the Internet searching for the best seafood restaurant to go to after the tour. (Haven't told my husband this yet -- but we have to eat, and eating on a deck by the ocean sure beats stopping on the interstate for fast food.)

It's extremely hard to believe that my son is old enough to go to college. My oldest son, Billy, is a junior in college already, and I'm just now finally getting used to having him gone. And now it's time for son #2 to take that step. Thank God I still have my youngest son at home with me or I think I'd be a basket case. Families do change quickly though as the kids get older. They are still your kids of course, but once they leave, it's different. Forever different. I find myself getting misty-eyed when I'm shopping and see moms out with their young sons - - particularly when the boys are brothers spaced age-wise about the way my oldest two boys are -- three years in between. I can't help myself. All those times when my boys were little and people would say to cherish those times -- well, I was too caught up in the present then to really pay attention. And I thought it would happen gradually -- that I could feel it happen gradually -- and I guess in a way it is gradual as they do things like get a driver's license, shave, and date. But overall, it doesn't feel gradual at all. One minute he is at the dinner table with us or battling his brother for the shower, and then the next minute he's not here. Nothing gradual about that at all.

So I have to learn to adapt, to accept the fact that my family dynamics will never be the same as they used to be. My sons are successful and talented young men, and I'm proud of them and want them to pursue their dreams wherever they take them. Independence is a part of that. But I've found I can never be fully independent from them. They are my life. Sure, I have my own dreams and goals that I still pursue, but I don't mind saying that they truly are the essence of my life. Always will be.

I was sitting on the couch last night with my youngest son, Jason, 11. We were watching the complete season 2 of the show The Middle (great show, if you haven't checked it out) and laughing out loud at the mishaps that hit very close to home for us. One episode was about how the youngest child in that family had to always go with his mother to run her errands, and Jason could relate to that very well. At the end of the episode, the boy's mother explained to him that one reason she made him go with her everywhere was that she liked hanging out with him since her other kids were teens and didn't do anything with her anymore. As Jason leaned his head against my head and pulled a blanket up over me, I calculated how long it would be before he would be going off to college.