A Shout Out For Perseverance by Maureen Eich VanWalleghan

Recently, I had two appointments with a “spiritual coach.” A woman whom I know through my film work. I knew that she did other things besides acting and one day I bumped into her card on my desk. It was in a basket and I sifted passed it as I was looking for another little piece of paper. Since I am at a place where I am feeling the rejection of not yet having my short film accepted into any of the biggy film festivals where I submitted, six rejects so far...I have been feeling a little deflated. And having an English course not make this semester, I have also been struggling to keep a head of my portion of the family expenses. Just a little beat up is how I am feeling these days.

After my second appointment (which she let me do at a very much reduced rate) she told me I needed to watch Finding Nemo. So I put that on my list of “to do”s. Lucky for me my five year old kept asking to watch it after I brought it home. So the beauty of this site, Motherhood Later, is that most readers will be somewhat familiar with Finding Nemo, possibly having watched in the very recent past, say...maybe last night or last week even. Or maybe the movie is irrevocably burned into their memory center since it was played an inordinate number of times as a favorite movie. It’s easy to see how this might happen with the catchy music and brightly colored animation that children so love.

I had seen if before, but I don’t remember when or why. So my daughter and I watched it. If ever there was a movie about perseverance this is it. The father’s search for Nemo and his task to overcome obstacles and his own fear of the unknown was inspiring. Nemo himself is brave and also inspiring, but at this moment on my own personal journey, the father for obvious reasons is where my mind rested. Thinking of my process to change careers and fully embrace my dream to make money doing what I love—writing and making films—is proving an arduous task fraught with many internal obstacles, not the least of which is believing I can do it...meaning make money at it.

The thing that is most intense is being a mid-lifer stuck in the middle of this tight economy. Before I was a wife and mother, I never hurt for work. Now in the last five years I am “over the proverbial hill” and struggling in ways I could never have fathomed. Anyway, watching Finding Nemo reminded me that if I just keep plugging away in my process no matter how slowly I will eventually get to my end goal of supporting myself as a writer and filmmaker. It was a fifteen year journey before I got myself into and through film school. And now, I do have a unique short film to show for it. A film I really love and that I am very happy to have made. It is my vision.

So in an attempt to “keep swimming, just keep swimming’’ I have decided to let folks see my work on my Vimeo site. It is a moment of being brave and throwing myself into the big blue ocean. Maybe someone will see my work and realize that they have a project that I could do for them. Or maybe a few comments of encouragement will come my way. The journey is long and fraught with danger, mostly imagined. Also I am not swimming in my home turf of NYC, but rather very deep into unknown waters of rural Arizona. I don’t just bump into potential clients. The WAHM situation is always tough, but all the more difficult when finding work. It's not like so many little morsels of work can be plucked at will. So if any reader wanted to check out my work then head over to Vimeo. My student assignment is less than three minutes. The fundraising video is a seven minute investment (my first scriptwriting project ever.) And, my short film, entitled A Blue Uncertain Buzz, is a 13 minute investment in time, but be prepared for crying. It is intense and emotional. Click the link (Maureen Eich VanWalleghan) or paste http://www.vimeo.com/user6053203 into the browser bar.

Here's to swimming deeper into the unknown. Think of Ellen DeGeneres here, singing: "I am just going to keep swimming, keep swimming, keep writing, keep writing, keep working, keep working." My dream to become a WAHM working as a writer and filmmaker can happen...I'm just not sure how long it will take to actualize that.

A Later Mommy Hero by Maureen Eich VanWalleghan

For the new year, I wanted to write about a later mommy hero I have: Karin Kwiatkowski. In her late fifties now, Karin had her first kid before twenty then had three children in her mid to late thirties. When I met her she was going to film school with her youngest daughter Abby.

As a woman knocked off the payrolls in January 2009, Karin has struggled to find work in this economy—particularly since she was working in the timeshare industry, which was affected first when banks began cutting off credit. Karin, as the supervisor of the welcome center for Wyndham Sedona, would regularly greet 800 to 900 people in a busy month. Her’s is loving personality full of warmth and patience.

After losing her job, for six months, she diligently looked for work and then decided to consider the option of retraining. With her daughter Abby planning to attend the Zaki Gordon Institute for Independent Filmmaking (ZGI), Karin a bit envious, focused her research to see if film school could be a retraining option that she could pursue as well. Since ZGI is a nine-month community college certificate program she was able to enroll. Making that move was a return to work she had done in the mid 90’s when she was involved in writing and directing a travel show called “Discover Wisconsin” among other projects. Abby, who at the time was 8, used to travel with her mom and dad and was a little assistant to the cameraman. As Karin explained “going to ZGI was a chance to get training in the latest digital filmmaking technology, which I very much wanted and needed at my age.”

In the fall of 2009, Karin began the documentary program at ZGI and had a vision she wanted to pursue for her thesis project. Years before with her husband, Karin had written a novel about Jean Lafitte, a pirate and privateer in the Gulf of Mexico in the early 19th century. That work though not published would later become an award-winning script, but not quite a feature production. Bringing historical topics to fruition as films and novels is quite difficult, but for Karin, Jean Lafitte’s story is one that she is still burning to tell and she used it for her thesis short for ZGI.

A year ago at this time she was driving with her daughter and son across country from Sedona to New Orleans to shoot footage for her short film. With that footage and more—she wrote, produced and directed “Robin Hood of the Bayous.” For this work she won a number of awards at ZGI.

Since graduating in June 2010, Karin—as a “99er” whose benefits will run out shortly—has worked tirelessly to create a place for herself, not just land a job in filmmaking. Starting the film production company, All of the Above Productions, LLC with her daughter Abby, her husband Roger and two other friends, Karin is working to live the motto: “Make a good living helping other people.” That has translated into a website http://alloftheaboveproductions.com/root/, that Karin created highlighting her company’s services. Yet another example of Karin’s hard work: creating an internet presence using all the tools available to anyone with a desire to learn them.

This month (January), her production company is launching its second effort with Pepsi Refresh to procure financing with the goal of creating commercials for struggling small businesses on the Gulf Coast impacted by the oil spill. Look for "Be Robin Hood for the Gulf.” You vote; we give." at RefreshEverything.com/BeRobinHoodForTheGulf. Pepsi Refresh’s vision through crowd financing gives folks like Karin the opportunity to do good work in the world. The public can vote (no donations, no pledges, just vote) three ways on a daily basis. Folks can go online to RefreshEverything.com/BeRobinHoodForTheGulf to check out Karin’s inspiring project and make comments. It’s also possible to vote with Facebook and by texting Pepsi (73774), message: 105401.

Karin is an inspiration. Using technology and the latest funding sources to create work she believes in, Karin is positioning herself to help others in the Gulf Coast (and that’s just one of her company’s projects.) Her story is the story of what makes this country so unique even in times of recession. When I told Karin I wanted to write about her for this blog, I asked her if she had any advice given her age and the economic times. She said “giving into despair becomes paralyzing...take action everyday.” She also told me her favorite quote by Ruth Gordon: Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts.

Words to live by when things feel difficult or otherwise.

Happy New Year to my hero and all the other heroes in our midst who work to make the world a better place.

Letting Go of Perfection by Maureen Eich VanWalleghan

I want to write a book about what I have learned from having a baby in my forties. It’s a book I want to read myself. Of course, whenever I give advice or “important tips” as I like to call it when I am teaching, it often involves things I really need to hear for myself. So here goes...this is my message to myself.

Let go of perfection...and now I will use my “out loud” voice to remind myself of this...Let go of perfection.

Perfection is a cage I find myself trapped in so much of the time. At this very moment the two bathrooms in my house need cleaning. I am having company tonight and frankly I have been lazy since Monday. That internal voice that tells me how little I got done this week is beating me up right now and if weren’t for this blog it would be winning. Truth is, I have been tired and somewhat overwhelmed by the process of having a child in kindergarten.

My daughter goes to a charter school and there are lots of activities that require family participation and volunteer hours. Not that I want to chat about that right now, but I am in the emotional place where I must decide what comes first: my work or my daughter. It’s a struggle and a balancing act. And here’s where perfection comes into play. When I hold in my mind all the things that are important to me (and by proxy, my husband) a clean house is high on the list and yet resting this week was all I could make myself do. Usually I rest by cleaning, but not this week. Literally, I have been sleeping and vegging, i.e. watching movies. As filmmaker, I try to justify this as research, but mostly I cry and I think about the movies I want to make. Not very productive.

Let go of perfection...and now I will use my “out loud” voice again to remind myself of this...Let go of perfection.

I am making a film. My short film is on the very final stages of completion. I have been working with a composer and, and, and, “look ma, no hands”...I have a film...that I will be sending out to festivals during the next two weeks. Holy sh*!@. I have made a film.

My “out loud” voice again...The only way I could have done it is by letting go of perfection, which I did. Remember?

Magic happened. Frankly, the entire year long journey of going to film school, writing, producing, shooting, editing, and everything else in the filmmaking process was about letting go of perfection. I did do it: make a film and let go.

Will I remember this week and my dirty bathrooms one year from now? Maybe...because now the Beatles are on iTunes, but in the bigger scheme of things probably not. Will I remember when I send off my first film to the Tribeca and SXSW film festivals. Yes, that I’ll remember because it will be another letting go process, but this time a letting go of outcomes. It seems that motherhood is all about letting go...of so many things. The more I practice that “letting go” in my parenting the more it carries into other areas of my life, like my work. The beauty of being a mom, now in my midlife, is that I am listening to myself. Life experience crashes into personal introspection and insight happens: I learn something that I might actually remember. And I am forced to practice it everyday with my daughter and my husband.

Let go of perfection...but I do have to clean at least the guest bathroom. Okay, just the toilet or I won’t be able to enjoy my guests for worry that they will be appalled by my lack in the feminine arts. (I’m faking the cooking with frozen spaghetti sauce...wink, wink, homemade, yes, but not today.) The rest of the kid piles around the house will just have to wait. I’ll start again next week and continue to nibble, nibble, nibble at all the things on my plate: my work, my marriage, my daughter, my housekeeping, my life. I will definitely need to make some more spaghetti sauce.

And so next week look for more on this useful tip: frozen food is a mom’s secret weapon to looking perfect...wink, wink.

Let go of perfection.

I’ll keep trying.