Money Matters - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

It’s hard for children to grasp the concept that money has value. But once children are able to grasp the concept (like my 7 year old son does), you then have to help them to understand the next concept: Delayed gratification. The first concept is easy once children have their math skills down and they are able to make purchases on their own. The second concept can be a minefield.

Our son gets a weekly allowance for doing chores and other odds and ends. If he goes out of his way to volunteer to do something extra, such as helping to shovel snow when we had more than our fill to shovel, he was rewarded with extra money based on the amount of time and effort he put into it.

Last week my son had  $12 in his bank. We were going to go to a carnival and I agreed to pay for some of the games and events if my son agreed to bring some of his money to contribute as well. I suggested he bring only half of his money and save the rest. A power struggle was rearing its ugly head. My son demanded to bring all of his money. I strongly believe that consequences provide the best teaching lessons, so I shrugged my shoulders and said, “It’s your money to do what you want with,” and left it at that.

My son ended up using all of his money at the carnival, plus a generous $10 of my own contribution. He at least won some pets to take home: Four small goldfish. If we were to buy four goldfish it probably would have cost $10-$12 anyway, so I felt somewhat redeemed. And deep down inside I knew my son missed having his Betta fish. Betta fish require much more maintenance than simple goldfish, so I preferred having them to take care of. And since we had 2 unused tanks, and goldfish can be put together in the same tank, whereas with Betta fish, you can’t, my son was happy that his fish had a friend in each tank. So far (crossing my fingers), they seem to have adjusted nicely, are eating heartily, and seem to be happy in their new homes.

Fast forward to this past weekend. My son and I were sick, so we spent the day relaxing and watching some movies and television together. At one point, my son saw a new and exciting toy advertised on television. He asked me to go to the toy’s website on the computer. I obliged. He then announced that he wanted me to buy the toy for him. I asked him how much money he had. He realized that he only had a few dollars from this week’s allowance. Enter the minefield. My son begged and bargained for an advance on next week’s allowance. He pleaded to do extra chores, but I was too sick to first organize something for him to do and secondly, supervise his doing the chore to completion. I then calmly explained that I had suggested he leave some of his money at home the day we went to the carnival, but that he had insisted on bringing it all. My son became furious, ranting and raving about me being unfair to him. Again, I calmly said that he would be able to save up enough money in a week or two to buy the toy he wanted. He continued ranting that he didn’t want me to ever talk about money with him again and concluded his rant with ripping up the few dollars he had received as his allowance. Once again, I calmly said, “Unfortunately you now have less money to buy your toy. And when you calm down, you will have to pick up the money shreds and place them in the garbage.” Lesson learned...the hard way.

If I don’t let my son experience the frustration and disappointment of not getting what he wants exactly when he wants, he will never learn to defer gratification. He never will feel the satisfaction of saving up and buying something special that you really want. He will never realize the true value of money and how to manage his own money. I don’t care if he doesn’t want to speak to me temporarily. I don’t even care that he ripped his money into shreds (heck, I spend more than that on a Starbuck’s coffee!). What I do care about is that he eventually learns to value and respect money for it’s worth and it’s buying power. And the only way he is going to learn that is to experience disappointment firsthand. As for shredding money, we’ll have to work on his anger management skills next!

Money! by Robin

The oddest thing happened this past weekend.

My senior dad was staying with us since his live-in aide went home.

It began with Friday night.

Seth had a baseball game, and Marc took him.  My dad and I went to the diner for dinner.  Nearly done with the meal, he suddenly realized he couldn't find his car keys, and it turned into a frantic search. We turned the booth upside down.  looked on the floor. In the bathroom.  You name it.  They were not to be found.

We then turned my car inside out, and still no trace.

Back home, we searched my garage, driveway, etc.  No keys.

I drove back to the diner while my dad once again searched inside and alerted the entire staff (and probably some diners) to his dilimena.  I was left circling the parking lot as I waited, since there was no place to park.  The valet guys probably thought I was crazy.

Upset and frustrated, we returned home.  Suddenly, it occurred to me to ask my dad if he had a hole in his pocket.  I suggested he shake his pant leg to see if we heard any jangling.  Sure enough, that's exactly what had happened.   They keys had fallen through to his lining, and they were floating around by his ankle.

Mystery solved. 

It showed me that my dad is capable of misplacing something. I realize we all are, but I always found him to be very buttoned-up and detail-minded.  But, perhaps with age, this is a newfound development.  Although certainly it could happen to anyone.

Fast forward to Saturday night.  Seth comes to Marc and I to share that he found a 100 dollar bill under his bed. 

My initial response was disbelief.  Can I see it? I asked.  He didn't want to show it to me, but then he did.  I couldn't imagine where this came from.  Marc and I thought perhaps our cleaning woman had dropped it, though I knew she never cleaned with her waller or pocketbook nearby.  So, that didn't make sense.

Fast forward to Monday.  My dad went into his wallet to pay me for some groceries I had purchased for him. He said he couldn't find a 100 bill he had in his wallet.

Oh my G-d, I thought.  Is that the 100 dollars Seth had found?  How exactly did he get it?

I told my dad that Seth had a 100 bill, and we couldn't understand where he had gotten it from. I took it from Seth's wallet and gave it to him.

My dad swore he didn't drop it from his wallet.  That he hadn't gone into his wallet except to take out a credit card, which is in another section.

Did this mean then that Seth invaded my dad's wallet and took out the 100 dollars?  And, why would he do that?

I was beside myself.

I was out for most of Monday when this surfaced, so Marc broached it with Seth Monday night.  It was a hard, yet delicate discussion.  Marc wasn't quite sure how to handle it at first.  He asked his mom for her opinion.  And even consulted his brother who has three sons.  Ultimately, he used the opportunity to share a very important lesson with Seth.  How you should return something that isn't yours, if you're able.  And, that certainly, you should never take money, without permission, from another person.

Seth said he didn't take it from my father's wallet.  And, we didn't want to accuse him of it with no proof.

So, for now, we believe him, though underneath it all, I have to admit, I'm not quite sure what to think.

I believe my dad when he says he didn't drop it.

And, I've never before seen Seth take money.  Of course there's always a first.   But, he'd have to know  that's not something you should do.  Wouldn't he?  We try hard to instill in him a sense of responsibility. But, he is 7.  Maybe he's testing his limits?

I'm sad either way.  I don't want to think of my dad as becoming careless in his old age.  And, I don't want to think of Seth as untrustworthy.

I hope at least that Seth took away an important life lesson from it.