Is This a Playdate or Unpaid Caregiving? - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

My son, as many of the regular readers know, is the epitome of eight-year-old social chairman. He regularly has playdates all weekend long. Sometimes with a couple different children on the same day. I enjoy having his friends over or him being invited to other’s homes. It takes a "do nothing day" and makes it into something a little more special.

Lately, I have noticed that a couple of the Moms of my son's friends seem to be slowly taking advantage of my generosity in having their child over for a playdate. As an example, one Mom begged me to have her son over for "a couple hours," which turned into six. Later, I found out that her "emergency" was a workout at the gym followed by a manicure!

A different Mom said she needed somewhere for her son to go because they lost heat in her home. I readily obliged to have her son over and extended the invitation to her as well. She said that she was able to go somewhere else. Where did the Mom go? Out to lunch and then drinks with some friends! I can't help but wonder...have playdates turned into unpaid caregiving?

I sympathize with with some of these Moms. They either work full-time or are working, single Moms and need a break. But a little reciprocation would be appreciated. Most Moms will have my son over for a couple hours, maybe three. Just enough time for me to do a good grocery shopping. However, I am using my time for an essential activity. It is not a haircut or a massage. Also, when I have my son's friends over, for hours, I end up doing marathon laundry or a massive clean up of an overstuffed closet. Certainly not the most exciting things in the world. In fact, my son has one of his friends over right now. I was told this kid's Mom was getting the spider veins removed from her legs. Not only did her procedure take hours, I had to drop her son home because her legs swelled up and she couldn’t come to pick him up! At least I'm doing something productive like writing this blog. She's having an elective cosmetic procedure!

When the weather is nicer, the kids can play outside, we can go to the park, visit local farms, enjoy the pleasure of the outdoors. It is just these winter months that are the most irritating. And a day without a playdate...let's just say I would rather deal with the monsoon of toys that get strewn around my entire house.

One Mom asked me to drive her child home because she was "exhausted." I've had a Mom text me that she was running late, would I mind getting a pizza for the kids, and she never even offered to reimburse me for the food! This was at the end of an almost 7 hour playdate!

I've also noticed that none of my son's friend's help clean up the monsoon they created when it is time for them to go. I always ask my son if he helped clean up before we leave a friend’s home. Most of these Moms just rudely sit in their warm cars in my driveway, blasting the horn until their charge appears. To the contrary, I always walk to the front door of the friend’s home, even if the weather is brutal. I inquire about how the playdate went, then make sure that my son helped to clean up. I also make sure to remind my son to say “thank you” for the playdate to his friend as well as his friend’s Mom.

With a couple Moms, I decided to put my foot down. When my dog was sick and needed rest, not two wild, rambunctious kids bothering him, I said to a Mom that I would give her money to take my son to the movies or bowling together with her son, but I just couldn't have the kids playing at my house. The poor dog hides from them when he is feeling well! He didn't need these wild kids piling things on him when he wasn't feeling his best. The Mom appeared a little affronted, but I had reached my limit.

Playdates outside the home will also need to be either paid for upfront or by the other Mom at the counter. I went to get tickets for a popular movie an hour before the movie started, dropping my son off at his friend’s house on the way. I paid $58 for 2 adult tickets, 2 child tickets and 4,  3D glasses (they are no longer free.) How did she reciprocate? By buying a tub of popcorn, which included free refills, and a drink. The second drink came with the popcorn. I told her how much I spent and when she said she would pay for the popcorn and drinks, my reaction was, “huh”?

So what's a Mom to do? I have enough on my plate than to take on the position of unpaid caregiver. I already scheduled an activity for my son on Sunday mornings, so that other Moms wouldn’t be able to just drop their child off at 11 am and pick them up at dinner time (or later!). I tell the Moms that there is a 3 or 4 hour playdate limit at my house. I certainly don't expect my child to exceed that limit on his playdates at other's homes either. More than a few hours becomes a burden and the kids end up spiraling out of control. My son needs to realize that a whole day does not purely revolve around him. There is now also a “clean up rule.” Fifteen minutes before the playdate ends, both kids put the house back in order. 

Maybe then, playdates will be something to be looked forward to by both my son and me!

Doing the Right Thing - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I always try to be a good role model for my son. As an example, around the Holidays, I received a package in the mail with a return address of a company I recently made a purchase from. I ripped open the package to find four X-box games inside. Because I don’t own an X-Box, I knew something was wrong. Sure enough, the previous owners of our house didn’t give this company their new address, therefore my address was still in their data base. 

My son was so excited to see those games because although we don’t own an X-Box, a few of his friends do. I told him that I was going to send them to the person who bought them. He asked why. I replied, “If you spent $50 on something you were looking forward to receiving, would you like it if your purchase went to someone else’s home and they kept it for themselves?” He sheepishly said no. So I explained that by sending the games to their rightful owner, it is called, “Doing the Right Thing.” I followed it by saying that although trying to get away with something may feel exciting at the moment, in the end, you probably will feel guilty and ashamed. When you feel that way, you know inside that you didn’t “Do the Right Thing.”

Fast forward to this past month. I mentioned in a previous blog that my son graduated to a higher belt level in karate. He was the youngest and smallest person in his class.

This particular karate school does something called sparring. The kids wear protective gear from head to toe with the exception of legs and arms exposed. This was the first time my son was sparring at this higher level. All of the other kids in his class were older, taller and bigger than my son. As sparring began, I noticed first that my son’s opponents were not sparring to perfect technique, they were sparring aggressively and to purposely injure. My son got kicked in his head five times during one match, staggering as he struggled to get up. I mouthed to him, “Do you want to leave?,” he shook his head no, but once the sparring was over, a Mom doctor came over and sat with us for well over an hour hydrating my son, giving him food. When he finally got up and began practicing karate kicks, she said it was probably unlikely that he had a concussion but to look out for warning signs the rest of that evening and into the next day. My son was acting fine.

This past Friday, my son had sparring at karate again. I said to my son as we were driving there, “Honey, you don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He said he wanted to try to spar once more. I asked him if I felt he was being injured, would he be upset with me if I called him off the mat. He said no. The ground rules were laid. I was planning on sitting front row, center.

The first sparring round, my son got knocked to the floor but got right up and continued sparring. He then had a break. When it was his turn again, he was up against a much bigger, aggressive type kid. My eyes were glued. I never blinked. My son got kicked to the head. He slowly got up. He continued to spar. He got kicked in the head again. This time, it took more effort for him to get up. He wanted to continue. Whack! A third kick to the head. I stood up and said, “My son needs time out! He can hardly stand!” The instructor reluctantly called over another kid. I slid over to where my son was seated on the mat and said, “You are drained of energy, tired and hurting. Do you want to get off the mat and stop sparring?” He said he wanted to try one more match. My insides were cringing but I had a strong feeling that I was going to make this stop.

My son got up to spar again. He got punched to his arm so badly, it started to bleed. He got hit in the stomach right under the protective padding. He doubled over in pain. Finally he got hit in the throat and kicked in the head. He was on the mat, in a ball, crying. I screamed, “Stop! This is over!!,” and ran to help carry/walk my son off the mat. The Mom doctor was there and she carefully helped get his headgear off and again examined my son for signs of a head injury and felt his ribs and neck area. Again, she said to keep an eye on him. I assured her I would. Once my son stopped crying and hugging me, my son said, “I don’t ever want to come back.” I told him that he didn’t have to do anything in life that made him feel abused or hurt in any way. We left.

The next day my son said he was sore but felt fine. I had him try to rest as much as possible. We had a heart to heart talk about what happened the night before. I asked him if he still felt that he didn’t want to attend that karate school anymore. He replied, “yes.” I asked him how that made him feel. He said he felt really relieved and really good. I explained to him that any time he is faced with a situation that doesn’t make him feel good inside, he can walk away. And if he feels much better inside after he walked away, then he knows he made the right decision. In this case, besides peer pressure, besides being elated at his higher belt ranking, besides not seeing casual friends each week, he chose to walk away from being beat up. I honor him. How many adults could just walk away? I told him several times, how brave I thought he was, how mature, how glad I was that HE felt he made the right decision. When I stated that my son is more of a man than my husband is in a previous blog, I wasn’t embellishing at all.

Now to today. In my blog called, Everyone Has Stress, I knew I had to make amends to a friend I referred to in that blog. I had to, “Do the Right Thing.” Both my friend and I have a truck-load of stress. When I first saw her today, I gave her a big hug because I knew she really needed one. As we sat and talked, something dawned on me. I had gone through the same or similar stressful scenarios in my life, just as she was experiencing. The difference was that in my life, my same stressful situations came one after another. They were not all clumped together on top of each other at the same time. The more I thought about my past and all of the stress I’ve endured, it’s been more than most people will have experienced in a lifetime. However my events gave me small gaps of reprieve to “repair” myself. This poor friend has it poured on like wet cement and she is desperately trying to find her way out. 

I’ve been going through intense stress for two and one-half years now, with more years to come. I was drained completely a year and a half ago. I am literally existing on fumes. I can’t compare what I am facing with what my friend is facing because I am not walking in her shoes and vise versa. But I can imagine that hers is quite comparable to mine. What I do know is that I had to “Do the Right Thing” and make amends. My poor, stressed out friend, I am truly sorry. I hope you accepted my hug in friendship and with warmth. And I hope we both “Do the Right Thing” and will always try to be there for one another, even if just in thought and kind messages. I sincerely apologize. Let’s be stressed out friends together!

“Everyone has Stress” ~ Stress and Courtesy - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

“Everyone has stress.” Whether it be work stress, home stress, financial stress, family  stress, death of a loved one...the list goes on and on.

I, too have my bulging share of stress. Divorce is the second most stressful event a person can go through. Loss of a spouse is number one. I personally would like to debate that, especially with a child involved. 

I try not to burden other’s with my own problems. For example, one of my close friend’s dog is dying and I compassionately understand since I recently lost one of our dogs. I continue to ask how her dog is doing, how she is fairing, without adding my own personal problems onto her.

I send little texts, messages, notes and ask about how others are doing. They, in turn, reciprocate. What I am finding though, is that it seems people’s stress is becoming a contest. Who needs the most compassion? Who deserves a medal for surviving the most stress at a single time? Well meaning friends and relatives say such things as, “everyone has stress,” in an attempt to help. But really what they have done is compared situations in order to minimize feelings. No matter how well intended, the comment makes the recipient feel worse. It indicates that their friend or family member does not understand what they are going through, which in turn leads to isolation, which further worsens the problem.

I tend to be somewhat reclusive. A couple weeks ago I suffered a gall bladder attack that almost had me in the hospital, but I stuck it out and won. One of the medications my doctor suggested I change gave me such a bad reaction, I again, almost went to the hospital. My refrigerator died in the middle of the night that week. And when I went to the grocery store, I came back to my car with a volleyball size dent in it and almost $2,000 damage. Oh, and I had the law professionals on my back asking me when my husband and I were going to tell our son we were divorcing. Talk about stress.

I shut down. I am normally on FaceBook daily...I never touched my computer. I stayed in bed and shut out the world. I couldn’t take anything more happening to me in my life. I reluctantly checked my e-mail on my phone. When a friend or two inquired about me, I gave them a brief update and their response was, “Everyone has stress.” When I dragged my un-showered, still-in-pajamas and slippers body to take my son to karate, I saw a Mom friend who mentioned that I didn’t look too good (no kidding!). I gave a brief update of my life and her response was, “Everyone has stress.” Really? I am standing out in public, in my pajamas, unwashed/uncombed hair, looking like a rat dragged me in, and her response was, “Everyone has stress?” 

I began getting messages on my FaceBook Messenger App: “Where are you?” “Are you okay?” “What’s wrong? We miss you.” There were so many, I felt compelled to let everyone know that life was dealing me a bad hand, but that I was on the mend and they would all see me soon, so I left a post. The nicest comment came from a woman I am just starting to get to know pretty well. She lives across the country, has been unemployed for a year, is a single Mom, and she said, “Don’t worry...we’re all here for you. Just take care of yourself and your life. That’s all that really matters.” That one response, from someone I have never met, made me feel so cared for. It made me feel that I, and what I was going through, mattered. That one person understood. Someone who has her own laundry list of stress. I thanked her and blew her a virtual kiss. Had she been standing in front of me, I would have hugged her until I cried. That simple, caring comment was exactly what I needed. And surprisingly, it came from someone I hardly knew.

I finally got out of bed the following day, showered, and took my son to karate as he was graduating to a higher belt level and there would be an informal ceremony. I asked someone to take a picture of my son and me, sitting on the mat together. I uploaded it to FaceBook because I was so proud of my son. I received 17 comments of concern, welcome backs, what happened to you, are you okay...all from people I barely know but do care about. I was floored.

So why is it that I was able to get an outpouring of concern from people I have never met, who are scattered all over the country. People who truly give a darn about you when they notice you are “missing.” Is my own community so jaded that everyone can barely manage their own problems, let alone send a message of concern to others? All they can offer is a cliched statement that has absolutely no considerate meaning?

Yes, there are people who are genuinely concerned about me and my life. My neighbor across the street is one. I wouldn’t trade my horrific life for hers if you paid me in gold. But she calls to find out how I am as she is trying to hold her own life together. My best friend with the dying dog, who is a single Mom, texts me to make sure I am afloat and sends me many messages of positive affirmations. I treasure these two friends whose lives mirror mine. But we are there for each other. It is not a contest. There is no, “Who has the worst life?” We are just unfortunate souls who are trying our best to get through our horrendous circumstances and when we do, we will rejoice until the heavens rain down upon us.

A small bit of kindness, caring, respect, concern...

Is that too much to ask?

Lying to My Child ~ Part Two - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I received quite a few comments on my blog post last week on FaceBook. I answered some directly on the FaceBook thread, however I would like to explain (or re-explain) what my blog was trying to say.

First, my anger was not because I wanted my son to know every detail as to why my husband and I were divorcing. My husband could want to mate with turtles, for all I care. My anger was directed at the willy-nilly Child Psychologist who wants us to say to our son, verbatim, “Mommy and Daddy still love each other, they just can’t live with each other. But their love for you will never change.” Knowing how my son thinks, he is going to look at us and say, “If you love each other, why don’t you want to live with each other? And if you love me, are you still going to want to live with me??” I despise the wording this so-called professional wants us to use. I came up with a very gentle, neutral way of breaking the news to our son, but my husband wants to use the psychologist’s wording, essentially because he is the one who is paying her and also because I am not a child psychologist. My husband also needs a “mother-figure” to hold his hand while we speak with our son. He has always relied on his Mother’s opinion before making any major decisions. My feeling now is that my son is more of a “man” at eight-years-old than my husband ever will be. My son will need me as his mother just because of his age and our relationship. But my son is a bigger person than my husband will ever be. He will walk away from our talk very confused, but as I pointed out in one of my FaceBook threads, I will be the one doing damage control later on and have to reexplain to my son what is going on. I will be the one to clarify to our son that my husband’s and my love for him is never ending. It transcends anything and everything. But sometimes that is not always the case with adults. I even thought it might be empowering to my son to “break the news” to our dog. I honestly feel our dog knows a change is coming. He senses it and thus has been acting quite “off” lately. So, perhaps by having my son tell our dog, I will be able to see whether what I told my son translated accurately and our dog can be the “clarifier.” If my son says to me, “Maxi wants to know...…,” I will then know what type of questions my son has and what is churning in his little mind.

The second entity that I am angry with is the court “system.” Yes, I am perfectly aware that time cannot stand still for us and that the various court appointed individuals need to get their jobs done. The longer we take, the more difficult it makes for the jobs of these professionals. However, we are ultimately dealing with human beings who have emotions and feelings to consider. The most important being a child. If we need more time than is typically “allotted,” appoint a different professional to our case. I have come to despise institutionalized thinking, which is why I stopped working in a hospital. I couldn’t stand the bureaucracy that goes on when you are dealing with human lives. I despise it even more now. Not allowing a family the time to interview Child Psychologists to see which one resonates the best with them is not in anyone’s best interest. Particularly the child. I am going to have to bite my tongue as my husband uses the “script” that this child psychologist is recommending. I told him flat out that if he chooses to use the words the child psychologist recommended, I am remaining mute. I will reassure to our son that our love for him is forever. I will clarify that both Daddy and I will love him every second of every day because he is our child. The love for your child only grows, it never disappears or goes away. And I will end up having to completely rectify all of the inappropriate wording my husband insists on using. But I am used to having to do that at this point anyway.

Finally, I am still raging mad at my coward of a husband. What person has a close intimate relationship with another for 23 years and can’t even give them a small clue as to why they want to end a relationship. Twenty-three years. That’s roughly half of my life. Thrown away. Tossed into boxes. Hidden in the bowels of the basement. I gave him have of my life. I think I deserve a little more respect concerning the demise of our relationship. Then again, perhaps I’m lucky. I could have given him three-quarters of my life and ended up exactly where I am today. With the exception of an older child.

So, dear readers, I apologize for my ranting, confusing blog. I hope that this one does a better job at clarifying my feelings and the situation I am faced with. Most of all, thank you for all of your comments. I learned from them, appreciated them and feel that although I may be confusing you at times, you still read what I write. My thanks goes out to all of you.

Is it Okay to Lie to Your Child? - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

My husband and I have to break the news to my son that we are getting a divorce. Since my husband still refuses to disclose to anyone why he wants a divorce, we had to go to a Pediatric Psychologist to see how we could go about telling our son. After a migraine, round-about conversation, it was concluded by the Psychologist that we basically have to lie to our son. Lie. Lie about something that is going to greatly impact my son's entire life. This does NOT sit well with me.

I have never lied to my son about anything that was significant. I may have left out what I thought would be confusing to him and allowed him to ask questions until the information I presented made sense. But I have never outright lied to him.  

When I inquired about this from my son's Law Guardian, I received, a curt, unconcerned response stating that she was not a Child Psychologist and that if that was what the Child Psychologist felt was in my son's best interest, then we should oblige with what the Child Psychologist recommends. I got the feeling from her that she wanted to hurry up and get this done with already. As I've said before, courts are not very considerate nor empathetic. Everyone has an agenda.

I decided to refer to the divorce books I have to get some other perspectives. "Divorce for Dummies," by John Ventura, Esq. and Mary Reed states, "Be honest with your children about why you're getting divorced, but don't reveal too much. Then give them the opportunity to ask questions. "Your Divorce Advisor," by Diana Mercer, J.D. and Marsha, Kline Pruett, Ph.D., M.S.L., concurs, "Do not lie. It will come back to haunt you. Also, do not give them more information than they are ready to hear."

Then why are we planning to lie to our child?? Because it would take too long to get the real reason out of my husband, if at all? Because courts are on a "schedule" and we should just "move along" with things?? Don't they realize that in a couple years my son is going to realize that he was lied to and is going to be exceedingly angry and resentful?? Who the hell is this really benefitting? My husband, the coward? It definitely is not going to benefit my son. My son will eventually realize once my husband moves out, it is my husband who didn't want to stay in our family. It is certainly not benefitting me. I'm just as dazed and confused as I've been over the past two years. At best it is benefitting the court system.

If courts are supposedly trying to do what is in the best interest of the child, where does lying fall into the child's best interest? No one seems to care. If they did, they would mandate my husband to find a way to come clean with what ever he is covering up and allow us as two adults to find a way to break the news of divorce in a neutral, and mutual way. The way the Child Psychologist is suggesting we tell our child makes me boil with rage. It makes me even more angry at my husband and also at the court "system." How dare I be put into a position where I am "forced" to tell my son something that is completely untrue! No, I do NOT still love my husband!! And no Mommy and Daddy are NOT in agreement of our family breaking apart!! These are both absolute lies! And don't you think my son is going to sense my facade of "joy" once my husband leaves. He is an intelligent boy. He is also very sensitive. He his going to pick up on these issues immediately. Heck, even the dog has been depressed lately.

So here I am. In a predicament that goes against every cell of my body. I have decided to try to see whether my husband will agree to telling our son, in our own home, that firstly, our son is our world. Both of us love him to pieces and will both be there for him no matter what. We can then say that sometimes Mommies and Daddies, who care about one another, just can't live together. We will then answer any and all questions he may have. If my husband refuses, I will have my husband speak on both of our behalves at the Psychologist's. I will try to acknowledge as little as possible without upsetting my son. And I know my son will bury himself in my arms for comfort. At least I will be exceedingly genuine in my comforting of him.

And who will comfort me? This is a loss for me too. I have exceptional therapists who I can call the minute I am able. They will comfort me and help me through all of my conflicting and hurtful emotions. In turn, I will be there for my son. I am truly the only one he comes to when he needs someone to confide in. I will answer whatever questions he has as truthfully and with as much love and compassion that I can. 

I will get through this. No matter how painful. No matter how unfair. No matter how distasteful. I will get through this as I've done in the past. And I am the best role model to show how my son can get through this also.

It's just a shame that the court system sees innocent children as part of a file, rather than the delicate victims of unfortunate situations that they are.

My Son...The Treasurer? - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

My son is a natural born leader. I don’t say this just to puff myself up. In fact, I envy his innate abilities. I’ve witnessed his talents since he was a toddler. The kid just has what it takes. You can spot it a mile away.

His elementary school decided to form a Student Government. Two children from the 3rd, 4th and 5th grades were chosen to form the committee. I asked my son’s teacher how it came to be that my son was chosen. She said that first each 3rd grade class had to nominate one person. Then the individual class nominees were up for democratic voting by all of their 3rd grade peers. My son won! What an incredible honor! I can’t even think of two kids I was even close to when I was in 3rd grade!

It didn’t surprise me that my son was chosen. The kid can make friends with a tree. What did surprise me was that my son has learning disorders and the school administration is still allowing my son to participate. I give the school kudos. Especially since it took two agonizing years to get special services for my son.

My son is beyond elated! He was dressed and ready to go to his first meeting last week an hour ahead of schedule. He nagged us to go to the school before it was even open! He glowed when he told us how his first meeting went. A plethora of creative ideas for various goals were spewing out of my son’s mouth so fast, I thought he would pass out from not taking a breath! Now the Student Government must decide on a President, Secretary and Treasurer. Only fifth graders are allowed to run for President; fourth graders for Secretary and third graders for Treasurer. Guess who wants to run for Treasurer?

My son has no problems with math or money comprehension. Thankfully, math is one area he excels at. My only fear for him is that he has to write a speech to present to his peers explaining why he should be chosen as Treasurer. A speech. Something you have to write. An area where all of his deficits lie.

We engaged his tutor to help him with his speech. It is basic. Not terribly convincing. However, I can visualize my son making this rather dry speech into something completely engaging. He has that “gift.”

I, the “Free Range Mom” who practically throws my son out of the nest, shouting, “Go for it!” am a little apprehensive for my son. He is getting better at dealing with failure. Yet, he is so convinced that he will be chosen as Treasurer, that if he is not chosen, I will be wondering whether it was because of his learning deficits. I would never relay these fears of mine to him. But I will be thinking of it. A lot.

I should, and am so grateful that my son was nominated and chosen to represent his class. He has myriad ideas about fundraising, raising money for charities, inspiring more “school spirit,” etc. He will be a perfect asset to the Student Government regardless whether he wins as Treasurer or not. Still, that nagging doubt will remain in the back of my head if he does not get chosen.

I want my son to win as Treasurer. I want him to win because I know he can carry out his responsibilities and be a highly enthusiastic part of the team. I want him to win because even though his writing and reading are sub-par, he can still show the world that he can accomplish what he sets his mind to regardless of his deficits. I want the school to see that regardless of “disabilities,” there are many ways a child can prove their value and worthiness. I want him to continue to nurture his amazing, innate characteristics! They have gotten him quite far in his short life. I want them to take him to the moon and back. And just possibly, to the Presidency!

I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed. Toes too! You go, kid!!

Chore Chart - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Now that the holidays are behind us, and some routines for your child may have "relaxed" during this time, it is a terrific time to re-establish more structure for your family. To help your family get back on track and start the New Year off right, we came upon just the right solution for you!

I was excited to be invited to try out an online scheduling site called, "GoalForIt." This excellent online resource provides a variety of free solutions for personal success that are easy to use and can help bring more focus, balance and fulfillment into everyday living. I particularly love their simple-to-use Chore Chart, which can help children of all ages learn essential skills in a fun and rewarding way.

This FREE Chore Chart can help teach kids, tweens and teens many important lessons, including:

Responsibility:

Chore Chart is an ideal way to help your kids feel like they are making a contribution to their family by doing their part around the house.

Understanding right from wrong:

Setting behavior goals is an important way to help children strengthen their character and judgment.

Healthy Habits:

Teaching good habits involving nutrition and physical activity are the cornerstone of preventing obesity in children and adolescents.

Money Matters:

The optional point system teaches children three important lessons for managing money; earning, spending and saving.

I went to the site and set up my personal account. My focus was to make up a Chore Chart that my son could reasonably follow. This site is incredibly simple to use. To create a personalized chart, you choose a "background" that you or your child likes. You then go to the category options (ie. chores, behavior, healthy eating, etc.) and click on the goals that you would like to see on your chart. I was able to combine one chart to include not only chores, but also behavior goals and healthy habits. Then I selected how many times per week I thought my son could reasonably achieve these goals on a daily and weekly basis. This allowed both of us to see the big picture of how well my son was able to successfully carry out his goals. That's it! I made one up in just a few minutes. I had the option to print out the charts for a few weeks, complete with dates, enter the daily information directly to the website, or do a combination of both.

Once the chart was completed for the day, I had the option of entering how well my son did onto the website on a daily basis or at any other point in time. This process took virtually just a couple minutes. We would click on the appropriate day and goal. Then my son got to choose which type of “sticker” he could apply to that goal once it was finished. At the end of the week, I could print out a summary to review with my son. We could easily see where he would be rewarded or given a chance to try harder to complete the goals for the next week. We could even go back into the site and modify goals that we felt were more unreasonable for my son to achieve. There is even a “Moolah” button you can use to “bank” points for actual money if you desire. Overall, it was a fun, interactive way to work with your child to both empower him/her or to set and achieve reasonable goals. The site also offers suggestions about both rewarding your child or working on ways for your child to be more responsible for his/her goals.

My son was able to easily achieve most of the goals I set up for him. As he becomes better at being able to meet all of his goals, we can then collaborate together and work on either increasing the number of times he would need to meet a goal per week or add additional categories to his chart. We can even create our own personal goals if we choose. The Chore Chart is completely customizable and flexible.

I plan to continue to use the Chore Chart system! With it's ease of use and completely customizable system, I even want to make up a chart for myself! The website is user-friendly, simple to use and best of all...it WORKS!

Try it out with your family. Not only is it FREE, but it is simple to use. Best of all, my son actually likes it! With any child, that is half the battle! 

PROFESSIONAL BULL RIDERS (PBR) PRESENTS 6th ANNUAL MADISON SQUARE GARDEN INVITATIONAL FROM JANUARY 6-8, 2012 Review by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Friday night, my family had a terrific experience at Madison Square Garden in New York City to see the “PBR” – the Professional Bull Riders championship! This is the second time we’ve gone to this event. We went last year and had a blast. This year was even better!

The event was a nationally televised, Built Ford Tough Series, to kick off the 2012 PBR season with world’s best bull riders at world’s most famous arena! Once we were there, the children were pointing out the cowboys, the rodeo clowns, and the bull fighters. At a Bull Riding event, there are the “Bull Riders” who are the competitors, a “Rodeo Clown,” who helps to entertain the audience between bull-rides and who also works with the “Bull Fighters.” The “Bull Fighters” are the men who are “on-the-ground” in the arena. Once the “Bull Rider” either jumps off the bull, or falls off, the “Bull Fighters” job is to help distract and corral the bull back into its pen area, so that it doesn’t injure the “Bull Rider.”

As the event opened, there was an introduction of the newer riders. They then introduced the veteran riders. Reigning Sylvano Alves, the 2011 Champion came out and worked the crowd. He made over 1.6 million in prize money last year. My son’s all-time favorite Bull Rider was one of the last to come out. His name is Austin Meier (his name is spelled differently from ours, but is pronounced the same). Last year, in hearing Austin’s name, our son, then 7, was thrilled with this Bull Rider’s name! He insisted that Austin was one of our cousins! This year, he realized that we are not related, but Austin is still our son’s favorite.

The first rider was Douglas Duncan. He rode a bull named “Jack in Black." Duncan’s ride wasn’t that successful. He only lasted for 3.79 seconds. By the time they got to the 4^th or 5^th rider, we saw our first Bull Rider injury. The rider had been thrown from the bull, but the medical staff swooped in, treated him, and within a minute, he got up and walked away with a standing ovation and cheers emanating from the crowd!

As the event progressed, we saw other riders staying on their bulls for over eight seconds! It was remarkable! One of the standouts was a rider named Mike Miller, who rode a bull named “Blackout.” Mike stayed on the bull, not only for 8 seconds, but held on for almost 11 seconds! It was amazing!

By the end of the evening, they announced the Champion Bull Rider: Luke Snyder. As Luke was awarded the title of Champion of the New York “Round 1,” the crowd roared and everyone cheered!

The Professional Bull Riders (PBR) is bringing the 6th Annual Madison Square Garden Invitational, presented by Full Metal Jousting on History, from January 6-8, 2012. The event will kick off the nationally televised, elite 2012 Built Ford Tough Series season, featuring the world's toughest cowboys and rankest bulls. The PBR’s Built Ford Tough Series will rock New York with three bone-crushing, adrenaline-soaked performances, as the Top 40 bull riders in the world – including the 2011 Madison Square Garden Invitational champion Valdiron de Oliveira – risk it all against athletic animals weighing as much as 2,000 pounds. Fans will be thrilled as they watch intense 8-second rides and jaw-dropping wrecks when riders try to stay on and survive animals 10 times their size!

The nationally televised PBR 2012 Built Ford Tough Series will visit 23 different states with 28 events in 2012. The 2012 schedule will feature the best bull riders from across the globe competing against the rankest bulls on the planet in front of millions of fans across the country to win a share of over $10 million for the season.

Tickets for this event are: $205, $105, $50, $35, $25 and $15 (prices do not include taxes and facility fees) and are available at the MSG box office, www.ticketmaster.com, and by telephone at (800) 745-3000.

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN EVENT SCHEDULE:

Friday, January 6 -- 8:00 p.m.

Saturday, January 7 -- 8:00 p.m. 

Sunday, January 8 -- 1:00 p.m.

About the PBR 2012 Madison Square Garden Invitational presented by Full Metal Jousting on HISTORY: 

Each of the Top 40 bull riders in the world will be participating. Following Round 2 on Saturday, the riders with the 10 highest cumulative scores will each compete with one more bull. Following Round 4 on Sunday, the riders with the 10 highest cumulative scores will advance to the Built Ford Tough Championship Round, where they will each compete with one more bull. The overall event winner will be the rider with the highest combined score from all five rounds.

The season culminates during October 24-28, 2012 in Las Vegas with the PBR Built Ford Tough World Finals. The World Finals is where the PBR World Champion will be crowned and awarded a $1 million bonus. The richest bull riding event in the world, the World Finals has a total purse of more than $2 million.

About PBR's 2012 Built Ford Tough Series: 

The PBR's 2012 Built Ford Tough Series will kick off at the “World's Most Famous Arena,” New York's Madison Square Garden, from January 6-8. Highlights of this year's schedule include the “All-new four-week stadium tour,” in which the Built Ford Tough Series will visit Detroit's Ford Field and Houston's Reliant Stadium for the first time ever. The tour will also visit Atlanta's Georgia Dome and Cowboys Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

About the Professional Bull Riders, Inc. (PBR):

The PBR is the world’s premier bull riding organization. More than 100 million viewers annually watch over 400 hours of primetime PBR programming on VERSUS, NBC, CBS and networks around the world. The PBR has awarded over $100 million in prize money and 21 riders have earned over $1 million, including Justin McBride with $5.5 million -- the most of any western sports athlete in history. Nearly two million fans attend Built Ford Tough Series and Touring Pro Division events each year. 

Follow PBR on Facebook: www.facebook.com/TeamPBR and Twitter: 

http://twitter.com/TEAMPBR.

For more information on the PBR, please visit: www.pbr.com

My Day in Court - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Three days to be exact. The first day was a quick postponement to the following week. The second was a postponement to a few days later. That day we sat there for three hours before they finally announced the postponement. Courts are not terribly considerate. Finally, our day came. While our attorneys went into a separate room with the law secretary, my husband and I sat there for two hours checking our e-mail, not doing much else. That’s besides the point.

Court is not a place you would want to voluntarily go to unless you were getting paid to be there. Or HAD to go. Now I understand why lawyers make so much money. Even my lawyer agreed that it disturbs her to be there at times. I really don’t blame her.

Although my husband and I were there to initiate our never-ending divorce, I witnessed many things that happened that both shocked me and even made my heart stand still. I am not at liberty to reveal what happened on the day our case was initiated, but I have plenty to tell about what I observed during the endless hours I spent there waiting.

I had been told by my lawyer that no judge would ever subject a child by putting them on the stand to be questioned unless the case was highly unusual. Low and behold, on our second day there, the courtroom was locked because the judge had a twelve year old girl being questioned. I nervously whispered to my attorney, “They wouldn’t put an eight-year-old on the stand, would they??” She said in all the years she had been trying cases in matrimonial court, this was the first time she ever witnessed a child being questioned. Her response made me feel a little better. Later, though, the mother of this child burst out of the courtroom with a family friend or relative, whaling and sobbing in tears. The judge decided to take away custody of her children from her and give them to her ex-husband. I discovered that the reason for this was because this mother allegedly physically and verbally abused her children. Although I am a strong advocate against child abuse in even the most minor of instances, the heartbreaking sound of this mother in pain still broke my heart. If anyone took my son away from me, I’d probably faint on the spot.

Obviously there is much more to this case than I witnessed. If this mother was abusive in any way, she should have sought medical treatment for her behavior prior to this event. Again, I don’t know what the circumstances were before, so I can only postulate.

As I was still sitting around, observing, I overheard snippets of conversation between clients and their attorneys. I was shocked to hear the way these attorneys spoke to their clients! Absolutely no respect. Degrading. Patronizing. One attorney told his client that if his client didn’t like how he was representing her, she could fire him!! Total disregard to this woman’s concerns! I whispered to my attorney, “I’m so glad you are nice, considerate and compassionate. Some of these lawyers are so rude to their clients!” She said she hears it every day. Some attorneys and their clients are just not the right “fit.” So I replied, “But wouldn’t you sense that in the first consult or subsequent interactions? Why wait until court? And if the attorney thought that the client was too difficult to handle, don’t they have the right to refuse the case?” My lawyer said I am too ethical. She said that some attorneys have great reputations for winning cases but are very difficult to deal with. I just sat there saying a thousand prayers that I have a great attorney who happens to also be compassionate, understanding, and really listens to what I have to say and doesn’t blow me off.

Courts are intimidating. Some of the clients looked just as intimidating. I dressed in a very tailored, sophisticated outfit. Very modest. There were women clients dressed in skin tight dresses and 5-inch heels. Others had so much make-up on, you could practically peel it off. And some men came in ratty jeans and flannel shirts!! Although my husband nor I ever saw the judge, I was still surprised to see my husband show up in khaki pants and a sports jacket! He owns a dozen suits. He couldn’t wear one of them to court? No matter what anyone says, first impressions always count. You don’t get a second chance.

My next court appearance won’t be for a few more months. I get a much needed reprieve. With my dog dying, my son having grief issues and the holidays, I need a break. And a new year to start out fresh with.

Twas the Night Before Christmas - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, 

Except for myself.

My child was sleeping, all snug in his bed.

While visions of Nintendo games, flew through his head.

Only I heard the sound of reindeer hooves clatter,
Which made me sigh, "Now what's the matter?"

With ribbon and gift wrap still clutched in my hand,
I descended the stairs, and saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes and plenty of soot, 

Which fell with a shrug, all underfoot.
"Oh great," I muttered, "Now I have to clean the rug too."

"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."
"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."
"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" I asked, "What good is that?
Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."

She was my twin. Same hair, same eyes.
Same look of chagrin, same gaze of surprise.

"She'll cook, she'll dust, she'll mop every mess.
You relax, take it easy, read a book, go to bed."

"Fantastic!" I cheered. 

"My dream come true!
"I'll internet shop. I'll read. I'll sleep the whole night through! "

From the room above, my son began to fret.
"Mommy?! I’m scared...is Santa here yet?"
The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."
"Hey," I smiled, "She knows her part."

The clone went to comfort my son with a tune.
"You’re the best Mommy ever. " I heard my son swoon.

“I really love you." The clone smiled and sighed, 

"I love you, too," my sweet son replied.

I frowned and I said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "
“That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "
Only one loving mother, is needed here."

I kissed my child, and tucked him into bed.
"Thank you, Santa, for clearing my head.
I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,
When he'll be too old, for my cradle-song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.
Santa said to the clone, "It works every time."
With the clone by his side, Santa merrily said, "Merry Christmas to all!”

To me he whispered, “And to you, a good night!”

We wish all our readers a very Happy New Year!!