Sticky Nest - by Elizabeth Allen

I see young mothers all around me doing everything from dropping off their 6 year-olds for the first day of kindergarten to quick hugs outside their 18 year-olds freshman college dorm. They do it fast too! Like ripping off a Band-Aid. They shed ne’er a tear before they’re on their way to lunch with the girls or meeting with the interior designer to overhaul junior’s room.

But watch an older mom take little Timmy to his first day of school. He’s chomping at the bit, pulling toward the Fisher-Price Tiny Tots Farm with all his weight and she’s weeping at an elevated level of histrionics like something out of Sophie’s Choice. And it doesn’t seem to get any easier from there. At least it hasn’t for me.

My daughter turned 16 this past July and I have a whole list of BFI’s—Brace For It.

• Driving: without me or her father, alone, fast, listening to and/or singing along with music on her ipod, with a friend who’s distracting her by talking instead of keeping her eyes on the road thus discouraging my daughter from talking back to her, at night, in the rain, when the sun is at that blinding level, even when it’s not, when there are other cars on the road, and why she’s been gone for more than ten minutes.

• Boyfriends: while I trust her judgment in whom she chooses to be with and while she is pretty sophisticated about boys in general, I just don’t think she’s really ready for what a 16 year old boy wants. No offense to my readers who are parents of teenage sons, but you know what I’m talking about. Regarding rules – we’re damned if we do and damned if we don’t. If we impose rigid guidelines, there will be rebellion to contend with and we run the risk of driving her away and then she’ll hop into that car ( SEE: first BFI) and elope with that boy in Georgia just to make a point. If we give her complete and unrestricted freedom, she’ll take it and I’ll still be nauseous until she gets home from her date. And then she’ll tell me nothing. Oy vay.

• College: Sure. I hear what you’re saying. “She’s 16! That’s two years away!” But to me it feels like tomorrow. Intellectually, I understand the concept that our children are only ours for a short time and we must let them go, but my gut and my heart march to a different drummer. Between you and me (and I swear I will NOT pressure her to do this!) I want her to go to a local college, live at home, finish her homework and invite me in to watch a tearjerker DVD at least twice a week, help me cook family meals (why not? She’ll get to eat for free as long as she stays home) and go shopping with me once in a while. And then, once she graduates, maybe look for a position in her chosen field within a 50-mile-radius of me. Oh, and there’s no hurry to move out.

See this momma bird kicking her chick out of the nest?

THAT ain't me.

I know, I know. I’ve seen emotionally crippled young adults whose parents kept them utterly dependent and once on their own, they were completely helpless. I knew a boy in college who had never set foot in a grocery store. The first time he went food shopping for his apartment, he looked for packages of bologna on the bread aisle because it was logical that sandwich stuffs should be there. I’m not saying my clingy tendencies are healthy or even justified. Just the emotional ramblings and apprehensions of one gal who waited so long to have her dream baby and doesn’t want to wake up too soon.

Don’t pinch me.

Future Later Mom Empty Nester

I am so tired of this winter. Are you?

And, Seth's school bus is stressing me out.

The bus aide gave me the evil eye the other day when we weren't standing outside awaiting their arrival. It's cold out there in the morning. Can't we wait just inside our doorway, and Seth can scamper out when they arrive?

Today the bus was two hours late. There was a school opening delay due to the weather yet again.

I ask you....are we done with snow yet this season? I hate the ice and mess. Don't like driving or walking on it. It's just not my thing. A sno-bunny I'm not.

So, why do I live in a place like New York? Sometimes I wonder. Though, there's a lot good to be said about it, but the weather wouldn't be high on my list.

Seth said a funny thing the other day.

He announced how a little girl in his class wants to marry him, and he might want to marry her one day. Not now, of course. They're 5. (though I often say he's 5 going on 15) And, he went on to say that when he gets married, he'd like to live in our house. Not with us....but without us...I presume.

Part of me thought, that would be cool, if he really means it. I'm not sure I personally want to live in this house forever. I do love my house (and we're about to embark on a major basement project). But, life in suburbia doesn't always suit me. I might like to live in the city one day and maybe even retire there.

But, how do you decide where you want to retire? Some flock to warmer climates, and I wouldn't mind that. But, would I be happy in a place like Florida or Arizona? Not sure. Maybe. I do like cactus and mountains and wild rabbits. It's something to think about.

It also got me thinking about being a later mom empty nester one day. I have mom friends who are already empty nesters and are in their 50s. I don't know how old I'll be when I fit that bill, but I do know I'll be at least 60 if not older. 60 feels like such a big number. Wow. Can you imagine?! Me 60 one day. G-d willing, that will be the case.

Where will I be in my life then? What will I want? Questions. Questions. And, I'm certainly not prepared to answer any of them.

How did I get on this topic anyway?

Oh yeah....it snowed here again, and I'm feeling a bit clastrophobic, having stayed in all day today.

Tomorrow is another day, and I have a luncheon meeting. Followed by a gym workout. I look forward to both.