GUEST BLOG POST: New Mom, New Image: a Mommy Makeover by Emily Roy

[photo: Janice (l) and Emily (r)]

After having four babies in five years, nursing for a total of forty-seven months and getting up at least once during the night for six years, I was groggy, saggy and stretched, to say the least. I hardly even felt like myself anymore. And every time I stepped out the door, I couldn’t understand how other moms looked so put together; they looked human, and I felt like a zombie! What were they doing to look so comfortable in their new mommy skin that I was missing?

For starters, they were probably showering, but upon further inspection, I noticed a few things about these moms who looked like real people. I was surprised to discover that it actually wasn’t as complicated or time consuming as the end result appeared. So here is a quick list of the best things you can do for yourself to reclaim a little of the woman you still are:

• Know your proportions. The end goal is always to create an hourglass shape.

• Don’t wear things that are too tight (the sausage effect – not good)…Or too loose (the eternally pregnant effect–also not good). If you like comfy clothes, go for softer fabrics, cute flats, even a sundress.

• Get a sitter before you shop (if only Ikea sold clothes!). Don’t even try a serious shopping trip with your kids. You’ll end up with just half an outfit before someone melts down.

• Be prepared. Don’t shop for an event last minute, be ready with an outfit for a bridal shower, date night, etc. You will save yourself money, frustration and probably rescue yourself from an outfit you don’t like.

• Wear a ponytail, just make it a cute one–put a little braid in front, or part your hair before putting it back into a low ponytail.

• If you’re hair is short, be honest with yourself: is it working for you? It may be time to consult with a stylist for some suggestions (I know, it feels like you’re cheating on your current stylist but a mom’s gotta look good!). And keep up on your haircuts; schedule your next appointment as you leave the salon.

• Keep your lip gloss handy. For me, this means they are everywhere: glove box, junk drawer, the Barbie castle, etc.

• Accessorize, accessorize, accessorize. You will instantly look like you have it more together than you do! And scarves and long necklaces can have a slimming effect when used to create a vertical line down your chest.

• Expand your wardrobe beyond jeans. This was a hard one for me because I love my jeans, but I have discovered dresses which brings me to my last tip…

• Try a dress! They are generally more forgiving to your figure and they can easily be dressed up or down. An empire waist can hide a little leftover baby weight and you’ll feel feminine even if you’re playing cars with your two year old!

(Lisa - before)

Recently I worked with Janice Hurley-Trailor, The Image Expert, on a makeover of a new mom Lisa. Lisa owns a gym, teaches gymnastics and dotes on her two small children. Needless to say, her attire tends to consist of workout clothes!

Janice put her in soft gray cords with similarly colored boots, a layered long sleeved shirt under a tank with a belt and a sassy, face-flattering haircut. Her earrings are small so as not to overwhelm her delicate face, layering her shirts adds interest and sophistication (plus it extends a summer tank into fall), the belt adds definition and the boots lengthen her legs. Goodbye workout mama, hello hot mama!

(Lisa - after)

These are relatively simple, time-friendly ideas that any mom can implement even in the most chaotic days of early motherhood. Honestly, the hardest part is remembering that even as moms we deserve to turn a little of that love and attention we give to our children back on ourselves.

Oh and do shower—It really goes a long way toward feeling wholly human and not just a receptacle for spit-up, snot and drool!

EMILY ROY
Copy editor turned mother of four in five years, Emily Roy is just now coming up for air. She has led over a hundred moms as Director of Mom's Group at her local church in Tacoma, WA. Roy has written everything from Sunday school curriculum to website text to poetry published in The Trillium. She has a BA from the University of Washington, Tacoma in Interdisciplinary Arts and Sciences with a Concentration in Arts, Media and Culture. Between laundry and hugs, she trains for triathlons and patience. She is currently at work on a new book on makeovers for new moms with image expert, Janice Hurley-Trailor.

JANICE HURLEY-TRAILOR
Janice Hurley-Trailor is an image expert with 25 years of experience. She has worked with professional practices, businesses, and government agencies. She is the mother of four grown children and grandmother to seven.  Visit http://www.janicehurleytrailor.com/.

GUEST BLOG POST: Mommy Gets Schooled - by Maggie Lamond Simone, author, From Beer to Maternity

It was a weird kind of quiet.

The kids were back at school after a long summer, and we both had the morning off. After the last bus pulled away we were faced with an almost otherworldly quiet; even the pets seemed to know it was an unusual morning and called a truce to their usual sleep-fueled quest for world domination. My husband and I were drinking our coffee in our usual spots, me in my office and he in his reading chair in the family room.

But it was dead quiet. As the morning progressed, we moved about the kitchen like ghosts, not quite running into each other but not quite acknowledging each other either. There was no tension or anything; there was just . . . quiet.

When I finally spoke, it was as though I were shouting. “Hi,” I said. It actually echoed.

“Hi,” he replied.

“Um . . . I’m Maggie,” I said, putting out my hand.

He shook my hand and replied, “Darn nice to meet you.”

“Want to go shopping or something before your afternoon meeting?” I asked.

He was thoughtful for a moment and then said, “That’s a good idea. We need to do something together. It seems that we just go from one thing to the next with the kids, and don’t make any time for us anymore.”

It was true. I silently went over the layout of our weeks for the last several months: Mondays and Wednesdays were the girl’s karate nights, Tuesdays and Fridays were the boy’s workout nights, Thursdays were my teaching nights. By the time Saturday nights rolled around, about the last thing we wanted to do was go out.

And so we rarely, if ever, spent time alone together. Even at nighttime, after the kids go to bed, our conversation is limited by our own different bedtimes; I have found that he’s infinitely more agreeable when he’s sleeping, but I guess that doesn’t really count as conversation. I mean, by definition, it’s supposed to go two ways, right?

I think this may partly explain why, that morning, the house was so quiet. It seems we’re not used to talking to each other anymore unless it is around the children or about the children or with the children.

We may have actually communicated more when the kids were younger, because we each appreciated the adult conversation the other provided. Now that the kids are providing what is frighteningly close to adult conversation (the occasional “stupid hair” soliloquies of the girl notwithstanding), we have gotten lazy in our efforts with each other. All of our promises to continue dating after the kids were born, to continue celebrating ourselves as a couple, faded away with the business of our children’s lives.

When we faced each other across the Kitchen of Echoes, we knew it was time to make a change. So I asked my husband out to dinner, for which I may even wear something other than sweats, and we’ll get a babysitter and stay out late like we used to. And then, in a couple weeks we’ll do it again – maybe even sooner. Depends on how good a time I have. (Ha! Kidding, honey.)

We are so lucky we had that morning off together, because who knows how much longer this would have continued without our even noticing? We could have woken up to a quiet house ten years from now, when the kids are off in college, and realized then that the conversation was gone – and then it may have been too late. Relationships, I continue to learn, are tricky; if you don’t work at them, then poof! Someday they could disappear. So don’t mind us, kids. Mom and Dad are going to start dating again.

Nothing personal, but we need to make our own noise.

This I’ve learned: Relationships are a journey, not a destination. Find that person you once couldn’t stand to be without and tell him about your day, or ask her about her day, or go shopping together for new dishes. Don’t go quietly into that good night!
  Maggie Lamond Simone is the author of the book From Beer to Maternity, which captures the wit and wisdom of her adventurous life as a late-blooming adult, and then wife, and then parent, and through it she shares the intelligent and wonderful insights she’s acquired with the rest of us.

Maggie has been a columnist in Syracuse New York for the past 15 years. Her columns have won six national awards, including four Gold awards from the PPA (Parenting Publications of America). The first was for an essay about breaking her daughter's leg, “so that's nice,” she says. “It was an accident.” Another was for her column about telling her son that she was a recovering alcoholic so that he didn't start off with the misconception that drunks are bad people; she’s a “very good person” when she’s not blasted. Her first national essay was published in Cosmopolitan, a coup which bought her a Golden Retriever named Decker, who is the subject of her children's book, LOSING DECKER

Her stories are included in Chicken Soup for the Soul: My Resolution (2009), P.S. What I Didn't Say (2009), Chicken Soup for the Soul in Menopause (2008), Chicken Soup for the New Mom's Soul (2007), Misadventures of Moms and Disasters of Dads (2005), and Hello, Goodbye (2004).

Right now, she’s a "later" mother of two, and that’s a tough act to follow.