There's No Such Thing as Bad Publicity...by Liimu

Last week, I talked about the problems we've been having with the behavior of our three girls in reaction to their new little brother coming on the scene. Fortunately, they confessed to us that they were jealous of the new baby and looking for attention any way they could get it. Just like the phrase there's no such thing as bad publicity, my girls figured even negative attention was better than none at all.

After talking to a friend of mine, she helped me to realize that we were reinforcing their behavior by yelling at them, so we should just...stop. Stop yelling. Completely. What a concept. Instead, it was suggested that we just give them consequences for bad behavior. No yelling, no negotiating, straight consequences. Whoa.

Here's the crazy part...it worked! Not only did it bring their behavior into line, it also completely turned around the energy in our house. No more headaches for me and their dad. No more walking on egg shells for the girls. I like to think they've even stopped yelling at each other as much as they were before.

It's pretty tough to keep it up (their dad and I have even gotten a strike here and there for accidentally yelling), but it's definitely worth working on. So, thanks to those of you who gave me your feedback or advice. And I hope that those of you who stayed silent did so because all is well in your households. If not, I hope our experience will be of use to even just one person out there. It may sound counterintuitive (at least it did to me), but staying calm, cool and collected in the face of sassy toddlers or preteens may just be the key to diffusing an otherwise volatile situation.

Dream & Believe -- by Liimu

I am LIimu McGill. My husband, Glen, and I had our third child just a few months after I turned 36. I didn’t realize how much energy it took to be a mom until we added Autumn to our family, which already included two toddlers, then 3 and 4. Never one to back down from a challenge, I have continued to live life with gusto, regularly running half-marathons and participating in triathlons, running my own business, LSM Consulting, and most recently re-launching my singing career (my first CD is due out this Spring on an independent label). I live by the personal philosophy that the best way to encourage your children to follow their dreams is by following your own, no matter how late in life you start.

I look forward to sharing my journey with all of you!

When Robin (founder of MotherhoodLater.com) asked me whether I wanted my very first Motherhood Later blog post to run on March 4th or March 7th, I didn’t hesitate before answering that the 7th would be the perfect day. It’s a day of reflection for me every year, as it is the anniversary of the day I got sober, 15 years ago. Who would have thought when I was sitting in rehab 15 years ago listening to others share their experience, strength and hope about how they accepted that they needed to avoid a drink one day at a time, that I would one day be sharing my experience, strength and hope about being a nearly-40 mom of three?? Before I got sober, I didn’t really think I would ever have a husband, let alone children, though it was my deepest desire from as far back as I can remember. Sobriety has given me so many gifts, not the least of which being the courage to dream and the faith in a Higher Power and in the fact that He/She can make those dreams come true.

The recovery process is not just about recovery, it’s also about discovery. Over the past 15 years, I have learned ways of discovering what I do and don’t like about myself, what I do and don’t like to do, and who I do and don’t like to do it with. As a result, I have the life of my dreams. I run a business that offers me the financial freedom to travel and enjoy my own personal favorite activities like running and playing tennis, while also giving me the flexibility to spend time with my children. I have a husband who I often look at and think, who is that hot guy? Oh, wait! That’s my husband! I get to go home with him! (And it’s not just me – just the other night at a gig, another singer said, “Is that your husband? WOW – he’s hot!” Yep, and he’s all mine…tee hee.)

In addition to having my own business, I have always had the dream of being a singer. This past year that dream has come even closer to coming true. Before I got sober, I wrote a song about believing in your dreams, and that song was recorded with a real band (the drummer played for Stevie Wonder!!) and even played on the radio. People tell me that when they hear the song, they tear up with emotion. It makes me feel so good to know that I’m not only realizing my dreams, but touching others in the process.

And of course, the greatest dream I have realized over these past 15 years was to get married to the man of my dreams and have three beautiful, spectacular, breathtakingly wonderful daughters. With my 40th birthday fast approaching, I’m feeling an even more intense desire to continue to follow my dreams not just for my own selfish reasons, but also for them. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to get them to pursue their dreams is for me to pursue mine.

‘Cause if you believe in yourself
Then you don’t need anything or anybody else
If you believe in your dreams, then your dreams will come true
So believe in yourself, as I believe in you.
Believe in Yourself, © 2009 Liimu