Sunday, February 25, 2007

Baby Fat

This week, someone said to me "Looks like you've lost your baby fat." Instead of just saying thank you, I had to obsessively explain in great detail:

"Thanks, but in reality I'm much heavier than I ever was pre-pregnancy. You see, I used to weigh 130 lbs. and that was only when I was't trying to get pregnant. Before that, I was around 125 lbs. Now I'm about 150 lbs. so I am less than I was while pregnant when I got up to 169 lbs. but I'm much heavier than I've ever been."

I don't know why I have a hard time accepting 150 lbs. as my new weight. I still look proportional. I don't fit into any pre-prego things unless you count the variety of Old Navy velour sweats I've worn for years including through my entire pregnancy. In the real world, those don't count. I'm just barely fitting into the Size 12 pants that I bought 3 months post baby.

Up until the last 2 weeks when the whole family was sick, I was working out at least twice a week and feeling stronger, more compact. Now I'm back to feeling a little large and lumbering. But I can honestly say I'm not fat. Just bigger than I'm used to being.

In reality, I'm not obsessing over my weight every day. Or even my strange new shape (saggy boobs, poochy belly, thicker thighs). But it must be right beneath the surface that I can't even just say "thank you" when someone points out how good they think I look. I think it is all part of the "I'm not really me anymore" feeling I keep getting. I don't know who I am but I'm feeling a little like that guy in the TV series Quantum Leap who would wake up and be inhabiting someone else's body.

It isn't a bad body. It is just...different and unfamiliar. I knew that getting older would bring about all kinds of body changes, but I figured they'd be gradual and unsurprising like the extra gray in my hair. Post-pregnancy body changes are a jolt to the senses, and I guess I'm still reeling.


Blogger Robin Gorman Newman said...

I am a big weight lifting fan. And, while I may not be as thin as I'd like, I do work on keeping myself strong. And, considering my son is close to 40 lbs. at this point and still likes to be carried at times, I am grateful that I am capable of lifting him without winding up in traction. :)

7:14 PM  

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