Sneaking in Some Work

It is Sunday, I should be doing things around the house (laundry, dishes, going through piles of old magazines) because baby is napping. But instead, I am compelled to get work done even though I am trying to only work on weekday mornings when the babysitter is here. There is either not enough time during the week or I can't get motivated during the week to focus entirely on work.

I end up blogging (hmmm, what am I doing right now?) or Twittering or doing some virtual window shopping. I'm trying to keep my workload manageable but am still trying to squeeze in a new client and a new column. Who do I think I am? The Pre-Baby Me?

Pre-baby, I was incredibly motivated, focused and productive. All of those words seem foreign to me now. I can remember that they used to apply to me but can't remember what they felt like. I keep making To Do lists then losing them, or I'm staring at them crosseyed hoping things will magically get checked off the list.

I've started feeling guilty about wanting to work all the time. I like working. I like getting things done. I'm still adjusting to the fact that taking care of baby means a different kind of productivity. I'm enjoying the milestones met and more bonding with baby, but I keep looking for "assignments" with a beginning, middle and end to check off a motherhood list. Probably not a healthy way to look at parenting.

So as I do mental and emotional gymnastics to learn what it means to be a mom instead of a workaholic overachiever, I find myself sneaking a moment to do things on my computer on the weekend as if I were sneaking chocolates. A momentary high of accomplishment. And the leftover feeling of guilt. Because there is still stuff to do around the house and baby will wake up any minute now.

Who's the Captain?

My son is having one of those days....therefore so am I.

First he refused to participate in his weekly gym class that he typically loves. Go figure!

Then, he walks around all morning with an angry face.....for no specific reason that I can ascertain.

We've had a touch of spring fever here for a few days, and it's been a welcome change of pace weatherwise. However, because of that, Seth is dying to take a speed boat taxi ride from a local dock that we spent much time visiting last summer. He adores steering when the driver permits, and I'm happy he is happy and relaxed. I love boats rides and being near the water, but today just wasn't warm enough, so I couldn't indulge him.

Add that frustration to his already being moody, and it's not been a fun day with captain Seth.

Sometimes I wonder who is in control of this ship. It can be difficult at times to accept the fact that my time with Seth is either fun or not fun, depending on his state of mind. Sometimes he is very agreeable to even coming along on the simplest errand with me, and other times, like today, not much pleases him.

He wound up taking a nap, which is no doubt what he needed. So, hopefully we can all have a pleasant dinner, since we have a friend coming over tonight to join us.

As a 40+ mom, I have to say that I find it a particular challenge accepting that Seth's moods often dictate what we can and can't do. On a weekend, it's disappointing to feel stuck in the house because he needs some zzzzzzs. At this stage of my life, part of me wants to do what I want to do. Oh well.....This too shall pass, as my mom used to say. :)

Memory Lane

Just returned from a moms night out dinner with the NY Motherhood Later....Than Sooner group. What a fun time...and a trip down memory lane in some regards. I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

We got on the subject of our lives before marriage and children (yes we had lives)....shared how we met our husbands and things we used to enjoy doing back in our single days.

I find it interesting how each phase of life has distinct challenges. We discussed the uncertainty of singlehood and wondering when we'd get married....if we'd get married....then wanting to have a family....and some having fertility challenges.

How some days we yearn for those simpler, yet uncertain times, again. That there is something to be said for the independent choices you can make as a single person...and the peace and quiet that is more readily available.

Yet, none of us, of course, would seriously turn back the hands of time to our pre- momhood days because then we wouldn't have the "little lights of our lives". Yet...we do deserve to remember who we once were and to have the opportunity to "bust loose" so to speak, even if at an occasional moms night out dinner.

So....here's to future fun times....with and without children.....and to never losing the kidlike spirit in all of us that may at times feel dormant. A night out with the gals with some good heart-to-heart chatter and belly laughs can truly be time well spent.

Mom Social Planner

It's just amazing how your schedule becomes so not your own when you're a mom. And, as your child gets older, they start regularly making requests as to what they want to do and who they want to see.

Just this past week, Seth announced he wants a playdate with two specific boys from his bus. One of them I know....but the other I don't.....and it occurred to me that at age four, Seth is cultivating his own social circle beyond what I have created. My Day Planner may no longer be big enough for the both of us. :)

It's becoming interesting to see who he gravitates toward.....and you hope that they will be compatible playmates.....especially if you're not there to supervise.

This Friday I have a meeting and errands to do in the afternoon, and Seth will have a playdate after school at our home with his friend Jordan....supervised by our nanny.

They grow up fast....and I realize that one day, his life will be his own, socially & otherwise, but until then, I'll still play the role of mom, social planner, among a multitude of other hats I juggle daily.

There are some days when Seth's social life actually seems more interesting than mine since more and more of the women, moms and others I know, are living a whirlwind life. I know it seems impossible, but we really have to try to somehow slow down a bit before the years pass.......and I'd love to get your input on this.

What do you do to try to carve time for yourself?

Firetruck, firetruck!

Seth's 4th birthday party went really well this past week. The kids had a blast, and the adults actually did too......which isn't always the case with children's celebrations.

Lots of remaining birthday cake, which we decided to freeze, so we can enjoy it at a later date, and not overindulge at the moment. This doesn't phase Seth because he totally loves the Mallomars we also had at the party....and he's enjoying those leftovers this week.

But.....while Seth is ok on the cake front....he is overindulging big time on the firetruck front.

Of the friends that asked what to buy Seth for the occasion, I told them no moving vehicles, since he already has more than his share. Several bought books, among other cool items, which was appreciated. Others, knowing he is a wannabe fireman, bought him firetrucks, fire stations, etc. They meant well, of course, but now we have a dilemma.

I tried to hide some of them hoping he might forget.....but he has a photographic memory....and every day after school wants to open more 'n more gifts.

What's a mom to do? If I hear one more siren.........

And, on another note....which will be a future Blog....Seth is an only child (as a 40+ mom, we don't plan on more)....so no doubt he's already super spoiled in the toy department........but does that give us the right to withhold birthday presents from him?

Feel free to weigh in on this. Would love to hear your thoughts!