Birthday Boy

Seth turned 6 this week.

I went to his school and had a birthday party for him in his classroom. It was so sweet.

He loved wearing his cool Birthday Boy cap that I had made up for him, and helped me dish out the cupcakes and cookies for his classmates.

He's such a big boy now...where does time go?

A friend emailed me a photo of herself with Seth that was taken when he was an infant. It was the cutest thing. When I look at him now, it's hard to believe he was once a baby I cradled.

I found the infant years very challenging, and much prefer him spending time with him as a young boy, but I don't want him to be 16 tomorrow.

Don't grow up too fast....my little guy.

I love being able to give him a squeeze and have him come running when I walk into the house, as he commands a "jump hug." I adore that.

I love that he sleeps cradling his beloved teddy bear, despite that it barely has any fuzz anymore. He's picked much of it off.

I love that he wants me to lay with him when he is fighting going to sleep.

I love that he wants to crawl into my bed with me and watch American Idol or the Discovery channel.

I love that he wants me to watch him play so I can see the cool creations he comes up with if he's using Legos, etc.

I love when he reaches for my hand as we cross the street safely.

I love that he throws me air kisses and likes to rub my back (without my asking).

I love that he's sincerely concerned if I'm not feeling 100 percent.

I love his enthusiasm for life.

Most of all..I love the little person he has become and continues to become. I couldn't be prouder of him. He is big-hearted, kind, caring, sensitive...etc....too much to detail. I'm grateful to be his mom and have the opportunity to shape him as the years go on. He's a little spark of sunshine in my life (most of the time...not when I'm having a mommy meltdown), but nothing touches my heart more than his huge chesire cat smile. I hope he'll always retain his joy, despite the demands of the world.

Date Nite...a "quickie"

I don't do this enough....or hardly at all for that matter.

My husband and I got a babysitter tonight for a few hours so we could have a belated Valentine's dinner out. It was lovely. We had French food in an adult restaurant, complete with candlelight and white zinfandel. The roast duck was delectable. The service was impeccable. And, Seth wasn't there. He tugged at my heart strings as we left the door, as he asked why he couldn't come. But, once there, it reminded me of how important a date night is.

I hated to see it end.

I told my husband to drive slowly on the way home. Though, I did want to get home in time to watch the Oscar's.

We definitely need to make a point of some alone time.

Mom Meltdown

I had a total mom meltdown yesterday.

I feel like I'm 48 going on 8.

My son had a playdate here. It was supposed to be at a friend's house, but plans got changed last minute, and they wound up at our house. It was the second playdate with this particular friend, and I wanted to be a good host. This was a drop-off, and the mom was going to hang with me a bit when she came to pick her up after two hours.

I have to confess. Playdates here are often not fun for me. On one level, I love seeing kids playing happily and creatively. On another level, when it becomes a "playdate gone wild," I ultimately crack. Not during the playdate, but afterwards, when I have to do battle with my son to do clean-up. That's when "mommy maid" emerges and I get completely fed up. And, yesterday, I really lost it.

We are planning to gut our basement in the few months and redo the whole thing, complete with a play room area, etc. But, until then, our living room (we don't have a den), has taken on a life of its own with Seth's many toys piled up in nooks 'n crannies. I wouldn't mind so much, except that many have teeny tiny pieces which are in a huge disaray, so they basically look like a pile of junk, and Seth treats them that way.

On top of it, in the last week, he's lost three things. A toy spy kit. Belt. And stuffed musical dog we gave him for Valentine's Day. Amazingly we did find them all....but I'm tired of playing scavenger hunt for his things.

I've broached the subject of "patience" with members of motherhoodlater.com at get togethers we've had. I truly feel I have less patience as a 40 something mom. I told my husband when he came home from work yesterday that I "need to get out of here!!" And, I meant it...but it's easier said than done. I could have jumped on a plane that moment....quickly packed a bag.....and flown off to...I don't know where...but someplace where I could just be Robin and put aside my mommy role temporarily.

Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis? Is this what they're like? I know I'm perimenopausal. With hormones in fluctuation, that's bound to affect one's moods. I get that. So, is that what this is? Or maybe it was just a particularly challenging playdate and I'll get over it? I am entitled to have these moments.

I was speaking with a close friend on the phone today who said that she's been in a funk of late...and it's not like her to say that. She's one of the most upbeat people I know.

Could it be Mercury Retrograde perhaps? Some kind of misalignment with the stars? Hmmmm....something in the air?

Today I felt somewhat better. In my fit of fury last night, Seth & I dumped some of this toys...three garbage bags full...and that was therapeutic for me....and good for him as well. Toy clutter leads to a total lack of appreciation, and he can't focus or even decide what to play with.

This afternoon, we went to a playspace with two other mom friends and their sons. I didn't love it....the music was blaring.....it was pricey for what it was.....and the seating wasn't comfortable or so readily available. But, Seth had fun. In the end, that's what counts.

It does get to be hard sometimes as a mom compromising your own comfort, etc. for the sake of your child. I fully realize that this is what moms do...but it doesn't mean it's easy. We just rise to the occasion.

Monday, Seth will be back in school (he was off this whole week), and I'll be in his classroom. I was invited to make an appearance as an author and to share my experiences writing books. I'm looking forward to that. It reminds me of how at a very young age, I aspired to be a writer, and would actually create my own kids books, complete with illustrations. I plan to bring in some as a show 'n tell. And, then I'm hosting a little party in his classroom since his 6th birthday is Tuesday.

Time flies. Six already. Wow! And, as my friend reminded me today after I shared my exasperating playdate experience, he won't be little forever. And, the day will come before I blink my eyes, where he's going out with his friends, with no mommy-in-tow.....and I might then miss these mommy 'n me outings.

Time will tell.

Do you feel you're a patient mom? Have you had a mommy meltdown, and how did it feel?

Valentine's Day & A High School State of Mind

It's Valentine's Day.

What do you have on tap?

My husband is working today....tax season....and then we have errands to run later.

So, it's me and Seth hangin' at the moment...and he's being very good company today. Often he can get a bit naggy asking me incessantly, "what are we doing today?" But, today isn't one of those days, thankfully.

What would I be doing to celebrate Valentines' Day if I were single, I've been thinking? (Not that I wish I was.) Would I feel like I should have a date? (probably...knowing me) Would I feel like I should be going to a party and socialize? (probably...knowing me) Would I decide to get a massage? (probably not....though I should) I strongly believe that we should, as best we can, do what feels good.

I had lunch with a gal from high school yesterday who I haven't seen in years. We've been loosely in touch via email, but getting together was nice. It was different in person. Email is not the same. A positive trip down memory lane. I think back on high school with fond memories.

Hard to believe it's like 30 years later. And, interesting, how as women, we can immediately find a way to reconnect. Before I knew it, we were talking about hormones, etc. Exchanging health tips, etc. If felt good, and reminded me of who I was a long time ago before I became a mom. I wasn't one of those gals who from a very young age aspired to parent. And, this particular friend of mine, isn't married and has no desire to have children. She had an autistic brother growing up who she cared for quite a lot....and now she works as a visiting nurse.....so she doesn't wish to play caretaker to a child. I could totally understand and applauded her for being true to herself, and making the decision that feels right to her. That is so important!

When she was in high school...did she think she'd marry?

Did I think I'd marry?

Did kids come into either of our minds? (not me)

I enjoyed being my own person. And, while I lived at home, I had a close bunch of male and female pals that got together regularly. I had always relished being with groups of people. I do miss that these days. Everyone is so busy, except when you see them at a kids party. And, then, we all return to our rapidfire lives of responsibility.

I was reading the sad story of the airplane crash this week in Buffalo, NY. One of the deceased was a woman who lost her husband on 9.11 and had become an activist for the families involved, working with government to try to make the world a safer place, etc. In an article about it, it discussed how she and her late husband had been high school sweethearts. I thought that was so endearing. And, bittersweet. Life is so inpredictable. She just passed away in her 50s, and I'm sure when she was a high school student, the last thing she would have ever imagined is that both she and her husband would each die tragically and as violently as they did....and not make it to old age.

We so need to appreciate today and live fully and happily. I, personally, wish I could preserve some of the carefree mindset I had in high school.

How about you? Do you ever think back to high school? What did you envision for your life? Are you living what you had hoped for or expected? How does it feel? What would you want for your child/children when they're in high school, given what you know as you look back on your own life?

Feel free to share.

More Than One

Seth was off from school yesterday, and he had a playdate with a girl in his kindergarten class.

It was our first time getting together with them. The kids played nicely, and I enjoyed getting to know the mom.

She was my kinda gal. Lots to talk about. Introspective. Holistic health-minded. Studying to be a life coach with an author I admire. It was a pleasant afternoon.

One thing that really struck me is that she has four children. I was in awe.

She said that last year she turned 40 and planned a getaway celebration with good friends, and how they had a blast. Her husband was very supportive of her trip.

She and her husband practice self care...they have both a yoga practitioner and masseuse come to their home regularly. I thought that was so admirable.

But, what I really wondered was what life is like with four children? They have a live-in nanny weekdays, but still......

I could only begin to imagine the dynamic of homework for four (though one is only 2.5), meals out, coordinating playdates, after school activities, etc.

I pondered what that felt like? And, the mom who seemed so industrious, how does she even fit in the time for her coaching studies? She goes to the gym at 5:30AM with a friend because she said she wouldn't get there if the didn't go at that hour. I'd be comotose if I did that, though some nights I'm up at that hour anyway.

Today I had lunch with a friend in her 50s who is an ambitious, highly-creative empty nester. And, while we were focusing on a work project for her, child-rearing came up. And, she herself said that having children was a lot of work, even if it's one. This is not to say you don't love your children...and I adore Seth.....but there's a lot to be done as a parent.

For me, I couldn't imagine for a moment having four children, especially as a later mom. I wouldn't have the energy or focus to devote to it. There are other things I aspire to do simultaneously. I'm glad I'm clear about that, and I have nothing but the utmost respect for those who parent more than one. I just know that at this point in my life, that would not be for me. And, luckily my husband is on the same page.

PS -- Check out the February contest on the home page of MotherhoodLater.com. It features a cool bracelet, courtesy of http://www.peachandplum.com/. They are a New York-based, online boutique for high-end designer children's clothing.