"Talking Terrier"...and Other Conversations - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

 I’ve had my dog, Max, for over 13 years. When you’ve known anything that long, you can pretty much “read their mind.” Max and I have our own ways of communicating. His moans, whines, woofs and barks all mean something different. My son is constantly asking me, “Mommy? What is Maxi saying?” I will tell him what I assume Maxi wants. My son will then ask, “How do you know what he wants?” I tell him that I’m “Talking Terrier,” (Maxi is a Terrier breed). My son has been constantly intrigued.

From age eight months until approximately four years ago, my son and I took American Sign Language (ASL) classes together. We unfortunately stopped taking (ASL) classes due to scheduling difficulties. Up until then, though, we were both getting more proficient in communicating with each other via sign language. In fact, starting next school year, my son’s school is offering American Sign Language as an option to take in learning a second language. I’m enrolling him in the class immediately. Especially with all of his reading and writing issues. It can only help him with his communication skills later in life, if necessary.

Somewhat incidentally, my son has both remembered and has been asking me how to sign various things in American Sign Language lately. I like this for a variety of reasons. My son has Auditory Processing Disorder. One of the fundamental techniques in helping those with this disorder is eye contact. Coincidentally, one of the key actions needed to communicate using ASL is to engage in eye contact when signing. ASL forces eye contact so that the person you are signing to can interpret what you are saying. My son needs to engage in eye contact more, even when speaking verbally. If he gets in the habit of engaging in eye contact, whether via ASL or verbal communication, it will ultimately stimulate his neurochemical imbalance to “reorganize” itself. His verbal communication is guaranteed to improve.

Another “type” of communication has also emerged throughout this past year with my son. My son seems to have matured exponentially. I can almost visualize the hormonal surges washing over his brain. We have had so many mature conversations; I sometimes have to tone down what I say so that my choice of vocabulary is not completely “over his head.” His thought process is mind-boggling. And I don’t think it is because he is a smart kid. I think it has to do with other factors.

One of those is that my son is an only child. Only children are unique in that they spend a large part of their time either communicating with or listening to adult conversations. This helps them develop more sophisticated vocabulary and converse in a more mature way. One example I have is that I referred to my son as “tenacious,” and told him that it meant that he doesn’t give up. He keeps on working until something is finished. He has continued to remember that word and it’s meaning from months ago.

Another example was when he was at karate this past week. The word of the week was “integrity.” Putting aside the fact that my son cannot read the word integrity, I wanted him to try to understand what the word meant and to internalize it. I asked him if he knew what the word “integrity” meant. He said, “I have to go ask Sensei.” His Sensei gave him a watered-down version of the real definition. The Sensei said that it meant to be honest. He is correct, but “integrity” is much more than that and way more complex. While my son was questioning what his Sensei’s definition was, I took out my iPhone dictionary App and looked up the actual definition. The actual definition is:

Integrity: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty

Yeah...try explaining that to an almost 8 year-old. So when my son came back from speaking with his Sensei, and said me that “integrity” meant “honesty,” I told him that his Sensei was correct, but that the true definition meant much, much more. I explained that it means being the best person you can possibly be, both to yourself and with others, and that honesty was an important part of that. We drove home having this whole discussion about all of the times he felt he displayed integrity. I swore I felt like I was having a conversation with an “almost adult.” You practically have to shake the cobwebs out of your head to grasp the complexity of these conversations sometimes.

I know my son is bright, but I am also aware that there are other influences in school that he has picked up in his learning. He relates well to his teachers and tutors because they are adults. And I very often speak to my son as an “almost adult.” He is used to engaging in more mature conversations. Part of me, though, wishes he would just slow down and talk about “kid stuff” with me. I feel as if he is rushing himself through his youth. Then, again, I, as an only child, never felt “out of place” speaking maturely with other adults. My difficulty was relating to my peers. That was mostly due to the fact that my parents never went out of their way to socialize me with other children. I was somewhat sequestered. I enrolled my son in Mommy and Me classes as early as 3 months old most likely because of that! I was determined to make sure those classes helped to socialize him! And helped it has! My son has been taking age appropriate classes, continuously, of his choice, throughout all of these years. I surmise that coupled with his extraordinary social nature, this kid has absolutely no fear of socializing with his peers! I truly think he has the best of both worlds. Although he still needs a little practice “Talking Terrier!” But that will come with time...I’d give it another year!

Mother and Child Reunion - by Cara

There seems to be somewhat of an epidemic going on. And I love it!

Even before Robin took her son on a “Mommy and Son” vacation - just the two of them - I had been mulling over taking my own son, by myself, on a vacation at the end of this summer. Since Robin took her trip, I’ve learned that there are quite a few parents following this trend!

The very first Mom I heard of doing this was a friend who’s son was 5.

They went to Hawaii, of all places, last summer! My friend had just gotten laid off from her job, her son was off from school, and her husband stayed home to manage construction that would have had to have been delayed until the Fall, had no one been home during this time.

This friend and her son had a blast!! They went for 2 weeks, last July, and uploaded all of the exciting places they visited and things they did onto Facebook via my friend’s laptop! All of the Facebook friends were so jealous!! But her trip got me thinking. My husband could certainly use a vacation, I would have loved to get away, and my son would have had the time of his life, no matter where we went!

Well, plans were never made. Tension between my husband and I was mounting. And our son was going through a lot of testing over the summer for various learning issues. A vacation was just not meant to come to fruition last year.

Then, during the winter, my son saw a commercial for the Atlantis Resort in the Bahamas! We had gone on a cruise a couple years ago and the Bahamas was one of the ports we visited. Spending a day at the beautiful Atlantis Resort was one of the excursions we chose to go on. My husband and son wanted to “swim with the dolphins,” so while they interacted with the dolphins, I took pictures!

This resort was so wonderful! It is upscale, but child-friendly, with such an assortment of things to do! This got me thinking again. Maybe for the week between summer camp ending and school starting, I could take my son to this resort!! I haven’t made plans yet, because I am actually going there by myself in a few weeks. But I plan on checking out the resort for all types of kid-friendly things to do! If it looks as kid-friendly as it seems, this may be our “Mommy and Son” destination stop! However, I digress.

Next, Robin went with her son to Asheville and loved it so much she wishes she were there right now! Her description on her blog sounded so exciting! I wanted to go there myself! And she said she bonded with her son so much while they were away, as did my friend who went to Hawaii! I really want that experience with my son too!

Now, just a few days ago, I learned that another friend is taking her 7 year old daughter to 5 days at Disney in Orlando, once school ends in June. Then they will follow that up with 5 days on a Disney Cruise!!

Wow!! Now I am investigating the Disney cruise as a possibility because my son adored going on the 2 cruises we went on when we were a family, and he adores the Disney characters!! So that is another potentiality!

I also listen to a parenting podcast where one of the co-hosts took her eldest son (age 7) to Florida to visit relatives and (of course) visit Disney. And when I injured my rib a couple weeks ago, my female doctor said that she took her son (who I understand, loves to ski!) on a trip, somewhere out west, during Spring Recess, to go skiing! Just the two of them! And she raved about the bond that was created between she and her son, even more than the skiing itself!

So I am making plans for my son and I to go somewhere fun, exciting, and a place where we can make our own memories and bond like crazy!! After this immensely difficult year, I think we both need to get away and have fun! Most importantly, I want my son to know how important these experiences are, and I want him to look back in years to come and have warm memories of our Mommy and Me” time spent together! You can bet that I certainly will!!

How Does Your Garden Grow -- by Cara Meyers

Back in May, my son’s school had a Plant Sale to raise money for the PTA. I offered to volunteer at the Plant Sale that day to not only help with the sale, but to also be there when my son’s class came to buy plants. I wanted to help guide him towards plants I knew would grow well in our garden, especially considering that the amount of sunlight in certain parts of the garden was pretty minimal at best.

I took him to the shade loving plants. No interest. I took him to the flats of impatiens and petunias and suggested we plant them in containers in the sunnier parts of our yard. He barely gazed at the beautiful flowers. He was on a mission. He wanted to buy a vegetable plant. A specific vegetable plant. A tomato plant.

My heart sank. How would we be able to grow a vegetable plant that required quite a bit of sunlight in a garden that was almost pure shade? No amount of reasoning would do. He HAD to buy that tomato plant! I relented and let him buy the tomato plant. And a cucumber plant too. My heart was hurting for him knowing he would be so disappointed when his plants didn’t fair well in our shady garden. But he was beaming! He was going to grow tomatoes! And cucumbers! He could hardly contain himself! He couldn’t wait to come home from school to plant them!
I was despondent. This little boy planted his tomato and cucumber plants all by himself using a plastic sand shovel. He lugged the watering can full of water to the plants, making sure not to “drown” them. My heart was heavy knowing that his plants would most likely not make it. I would be surprised if they grew much at all.

Then came an unusually cold and extremely wet June. My son kept checking on his plants. They were not growing much. He would talk to them and water them (even though it had been raining practically every day!). He kept asking me how long it would take to get the tomatoes to grow and the cucumbers to appear. I didn’t have an answer other than, “Let’s wait and see. As the weather gets warmer, maybe the plants will grow some more.” But I wasn’t hopeful. Even the impatiens and petunias I bought and planted myself looked “leggy” and waterlogged. My heart was hurting for my little boy.

We had pretty much forgotten about the vegetable plants until a big storm blew a large tree branch onto my son’s tomato plant last week. I couldn’t believe my eyes! This plant was not a plant anymore, it was a huge bush! And once my husband and I staked it up, we saw about a dozen bright red, cherry tomatoes! I wanted to jump up and down! My son would be so delighted when he came home from camp!

When he arrived home, I walked him over to the tomato “bush.” He saw the tomatoes and ran to get a container to collect them! He delicately picked all the ripe ones in the front, but in trying to reach the ones in the back, I had to move a cucumber leaf. There, staring up at us was this beautiful, perfect green cucumber, ready to be picked! I was astonished! Under the worst conditions, the vegetables still grew! And all my son could say was, “See Mommy! They grew! You just have to know how to take care of them!” It made me think of how well I was faring as a parent. Even under some of the worst conditions, my child thrives. Even when I least expect it, he flourishes. All I could think of was how true he was...how true he was!

Mom Meltdown

I had a total mom meltdown yesterday.

I feel like I'm 48 going on 8.

My son had a playdate here. It was supposed to be at a friend's house, but plans got changed last minute, and they wound up at our house. It was the second playdate with this particular friend, and I wanted to be a good host. This was a drop-off, and the mom was going to hang with me a bit when she came to pick her up after two hours.

I have to confess. Playdates here are often not fun for me. On one level, I love seeing kids playing happily and creatively. On another level, when it becomes a "playdate gone wild," I ultimately crack. Not during the playdate, but afterwards, when I have to do battle with my son to do clean-up. That's when "mommy maid" emerges and I get completely fed up. And, yesterday, I really lost it.

We are planning to gut our basement in the few months and redo the whole thing, complete with a play room area, etc. But, until then, our living room (we don't have a den), has taken on a life of its own with Seth's many toys piled up in nooks 'n crannies. I wouldn't mind so much, except that many have teeny tiny pieces which are in a huge disaray, so they basically look like a pile of junk, and Seth treats them that way.

On top of it, in the last week, he's lost three things. A toy spy kit. Belt. And stuffed musical dog we gave him for Valentine's Day. Amazingly we did find them all....but I'm tired of playing scavenger hunt for his things.

I've broached the subject of "patience" with members of motherhoodlater.com at get togethers we've had. I truly feel I have less patience as a 40 something mom. I told my husband when he came home from work yesterday that I "need to get out of here!!" And, I meant it...but it's easier said than done. I could have jumped on a plane that moment....quickly packed a bag.....and flown off to...I don't know where...but someplace where I could just be Robin and put aside my mommy role temporarily.

Maybe I'm having a mid life crisis? Is this what they're like? I know I'm perimenopausal. With hormones in fluctuation, that's bound to affect one's moods. I get that. So, is that what this is? Or maybe it was just a particularly challenging playdate and I'll get over it? I am entitled to have these moments.

I was speaking with a close friend on the phone today who said that she's been in a funk of late...and it's not like her to say that. She's one of the most upbeat people I know.

Could it be Mercury Retrograde perhaps? Some kind of misalignment with the stars? Hmmmm....something in the air?

Today I felt somewhat better. In my fit of fury last night, Seth & I dumped some of this toys...three garbage bags full...and that was therapeutic for me....and good for him as well. Toy clutter leads to a total lack of appreciation, and he can't focus or even decide what to play with.

This afternoon, we went to a playspace with two other mom friends and their sons. I didn't love it....the music was blaring.....it was pricey for what it was.....and the seating wasn't comfortable or so readily available. But, Seth had fun. In the end, that's what counts.

It does get to be hard sometimes as a mom compromising your own comfort, etc. for the sake of your child. I fully realize that this is what moms do...but it doesn't mean it's easy. We just rise to the occasion.

Monday, Seth will be back in school (he was off this whole week), and I'll be in his classroom. I was invited to make an appearance as an author and to share my experiences writing books. I'm looking forward to that. It reminds me of how at a very young age, I aspired to be a writer, and would actually create my own kids books, complete with illustrations. I plan to bring in some as a show 'n tell. And, then I'm hosting a little party in his classroom since his 6th birthday is Tuesday.

Time flies. Six already. Wow! And, as my friend reminded me today after I shared my exasperating playdate experience, he won't be little forever. And, the day will come before I blink my eyes, where he's going out with his friends, with no mommy-in-tow.....and I might then miss these mommy 'n me outings.

Time will tell.

Do you feel you're a patient mom? Have you had a mommy meltdown, and how did it feel?

Mommy Cliques

I was speaking with a mom friend the other day who commented on how she felt like she was back in high school, and I fully understood. Here we are, two "later" moms in our 40s, feeling like we're 16 again, wanting to be liked. Holding on to old/existing/close friendships, yet yearning to connect with other moms in our local area for playdates, lunch, etc.

We've got many years experience on the work and personal front behind us, yet now we feel like we're backpedaling in the mom friendship department.

What is that about? Has that happened to you?

Case in point....

I was at McDonald's earlier this week with Seth. We are far from regulars there, but he was craving a Happy Meal toy and loves playing in their climbing maze.

We went there for lunch, and after eating, I parked myself on a bench in the outdoor area while Seth befriended some other children and ran around, having a great time. I had brought with me a supply of magazines and my Blackberry, so I could stay plugged in to emails (yes...I'm obsessed) and catch up on some reading.

Two moms entered the play area, one of whom I knew from the neighborhood. Our children had both gone to the same nursery school, and we've had some casual encounters since at local parks. She said "hi" and proceeded to look around for a place to sit with her friend, when there were two seats on the bench beside me. For the moment, it felt as if she ideally wanted to sit somewhere else, but since other seats weren't available, she opted to join me. She was polite enough and introduced me to her friend, but my instinct told me she wasn't looking for my company. I tried not to take it personally. Afterall, it wasn't our playdate. But, it made me very conscious of the notion of mom cliques, and how great it is to have a local, fellow mom buddy to pal around with and without the kids.

Another pair of moms came into the McDonald's play area with their kids, and after they were done, one said to the other, "I'll speak with you tomorrow."

I have to admit...I felt a pang of jealousy. While I don't want for friends, and have some close ones I treasure, many don't live near me, some are single, others work so aren't readily available, etc.

It takes a lot to be in sync with someone, and making new friends is never the easiest. Especially if you are seeking relationships with some level of depth, which I've always appreciated.

I just never expected to be thinking about this at this stage in my life.

Some of the moms I've met, I've noticed, who already have a mom social circle, have children older than Seth, so they've already had the opportunity to meet through school and other outlets. And, they may also have a close family, which makes a difference too.

My friend Debbie whose two kids are older than Seth tells me that it will get easier over time, as Seth chooses his own friends. And, perhaps I can get involved with the PTA. I'm certainly open to that option.

This is not to say that I haven't met any moms whose company I enjoy. I have. And certainly, starting MotherhoodLater.com has helped. But, it takes time to cement real friendships. I would welcome more of that into my life....for both Seth and me.

My Mommy Briefcase

I originally posted this on the Working Woman blog but thought it would be fun to have here as well!

When I was single, I used to have those embarrassing moments when I'd reach into my overstuffed purse for a pen during a client meeting and out comes a slew of tampons. Now that I'm a mommy, the fallout tends to be diapers and sippy cup. Not as embarrassing but still not so professional. I've been feeling like I need a Mommy Briefcase.


Okay, I'm using the term "Mommy Briefcase" loosely. I don't know about you, but I'm not really one to carry a briefcase. I'm more into the "everything bag," a canvas or nylon sack where I just toss everything into it. Not very professional. So I decided to find an attractive bag that I could carry to client meetings that didn't look like a bag lady's accessory.


I found a great compartmentalized bag from SkipHop that could also serve the dual purpose of professional looking purse and stand-in diaper bag so I wouldn't have to carry my bag and a diaper bag whenever I had baby in tow.

The bag is great, however, I somehow manage to overstuff it just the same - the only difference now is that everything is stuffed into its own compartment.

So what do I have in my Mommy Bag? Let's see...

1. Several pens - you can never have too many pens

2. Spiral notebook - to take notes at client meetings

3. Wallet - overstuffed, mind you

4. Envelope of coupons - I hated forgetting my coupons every time I went to the store

5. Digital camera - never know when baby is going to do something cute

6. Two cell phones - one for long distance calls, one for local (don't ask)

7. Terralina lotion - my new favorite lotion, unscented

8. Bobbie Brown lip color - a lovely neutral brown shade

9. Two spare diapers - in their own compartment, mind you

10. Baggie of diaper wipes

11. Pacifier

12. Two small plastic giraffes

13. Sippy cup with water

14. Baggie with Puffins cereal

15. Rubber duck

16. Anti bacterial spray

What's in YOUR Mommy Bag?

A Life of His Own

We went to an Open House at Seth's pre-K last night, and I always find myself feeling very sentimental when I go to his school. It's like I become that much more aware of the life that Seth has outside of me and his home. His new teacher spoke highly of him, and others in the school commented on how he proudly walks into the classroom wearing his favorite firetruck polo shirt. And, how he's always smiling. And, how much he grew in height from last year....since he went to the same school.

He's becoming his own little person, and I can see a greater level of maturity in him. He's not a baby anymore (though he'll always be my little guy), and he's already made his first classmate friend. He came home with a note in his school bag recently from the teacher. It said that Seth has become friends with a boy named Nathan, and that perhaps we'd like to do a playdate after school. I was given the name/number of his mother. We spoke, and got the boys together. It was so cute to see them engage in their own dialogue, even as it relates to school...an experience that we don't share with them.

I think back to the Mommy & Me class days...and I feel like a broken record when I say this...but time truly does goes fast. While a part of me misses when Seth was little and could fit in my arms, there is a lot to be said for observing his evolution. I feel so priviledged to witness the growth of his life and to be able to make whatever contributions I can toward his development. Parenthood really is a special role, and I can see how parents look back when their children are grown and comment that their kid(s) are the best thing they ever did.