Respect - by Robin

I was driving through town tonight, and traffic was particularly horrific on the main road.

Why?  I couldn't figure it out, and I wanted to get home...to be there to receive Seth from camp when he got dropped off by the bus.

We had survived the tornado that shockingly hit us last week and wreaked havoc, including many, like myself, losing power.   I was so very grateful when we regained our power after two nights of sleeping without A/C, lights, television, computers...not to mention having to throw out food.

So, the traffic today wasn't due to that.  The storm mayhem in town was resolved.

Today, a man driving in front of me, gave me the finger twice when I beeped him once for stopping short  to talk to someone.  That was after he made a really quick and crazy u-turn in front of me.  I'm guessing that perhaps he was lost...but did he have to give me the finger...and twice?!

I drove a short distance behind him after that (had no choice), and when he came upon a parking lot he planned to turn in to, he deliberately stopped and sat in his car ..looking at me through his rearview mirror...as if to say "screw you.  I'm going to make you wait here now."

I ignored him.  I refused to play into his obnoxious game.  This was so beyond the situation at hand.  This was a driver looking to take his frustration out on someone.  And, I wasn't going to be the one. 

Eventually he turned into the lot, and I went on my way.  I must admit, I was mildly shaken up by the incident.  Here I was basically minding my own business, and because I beeped him, he went off on a rampage.  It made me acutely aware of the fact that there are people in this world who are just plain jerks, and we have no control over their behavior.  But, we can control how we react to it.

I found myself wondering...what is his story?  Is he married or single?  Is he a father?  If so, what kind of role model is he for his child?  Does he unleash his anger on him?

And, I found myself thinking...did he realize who he gave the finger?  I know there was no reason for me to take it personally, but did it occur to him that I'm a nice person?!  Of course not...that was irrelevant at the time.

And, what about the fact that I'm a mom?  There is a car seat visible in my car...though my son wasn't in it at the moment. But, what if he was?  Would this man still have exhibited such behavior?  Doesn't the mere fact that someone is a mother command some level of respect?  Their child needs them to be there to love them.  Their child needs them to be safe and not preyed upon by rude people with a vendetta agenda.

Did this driver feel better afterwards?

Should I have laughed when he stopped in front of me?  Or was it best to ignore it?

All that said, it raised my consciousness of teaching goodness and respect to our children.  I've always felt this is important, but today's incident pushed my buttons, and it really rang home.

I would never want my son to behave that way  to another person.  Even if it were justified, what does rudeness get you in the end?

Children should be taught respect.  Respect for their parents.  Respect for elders.  Respect for others children.  Respect for animals.  Respect for authority figures.  And so on.

We may not always agree with people, but it doesn't mean they aren't worthy of respect at the end of the day. 

I will do my best to impart this lesson to Seth.  And, as he grows up, while he may at times get his buttons pushed, as I did, hopefully he'll learn to channel his reaction so that he doesn't add fuel to the fire.  Drivers like the man I encountered are living in the heat of the moment, and one day, he may just come up against someone like himself, and it won't be a pretty picture.

I can't shelter Seth from having experiences like this of his own, but in my heart, I do hope that my child will find the world a mostly welcoming place.  It pains me to think that he will have fights and challenges along the way as he develops, but that is inevitable.  It's all part of the growth process.

For now, I'm going to snuggle in bed with him, and be grateful that I don't encounter people like this on a daily basis, and that I was able to shrug it off in favor of focusing on the positive, supportive people I have in my life who I am immensely grateful for.

PS -- Last week, due to the power outage, I was unable to blog.

INTRODUCING JAMIE LEVINE, NEW MOM BLOGGER FOR MOTHERHOODLATER.COM

A Single Mother by Choice (Sort of…) -- by Jamie Levine

I’m a single mother by choice. Though “by choice” isn’t quite an accurate description of my lifestyle. Yes, I chose to have a child on my own. But I didn’t exactly choose to raise a child without a husband by my side. Circumstances steered me that way.

My parents have been married for over 50 years. My dad is a great father, husband, and simply, a mensch: A caring, generous, affectionate, thoughtful guy—the kind of man I’d like to marry. And the type of guy I always pictured fathering my child(ren). However, after years and years (and years!) of serial dating, all I ever seemed to meet was Mr. Wrong: Commitmentphobes whom I tried (unsuccessfully!) to reform, commitment-minded men who bored me to tears, and even men who were good fathers already. (As in…they were finished having children.) I never found my own Mr. Right. So, as I grew older, I decided to take action…and, at the age of 36, I “chose” to begin my path to single-mom-hood. I decided to do things backwards: Become a mom first and a wife second. Since I do still hope to be married someday.

“Choosing” to be a single mother does have its perks. I don’t ever have to fight with anyone about child-rearing issues. Heck, even my daughter’s name was all my idea—and I didn’t need to run it by anyone else. I also don’t have to worry about taking care of anyone but Jayda and myself. There’s no one else to make dinner for, do laundry for, or clean up after. (And no one else to apologize to about my messes…or my lousy dinners!) Finally, when I do meet a man whom I want to date, he doesn’t have to worry about my “unresolved issues” with my ex—or any contact we might have as a result of sharing time with my daughter. There is no ex.

But of course, there’s also no doting dad for my little girl to look up to. And while a part of me is saddened when I think of Jayda growing up without a father like I had, I know she’s more loved than a lot of kids. She’s also fortunate to have other wonderful men in her life who adore her—uncles, friends, neighbors, and most importantly, my father. And for now, that’s enough.

Jamie Levine is an accomplished children’s book/gift buyer and online marketer, as well as a certified life coach. Currently, she is a freelance writer and consultant, as a means to spend more time with her greatest gift—her 26-month-old daughter, Jayda. Jamie hopes to find a way to permanently work without much commuting before she turns 40 in February! She and Jayda live on Long Island, NY.