Mentor by Robin Gorman Newman

I'm out of sorts this week.

A mentor who I highly respected and cared for passed away unexpectedly.  He was a huge supporter of my writing and a real cheerleader for my career.  Not only was I shocked, but so sad.  Tears came pouring out.  He was a mensch of a guy, true professional and talent, and a teddy bear in the best sense of the word.  I grieve for him, feel for his family, and understand all the more the twists 'n turns and fragility of life.

On his Facebook page, there is an outpouring of love and kind words.  Clearly this was a man who touched many lives, and I want to do him proud by continuing enthusiastically to work on projects he encouraged me to pursue. He would want that.

My son never saw me cry so much (he wasn't alive when my mother passed away), and he rose to the occasion admirably this week.  He sat in my lap, gave me a big hug and brought a box of tissues, as I explained why I was so shaken and what this man meant to me and so many.

It made me aware of the notion of having a mentor and being a role model.

I am grateful to have had him in my life, and I'm now wondering who will provide that to my son as the years go by?

I want to be a positive role model for him, but I know there will be skills and pursuits that are important to him that he'll seek out, and I won't be the one to teach him.  Someone else, we have yet to identify, or more than one person, will fill those shoes.  And, it's BIG shoes to fill.  Inspiring a young mind...or for that matter....a mind of any age....is such an admirable task.  You have the ability to help someone fulfill their dreams, and to know that you did good in the world.  What could be more gratifying?!

I'm all about helping people, and I do it becasue it feels good.  I don't expect any payback.  In return, I receive gratification.  I'd like my son to feel the same way and to appreciate those who live by that creed. 

There's a lot to be said for helping others.  And, isn't that what good teachers do?  They share their acquired expertise and training and mold impressionable minds.  As adults, we might also call them mentors, though I guess that's more a one-on-one relationship.I Googled the word, and this is a definition I turned up.....A mentor facilitates personal and professional growth in an individual by sharing the knowledge and insights that have been learned through the years.

I hope for my son that as he matures, he is lucky enough to find himself in the company of a mentor or two who will help him travel along his chosen path.  Given that I'm a midlife mother, I know my son will spend a good portion of his adult life holding the memory of me in his heart, and I keep the faith that he will surround himself with good people who he can teach, and others he can learn from.

We're never too young or old to be inspired and to seek out people who can help us think out of the box, put aside self doubt, make discoveries, achieve things we might not have thought possible, and empower us to be the best we can be, both for our own benefit and that of the world at large.

Midlife Mothering And Learning by the Bell Curve By Cyma Shapiro

A funny thing has happened to me during the past few weeks. I’ve made awarenesses that I know are designed to teach me fundamental truths about my life. They look like this:

I’m a very driven person. I know what I like and I go after it; in most cases I get it. Mothering after 45 is one example; and in that case, I was certain I knew what life would be like after that. I was wrong. In fact, I was dead wrong. It has been like this for many other things that have followed: the advent of my next child at age 48; my belief that our friends and social circles would stay the same after children; the belief that it’s possible to become a mother and maintain the same friends, job, house, husband and, most importantly, the rhythm of your previous life.  Let’s see…I believed that my women’s project – examining the underlying beliefs and reasons for choosing motherhood over 40 – would flourish in a particular manner, in a particular timeframe.  It has been successful, but not in the manner I expected.  In reflecting on this all, I now also remember some of my previous beliefs - that the biological clock was mere hyperbole – that one was, perhaps, a tad bit unrealistic. My most recent belief?  That menopause would somehow overlook me.  And, now this - that my launching another blog site for midlife mothers would also allow me to continue writing for MotherhoodLater.  It will not.

While many of you might have seen some of these changes coming, no one is more surprised than me. And, I keep being surprised. I also keep thinking that I have it all in check; that life will turn out the way I expect it to, but, in fact, it doesn’t. Nearly ever. “Expectations,” my husband always says to me, “You have too many expectations.” But in the moment, nothing seems out of my grasp and everything seems doable and easily attainable for my life.  How very wrong I often am.

So here I am at a really sad juncture. MotherhoodLater Founder, Robin, allowed me my voice again; gave me latitude for pursuing my thoughts, goals and dreams. And I took the bull by the horn and went for it all. And, in getting most of it, I now need to let go – of Robin, and of MotherhoodLater. 

This is tough.  Despite the corniness of this, it really does feel like the child leaving her mother; the school-girl going to high school; the young adult getting married. For everything that moves forward, something (or someone) nearly always gets left behind. And, now it’s my dear friend, Robin.

Oh, I’ve no doubt we’ll remain good friends, but that mentoring relationship; that nurturing under the wing so-to-speak is gone. Now, I’m on a ledge alone, much like I imagine she already is.

So, here I go into the unknown. Two more weeks on this site, but I’ve already started saying my “good-byes.” Growing up is SO hard to do…