Missing My Dad by Robin Gorman Newman

I miss my dad, but he's still here.

He's 93, G-d bless him, and I'm grateful for every day he's in our lives.  But, I miss what he was.

Every phone conversation we have or get together is peppered with discussion of how he feels, which is never good.  It's always something.

Back in April he had yet another abdominal surgery which landed him yet again in rehab.  I had hoped that would bring his health matters to a halt at least for some time.  I was wrong.  Shortly thereafter, he complained about his vision and learned that he has the start of cataracts which he is now itching to take care of. 

Earlier this week, he had a Ct scan to check up on the abdominial surgery had had because he still feels some discomfort.

It's very difficult.

He has a good friend, Bob, who used to get getting together with us.  The three of us would have lunch, and he'd tell stories and make us both laugh.  He's not laughing much these days.  He's having difficulty walking and is spending more 'n more time at his son's place.  Really, he shouldn't be living alone anymore.

Thankfully my dad has a live-in aide, which gives both him and me peace of mind.

But, it's sad.

I miss what my dad used to be.  And, there are days when I wish for a second he would "fake" it.  I'd just once love to hear from him that "things are fine....he feels ok."  But, I don't anticipate that will ever happen.  It's also partly in my father's nature to focus on himself...often to the point of obsession.  He likes to share and talk about his "stuff," for better or worse, whereas someone else might want to spare their child the daily details of their chronic ailments.

As an older mom, this all gets me thinking.

When I have a day that I might feel less than patient with my father, I turn my mind toward wondering how I will be as an old woman.  It's a bit hard for me, I must admit, to fathom that, G-d willing, I will be a senior one day.  I certainly hope I'll reach that point and beyond...so I can see my son mature as the years go by.  But, I also hope that I won't grow into a cranky post menopausal woman who my son will cringe to call because he hangs up depressed, as I sometimes do, after speaking to my father.

It's not his intent to leave me in that state, but I often find I have to "rebound," so to speak, to pull myself out of the funk that results from our conversation.

Sometimes I wonder if he might feel better if he tried to take an upbeat tact.  Isn't there something to be said for mind over matter and the power of positive thinking?!  

As later in life moms, some of us have a high conscious of mortality.  I don't so much view it that way.  I more strive to be as happy and fulfilled a person as possible, and hope that I may carry a positive outlook into old age.  I'd hate for my son to miss me even while I'm still alive.  I might not have the energey I did as a 40-something mom, but I'll never lose the twinkle in my eye I have for Seth, and hope that he'll, long after I'm gone, remember the days when I referred to him as "my little buddy" and he called me his "mommy girl." 

Gust Blog Post: Top Ten All Natural Menopause Solutions by Drs. Lovera and David Miller

Every day six thousand U.S. women have their final menstrual period. The permanent pausing of menstruation is termed menopause. It signals the end of fertility and the beginning of what we refer to as the UpSide. The average age of natural menopause is 51, plus or minus 10 years. Perimenopausal symptoms may begin ten years before menopause. The inordinate focus on menopause and hot flashes loses sight of the fact that menopause is linked with the onset of serious health matters such as cardiovascular disease, depression, osteoporosis, diminished sexual satisfaction, weight gain, and dementia. In a similar vein, there is often too much attention on cutting-edge prescription hormone therapy and on the myriad of OTC health food store miracle-products for menopause at the expense of self-directed solutions. Wife and husband physician authors Lovera Wolf Miller, MD and David C. Miller, MD are NAMS Certified Menopause Practitioners and their new book, WOMENOPAUSE: STOP PAUSING AND START LIVING, recommends controlling the symptoms of menopause by following the top ten all-natural tips as the bedrock of a menopause makeover.

1. Exercise like your life depended upon it. Thirty minutes daily is a good starting point. Exercise allays a multitude of menopausal problems. Exercise reduces the frequency and severity of hot flashes. It helps mood better than Prozac. It improves sleep better than Ambien. It improves sex better than KY. It provides more energy than a Starbucks double-tall-skinny-latte. Feel free to mix it up: walking, yoga, resistance training, biking, anything that gets you sweaty and tired.

2. Weigh less and live more. Notice that weight loss is not included in the exercise category because exercise does not really work for weight loss. Consuming fewer uncompensated calories is what results in weight loss. Even small changes over a period of time can make for good results. Over-weight women suffer from more hot flashes. Weigh yourself regularly and write it down. Shoot for a Body Mass Index (BMI) of 25 or less. Weighing less reduces the risks for cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and cancer. Looking great and having a better self-image are an added bonus.

3. Shape your waist. There is something particularly dangerous about belly fat (the internal visceral fat), which deserves special attention. A waist greater than 35 inches (measured just above the belly button) is predictive of a condition termed the Metabolic Syndrome. It is a constellation of physiological problems that undermine the health of the cardiovascular system leading to heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, and premature death. The fat around the waist is often very stubborn, but it can be reduced just like an artist makes a sculpture by chipping away little bits of stone day after day.

4. Eat only real food. Real food does not have a label on it. Real food has no marketing slogans or clip-out coupons. We can probably eat as much of it as we want. Real food reduces the risks of dying from heart attacks and strokes, the top two causes of death for American women. Real food containing protein, complex carbs, unsaturated fat, and fiber are less dense in calories than typical fast food-snack food-junk food. For maximum benefit, eat real food with real sized portions with real people having a real conversation, not while watching a “reality show”. It almost goes without saying; avoid putting any known toxin into your mouth (cigarettes, illicit drugs, excessive alcohol, and caffeine).

5. Eat menopause-busting super foods. Vitamin E may reduce bothersome hot flashes and occurs naturally in nuts, wheat germ, whole grains, vegetable oil, vegetables, and seeds. Vitamin C may reduce diabetes and breast cancer and can be found in citrus fruits, green vegetables, and tomatoes. Fish oils improve PMS, cardiac health, vaginal health, and help prevent dementia. It can be found, no joke, in fish. Flax seed oils are a reasonable alternative. Calcium helps prevent osteoporosis and is abundant in low fat milk, yogurt, and cheese. Vitamin D is important also in bone metabolism but also in many other cellular functions, and it may reduce, among other things, breast cancer and vaginal infections. The body makes vitamin D naturally through sun exposure to the skin, so go outside everyday for a walk. Other real foods contain nutrients that assist women with menopausal problems and make great choices for calorie intake reduction at the same time: broccoli, spinach, Brussels sprouts, tomatoes, low fat cottage cheese, egg whites, and water. Follow the link for a delicious recipe for Lovee’s Hot Flash Patties: http://www.womenopauseinteractive.com/Site/Blog/Blog.html

6. Rehabilitate your sleep schedule. In spite of what you may have heard, adult women need 7-8 hours of sleep. Start by removing the computer and TV from the bedroom. Take control of your sleep environment. Expose yourself to bright light first thing in the morning and dim-down the lights in the evening. Save the bed for sleep and sex. Avoid all caffeinated beverages after 12 o’clock noon. Milk, yogurt, peanuts, and cheese encourage a good night’s rest.

7. Mind your mood. Find your way by helping someone else find theirs. Intentionally seeking rewarding opportunities may require some effort. Garlic, cauliflower, and celery contain vitamin B6 that improves the mood matters. For persistent problems get professional advice.
8. Reclaim your sex life. Vaginal dryness of menopause may cause discomfort during intercourse and may undermine a relationship in complicated ways. Vaginal dryness improves with daily olive oil application. Talk to your partner about sex. Reduce any barriers that have built up over time. Feel free to be the romantic one and set the stage.

9. Train your brain to relax. Deep breathing, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, meditation, and prayer coax away the near perpetual stress response and promote health. There is no such thing as physical well-being in the absence of mental and spiritual well-being.

10. Say no to abuse. Five million acts of violence occur in the US each year resulting in substantial physical and emotional health consequences. Explore your options and find safety. Seek professional advice.


Dr. Lovera Wolf Miller received a B.A. with honors in biology from Andrews University, Berrien Springs, Michigan and an M.D. from Loma Linda University School of Medicine, Loma Linda, California. After completion of a residency in Obstetrics and Gynecology at Glendale Adventist Medical Center, Glendale, California; she became board certified and a fellow of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology (F.A.C.O.G.). She went on to become qualified by the North American Menopause Society and is a NAMS Certified Menopause Practitioner (N.C.M.P.). Dr. Lovera Wolf Miller currently is president of health 4 her, a private medical practice focused on women’s midlife health and gynecology.  She lectures on topics related to menopause and healthy lifestyles, and she serves as a medical coordinator for Haitian Support Ministries.

Dr. David C. Miller received a B.A. in English from Purdue University, West Lafayette, Indiana and a M.A. in physiology from University of California, Riverside, California. After doctoral work in neurophysiology at the Brain Research Institute, U.C.L.A., Los Angeles, California; he received an M.D. from Loma Linda University School of Medicine, Loma Linda, California. He completed a residency in anesthesiology at the University of Iowa, Iowa City, Iowa and obtained board certification by the American Society of Anesthesiologists, American Academy of Pain Medicine (D.A.B.P.M.), Fellow of Interventional Pain (F.I.P.P., D.A.B.I.P.P.). He also became certified as a NAMS certified menopause practitioner (N.C.M.P.).  Dr. David C. Miller is currently the medical director of Woodland Pain Center and serves as a medical coordinator for Haitian Support Ministries. 

Lovera and David met at a piano recital in the 5th grade. They have been married for 36 years and have two daughters.

Midlife Mothering And Learning by the Bell Curve By Cyma Shapiro

A funny thing has happened to me during the past few weeks. I’ve made awarenesses that I know are designed to teach me fundamental truths about my life. They look like this:

I’m a very driven person. I know what I like and I go after it; in most cases I get it. Mothering after 45 is one example; and in that case, I was certain I knew what life would be like after that. I was wrong. In fact, I was dead wrong. It has been like this for many other things that have followed: the advent of my next child at age 48; my belief that our friends and social circles would stay the same after children; the belief that it’s possible to become a mother and maintain the same friends, job, house, husband and, most importantly, the rhythm of your previous life.  Let’s see…I believed that my women’s project – examining the underlying beliefs and reasons for choosing motherhood over 40 – would flourish in a particular manner, in a particular timeframe.  It has been successful, but not in the manner I expected.  In reflecting on this all, I now also remember some of my previous beliefs - that the biological clock was mere hyperbole – that one was, perhaps, a tad bit unrealistic. My most recent belief?  That menopause would somehow overlook me.  And, now this - that my launching another blog site for midlife mothers would also allow me to continue writing for MotherhoodLater.  It will not.

While many of you might have seen some of these changes coming, no one is more surprised than me. And, I keep being surprised. I also keep thinking that I have it all in check; that life will turn out the way I expect it to, but, in fact, it doesn’t. Nearly ever. “Expectations,” my husband always says to me, “You have too many expectations.” But in the moment, nothing seems out of my grasp and everything seems doable and easily attainable for my life.  How very wrong I often am.

So here I am at a really sad juncture. MotherhoodLater Founder, Robin, allowed me my voice again; gave me latitude for pursuing my thoughts, goals and dreams. And I took the bull by the horn and went for it all. And, in getting most of it, I now need to let go – of Robin, and of MotherhoodLater. 

This is tough.  Despite the corniness of this, it really does feel like the child leaving her mother; the school-girl going to high school; the young adult getting married. For everything that moves forward, something (or someone) nearly always gets left behind. And, now it’s my dear friend, Robin.

Oh, I’ve no doubt we’ll remain good friends, but that mentoring relationship; that nurturing under the wing so-to-speak is gone. Now, I’m on a ledge alone, much like I imagine she already is.

So, here I go into the unknown. Two more weeks on this site, but I’ve already started saying my “good-byes.” Growing up is SO hard to do…

Rockin' Hormones by Robin Gorman Newman

Can you be a rockin' later mom when your hormones are rockin'?

I feel like I'm seriously being tested in that department of late.

At the risk of getting overly personal, my menstrual cycle this month is seemingly never-ending.  Just when I think it's stopping, it kicks in again. I've experienced this before, but this time, I'm really feeling the effects.  Odd in the head.  Bouts of fatigue.  Tearfulness.  Restless sleeping.

I have a call into my integrative doctor to explore full bloodwork, including hormone testing.  It's been a few years since I've had them checked. 

I know I'm in perimenopause, but I have found that with every decade, things change, and it can be hard to keep up.  When I turned 40, I felt different.  And, now that I'm 50, and actually today is my half birthday, so 50.5, I don't totally know myself.

It's frustrating.  I've been pouring through classic books by Dr. John R. Lee and Dr. Christiane Northrup, both of whom I hugely respect.  I've always been a fan of natural supplements.  But, this hormone stuff is complicated. And, a little part of me is wondering if it is hormones, or something I else?!......(I'm good at getting myself nervous.)

I've always been inclined to let the body do what is natural, and presume things will take their course and hopefully all settle down. But, if it were that easy, then why is there always so much controversial talk about hormone replacement?

Celebs like Suzanne Somers have written on the subject and taken strong stands. And, seem to be making a living off the subject.  Hormones are big business!

I know there's no one way to go.  And, I'm curious to see what my holistic MD in NYC (Dr. Fred Pescatore, who has written for our MotherhoodLater.com Baby Bloomer newsletter) has to say.  I totally trust him.I'm not looking for hormone replacement.  I just want to feel good again.  It's that simple, yet nothing is simple about it.

Knowing that my hormones can also make me somewhat emotionally unbalanced as well as physically, I have to work extra hard to have patience with my son and things in general.  At times like this, being a later in life mom with a young child can be particularly challenging.

I have friends who are already in menopause, and they have shared their experiences.  But, it's different for everyone.  And, my beloved mom has passed away, so I don't have her to discuss it with.  My sister, who is two years younger than me, is already done with her menstrual cycle.  So, no point in comparing myself to her.

I don't want to sound like a broken record with my husband either.  When he calls me from work to check in and asks how things are, I yearn to say great.  But, it's not how I feel.  And, he knows I'm frustrated. 
The other night, Piers Morgan, who took over the slot vacated recently by Larry King on CNN, had on four former television stars.  Linda Evans.  Angie Dickinson.  Stefanie Powers.  And  Nichelle Nichols (of Star Trek fame).  Each was a bombshell in her heyday, and is now in the aged actress arena.  They were talking about having carved careers for themselves where beauty played a role, and what it's like to look in the mirror today.  It felt painful to me.  While they put on brave, unflinching (potentially botoxed, etc.) faces, I had to imagine it can't be easy.

It all comes down to one of my favorite expressions..."it's not easy being a woman," and add aging to that.

All the more reason that us later moms have to stick together.  Share. Laugh. Offer support.  Discuss your hormones.  Let it all hang out. We"get" it.

Are you in perimenopause?  How does it make you feel, and do you do anything about it?

If you're in menopause, did you find the transition challenging?

Cyma Shapiro Chats with Julie Metz, author of Perfection

Q: You have become easily identified with your bestseller, Perfection— a story about love, betrayal, and finding oneself. However, many readers are unaware that you are also nearly classified as a new midlife mother, having conceived in your late 30’s. How does your age factor into your story?

A: Age is a factor in my story. When my mother gave birth to me in 1959, she was considered an older mother at age 30. I had my daughter at 37. When my husband died I was 43, and the mother of a six year old. To start over as an older parent at 43 was one of the many challenges I faced.

Q: You’ve said your current household is full of “girl power”—one woman in menopause and one teen on the cusp of life changes. This is a new trend, reflecting the complexities that are emerging from new midlife motherhood.  What are your feelings about this phenomenon? How has this forced you to reexamine your own life?

A: I am mindful of this situation every day. I recall having difficulties as an adolescent with my own mother because she seemed “out of touch,” though in fact we were closer in age than I am to my own daughter. I struggle to stay current, whether it involves mastering new technology or understanding social trends so that I can stay connected to my daughter’s life. The truth is that I often feel exhausted and clueless.

Q): With the emergence of new midlife mothers, do you think traditional societal expectations are slowly dissolving? That is, do you think a relaxation of family structures will eradicate many traditional norms within our lifetime?

A: Our own family looks conventional enough from the outside: man, woman, child, but we have different last names. Our goal as parents is to provide support for our young adult while fostering her growing independence. But for now we choose to do this without some of the traditional formal labels. Around me I see many divorced women and single mothers struggling with similar challenges. Personally I don’t think formal labels mean as much to kids as what’s really going on. So I try not to worry too much about traditional labels. 

Q: As a midlife mother, what do you have to offer now, that you would not have had during your younger years?

A: I like to think I am smarter, but mostly I think I am better able to accept the idea that I am imperfect. 

Q: If you had to live your life over, again, would you have chosen this same path?

A: While I often wish I had the energy of myself at 25, I have no regrets. I love the child I have so much, so there is nothing I’d want to change.

Q: We say that this zeitgeist is a result of breakthroughs in medical technology; socio-economic freedoms for women and a relaxation of traditional norms -- all converging on our generation. Given these new opportunities, will you educate your child differently than you were educated by your mother?

A: I would love my daughter to take time to find her true calling before having children. My mother led by example and I don’t know that I would take a different approach. My hope is that coming generations of women and men will help create a society that is more open to working mothers. And I hope my daughter will be able to make career and mothering choices that will suit her life and talents.

Q: Finally, do you have any advice for new midlife mothers? 

A: Make time to keep yourself healthy and fit, so you can keep up with your kids!

Julie Metz is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Perfection, which was a 2009 Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers Selection. The recipient of a MacDowell fellowship, her work has appeared in publications including The New York Times, Publishers Weekly, Glamour, Hemispheres, and websites such as Wowowow.com (The Women on the Web), Family.com, and the story site mrbellersneighborhood.com. 

A Project Born of Love, Gratitude and Nurturing by Cyma Shapiro

The first leg of (the three-year journey of) my new older mothers project is nearly completed.  It is titled NURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers and it features the words and photos of 25 (out of 50) new older mothers from across the country. In November, it will open as a traveling art gallery show. I hope it will close as a book.

These women subjects, ranging in age from 41 to 68, and coming from a variety of faiths, occupations, races, and circumstances represent nearly every conceivable family unit.  Their determination, willpower and perseverance to get/have/obtain their children is the common denominator in the show, and reflects the amazing desire of many women to both mother and/or procreate.  The convergence of these two aspects has birthed the very appropriate title: NURTURE.

Although my original intention was to gather a collection of iconoclastic (life) stories, it has become so much more: a project about gratitude, right intention, connection and giving back.  The project reflects truths, honesty and the sheer grit of being a mother.  It is a study into new older motherhood, compassion, nurturing and the overriding power of love. 

 In short, this entire experience has changed me. I expect it has changed the lives of some of these women who in voicing their “truths” have helped heal themselves,  and will hopefully help countless others. I started this project filled with many questions for others; it turns out that all along I was just looking for me. 

My project was intended to delve into the following questions:  Why did you do this now?  Would you do it again? How do you feel about new older motherhood?  Why do you think this group is rapidly increasing in numbers?  How do you think society views you?

I learned that most new older mothers never expect their lives to turn out this way. Many of us are just grappling with the reality of daily existence – whether it involves struggling with menopause while raising young children; parenting two generations; experiencing midlife in a differing way than our own parents did; or readjusting our own expectations of what we expect middle age to be. To add to the mix is society’s view of all of this…………………….

While we’re just plain living, to others we’re pioneering spirits forging a new path and creating a new road for future generations of women. While all mothers often say, “Huh?” in response to their rapidly and unexpectedly changing lives, many of us as older moms say the same thing, only we really mean: How did this get this way, what do we do now, where do we find comfort and nurturing and solace? The most important question, which is a constant reminder in our daily lives, is: How will we cram what used to be 40 or 50 years of living (with our children) into 20 or 30? For us, there really is a goalpost, a discernible ending to our great journey – much greater now than in our early adult years. For us, living can only be in the moment, right here and right now.

For us, too, the lessons we impart to our children have that much more importance for us, and maybe more intensity to them. For us, life isn’t to be wasted, but to be savored. Not that other people don’t think this way. But for many of us who pursued this aspect of our accelerating lives with a vengeance, defying age, circumstances and in some cases, gravity, this is our very foundation.  This, too, is what defines us and sometimes separates us in relation to the entire spectrum of mothers. So, to all of the midlife mothers around the world, I celebrate you, embrace you and welcome you into this new existence.  I’ve welcomed me, too. 

I Wanna, Wanna, Wanna - by Cyma

I want to have a baby. The problem is that I’m over 50, am in that “time,” have two young children and two older stepchildren. I have, as they fondly say, a “full plate.”

But, something has stirred in me so deeply that I can’t just ignore it. In fact, it isn’t going away. My desire is even greater than it was 10 years ago when my husband and I tried, and tried, and tried to have children. Something is different. Unlike in previous years, when a pregnant woman entered a room, or walked by me, I now care. In fact, something stirs inside my belly and my eyes linger longer than I’d like on her protruding belly. I feel like I’m missing something. I don’t want to save it for the next lifetime. I want to have it all, now.

This is really unusual for me. Ten years ago, I may have wanted my own children, but I think that my own and my husband’s ambivalence made for a circuitous dance where the man and woman not only don’t touch, but they fail to even make much eye contact. What I mean is, when the sperm saw the egg, I think they fled in various directions, sometimes coming very, very, very close to tango-ing, but, instead, doing the herky-jerky. I say this now with humor. I refused to contemplate or truly investigate this then. We both believe that all things happen for a reason. We believe that God gives us what we need and can handle. We said that it just didn’t happen, and that was the end.

So, what’s happening now?
Working on my three- year project, a book about new mothers over 40, has helped instill in me a sense of confidence I never dreamed I’d possess. Add this to the complete and utter surprise of being not only a new older mom, but a good new older mom, and I’m almost haughty with confidence. I mean, I spent a lifetime believing that I was truly incapable of even being a mom; I always believed I was simply damaged goods. I didn’t want to hand this trait right over to my progeny; I certainly didn’t want people to see what a failure I presumed I’d be.

So, here we are.
My shaman/teacher/psychic says that I’m pregnant with hope; blossoming into my own. She’s also referencing my impending menopause as a benchmark for starting over. I believe that starting over won’t be after the fact, but what I do before the “after the fact” happens. You know what I mean.

Completing my project - surrounding myself with women of all ages who followed their hearts, their dreams and their passions - makes this topic harder to deal with. The old norms aren’t the new norms anymore. And, even for me – a traditionalist at heart - I often fail to see my iconoclastic ways (two generations of children; my youngest coming at age 48) as pushing the envelope, helping other women recognize that age is no longer a barrier to reaching for and catching hold of your dreams - whatever they are.

What I do know is that I always tried to be like everyone else. I really, really tried. And, in trying, I missed my footing, my desires and my dreams. I was lost. Now, playing catch up, I’m not sure how to proceed - except to follow my heart. Stay tuned………………………..

Pop-Tarts and menopause

Ladies, can we talk? Okay it’s been 84 days since I got my period. And there is no way I could be pregnant because my husband, Tom, had the big V, when my third daughter Melanie, now 6, was just five months old. After having three in just under four years, I told him flat out, that’s it—I can’t have anymore kids and meant it, banishing him to another bedroom. All bets are off honey. Go away with that thing. And he ran like hell to the urologist’s office to get snipped thinking we’d have wild, passionate unprotected crazy sex like we used to…..or at least we thought or Jeez could’ve sworn we did…once.

Now, I’m hormonal, bloated, breaking out with acne, crying and just plain nasty some days. I’m 42. There’s been no warning of this coming, yet. I haven’t had any hot flashes. Although I’m very dizzy sometimes to the point that I can’t even watch my kids go on a Merry-Go-Round let alone go on any rides with them at all. I’m an earth bound mother. I can’t even turn around in the mini-van when Tom’s driving to answer a question or hand them juice. I get that dizzy.

So I buy a pregnancy kit. Because I've heard all those urban legends about vasectomies...it can get reconnected somehow; someone knew someone after 10 years they had a child...Tom sits on the bed waiting, while I do what the instructions tell me to do in the bathroom. I’m cranky. I thought I’d never have to buy one of these kits again in my life. I fuss with the thing, put the cap back on and wait.

I open the door from the bathroom and look at my husband. And I see, in his eagerness to hear the news, I can’t believe it and blink twice. There it is—a giant Cheshire grin as wide as the parting of the Red Sea spreading across his face. He’s HAPPY. He wants another child. Number four!!! He’s acting goofy with a twinkle in his eye I haven’t seen since the hospital when he cradled each newborn in his arms. And this makes me…MAD. Because I just got my life back.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my children all three crazy kids that run through my house, screaming, fighting and gluing things onto the refrigerator. I adore it. Wouldn’t have it any other way, except for those stickers on my hardwood floors that I can’t scrape off. I’m blessed, but I just came up for air. I began to have full length conversations with my friends again while out to lunch. Shoot, we actually GO OUT to lunch! Our family’s sleeping through the night just about every night. I am absolutely no good without sleep-as all moms are. I can’t be pregnant. I can’t do it, again.

We wait. The line was negative—thank god.
Tom’s sad but I realized, he was more puffed up and proud at the thought, although cut off for five years, that maybe his boys, or just that one miraculous rebel golden seed, broke the boundary, escaped and found its way to glory.

Me, still bloated cranky and irritating to everyone within a 2 mile radius of me, scheduled a doctor’s appointment to see what’s up. Then I ate four Pop-Tarts at once and cried at a sappy commercial.

Help. Any advice?