GUEST BLOG POST: Flying High: Transitioning from the Corporate World to Baby in Coach by David Couper

One moment you are being a leader, leading meetings and leading the herd onto the plane as the privileged frequent flier and the next you are bring up a baby, meeting with no-one and you are leading your toddler – no dragging your toddler - down into the back of the plane and into coach as your career morphs into motherhood.

What happened?

Motherhood and your executive career collided! So how can you transition from a high-powered job, or actually any job, and to a role as mom?

1. Accept it’s going to be different
Any change is going to be different. If you were an executive, manager or working in a team, it will be different now you have a child. You can’t just work late, go on a business trip, or plan to work over the weekend even if you have great childcare, great family and great organization at home. You’re going to need to check if that’s OK and not being able to make an immediate decision will probably be different. But this change doesn’t need to be good or bad unless you choose to see it that way. Yes you may not be able to do that European trip or worse you may not even be asked now you have junior around. But in exchange you get time to spend with your family, avoid those security lines and the meetings with your boring counterparts that you never liked anyway! It’s different and you get to choose how you feel about it.

2. Work out your long-term strategy
Obviously you are planning what your work and home life looks like. Obviously? Well for some people it’s obvious. For others it may not be. But it’s good to work out how much time you want to spend at home once you have a child, or whether you want to or need to work fulltime, or if you intend to change direction or careers with the new family. Work out how to balance your new life and how you are going to finance it. Will you get a nanny or will grandma help out? Will you be at home 24/7 or will baby be at daycare during work hours? Plan out your first five years at least. The first five years takes you to kindergarten. The next ten to fifteen takes you through education and out of college. It’s worth thinking about those too and making some decisions.

3. Decide what you are going to give up and what you are going to take on
One of the hardest things to do is to accept that you can’t do everything. OK superstars give the impression they can be career woman, mother of ten, Nobel peace prize winner and able to make perfect brownies at the drop of a hat. But usually it’s with a team of hire-priced helpers. You can try and do 110% for your job and 110% for you family and you will probably find yourself going 110% crazy. For example, immaculate clothes are the sign of a high-powered executive. Ones with a throw-up stain are the sign of someone who is caring for a little one. You can make a pact that you will always be turned out perfectly and go ballistic the one time you aren’t or decide to never pick up your child in your business attire and let the au pair do it instead or just accept that your Prada may get poop on it. Life is not always going to be perfect and you decide to be OK with it.

4. Partner on the plan
As you work out your strategy and what is going to change you need to partner. Partner with your partner or spouse, your family or childcare providers and your co-workers and boss. It is better to be open and discuss possibilities rather than keep it to yourself. Your boss will not like surprises and if you don’t discuss your future he or she will make up something, which could be worse than the truth. Ensure your boss and co-workers that you can make the job work but also discuss any changes you will need to make to your schedule or on work expectations. Also do the same with your family and friends. Be honest; ask for help and set expectations. For example, you will still want to see your friends but the expensive lunches you used to have won’t work with junior around but a potluck at your home will.

5. Monitor and check in
As you go through this great adventure you need to check and see how the plan is going and what is working and what is not. The important part of this monitoring is to see if you need to do any course corrections. You may find that your mom loves looking after your baby for a couple of hours and is willing to do it twice a week instead of the once she does now. Or you may find that staying at home full time is driving you nuts and you need more adult company! Either way it’s OK to revise and change your plan.

Becoming a mother is a huge step made even bigger if you are trying to balance work. But it can be done. Just be realistic and don’t try to be superwoman (or mom).

At age 46, David Couper and his partner adopted a baby boy. Their son, Teddy, is now four years old. David is an author and career coach with many professional women and mothers as clients. His latest book: “Outsiders On The Inside: Creating a Winning Career…Even When You Don’t Fit In!” came out in August 2010.  Visit http://www.davidcoupercoach.com/.

The Best of Me -- by Liimu

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, or even in the wee hours of the early morning, filled with anxiety. It could be anxiety about a client I’m having a hard time managing. It could be anxiety about family dysfunction that turned up a series of nasty e-mails in my Inbox the night before. It could be anxiety about that extra slice of pizza I ate for last night’s dinner that will probably show up on the scale, yet again, or as a new pimple on my chin big enough for me to name. It’s stress, and on those days it’s getting the best of me.

It permeates my entire night and day, coloring my interactions with my family. If it’s work stress, I might check my BlackBerry while playing on the local playground with my children instead of being with them, pushing them on the swings or sliding down the slide, recapturing my own youth. If I’m stressed out about my eating, I might not be as affectionate with my husband, opting to leave the lights off this time rather than throw caution to the wind.

What I am coming to realize is that I don’t want stress to get the best of me. I don’t want work my clients, no matter how much they might pay me, to get the best of me. I don’t want food or dieting or an obsession with having the perfect body get the best of me in a world where the celebrities who define physical perfection pay tens of thousands of dollars to achieve it. What I am slowly realizing is that I want the best of me to be defined by me and reserved for me and those that I love. I want my husband to get the best of me, I want my children to get the best of me. I want to get the best of me.

What (or who) is getting the best of you today?

Stroller Envy -- by Gina

Hi, my name is Gina Schlagel, and I'm a 41-year old mom with a 3 1/2 year old daughter named Gianna. I am new to the Motherhood Later bloggers, and this is my very first blog. Hope to connect with many of you MLTS Moms in the coming weeks by sharing stories/thoughts I am hoping others can relate to. I welcome your feedback!

It was a couple of days after last week's snowstorm. I was looking for the always rare parking spot near work, and I had just found what I was convinced was the last one in the entire neighborhood. I debated about taking it, as it was a few blocks from my office (and Gianna's pre-school). I always pulled into the temporary drop-off spot at the school, walked her in, then came back out to find a spot on the street. Given the scarcity of parking due to the snow, I figured I would break from the normal routine and grab the spot, even if it meant we'd have a long walk in the drizzly rain.

"Gianna, we're going to walk a little, today, OK?" I was answered with a whiny, "Awww, why?" "Well, Mommy has to grab this spot before it's gone..." No answer. "I know, wanna ride in the stroller!" "Yay," she cried. I figured it would sound like fun to her - we rarely used the stroller anymore and had actually never used it on the typically short walk from the car to the school. Besides, how resourceful can you get - I could walk faster strolling her rather than walking her, I could pull the stroller canopy up over her to keep the drizzly rain off her... this is great, I thought. Why haven't I been doing this all along?

We walked along, but something just didn't feel right. I realized that pushing a stroller while dressed in a suit and heels just felt... well, funny. Silly, almost. I felt almost self-conscious - what if one of my colleagues sees me? Would they too think it looked a bit...well.. out of place? I quickly dismissed the thought as we rounded the corner, thinking, "Oh, who cares what anyone thinks!" As we entered the daycare, I stopped, gleefully announcing to Gianna, "We're here! Time to hop out!" She froze. "But... not HERE!!??", she yelled. What? What's the matter? I saw her gaze land on the open door of her classroom. "They're gonna SEEEEE me! Like the BABIES!" I realized she was mortified at the thought of her classmates seeing her get out of (gasp!) a stroller just like the ones the babies ride in. As I comforted her, "Honey, don't worry, no one is looking at you. Here, get out here, then." I clumsily pushed the stroller back out of the double doors so she could make her stealthy exit outside the building, ensuring no jeering glances from her fellow pre-schoolers. We then walked in calmly as we did every day, no sign of the offending stroller in sight (parked temporarily in the hallway.) I kissed her goodbye as I did every day, and as she went off into class, I now turned my attention to getting the stroller (did I mention it is neon orange?) into the elevator with me up to my office without being spotted by those sneaky kids. I made it into the elevator unseen, entered my floor, strolled down the hall to my office (quickly), and "hid" good ol' Peg Perego in the corner of my office. Whew! I made it.

I felt sorry for Gianna - knowing that she was already, at her young age, worried about what other people thought. At the same time, I was a bit impressed that she picked up on what the norms for her age are and that her peers are indeed judging each other even at three and four. It got me thinking: at what point do our children start worrying about what their peers think of them?

My thoughts then turned selfish...I guess this means no more stroller? I began to mourn the loss of my own freedom...plop her in the stroller and get my errands done, do my mall shopping... were those days over? How will I survive? Who's going to carry all those heavy packages I stuff into the bottom basket, and my heavy handbag I sling over the handles? She was so safe and secure in there, too; now I have to worry about her slipping out of my grasp and running off. And so came the bittersweet acceptance that yes, indeed, my "baby" had outgrown the stroller, both physically and mentally. I, however, was the only only who had not.

Only time will tell if that was definitely our last carefree stroller ride. Maybe I can squeeze a few more long walks out of it in the coming weeks, for old time's sake. I will miss it, not just for the convenience and habit, but more for all it represented: my only child's fleeting "babyhood." Where did the last 3 1/2 years go? And what will the next hold? I am excited to find out as Gianna and I continue to "grow up" together...as I return to the world of full-time, corporate office work, and she readies herself for preschool and soon Pre-K.

What Kind of Mom Am I? by Jamie Levine

I was a stay-at-home mom once – if you count the 3 ½ months I was on maternity leave. I was also a full-time working/commuting-to-the-city mom – for about 16 months after that. And right now? I’m not sure what I am. After my beloved children’s book buying job of 10 years was eliminated back in January, I started freelance writing and consulting to pay the bills. In the past few months, I’ve also picked up some coaching clients (I’m a certified life coach). And I’m always networking. Always looking for more work and/or another full-time job, while trying to decide “what to do with my life.” It’s pretty time-consuming figuring out how to support my daughter long-term, by myself. Thus, as I often joke, I’m the busiest unemployed person I know!

When I first lost my job, my immediate reaction was to keep my daughter in her daycare – but for shorter hours – because I didn’t want to “disrupt” her life. She loves it there and well, I love having the time to get my work done without worrying about her. But now, over six months later, it sometimes feels strange. Mind you, Jayda and I have plenty of “extra” time together now that I’m no longer commuting. She’s up at 5 a.m. (and so am I, by default) and I don’t drop her off at daycare until 8. That’s a lot of quality morning time! And when I pick her up at 4 p.m., we still have hours together to do things, eat dinner at the same time, and enjoy a lot of unrushed book-reading and cuddling before bed. I give Jayda plenty of attention, and we’re closer than ever. But I sometimes feel guilty for not keeping her at home with me all the time. I mean, it’s not like I have an office to go to every day.

The truth is, I don’t want to be a stay-at-home mom! I love my daughter…truly adore her. But being with her 24/7 drives me nuts! Especially when we’re just staying home or running errands. She’s a wonderful kid…but she is a toddler. A very intelligent, inquisitive, attention-needing, at-times-tantrum-throwing toddler. That’s why I keep us so active when she IS home with me (on weekends, holidays, etc.). I fill up our calendar as far in advance as I can, and run myself ragged going places and doing things with Jayda when we’re together. Because being at home alone with my daughter – and staying idle – makes me crazy.

Of course, financially, I’m not always sure Jayda’s time in daycare makes sense for us. Lately, I’ve been wondering if I should shorten her hours a bit more. But if I bring her in later in the morning, I lose my much-needed before-work gym time. And that’s what keeps me sane. And if I pick her up earlier, it cuts into her outdoor playtime with her friends. Also very important.

Am I being a spendthrift? Or worse – selfish? And what kind of mother can I label myself as now, anyway? I no longer truly identify with my full-time working-long-hours mommy friends…but I’m also not a stay-at-home mom, filling my days with play dates and Mommy & Me classes.

However, I do love our routine. I have just enough Jayda-time and just enough Jamie-time. And while Jayda’s face always lights up when I arrive to take her home from daycare, it does take us 15 minutes or more to get out of there. She’s too busy hugging all her friends, saying goodbye to her teachers, and simply, not wanting to leave. So, for now, I guess I’m just Jayda’s mom…a woman who’s trying to find her way professionally, working to stay healthy and sane, and most of all, is devoted to keeping her daughter happy and thriving. And I suppose that’s a pretty good kind of mom to be.

I Survived Projectile Vomiting

(originally appeared on WorkIt Mom Entrepreneur Mom blog)

Had to republish this here because it was a monumental, rite-of-passage motherhood experience for me!


I Survived Projectile Vomiting

Not my projectile vomiting, but baby's.

I think I've just entered a new level of work-at-home motherhood. If you told me a few years back that my workday would be interrupted by a baby throwing up all day long, I would have thought you were crazy. Little did I know.

Yesterday was a day like any other weekday - babysitter arrived on time, I settled in to work. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. Baby had just thrown up her breakfast.

Quick gear shift from work mode into mommy mode.

Was it something I fed her? Were those grapes going bad? Did I give her too many grapes last night? I don't know why I focused in on the grapes as the culprit, but that was my first thought. We wiped her off, changed her shirt, I comforted her for a while, then went back to the other room to work.

Knock knock. She threw up again. All over. This time, a bath was in order. We ran a bath and put her in. I made sure the babysitter was okay watching her as baby played contentedly in the tub, then went back to work.

Right after she was clean, dry and dressed, baby threw up again. By then I was in the middle of attending an online panel that I was covering for an online publication. So much for work. Baby was in need. Gear shift. Getting priorities straight.

We changed her clothes again, and I called the pediatrician. Yes, there is a stomach bug going around. Vomiting for a day then diarrhea for a day. Oh boy. My 17-month old daughter must have caught a stomach bug at the fitness club play center a few days ago.

I closed my laptop and spent the rest of the afternoon sitting with her, catching the vomit in towels, holding her, watching Elmo with her (thank God for Elmo, the new toddler pacifier), and changing her clothes and even bathing her a second time.

She couldn't keep anything down - not Pedialyte, not water, not any part of the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, toast). In face, her biggest throw up was after a little applesauce.

I was able to get her to nap for about an hour in the late afternoon and squeezed in a few work tasks in between worrying that baby was going to vomit in her sleep and choke to death.

Later that evening, she was asking for "Feff," her word for "Food." I mixed some plain white rice with a little chicken broth (per the nurse's instructions), and she ate it and kept it down. The entire household sighed in relief. Then she drank half a bottle of water and kept it down.

Once she was asleep for the night, I squeezed in one more task for work then called it a day.

That was my workday the other day. How was yours?

My Mommy Briefcase

I originally posted this on the Working Woman blog but thought it would be fun to have here as well!

When I was single, I used to have those embarrassing moments when I'd reach into my overstuffed purse for a pen during a client meeting and out comes a slew of tampons. Now that I'm a mommy, the fallout tends to be diapers and sippy cup. Not as embarrassing but still not so professional. I've been feeling like I need a Mommy Briefcase.


Okay, I'm using the term "Mommy Briefcase" loosely. I don't know about you, but I'm not really one to carry a briefcase. I'm more into the "everything bag," a canvas or nylon sack where I just toss everything into it. Not very professional. So I decided to find an attractive bag that I could carry to client meetings that didn't look like a bag lady's accessory.


I found a great compartmentalized bag from SkipHop that could also serve the dual purpose of professional looking purse and stand-in diaper bag so I wouldn't have to carry my bag and a diaper bag whenever I had baby in tow.

The bag is great, however, I somehow manage to overstuff it just the same - the only difference now is that everything is stuffed into its own compartment.

So what do I have in my Mommy Bag? Let's see...

1. Several pens - you can never have too many pens

2. Spiral notebook - to take notes at client meetings

3. Wallet - overstuffed, mind you

4. Envelope of coupons - I hated forgetting my coupons every time I went to the store

5. Digital camera - never know when baby is going to do something cute

6. Two cell phones - one for long distance calls, one for local (don't ask)

7. Terralina lotion - my new favorite lotion, unscented

8. Bobbie Brown lip color - a lovely neutral brown shade

9. Two spare diapers - in their own compartment, mind you

10. Baggie of diaper wipes

11. Pacifier

12. Two small plastic giraffes

13. Sippy cup with water

14. Baggie with Puffins cereal

15. Rubber duck

16. Anti bacterial spray

What's in YOUR Mommy Bag?