Gratitude, the Internet and One-Half Year to Mother’s Day by Cyma Shapiro

My shaman and I are working on my keeping gratitude – living with it as a daily, inherent practice; praying or meditating frequently; keeping the glass ‘half-full’ rather than seeing the glass as ‘half empty.’ For me, the basis for this is to maintain myself as a woman and as a midlife mother. However, in order to do so I must stay grounded, humble and full of gratitude and grace. Some days I can barely breathe.  I must remind myself often of what is most important.

 When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.  --Sam Lefkowitz

As many of you remember, I wrote about this subject nearly six months ago. In “Gratitude is a Nine Letter Word,” I began with this:  “For many years in my yoga classes (pre-children), I had trouble finding the ‘gratitude’ that the teachers requested of us, especially during our parting word, “Namaste” (meaning: the light/spirit in me acknowledges the light/spirit in you).  While I knew that it was necessary to acknowledge the goodness in my life; the people who had sustained me; the loves I had found; and the joys that I experienced, the truth was that I was always just surviving the day only to run home and find solace and peace in the solitude of my home, alone. The truth was that I was rarely happy.

I ended that blog with this:  “Although my childrearing years have come at a later age than most, and there are certainly days that I ponder and sometimes grieve the truth of that, I am now nearly always hopeful about myself, my life and the lifetime of potential for my children.  Having gratitude provides a constant stream of strength and power which I draw from daily in my quest for a good, compassionate and life-affirming existence. I pray often and constantly give thanks. I am now just grateful to be alive, AND to have my children.”

Nearly daily I seek to reinforce my gratitude in a variety of ways. Today, I found it on the Internet – a place I seem to be residing in, lately; a place which is having a profound impact on me. While searching for Gratitude websites, I stumbled on these: gratitudephotoblog; gratitudebook; gratitudelog; barbaraquinnyearofgratitude;  gratefulness.org;  Opgratitude and the mother of all  of these - the Gratitude Directory. NetworkedBlogs showed me even more: Once a Millionaire’s Daughter; Attitude of Gratitude; Following Your Joy; Gratitude Blog; Still Life With Noise; Without Fear; Gratitude with Attitude; the Power of Gratitude. But, I hadn’t found what I was seeking….

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy - because we will always want to have something else or something more. -Brother David Steindl-Rast

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving .-  Kahlil Gibran.

Then I stumbled on writer Bethany Saltman’s blog post, “Zen for Moms: Letting Your Life Teach You,” and I felt at home.  Here are some excerpts:

1) Let your life be a question

Instead of resigning yourself to everything you encounter—irritating people, sibling rivalry, exhaustion, jealous feelings, diarrhea—approach it all as a question, a puzzle that is worthy of your investigation. Assume you don’t know what’s going on, or the whole story. 

2) Move your awareness in, instead of out

This is simple, but first it’s important to become aware of awareness. When we get upset about anything, bring awareness to our bodies in whatever way we can muster: our racing heart, our streaming tears, clenched jaw. And when we feel happy, hungry, bored, again, move awareness back in. Relax the body. This doesn’t mean we get self-obsessed. It’s one of those great paradoxes and one of the central teachings of Zen: embodying ourselves is the only way to become truly available to everyone else, including our kids.

And, finally:

3) Cultivate gratitude

Easier on some days than others, I know. When kids are screaming, it’s raining out, you’re broke, you haven’t washed your hair in a week, and all you want to do is eat bread and butter. It’s tough to slow down the train of despair and get in touch with gratitude. But since so much of our agony stems from self-concern; if what we really want is to feel some relief, it’s helpful to get some perspective. Take a moment. Look around. Is everyone healthy? Are you able to feed your kids? Do you have a home?  Friends?  Chances are, you’ve got something pretty incredible to be grateful for. Take a deep breath and start over.

I’m breathing better now. The words envelope me; the thoughts resonate deeply. It’s ok to be me and more than ok to be a midlife mom. Six months to Mother’s Day.  I’m grateful and I’m smiling.

Next Week’s Blog: Teaching Gratitude to Our Children

Wash, yoga, and other daily signs by Cyma

I, and so many others, have been struck with the sincerity of and the messages sent by author and Zen Master Karen Maezen Miller. Her latest (book) incarnation: hand wash cold (care instructions for an ordinary life) has been publicized throughout the country and is stretching across the world. The message is simple: that everyday chores and routines can provide opportunities for self-examination; teach us about relationships and free us from our ego-driven lives. I like her words; I like this book. I like the simplicity of the message and the essence of it source.

Awhile back I wrote a blog about yoga, and how my daily, early-morning practice often provides me with clues to how my day might unfold. I’d like to examine this further, since I think that we always get clues to everything, all day long – if we take the time to just look. Did we neatly fold the day’s wash, or did we throw it on the floor? Did the nearby driver honk the horn at us for a good reason, or does this just reflect his state of mind? When we made dinner, did we just do that - that is, make dinner and not think about what we would do next or before or tomorrow, or later tonight? Did we have ‘words’ with our friends, family, neighbors which weren’t necessary? Everything reflects our framework and our present state of mind, if only we pay attention and look.

As I often write about being in the moment, many of the greatest teachings and most popular quotes revolve around just that: to be in the moment. Consider these quotes: “The more I give myself permission to live in the moment and enjoy it without feeling guilty, the better I feel about the quality of my work” - Wayne Dyer. “…the foundation for greatness is honoring the small things of the present moment, instead of pursuing the idea of greatness” – Eckert Tolle. The Koran, Bible, Torah and teachings of Buddha all speak about the power of now. It is at the heart of all Zen writings.

Whether it’s the Serenity Prayer, or any number of other written passages that catch your attention, consider posting them in highly visible areas around your home or your workplace. You might even put them on the dashboard of your car. Pay attention to things that you do or that happen to you. Is there a pattern here? A message that can be heard? Do we need to just stop and breathe?

At various times, I post various messages, signs or symbols around my house – all dedicated to getting my attention and helping me get it. I hope that this blog helps you slow down and get it, too.