My Tribute to Steve Jobs - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I opened my Apple MacBook laptop this morning, Oct 6, 2011, and was stunned speechless that there was a photo of Steve Jobs, creative genius behind all of Apple computer products, with 1955-2011 underneath his picture. I thought, my goodness! He was so young! What happened?

I called my husband, who is in the radio business and knows when a major disaster occurs before it even happens. He told me Jobs died of pancreatic cancer. The most aggressive and lethal cancer there is. I was shocked. 

As I am typing this blog on a two month old iPad 2, I recall bursting with joy just yesterday. I found out that first, iCloud, a satellite entity that will sync every Apple item you own, seamlessly, second by second, with complete wireless connection, coming out the following week! This meant that next week at this time, as I edit a blog on my iPad, the exact same blog will already be on my laptop, edited within seconds after I correct. No more syncing with cables, no more waiting for downloads. 100% wireless connection across every device I own. After spending an hour syncing my iPhone to my computer and my iPad to my computer, I was thanking Steve Jobs for this much awaited and anticipated creation. I thought to myself, this is the last time I have to waste a whole hour getting all of my electronic machinery in sync via cables.

I was equally amazed to learn that the much anticipated iPhone 5, renamed iPhone 4S, would be available to purchase two days later! I chose to bypass the original iPhone 4 after hearing about all of the glitches. Now that Steve Jobs has passed, I will be on my computer at midnight, pre-ordering the iPhone 4S which is scheduled to be released next week. I planned to purchase the iPhone 5/4S regardless. But the iPhone 4S is going to be legendary. I will be keeping it long after cell phones become the size of Bluetooth devices. This piece of equipment will be the last electronic wonder that Steve Jobs will have had his personal touch on. That alone carries an enormous amount of weight. Not only in the world of cellular phones, but among all computer related equipment and especially the computer economy.

I remember when I was first introduced to an Apple MacIntosh computer in the library of my graduate school, back in 1987. There sat a rather intriguing but ugly, beige box on another box, with a six inch by six inch hazy screen. I HAD to learn to use this device if I was to get my Master's thesis written on time! It was either this beige box or an electronic typewriter that had seen it's best day! With the help of some very patient and very knowledgeable classmates, I was slowly introduced to the world of Apple computers. In fact, my graduation present was a newer version of the ugly, beige box on a box! But slowly, I came to rely on this odd device more and more.

As I became more proficient at using my ugly beige box, I was also realizing that it was quickly becoming more and more obsolete. If I wanted to keep up with the fast pace world of software upgrades, I would need a new, more powerful computer. I was working at the time and was additionally expanding myself by enrolling in a second Master's program. Upgrading my computer was a necessity. So much so, that the big wide world of something called the "Internet" was fast approaching. Once the Internet entered my world, my computers needed to be upgraded just about every 2-3 years, and remains so to this day. The technology far outruns what the fastest computer can do even at this very moment. It is beyond awe inspiring. More importantly, it was being led by Steve Jobs and his genius behind Apple computers.

Several computer upgrades later, the iPhone was introduced. I HAD to have that crazy cool device! I couldn't afford the first generation of iPhone, but WAS able to afford it two generations later: The iPhone 3G! The very same phone I have to this day! The phone I use as my alarm clock, my calendar, my camera, my GPS, my train schedule, my e-mail device, my everything except drink my Starbucks lattes gadget! I used to take my old cell phones with me but would forget them in the car or in my pocketbook while the battery died. No other cell phone "called" to me the way my iPhone has. My husband was so fed up with me leaving my other random cell phones in inconvenient places that he made me swear that if he bought me an iPhone, I would carry it with me constantly. And carry it I did. So much so, that I found a way to use an old camera wrist band and wrap it through the cell phone case so that I could have it dangle off of my wrist and have it with me 24/7! The wrist holder is helpful, but that phone became more than my constant companion. In it is my life. And it always has been and always will be in my life. 

Next came the first generation iPad. For the life of me, I just couldn't figure out what the purpose of this big, bulky, version of an iPod Touch was. I thought Apple was losing it's mind. I realized, after sitting in doctor's offices, or waiting for my son's karate class to finish what a great tool it would be for me to use for my blogging! Right before the iPad 2 came out, I purchased a used (but found out from Apple that it was brand new), first generation iPad! I was hooked. I could start a blog while waiting for an appointment, e-mail it to myself, and finish it up on my much heavier laptop at home! Genius! Then came the vastly improved iPad 2 which allowed me to do so much more, include taking it on trips and Skyping with my son on my husband's computer 3000 miles away! And it weighed even less than my pocketbook!

I ended up giving my son my original iPad because there are so many educational Apps out now that I felt he would benefit from it. Just this morning, I watched him shake it and then point at various areas on it. I was intrigued as to what he was doing. He was playing Monopoly. When you shook the iPad, it would shake the dice so that the dice would roll. Just like playing the actual game. I said, "Bless You, Steve Jobs," to myself. Bless your incredibly creative mind and insight to come up with an entity that has literally "shaken up" the whole world!

Five and one-half hours until midnight. Let's just hope it's not Pacific Standard Time. 

Teaching Gratitude to Our Children by Cyma Shapiro

Last week I discussed gratitude and its place in my life.  With the holidays quickly arriving, I’d like to address gratitude in my children’s lives. For me, it’s one of the most important traits I can pass on to them. But, until recently, I just couldn’t find the best techniques for doing so. Another check on the Internet (of course!), and I now have some wonderful ideas to pass on to you.

In Carolyn Pennington’s “3 Steps to Teaching Gratitude in our Children,” Pennington outlines how parents need to model behavior they want their children to have. “A simple, sincere expression of gratitude when the kids do something they were asked to do is always appreciated. Taking an extra moment to thank a sales clerk at the store or to tip your gardener for really doing a great job lets them know that gratitude is a standard in your home...and you are always looking to reward those that demonstrate quality work with praise. We must be intentional with our parenting. We must actively look for opportunities to teach our children if we want to instill these important virtues into their lives.” 

Here are more of her suggestions:

1)  Offer Selfless Service. In our home, we eat a lot of fresh produce. Sometimes we over buy. Rather than letting the produce go to waste, we toss a salad or something similar together and my husband and son run it to the local food bank. They love receiving fresh produce because most of their donations come in the form of cans and boxes. Allowing your children to see how grateful the volunteer workers are as well as those eating there can really make an impact on your child's life.

2)  Try Going Without. From time to time, have a family project that involves going without something important. For example, try making bread for a week rather than buying it, or try biking to any destination less than two miles away. A little sacrifice causes us to miss things that we take for granted and helps us be a little more humble and grateful for the...car, or toy, or whatever. I find that the learning is more beneficial when this is done in a proactive way rather than a reactive way. For example if the child looses the privilege of a toy for disciplinary reasons...they child may not associate receiving the toy back with gratitude. He or she may learn the lesson that if I don't keep my room clean I lose the privilege of certain toys -a great lesson. Try "going without" as a proactive fun family adventure and be sure to express your gratitude for the usefulness of the items you went without!

3) Expect thanks, don't guilt thanks. "I work so hard every day for you, and I never hear a word of thanks." There is nothing wrong with encouraging a child to express gratitude or reminding them. In our home it is an expectation to say the simple words of "thank-you" for just about everything. But shaming children into saying it does not raise the vibration level of your home. They will feel bad about it, about you, about themselves...and probably resent you. Have expectations and allow your children to rise to the occasion. Invite them to say thank you. Tell them you appreciate their nice words and you will get more and more to be thankful for yourself!

Eliza Clark’s blog post on “On Shine from Yahoo” suggests the follow gratitude resolutions for the holiday season:

• To set an example of thankfulness for our kids - we’ll remember to thank them for all of the lovely little things they do.  Children like being thanked.  Some so much that they’ll still say you’re welcome” if you forget. 
• To make our thanks more than just pro forma  - telling people very specifically why we’re thankful makes them feel great.  This is something kids can learn to do too. 
• To get our kids in the habit of working on thank you notes - preschoolers can decorate notes with stickers, draw designs, scrawl their names, affix stamps, etc.  Giving thanks can be a beautiful thing! 
• To give our kids plenty of ways to help out around the house - this gives us more chances to thank them, and helps them comprehend a bit of what goes into all of the many things others do for them. 
• To get the children involved in some kind of goodwill project this month - we might sort toys, clothes and books to give to charity, or put together a package for a sick relative. 
• To express gratitude & amp; wonder for the big and little things – and to encourage our children, preferably at bedtime when they are snuggled under cozy covers, to tell us what they are most grateful for.

Carolyn Goode, founder of Parents International, unveils her list for teaching gratitude to teenagers (a life stage that I, for one, dread):

The first thing you have to do as a parent with an ungrateful teen is be clear.

One of the biggest factors contributing to the general lack of gratitude shown by teens these days is that they feel they "deserve" or are "entitled to" what they have or are given. As a parent it is your job to clarify the difference between rights and privileges. For example, you as a parent need to help your teen understand that while they have the right to be clothed, it is a privilege to have the name brand clothes, and sheer volume of clothes they have. This is just one simple example, there are many more. For example, it is their right to attend school, but it is a privilege to get to drive instead of ride the bus. One of the best ways to clarify the difference for your teen is to help them understand that they do not earn rights, but they need to earn privileges. Start making them earn it, and soon they will recognize the difference. It is when they receive too much for too little that they feel entitled.

The second thing you need to do is subtly help your teen more readily recognize their blessings.

If you want your teen to be more grateful you need to show them that they have a lot to be grateful for. If you sit them down and lecture them on how much they have to be grateful for, you can bet their mind will be on the things they don't have, or on their friends that have more, not on their blessings. However, if you take opportunity to discuss casually things like hurricane victims, or the homeless, your teen may start to see what they have. For example, at dinner you can casually start a conversation about the news story that indicated the number of homeless people found frozen to death after the first winter storm of the year. These dinner conversations will have a way of making your child more appreciative of your home than any sit down lecture where you tell them they need to be grateful. Hearing about and seeing people who do not have many privileges will help to make the distinction between their rights and privileges more obvious.

Third, you have to be the shining example of a grateful person.

If you want your teen to be someone who shows gratitude, be the role model. Show gratitude, recognize when it is shown to you, and be appreciative of opportunities for gratitude. It is important as we are a model of gratitude that we recognize and show gratitude to our teens, even if it is for something super small, like clearing their dishes after dinner. Show your teen, through example, to be grateful for the large and small gestures. It will rub off.

Lastly, do not expect too much too quickly.

Showing gratitude, and learning to be a grateful person is a process, and you need to recognize the steps your teen makes toward it, even if they are small, and do not get frustrated when they take a step back. Patience is key. Your teen will never learn if you blow your top when they mess up. While gratitude is a state of mind, and it takes a conscious choice to consider others and be more grateful, it is not something that you can change overnight in a selfish teen. So, be encouraging, and give them opportunities to be grateful, and eventually it will kick in.

Her conclusions: take each day to encourage your children to express gratitude; model thanks; establish family rituals involving daily thankfulness; volunteer; assign chores; write thank you notes; find your own gratitude.

Finally, excerpts from Laurie Meade’s “7 Easy Ways to Teach Your Children to be Grateful for What They Have:” 

• Set the right example: It is better if you teach them by using the appropriate words at the right time (i.e. Thank you).
• Teach it through role playing: You can play games with your children that implement the virtue of gratitude. Play the second chair and practice showing them how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unexpected “thank you.”
• Teach by showing them how to be of service to others; even simple things such as holding a door for an elderly person. You would be surprised how many times a simple gesture can occur in places like grocery stores, doctor’s offices or shopping trips.
• Make a list. An easy way to get them to make lists for what they are thankful for is to use “The Daily Gratitude Journal" software.
• Show them how to be thankful for the little things in life. Although most of us would not consider heat and light little things, they are the simple things that they don’t pay much attention to.  
• Teach them to see the good in someone they don’t like. 
• You can even use a negative experience to teach them the value of being grateful. As you go through your day, show them the wonderful events going on behind the scenes that we all most usually take for granted – things like the police, the firemen and the clerk at the grocery store.
  

I love the Internet. I love these tips. I love being grateful and teaching my kids those values that I hold so dear. Thank you, dear Internet, for helping me be more grateful. What methods do you use? I’d love to hear from you and gather even more tips…

Gratitude, the Internet and One-Half Year to Mother’s Day by Cyma Shapiro

My shaman and I are working on my keeping gratitude – living with it as a daily, inherent practice; praying or meditating frequently; keeping the glass ‘half-full’ rather than seeing the glass as ‘half empty.’ For me, the basis for this is to maintain myself as a woman and as a midlife mother. However, in order to do so I must stay grounded, humble and full of gratitude and grace. Some days I can barely breathe.  I must remind myself often of what is most important.

 When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.  --Sam Lefkowitz

As many of you remember, I wrote about this subject nearly six months ago. In “Gratitude is a Nine Letter Word,” I began with this:  “For many years in my yoga classes (pre-children), I had trouble finding the ‘gratitude’ that the teachers requested of us, especially during our parting word, “Namaste” (meaning: the light/spirit in me acknowledges the light/spirit in you).  While I knew that it was necessary to acknowledge the goodness in my life; the people who had sustained me; the loves I had found; and the joys that I experienced, the truth was that I was always just surviving the day only to run home and find solace and peace in the solitude of my home, alone. The truth was that I was rarely happy.

I ended that blog with this:  “Although my childrearing years have come at a later age than most, and there are certainly days that I ponder and sometimes grieve the truth of that, I am now nearly always hopeful about myself, my life and the lifetime of potential for my children.  Having gratitude provides a constant stream of strength and power which I draw from daily in my quest for a good, compassionate and life-affirming existence. I pray often and constantly give thanks. I am now just grateful to be alive, AND to have my children.”

Nearly daily I seek to reinforce my gratitude in a variety of ways. Today, I found it on the Internet – a place I seem to be residing in, lately; a place which is having a profound impact on me. While searching for Gratitude websites, I stumbled on these: gratitudephotoblog; gratitudebook; gratitudelog; barbaraquinnyearofgratitude;  gratefulness.org;  Opgratitude and the mother of all  of these - the Gratitude Directory. NetworkedBlogs showed me even more: Once a Millionaire’s Daughter; Attitude of Gratitude; Following Your Joy; Gratitude Blog; Still Life With Noise; Without Fear; Gratitude with Attitude; the Power of Gratitude. But, I hadn’t found what I was seeking….

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy - because we will always want to have something else or something more. -Brother David Steindl-Rast

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving .-  Kahlil Gibran.

Then I stumbled on writer Bethany Saltman’s blog post, “Zen for Moms: Letting Your Life Teach You,” and I felt at home.  Here are some excerpts:

1) Let your life be a question

Instead of resigning yourself to everything you encounter—irritating people, sibling rivalry, exhaustion, jealous feelings, diarrhea—approach it all as a question, a puzzle that is worthy of your investigation. Assume you don’t know what’s going on, or the whole story. 

2) Move your awareness in, instead of out

This is simple, but first it’s important to become aware of awareness. When we get upset about anything, bring awareness to our bodies in whatever way we can muster: our racing heart, our streaming tears, clenched jaw. And when we feel happy, hungry, bored, again, move awareness back in. Relax the body. This doesn’t mean we get self-obsessed. It’s one of those great paradoxes and one of the central teachings of Zen: embodying ourselves is the only way to become truly available to everyone else, including our kids.

And, finally:

3) Cultivate gratitude

Easier on some days than others, I know. When kids are screaming, it’s raining out, you’re broke, you haven’t washed your hair in a week, and all you want to do is eat bread and butter. It’s tough to slow down the train of despair and get in touch with gratitude. But since so much of our agony stems from self-concern; if what we really want is to feel some relief, it’s helpful to get some perspective. Take a moment. Look around. Is everyone healthy? Are you able to feed your kids? Do you have a home?  Friends?  Chances are, you’ve got something pretty incredible to be grateful for. Take a deep breath and start over.

I’m breathing better now. The words envelope me; the thoughts resonate deeply. It’s ok to be me and more than ok to be a midlife mom. Six months to Mother’s Day.  I’m grateful and I’m smiling.

Next Week’s Blog: Teaching Gratitude to Our Children

A Community of Women by Cyma Shapiro

I was struck by a conversation I recently had with an acquaintance about her extraordinarily large women’s group. She explained that while this metropolitan group has approximately 700 members, only 100 or so women are considered “active.”  Of those, the numbers decline as the ‘camps’ become set – that is, women over or under 35 or 40; women who work; women who are stay-at-home mothers; women with special needs children – the list is endless. For her, the end result is a core group of six to seven like-minded women with whom she has bonded. The conversation resonated with me; I’ve also just found my community – Midlife Mothers – in fact, I’d even say it’s “All Mothers,” and I’ve found many of them with or on the Internet. I would like to share my thoughts about this -  

According to Wikipedia:

In biological terms, a community is a group of interacting organisms sharing a populated environment. In human communities, intent, belief, resources, preferences, needs, risks, and a number of other conditions may be present and common, affecting the identity of the participants and their degree of cohesiveness.

In sociology, the concept of community has led to significant debate, and sociologists are yet to reach agreement on a definition of the term. There were ninety-four discrete definitions of the term by the mid-1950s.^[1] Traditionally a "community" has been defined as a group of interacting people living in a common location. The word is often used to refer to a group that is organized around common values and is attributed with social cohesion within a shared geographical location, generally in social units larger than a household. 

The word "community" is derived from the Old French communité which is derived from the Latin communitas (cum, "with/together" + munus, "gift"), a broad term for fellowship or organized society.^[2]

Since the advent of the Internet, the concept of community no longer has geographical limitations, as people can now virtually gather in an online community and share common interests regardless of physical location.

This brings me to my second thought – the Web.  On first glance, the first dozen Mommy-related sites read like this: workitmoms; mothersclick, connectedmoms, mothersnature, nurturemoms, nourishedmother, mommythink, wholemotheringcenter. Other sites like Pjmommy, mothersbeheard, MotherhoodLaterThanSooner, cafemom, and Christian-mommies.com further specialize in their arenas.  Add it up and you get a whopping hundreds, perhaps thousands of Mommy and women-related sites.

A writer once penned, “Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but the Internet is a BFF (Best Friend Forever) to women navigating motherhood for the first time.” I believe this is true. While our foremothers were isolated in their endeavors and relegated to their families or local communities, women with computers can find unlimited ways to connect with other women, all from the security and comfort of their own homes. 

Now, any woman can find solace and support with innumerable numbers of sites offering advice, a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.  And it’s all for free. Seeking a new playgroup? You can easily find it online. Need items for sale or support groups, it’s now one click away. The end result is a breathtaking array of available options. But, let’s not forget our topic: the community of women.

Today, given this colossal beast - the Internet - no one need ever feel alone or isolated – there’s something and someone for everyone. And, I think that’s what I’m really feeling: I, too, am no longer isolated – as a mom, as a midlife mom, as a woman, and, yes, as a partner in a marriage. Today, I truly feel my place, my purpose and my desires. And, I owe some of it to my time on the Internet. So, to those of you still feeling out of sorts, we say, “Join us here at Motherhood Later,” or anywhere else that suits you. We can be found in every conceivable community across the world, and we’re waiting for you.

After the Wrath - by Cara

All totaled, we were without power for five days. No refrigerated food. No air conditioning. And the constant buzzing of tree grinding that I am listening to as I write. Which has been ongoing now for over a week. Which also, incidentally, is getting on my nerves. At least they stop cutting trees at around 8pm now and resume at 9am. They had been cutting around the clock, 24/7.

I restocked my refrigerator. I found it coincidental that almost all condiments were on sale at my local grocery store. Yes, I’m sure it was in preparation for the 4th of July weekend. But I found it interesting because those were also items our community needed to stock up on. Our local newspaper, The Great Neck News, was quoted saying that, “Some 1,000 trees were downed, causing $10 - 15 million worth of damage. Some 25,000 customers in Nassau County, the majority in Great Neck, were without power.” As if we were not already aware of that. But that’s beside the point.

During those five days, in order to cool down and recharge my cell phone, cell phone battery charger, and computer, I would pack up my things (along with a multiplug adapter), and trek off to spend a couple hours at one of our local Starbucks. I would set myself up for the afternoon. The store was packed with locals who were doing the same thing. In fact, when I pulled out my multiplug, and offered those who were waiting for outlets to free up, to use the multiplug outlets I wasn't in need of, I made quite a few friends!

I came to anticipate those five days at Starbucks. I heard horror stories of damages to people’s homes. One family was desperately trying to find one room at ANY hotel on Long Island to go to, without any success. There was a gathering of the “lost souls” at Starbucks who had nowhere to go. We chatted. Got to know each other. And in a community that is known for it’s haughtiness, we were suddenly all equals. It didn’t matter who had a bigger home or a fancier car. We all were in the same boat...no power, no food, and no means of communication other than our cell phones, which we were all charging. And together we “let our hair down.” No one came “dressed to impress.” We just wanted a cool place to charge our cell phones and other technology. And get a cool drink!

Which brought me to my next observation. Americans are attached to our technology. I’ve gone on trips where I wasn’t able to use my cell phone or laptop. And I was well aware that I would come home to 100+ e-mails and 250+ junk e-mails. But when your only means of communication is your cell phone, for an undetermined amount of time, cell phones come close to brushing your teeth! And when going on the Internet for a couple hours to connect with the world in other ways, your laptop really, truly becomes your luxury. That is what my comrades in Starbucks all felt like. We were stripped of everything except our technology. And with that we were all on equal ground.

The last day that I spent at Starbucks, their Internet system was down. We were able to charge our items, but no one was able to log on to the Internet. Many of us had Apple laptops, as did I. As soon as all of our peripherals were fully charged, the Apple consumers came up with a great idea! Let’s go to the Apple Store a mile down the road and use their Internet service! We all scrambled to pack up and drove down the road. The store was so inundated with customers, there was not enough staff to assist the people who wanted to purchase things. I found a nice Mac Book Pro in a remote area of the store, sat down, and surfed the web. It was not as nice as being among the “lost souls” at Starbucks. But hey, a woman’s got to do what a woman’s got to do!