Pay It Back by Robin Gorman Newman

Thanksgiving has become a huge commercial holiday.  I was watching an early morning news program earlier this week, and there was a feature on a place called Jive Turkey in Brooklyn, NY that specializes in preparing deep fried birds (yikes...how healthy is that?!) available with varied seasonings that they ship all over the country.  Apparently they're in high demand...who knew?!

My local chocolate shop is selling pricey chocolate turkeys wrapped in multi-colored foil.

Fine dining establishments jack up prices and offer fancy prix-fixed meals for those who opt to eat out.

It's a big occasion for diet companies to market their programs to those who gorged on stuffing and pecan pie, in preparation for New Year's, when many resolve to shed pounds.

It's also an occasion that has become synonymous with stores running huge sales....at times generating headlines in the news about people being injured in the feeding frenzy to snap up bargains in the wee hours of the morning or after midnight.  Doesn't anyone sleep?!

It all feels very commercial. 

Does anyone recall the true meaning of Thanksgiving?

As a parent, I feel an obligation to share that message with my son. 

We plan to bake brownies and bring them to the local volunteer firehouse.  We will do this again on Christmas. 

Last year, we also visited Ronald McDonald House and baked for the families in residence.  It was a moving and humbling experience.

I want Seth to know that it does a body good to give back.  I'd like this to be a lesson he shares with his own kids one day, and to know that it was something he practiced as a child.

It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day and not stop to feel gratitude for what you've been given.

And, with the eight days of Hanukkah just around the corner, Seth will be looking for gifts, and I don't want him to take them for granted.  As an only child, no doubt he is somewhat spoiled, though my husband I have endeavor to have a consciousness of what we provide for him.  But, it's hard when you know something brings him much pleasure. His smile is infectious.  He doesn't get everything he wants, but he's not lacking either.

Seth helps to raise funds for his school by selling products and buying books at the fair.

I have yet to take him to a soup kitchen, but that is an outing I've contemplated. 

He did visit the Interfaith Nutrition Network with our synagogue, as part of Mitzvah month -- November.  They collected and helped distribute food to needy families on Long Island.  I thought that was a great outing, though Seth found it "kinda boring."

I want to give thought to other ways he might contribute to the community and world at large. We help sponsor the care of Kibo the elephant through The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and we follow his progress via emails updates they send.  It's a sweet cause.

It's important in life to know that some of our greatest happiness can come from giving and doing for others.  It's not necessarily about financial contribution, but taking initiative and acting out of love and kindness.  Putting someone before yourself and putting yourself in their shoes (especially if you can afford Manolo Blahniks).

What do you do with your children to instill a sense of gratitude and giving back?  Would love to hear some of your ideas.

Go forth and pay it back!!

Hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving ... by Liimu

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

What are you grateful for?

I'm grateful for the four beautiful children who made me a mom.

I'm grateful for the husband who helped me make them.

I'm grateful for having been given a second chance at life when I was 24 years old.

I'm grateful for the daily willingness to make the most of it.

I'm grateful for song.

I'm grateful to have something to sing about.

I'm grateful there are people who want to hear me sing.

I'm grateful that I want to sing even when no one is listening.

I'm grateful and happy and loving life.

What are you grateful for?

Week 28...All I Want for Christmas by Liimu

All I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY.

Week 28. Officially in the third trimester. We are in the final stretch, folks, and no one is more happy about that than I. (Funny thing is, I find myself still amazed and befuddled when I look down at my protruding stomach, thinking, "How did we get here again?") But I feel generally pretty good, other than a lingering cough from last week's QUARANTINE situation.

Last Wednesday, my 6 year old started complaining of stomach pains and before long was curved over the toilet, throwing up. Needless to say, she stayed home with me. I sent a text to my mother's helper and found out (through an inadvertent text she had intended to send to her sister that ended "WTF?") that she is deathly afraid of stomach bugs, so I was essentially on my own with it. Not too bad, since for the most part my daughter was pretty perky and I didn't have much on my calendar other than a holiday party, and the hostess was gracious about letting her tag along with me.

Sad for me, I had forgotten about the sneakiness of stomach bugs. How they can look benign and short-lived in one person and linger for days in another. Friday, as I went to bed, I start feeling like I was going into early labor, my stomach was hurting so bad. I could barely sleep. Just past midnight, I heard a scream from my 4-year old's room. She had just wretched in her bed. After finally getting her bed sheets changed and getting her settled down, I felt it coming on for me. I had endured 7 months of pregnancy without puking and this stomach bug was taking me down. An hour later, my 8-year old was calling out for help and back in our room, my husband was complaining of feeling queasy. It was going to be a long day.

As luck would have it, I also had some sort of head cold on top of everything else, along with a fever. So, while everyone else has mostly recovered (my husband still complains of queasiness), I am coughing like a 70-year old barmaid with a 2-packs a day habit. I'm still grateful that the bug ran through our house quickly, rather than taking us out one at a time. Christmas is the day after tomorrow and my girls are healthy. That's the most important thing. My husband and I are getting better day by day. This time next week, we'll be in Arizona with my sister and her family and that can only improve our situation.

So, all I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY. If I get nice jewelry, or a trip to the spa, even better. But honestly, after surviving this last week of nonstop illness, I'm pretty focused on the basic things for which I have to be grateful: my wonderful family, a job I love that pays well, great friends who make me laugh out loud long and often, and of course, if nothing else, at least I have my health.

Stay warm and dry everyone, and be grateful for the little things. The things that you get for Christmas every year without even having to ask.

Teaching Gratitude to Our Children by Cyma Shapiro

Last week I discussed gratitude and its place in my life.  With the holidays quickly arriving, I’d like to address gratitude in my children’s lives. For me, it’s one of the most important traits I can pass on to them. But, until recently, I just couldn’t find the best techniques for doing so. Another check on the Internet (of course!), and I now have some wonderful ideas to pass on to you.

In Carolyn Pennington’s “3 Steps to Teaching Gratitude in our Children,” Pennington outlines how parents need to model behavior they want their children to have. “A simple, sincere expression of gratitude when the kids do something they were asked to do is always appreciated. Taking an extra moment to thank a sales clerk at the store or to tip your gardener for really doing a great job lets them know that gratitude is a standard in your home...and you are always looking to reward those that demonstrate quality work with praise. We must be intentional with our parenting. We must actively look for opportunities to teach our children if we want to instill these important virtues into their lives.” 

Here are more of her suggestions:

1)  Offer Selfless Service. In our home, we eat a lot of fresh produce. Sometimes we over buy. Rather than letting the produce go to waste, we toss a salad or something similar together and my husband and son run it to the local food bank. They love receiving fresh produce because most of their donations come in the form of cans and boxes. Allowing your children to see how grateful the volunteer workers are as well as those eating there can really make an impact on your child's life.

2)  Try Going Without. From time to time, have a family project that involves going without something important. For example, try making bread for a week rather than buying it, or try biking to any destination less than two miles away. A little sacrifice causes us to miss things that we take for granted and helps us be a little more humble and grateful for the...car, or toy, or whatever. I find that the learning is more beneficial when this is done in a proactive way rather than a reactive way. For example if the child looses the privilege of a toy for disciplinary reasons...they child may not associate receiving the toy back with gratitude. He or she may learn the lesson that if I don't keep my room clean I lose the privilege of certain toys -a great lesson. Try "going without" as a proactive fun family adventure and be sure to express your gratitude for the usefulness of the items you went without!

3) Expect thanks, don't guilt thanks. "I work so hard every day for you, and I never hear a word of thanks." There is nothing wrong with encouraging a child to express gratitude or reminding them. In our home it is an expectation to say the simple words of "thank-you" for just about everything. But shaming children into saying it does not raise the vibration level of your home. They will feel bad about it, about you, about themselves...and probably resent you. Have expectations and allow your children to rise to the occasion. Invite them to say thank you. Tell them you appreciate their nice words and you will get more and more to be thankful for yourself!

Eliza Clark’s blog post on “On Shine from Yahoo” suggests the follow gratitude resolutions for the holiday season:

• To set an example of thankfulness for our kids - we’ll remember to thank them for all of the lovely little things they do.  Children like being thanked.  Some so much that they’ll still say you’re welcome” if you forget. 
• To make our thanks more than just pro forma  - telling people very specifically why we’re thankful makes them feel great.  This is something kids can learn to do too. 
• To get our kids in the habit of working on thank you notes - preschoolers can decorate notes with stickers, draw designs, scrawl their names, affix stamps, etc.  Giving thanks can be a beautiful thing! 
• To give our kids plenty of ways to help out around the house - this gives us more chances to thank them, and helps them comprehend a bit of what goes into all of the many things others do for them. 
• To get the children involved in some kind of goodwill project this month - we might sort toys, clothes and books to give to charity, or put together a package for a sick relative. 
• To express gratitude & amp; wonder for the big and little things – and to encourage our children, preferably at bedtime when they are snuggled under cozy covers, to tell us what they are most grateful for.

Carolyn Goode, founder of Parents International, unveils her list for teaching gratitude to teenagers (a life stage that I, for one, dread):

The first thing you have to do as a parent with an ungrateful teen is be clear.

One of the biggest factors contributing to the general lack of gratitude shown by teens these days is that they feel they "deserve" or are "entitled to" what they have or are given. As a parent it is your job to clarify the difference between rights and privileges. For example, you as a parent need to help your teen understand that while they have the right to be clothed, it is a privilege to have the name brand clothes, and sheer volume of clothes they have. This is just one simple example, there are many more. For example, it is their right to attend school, but it is a privilege to get to drive instead of ride the bus. One of the best ways to clarify the difference for your teen is to help them understand that they do not earn rights, but they need to earn privileges. Start making them earn it, and soon they will recognize the difference. It is when they receive too much for too little that they feel entitled.

The second thing you need to do is subtly help your teen more readily recognize their blessings.

If you want your teen to be more grateful you need to show them that they have a lot to be grateful for. If you sit them down and lecture them on how much they have to be grateful for, you can bet their mind will be on the things they don't have, or on their friends that have more, not on their blessings. However, if you take opportunity to discuss casually things like hurricane victims, or the homeless, your teen may start to see what they have. For example, at dinner you can casually start a conversation about the news story that indicated the number of homeless people found frozen to death after the first winter storm of the year. These dinner conversations will have a way of making your child more appreciative of your home than any sit down lecture where you tell them they need to be grateful. Hearing about and seeing people who do not have many privileges will help to make the distinction between their rights and privileges more obvious.

Third, you have to be the shining example of a grateful person.

If you want your teen to be someone who shows gratitude, be the role model. Show gratitude, recognize when it is shown to you, and be appreciative of opportunities for gratitude. It is important as we are a model of gratitude that we recognize and show gratitude to our teens, even if it is for something super small, like clearing their dishes after dinner. Show your teen, through example, to be grateful for the large and small gestures. It will rub off.

Lastly, do not expect too much too quickly.

Showing gratitude, and learning to be a grateful person is a process, and you need to recognize the steps your teen makes toward it, even if they are small, and do not get frustrated when they take a step back. Patience is key. Your teen will never learn if you blow your top when they mess up. While gratitude is a state of mind, and it takes a conscious choice to consider others and be more grateful, it is not something that you can change overnight in a selfish teen. So, be encouraging, and give them opportunities to be grateful, and eventually it will kick in.

Her conclusions: take each day to encourage your children to express gratitude; model thanks; establish family rituals involving daily thankfulness; volunteer; assign chores; write thank you notes; find your own gratitude.

Finally, excerpts from Laurie Meade’s “7 Easy Ways to Teach Your Children to be Grateful for What They Have:” 

• Set the right example: It is better if you teach them by using the appropriate words at the right time (i.e. Thank you).
• Teach it through role playing: You can play games with your children that implement the virtue of gratitude. Play the second chair and practice showing them how it feels to be on the receiving end of an unexpected “thank you.”
• Teach by showing them how to be of service to others; even simple things such as holding a door for an elderly person. You would be surprised how many times a simple gesture can occur in places like grocery stores, doctor’s offices or shopping trips.
• Make a list. An easy way to get them to make lists for what they are thankful for is to use “The Daily Gratitude Journal" software.
• Show them how to be thankful for the little things in life. Although most of us would not consider heat and light little things, they are the simple things that they don’t pay much attention to.  
• Teach them to see the good in someone they don’t like. 
• You can even use a negative experience to teach them the value of being grateful. As you go through your day, show them the wonderful events going on behind the scenes that we all most usually take for granted – things like the police, the firemen and the clerk at the grocery store.
  

I love the Internet. I love these tips. I love being grateful and teaching my kids those values that I hold so dear. Thank you, dear Internet, for helping me be more grateful. What methods do you use? I’d love to hear from you and gather even more tips…

Finding Joy by Maureen Eich VanWalleghan

I had an amazing day today. My husband, five-year old daughter and I went and cut our Christmas tree. It is annual tradition since we moved to Prescott three years ago. Often around the holidays my husband and I fight. Stress, anxiety, unresolved issues in our past have made it hard to connect to each other and the moment with joy.

Today, though it was different. We had a lovely Thanksgiving yesterday, with us three, two good friends and my parents around the table. And then later in the evening we spoke to my husband’s 16 year old son, whom we love very much, but for a variety of reasons beyond our control, we have not been able to contact directly.

My beautiful daughter, who loves everyone and tells me regularly—was her loving and open self telling her big brother, whom she has never met, that she loves him. My husband was so happy that he was speechless, which I have never seen before. And I felt my heart relax, has I have wanted to connect to this child, whose presence is very much a part of my life even in his absence. It was, I have to say, one of the more joyful moments I have experienced with this family of mine.

And so today, that joy was with us still as we drove up the forested mountain beyond our home to find a Christmas tree. At one point I was trying to remember what we were fighting about last year at this time. One year later: I couldn’t remember the argument’s details only my anger. So true is this idea that little is worth fighting about when it is considered in the continuum of time. There is much to be thankful for this year as with every year and holding joy in one’s heart is the biggest part of remembering that gratitude.

For anyone who has wanted help in finding joy I recommend a workshop that can be done in person or online. I few years back I did the online version and hope to do it again in 2011. Check out: Awakening Joy http://www.awakeningjoy.info/. It doesn’t solve problems, but it did help me find what I was looking for and start me on the path of pursuing my dream of becoming a filmmaker.

Life can be a struggle with great ups and downs. I have experienced those downs in the context of my married and mothering life. I feel so thankful to have this moment—to internalize the joys happening in my life, which feels like I’m planting a garden. If I keep watering and tending to it, I think I can make it grow.

A blessed Thanksgiving to all...

GUEST BLOG POST: Making Gratitude the New Attitude by Andrea Reiser

You’ve heard it time and again—from friends, other parents, your own parents, or parenting experts in the media: this generation is rife with selfish, entitled, impolite, and ungrateful kids. And if you look around, you see plenty of evidence. Too many parents, it seems, have conceded defeat and given their offspring tacit permission to sulk, complain, make demands, and generally behave ungratefully.

But your kids don’t have to become card-carrying members of Generation I (for “Ingratitude”)! It truly is possible to reclaim our capacity to parent and refocus our children’s attention and values. Specifically, we can teach our kids to have a profound sense of gratitude—and with the holidays right around the corner, it’s the perfect season to seize some outstanding teachable moments.

Let’s be clear: we’re not just talking about saying “thank you.” That simply reflects polite manners that should be expected anyway. Gratitude, rather, is a mindset and a lifestyle—a way of thinking that needs to be fostered and ingrained.

Why is gratitude so important? Because it grants perspective (even in kids), improves relationships, and counteracts the “gimmes.” And while cynics may find it corny, expressing what you’re grateful for goes a long way toward achieving happiness.

Most parents instinctively know this, but what you may wonder is how to instill this critical quality in your kids. Well, from firsthand experience with our four sons and from talking to other likeminded parents, we’ve developed some simple tips that can help promote an attitude of gratitude:

Be a grateful parent. As most parents know, how you treat your kids affects their development far more than the rules you set. Tell them you’re grateful to have them….and do it often.

Don’t shower them with too much stuff. This dilutes the “gratitude” impulse. Remember, all things in moderation. Yes, it’s okay to want to give your children the best you can provide; just don’t go overboard.

When your child wants something, make him pitch in. If he receives an allowance (or, for older kids, has a job), ask him to contribute a percentage toward the “big” stuff. This will foster a true understanding of the value of a dollar!

Keep a stack of thank-you cards on hand. Insist that your kids use them often. Don’t contribute to the decline of the thank-you note. Have your kids send them out regularly for gifts, sure—but also to teachers, Little League coaches, and others.

Set a good example. Say “thank you” sincerely and often. “Do as I say, not as I do” is, at best, an ineffective parenting strategy. The values your children espouse as they grow up aren’t those you nag them into learning, but the ones they see you living out.

Link gratitude to your Higher Power. After all, most religious traditions emphasize the practice of gratitude through acknowledging blessings and through serving others.

Don’t just count your blessings—name them. Have a minute of thanks in the morning. Even if you’re not the “praying” type of family, have everyone name one thing they’re grateful for to start the day off on a positive note.

Ask your kids to give back. The old saying, “It’s better to give than to receive” has stuck around for a reason. It really does feel great to help someone else out—plus, service tends to dilute selfishness.

Insist on politeness and respect all around. When your kids treat others with dignity and respect, they’ll be more likely to appreciate the ways in which those folks contribute to and improve their own lives.

Look for teachable moments. Yes, it’s important to talk about values with your children—but be aware that from time to time, situations that illustrate your point perfectly will arise. Use them as the powerful teaching aids that they are.

Find the silver lining. We’re all tempted to see the glass half-empty from time to time…and kids are no exception. When you hear your child griping about something, find a response that looks on the bright side. It’s called an “attitude of gratitude” for a reason—it’s about perspective more than circumstance.

Andrea Reiser and her husband, David, are the grateful parents of four sons and co-authors of the new book Letters From Home: A Wake-up Call for Success & Wealth (Wiley, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-4706379-2-0, $27.95). They are proud to contribute 100 percent of royalties and other income from the publication of the book between three personally meaningful charities: Share Our Strength (www.strength.org), Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (http://www.mskcc.org/), and FORCE (http://www.facingourrisk.org/.   For more information, please visit http://www.reisermedia.com/.

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!! By Liimu

So, first of all, a follow up to last week's blog, which was essentially a long, disgruntled complaint about our recent stay at the Borgata. I am happy to report that after many e-mails and phone calls, I finally talked to their Director of Front Office Operations, who was extremely apologetic and more than happy to credit us for one of our nights' stay. Now that that's been made right, I can comfortably say what was amazing about it...in two words: THE FOOD. If you don't have plans for Thanksgiving and you live within an hour of the place, splurge on the Borgata Buffet! There's a reason why TripAdvisor has rated it the #4 eatery in all of Atlantic City!

I had another blog written up about our recent trials and travails of raising three young daughters (8, 6 and 4) while preparing for the birth of our fourth child. Then I realized that I would be posting my blog on Thanksgiving! I can't post a litany of complaints on Thanksgiving! Instead, I decided to list all the things I'm grateful for, with a bit of a spin...I want to find ways to be thankful for the things that might normally not be considered blessings. Of course, I am grateful for my wonderful husband, my beautiful children, our upcoming new addition to the family, our house, our family and friends, my relationship with God, our health and all the other obvious blessings, but I thought it would be nice to find a way to be grateful for the things that might not appear on the surface to be things that would grace the top of the list.

1) Working 70 hours a week. In this economy, this is probably one that is not particularly hard to spin into a positive, but I have to also say that what I'm grateful for about this fact of my life is that I manifested it. Earlier this year, I had very little work and we were working with creditors to manage our existing debt, including getting assistance with our mortgage. Things were looking pretty bleak. I am a huge fan and follower of the Secret and the Law of Attraction, and I credit them and especially the book, Money and the Law of Attraction, with helping me to redirect the energy in my life, shift my vibration and get to where I am now - working as much as I possibly can and reaping the benefits. Life is good, and we are finally able to see our way to financial freedom!

2) Our earlier financial troubles. Ditto on #1 as far as being grateful for understanding and believing in the Law of Attraction. In addition to that, I have a much greater appreciation for what we have now that I've seen what it's like to not have it.

3) My 6-year old's health problems. First of all, I am so grateful that we live so near CHOP, one of the most amazing hospitals in the country. I am far more familiar with its facility and staff than I would like to admit, and am more aware than anyone I know of how blessed we are to have it within less than an hour's drive and covered by insurance. Second, I have seen strength in my daughter and in myself as a result of this journey that I might not otherwise have seen. I am awed by us both and the grace with which we have all, as a family, been able to face this challenge. Third, I feel like this experience has drawn our whole family a lot closer. Fourth and finally, I think it has made us appreciate each other and the good health we do have a whole lot more.

4) Excessive weight gain during pregnancy. Ok, this one was hard to spin into a positive. But then I think about how lucky I am to have struggled with this one most of my life: it's led me to really appreciate the importance of healthy eating and exercising and after three high-weight-gain pregnancies, it's left me confident in my ability to lose the baby weight. I've never been one of those people who didn't really have to exercise. Quite the contrary. My struggles during pregnancy and even when I'm not pregnant have caused me to gather tons of information and skills around how to properly exercise and modify my eating so that I know what to do. (I just don't do it during pregnancy...hence the weight gain.) And that, my friends, is pretty much all I have to complain about these days.

Everything else is just obvious blessings for which I am obviously thankful. I have to also thank fellow blogger, Robin Gorman-Newman for asking me to join this site as a blogger earlier this year. At the time, I had no idea I was pregnant but as soon as I found out, I knew exactly why this was perfect timing. What a blessing to have the opportunity to chronicle, week by week, what it's like to be pregnant with our fourth and last child. So, thanks to Robin and to MotherhoodLater for giving me that opportunity And thanks to all of you for continuing to read!

What are YOU thankful for? Probably more than you think!

Thanksgiving and Gratitude - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Thanksgiving. I love this time of year. I love the beautiful changing colors of the leaves. I love going outside at night and smelling the woody smell of a fireplace burning in someone’s home. I love the anticipation of a Thanksgiving feast! I love all of the typical Thanksgiving foods! I even love preparing the Thanksgiving turkey myself! All 22 pounds of it! But this year Thanksgiving is going to be very different for me.

I’ve always celebrated Thanksgiving at home. First, when I was young, and my mother was still alive. She would set the dining room table with all of her fine china. And while I watched her cook her fabulous feast, I learned her “tricks” as to how her meal always came out so delicious! Then, when I celebrated Thanksgiving with just my father, he always made the first-of-the-season fire going all day in the fireplace! And while the fire was glowing, we would prepare our own, smaller feast to enjoy! Later, when I got married, we had Thanksgiving every year at my in-law’s home. My father was always there with his signature praline sweet potato pie! And for the past 15 years, I have always made the Thanksgiving turkey! Even when we lived in our first apartment and I had a small, dinky oven, I managed to get that bird into it and it always came out delicious!

My plans are different this year. I was invited by my cousins to celebrate Thanksgiving in a restaurant. This will be a whole new experience for me, as I always welcomed the warm, fuzzy, homey feeling of celebrating Thanksgiving in a home. My son will be going to my in-laws. I requested having him for Christmas to take him to my best friend’s house, where children his age will be frolicking and merriment will abound!

It feels odd for me to celebrate my favorite of all holidays in a restaurant. Even one that is going to be rather upscale. And although I have celebrated other holidays and events with my cousins, we never celebrated Thanksgiving together and I never spent it “alone” (meaning going by myself without other immediate family with me). This feels odd. But at the same time it feels loving and warm that my cousins thought enough of me to invite me with them.

Things change, I know. And the alternative was that I would have been at home with the dogs, probably eating a cheese sandwich. But this whole change really does feel so unsettling for me. I’m sure to get caught up in plenty of conversation with my cousins. Once we start, it’s hard to get us to stop! And I’m sure the food in this particular restaurant will be 5 Star. So I am certain that I will enjoy my meal. But, still, all of this feels “funny”. I just can’t shake this feeling, no matter how many positive spins I put on the occasion.

Well, I will certainly let you know how I fared with my next blog. In the interim, I thought I would leave you with a saying that is framed and hangs besides my bed:

Gratitude

There is no greater act than giving thanks.

Remember to acknowledge

the goodness in your life.

Quiet your mind, listen to your heart

and fill your soul with gratitude.

To all of our readers, I wish you a safe, joyful, warm and fuzzy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

Gratitude, the Internet and One-Half Year to Mother’s Day by Cyma Shapiro

My shaman and I are working on my keeping gratitude – living with it as a daily, inherent practice; praying or meditating frequently; keeping the glass ‘half-full’ rather than seeing the glass as ‘half empty.’ For me, the basis for this is to maintain myself as a woman and as a midlife mother. However, in order to do so I must stay grounded, humble and full of gratitude and grace. Some days I can barely breathe.  I must remind myself often of what is most important.

 When asked if my cup is half-full or half-empty my only response is that I am thankful I have a cup.  --Sam Lefkowitz

As many of you remember, I wrote about this subject nearly six months ago. In “Gratitude is a Nine Letter Word,” I began with this:  “For many years in my yoga classes (pre-children), I had trouble finding the ‘gratitude’ that the teachers requested of us, especially during our parting word, “Namaste” (meaning: the light/spirit in me acknowledges the light/spirit in you).  While I knew that it was necessary to acknowledge the goodness in my life; the people who had sustained me; the loves I had found; and the joys that I experienced, the truth was that I was always just surviving the day only to run home and find solace and peace in the solitude of my home, alone. The truth was that I was rarely happy.

I ended that blog with this:  “Although my childrearing years have come at a later age than most, and there are certainly days that I ponder and sometimes grieve the truth of that, I am now nearly always hopeful about myself, my life and the lifetime of potential for my children.  Having gratitude provides a constant stream of strength and power which I draw from daily in my quest for a good, compassionate and life-affirming existence. I pray often and constantly give thanks. I am now just grateful to be alive, AND to have my children.”

Nearly daily I seek to reinforce my gratitude in a variety of ways. Today, I found it on the Internet – a place I seem to be residing in, lately; a place which is having a profound impact on me. While searching for Gratitude websites, I stumbled on these: gratitudephotoblog; gratitudebook; gratitudelog; barbaraquinnyearofgratitude;  gratefulness.org;  Opgratitude and the mother of all  of these - the Gratitude Directory. NetworkedBlogs showed me even more: Once a Millionaire’s Daughter; Attitude of Gratitude; Following Your Joy; Gratitude Blog; Still Life With Noise; Without Fear; Gratitude with Attitude; the Power of Gratitude. But, I hadn’t found what I was seeking….

If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, "thank you," that would suffice. - Meister Eckhart

Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy - because we will always want to have something else or something more. -Brother David Steindl-Rast

Wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving .-  Kahlil Gibran.

Then I stumbled on writer Bethany Saltman’s blog post, “Zen for Moms: Letting Your Life Teach You,” and I felt at home.  Here are some excerpts:

1) Let your life be a question

Instead of resigning yourself to everything you encounter—irritating people, sibling rivalry, exhaustion, jealous feelings, diarrhea—approach it all as a question, a puzzle that is worthy of your investigation. Assume you don’t know what’s going on, or the whole story. 

2) Move your awareness in, instead of out

This is simple, but first it’s important to become aware of awareness. When we get upset about anything, bring awareness to our bodies in whatever way we can muster: our racing heart, our streaming tears, clenched jaw. And when we feel happy, hungry, bored, again, move awareness back in. Relax the body. This doesn’t mean we get self-obsessed. It’s one of those great paradoxes and one of the central teachings of Zen: embodying ourselves is the only way to become truly available to everyone else, including our kids.

And, finally:

3) Cultivate gratitude

Easier on some days than others, I know. When kids are screaming, it’s raining out, you’re broke, you haven’t washed your hair in a week, and all you want to do is eat bread and butter. It’s tough to slow down the train of despair and get in touch with gratitude. But since so much of our agony stems from self-concern; if what we really want is to feel some relief, it’s helpful to get some perspective. Take a moment. Look around. Is everyone healthy? Are you able to feed your kids? Do you have a home?  Friends?  Chances are, you’ve got something pretty incredible to be grateful for. Take a deep breath and start over.

I’m breathing better now. The words envelope me; the thoughts resonate deeply. It’s ok to be me and more than ok to be a midlife mom. Six months to Mother’s Day.  I’m grateful and I’m smiling.

Next Week’s Blog: Teaching Gratitude to Our Children

For All the Great Teachers - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

My son’s teacher called this past week. The news was not too good. It appears that she has been having “quite a lot of difficulty” focusing my son and getting him to be attentive. In fact, his teacher had to fill out a questionnaire regarding my son’s behavior and academic performance and submit it to his ADD doctor. When we went to see his ADD doctor, the doctor informed us that my son’s teacher wrote “a scathing, hastily done, inconsistent” form. Based on the conversation I had with his teacher, I can just imagine what she wrote! From our conversation, it was quite apparent that she would love for our son to be placed in a different classroom! Yesterday!

The doctor was perplexed. Nothing in my son’s chart would indicate such a terrible report. And all reports from other professionals who have worked with my son indicate that, yes he does get antsy, and yes, he does need some refocusing. But the doctor feels that this sounds like a classic case of the wrong educator-student “fit.” We are in the process of getting reports from other professionals who deal with my son on a regular basis, such as his tutor and religious school teacher, to find out if my son’s grade school teacher’s report was an anomaly, or whether there truly is reason for concern. The professional consensus is that my son’s teacher either doesn’t want to bother refocusing him or redirecting him, or doesn’t have the proper skills to work with him. The school psychologist is going to spend quite a bit of time fleshing this out.

In the meantime, I would like to thank and honor ALL teachers, (yes, even my son’s), because it is truly a sacrifice to give of yourself to educate young minds. It is NOT an easy job. However there are those teachers who go just a bit above and beyond. Ones who take the time to reword a question for a child, or explain a topic in a slightly different way, to see that, “AaHa!” sparkle in a young one’s eyes! So below, is my own “Gratitude List” to all teachers who strive that extra little bit, and work a little harder, to see that each of their student’s succeeds.

I am grateful for teachers who recognize that certain children can have above average cognition, yet be stifled by faulty neurochemistry.

I am grateful for teachers who recognize that some children need to move around more than others. And these teachers nominate those restless kids to be the “go to” students. As an example, I have a friend who teaches Fifth Grade. One of her students needs breaks so that he can walk around periodically and stretch his legs. She refers to him as her “go to” student because if she needs something picked up from the Main Office, she will ask this young man to “go to” the office and pick up what is needed. Or she will ask him to help her distribute handouts to the class. She recognizes that he has a need to move and she respects that need with simple ways to incorporate his needs with her own.

I am grateful for all of the hard work Special Education teachers have to do. They need to have a whole basket full of skills to pull from to work with some of their students  successfully. Every child is unique and has their individual needs. I am grateful that there are teachers who choose to work in this area so that these children not only get the specialized attention that they need, but mostly they get it from teachers who truly care.

I am grateful for the ancillary professionals who work in schools. My best friend is an Occupational Therapist who works with Special Ed children in their schools. I am always amazed and envious at how easily she can deal with my son when I just want to tear my hair out at times. She has a unique way of relating to children who have special needs. I am so grateful that there are not only OTs but also Speech and Language Pathologists and special reading and math teachers who know how to “connect” with a certain child while watching them improve right before their eyes!

I am grateful for teachers who are flexible when they need to be, yet structured when a situation calls for it.

I am grateful for those teachers who call parents at home, having 30-minute conversations as to how to get through to your child. And I give them bonus points for calling on the weekends!

I am grateful to those teachers who may have to tailor certain homework assignments so that they still get completed, yet maybe a day or two later. And it’s okay with them.

I am grateful for teachers who allow bathroom and water fountain breaks. At the beginning of the year, my son’s teacher wanted every student to bring in a refillable water bottle so that they wouldn’t need “water fountain breaks.” My son needs water fountain breaks. I have yet to send in a refillable water bottle.

I am grateful when teachers make a big deal out of something that could be considered minor, yet the teacher knows it’s a big deal to that child, and lets the child know it!

I am grateful to almost every teacher I know who stays late to help a child, spends their “free time” gathering class supplies, and grading papers. I honestly think my son’s homework is either graded by an older student volunteer or one of her own kids, because the corrections look like young handwriting, not the teacher’s mature script.

And finally, I am grateful that there are so many terrific teachers who all want to make a difference in all young lives. Even if the children struggle, the teacher, in his or her heart, wants to see that child succeed!

So there is my list. I’m sure I am missing many other wonderful things that teachers do.

And feel free to include them in the comments! But these are the ones that are particularly important to me. I felt that for this month of giving “Thanks,” that I wouldn’t dwell on what my son is not getting, but to acknowledge what he and many other children are getting.

Working with a child who has educational challenges is not easy nor is it fun. As a parent of one of these types of children, I can attest to that. And when you have an educator who you know is capable of meeting your child’s needs and actively works with him to become successful, half your day is one huge relief!

What will happen with my son? No one is sure right now. It will probably take at least until January to sort everything out. Until then, I am his advocate and I will make certain that he is getting the respect and treatment he deserves. That’s what Mothers do. Stay tuned.

Gratitude is Just a Nine-Letter Word - by Cyma

For many years in my yoga classes (pre-children), I had trouble finding the ‘gratitude’ that the teachers requested of us, especially during our parting word, “Namaste” (meaning: the light/spirit in me acknowledges the light/spirit in you). While I knew that it was necessary to acknowledge the goodness in my life; the people who had sustained me; the loves I had found; and the joys that I experienced, the truth was that I was always just surviving the day only to run home and find solace and peace in the solitude of my home, alone. The truth was that I was rarely happy.

It was only after the arrival of my children, that I began counting my blessings. Suddenly, the simplicity of things became much more apparent, and the necessity to make things more simple, vital. Before long I was (easily) finding words of faith during nightly meals and High Holidays, and I began thanking people for the good deeds/words/hugs/praises/gestures they would bestow me. It took me many months before I realized that although my children had opened my heart and soul, it was actually me who was morphing into a kinder, gentler creature -- still Type-A, but with a much, much softer edge. After many years of self-loathing, I was becoming someone I thought I could come to like.

Now, it wasn’t so important to make that deal; dress to kill; or drive a car that people envied. I didn’t have to prove myself to the entire world. It wasn’t necessary to always be “on top,” or more importantly, to be “on.” In my new life with young children, “on” meant awake and functioning and “on top” meant having a day unfold without any major meltdowns, lost items, forgotten appointments or irresolvable crises. A ‘good day’ was one in which I was called upon to constantly reassess family situations and provide good, sometimes clever, and nearly always instantaneous responses, many of which surprised me…. about me!

While I felt I lost myself during early motherhood, I prayed that I would somehow come out the other side with a better set of expectations about the world, a more realistic view of my (length of) time on earth and more peace and joy than was previous experienced. Before that time, I think I rarely experienced much peace and joy at all.

Although my childrearing years have come at a later age than most, and there are certainly days that I ponder and sometimes grieve the truth of that, I am now nearly always hopeful about myself, my life and the lifetime of potential for my children.

Having gratitude provides a constant stream of strength and power which I draw from daily in my quest for a good, compassionate and life-affirming existence. I pray often and constantly give thanks. I am now just grateful to be alive, AND to have my children.