Life Choices & Minutia by Robin

I was watching THE TODAY SHOW this week, and they were discussing the recent piece that ran in NY Magazine re: loving your kids, but hating parenting (or something to that effect).

They shared research stats and interviewed a stay at home mom of three who stated that it's the small moments as a mom that please her, not all that she has to do on a constant, daily basis.  When her two year old wraps her arms around her neck, and says "I love you mommy," there's nothing like it, she explained.  But, then she turns her attention to chores for the day and unlike a job, you never "clock out" of being a mother.

Part of it, they said, relates to expectation.  Not everything about parenting is wonderful. Especially the minutia.  Whether picking up your kids toys for the umpteenth time, asking them over 'n over to get dressed, preparing endless formula bottles, struggling to get them to sleep when you're exhausted yourself, investing years potty training, etc.  It's all a boatload of work.  And, you may find yourself getting lost in the process as you drift from one task to another in what can feel like an endless flow of responsibility.

I was mentioning to a friend this week that life is just so busy.  That there is so much minutia. And, she commented, much of what I have on my plate I chose.

I responded....well...yes....I chose to have a house....become a mom.....have a pet (cockatiel), etc...and all these things require work I realize.  But, what is life without certain things?  Wouldn't it feel empty?  And, everything has tradeoffs, right?!

We all make choices everyday.  Door A vs. Door B.  And, even though we love something, like a pet, for example, they require care. Sure life would be simpler without them, but isn't the work that comes with it worth it?

And, even on THE TODAY SHOW, the expert discussed how much of what we love takes effort.  Writing this weekly blog is work, but it feels good to share.  If you have aspirations, you have to put the time in to help them come to fruition.  If you want to go on vacation, you have to plan and save for it and then pack, get your life in order, etc. It's exciting, but stressful at the same time.  If you own a house (vs. an apartment where a super is on hand to assist), you need to recruit a roster of people you can call on.  This week, I'm making endless calls to a handyman who came highly recommended for his work, if not his responsiveness.  So, I'm trying to be patient and focus on what we need to get done, knowing it will ultimately happen.

Life comes with homework, so to speak, and to stay afloat, we race to get it done.  But, then we also want to live in the moment and endeavor to take a step back to value all that we do have.  And, while I realize that some have challenges they haven't chosen (and I feel for them), we do need to somehow temper our expectations so that we don't get down when life might feel like too much.

I look at my son, and at his young age (7), life is simpler.  And, it was for me too when I was under the care of  my loving, protective parents.  But, then, like him, I probably yearned for some level of autonomy.  Being under someone's watchful apron strings, so to speak, isn't the easiest place to be either.

So, perhaps we might be careful what we wish for because it could be right around the corner, and there is no turning back the clock.  Time flies, and you're only young once.  When my son talks about what he wants to do when he grows up, where he wants to live, etc., I smile, give him a big kiss and hold him tight and hope that his youth is one that he will look back upon with fond memories, when he, too, makes life choices and tackles the minutia that come with them.

PS - A side note....I just learned that a friend of Motherhood Later, Janice Smestad, passed away from cancer at the young age of 50. I am deeply saddened.  She was a wise, supportive and compassionate help to my family when we experienced parenting challenges when my son was younger, and she will not be forgotten. She also spoke at a number of moms night out dinners for the Motherhood Later chapter in NY.  RIP Janice, and condolences to your loved ones.

The Conundrum Over Wine Glasses - by Cara

I am currently in the midst of a heated debate regarding a set of wine glasses I gave to a close friend recently. I first saw them on a Facebook group site called,

“OMG, I so need a glass of wine, or I’m gonna sell my kids!!”

This group has a following of 109,646 fans. So I am obviously not the only one who can relate to this group! I bought a pair of these glasses with the full group tag imprinted on the wine glasses for myself, as well as a pair that just said, “OMG, I so need a glass of wine!” A friend saw these and LOVED them, so I bought her a set, with the complete logo as a gift, and she frequently calls or texts me that she is pulling out those glasses after the kids are asleep!

Enter one of my other close friends. She typically has bottles of wine and wine coolers lined up on top of her refrigerator. And she frequently mentions that as soon as her son goes to bed, she is having a tall glass of wine. Well, I thought that these “OMG” wine glasses would be great for her to have too! I even bought her the ones that just said,”OMG, I so need a glass of wine,” just in case she didn’t want to use the ones with the reference towards selling your kids with certain company. Well, as it turned out, she was appalled. And she needed to mention that not only was SHE appalled, she showed the glasses to her family and fiends and they were appalled as well! I apologized for offending her and offered to take the glasses back or suggest that she give them away or even throw them out if they offended her so much. She said that she wanted to keep them (?).

I was then forwarded an article by one of our other Motherhood Later bloggers regarding the issue of Mom’s needing a drink at the end of the day to take the edge off,

“All Joy and No Fun...Why Parents Hate Parenting,”

from New York Magazine. This article quotes a Mom who states, “The Children’s Museum of Manhattan - a nice place, but what it really needs is a bar.” This is just not a select group of Moms who fall into this category. There are Parenting Podcasts where the hosts readily admit to needing a drink of wine at the end of the day. There are Parenting Forums where literally hundreds of Moms admit that parenting is far from easy and that a drink at the end of the day helps them to unwind.

I need to add that I am not at all pro-drinking. In fact, I rarely drink at all due to the plethora of medications I take. And I am definitely not advocating drinking to such excess that it begins to impair your life or you need it to get through each day. But a glass of wine now and then, or socially, I believe is perfectly acceptable. Especially when you come home at the end of the day and find a myriad of toys strewn around, crayon marks on the walls, a bathroom that is drenched from you child wanting to give their stuffed animals a bath (and end up wrapped in your child’s sheets to “dry off,” i.e. remake bed). I can see wanting to grab something to relax you before you try to calmly deal with each of these issues.

So back to my wine glasses. What do you think? I gave them to one friend who adores them and one friend who is horrified by them. I guess having glasses that indicate that you would want to sell your kids is a bit much. And I don’t think I will be giving them as gifts to any other friends, unless upon specific request. But considering the circumstances, was I reading into my appalled friend a little too much, and subtly indicating that she has a drinking problem (which I certainly was not), or was she over reacting to what I considered a humorous, harmless gift?

Please give me your feedback. I am interested to know what you think.