GUEST BLOG POST: 10 Things My Kids Tell Me with Their Hearts by Leta Hamilton

In our family, bedtime is a special time of day when I can focus on my kids without the distractions of media and TV. It gives me a chance to listen with my whole self and not the divided self that juggles work, dinner, dishes and demands from three children, who have their own perspectives on the world.

It is during the bedtime routine that they talk to me with their hearts. They know I am there for them and won’t run off to answer an “important” email (like anything could be more important than my kids, the cultivating of their souls and the joy they bring to the earth). If I were a seamstress, I would make bed sheets of the top ten things they have told me with their hearts during the hour we spend before bedtime brushing teeth, reading stories and just talking. My sheets would read:

• Take time to play with me and learn from the point-of-view of a child whose world is full of curiosity, discovery and diligent determination to understand new surroundings.

• You are only as grown-up as your last birthday – life is a continuing journey, and we shouldn’t be disappointed with ourselves for not knowing then what we know now or what we are just learning.

• If the day seems to be going completely crazy, then a good option is to just sit down and read a book or take a nap.

• Nothing is more important than love – the love you give, the love you receive and the love you grow through kind words and genuine deeds.

• The more tips you give me about life the better. I am learning from your example, so talk to me often about what it all means and there is less chance I’ll be totally confused.

• Your words make a difference. Am I “naughty” or is the thing I just did an uncooperative choice for the good of all? Please refrain from giving the message that I am “bad” in and of myself.

• I love you. I love spending time with you. I love making things with you. I love sharing my life with you. Can we spend a portion of each day just telling each other how much we love and appreciate the other?

• I make mistakes sometimes and so do you. Let’s learn the art of forgiveness together.

• What you did yesterday is a distant memory. What I did is too. The time is now. The time is always now.

• If you can learn from me as much as I learn from you, then we both will be enlightened during this journey toward my adulthood. It’s a learning curve for both of us. I have lots to teach you. Are you ready to be a student?

If I had these 10 things printed on my kids’ sheets and was forced to read at least one of them every night while tucking them in, I would be a much less neurotic mother. They are telling me all the time through their antics that life is about more than how successful I am as a radio show producer or writer. It is their wisdom from the heart that reminds me that I am the sum of my inner most beliefs about myself and they give me the courage to continually search within to remove the obstacles that are keeping me from being at least mostly at peace.

What I “do” is not nearly as influential as who I “am” in the world. With kids to keep me on my toes, I can strive to always be the highest version of myself: that person I want to be. In this way, I know I am a better mother and they reward me with their words of affirmation and cuddles. If not all of the time, then enough of the time to let me know I am on the right track. Their hearts speak volumes, and I am learning to listen.

Leta Hamilton is mom to 3 boys with another on the way (possibly a girl this time?) and host of the parenting radio show "The Way of the Toddler Hour." She teaches simple techniques for practicing inner peace in the midst of poopy diapers and piles of laundry to moms groups across the Seattle area. Her book The Way of the Toddler is an honest look at the craziness of modern motherhood and the spiritual lessons we learn from kids. More information about Leta, her radio show and upcoming guests can be found at www.letahamilton.com.

GUEST BLOG POST: Take Time to Smell the Roses by Dr. Susan Bartell

It’s April and spring has finally sprung! The sun is shining and flowers, bursting with color, are pushing up through the warming ground. Life is insanely busy, but for just two minutes go ahead and jump off the merry-go-round and take a deep breath. Appreciate nature’s miraculous offerings of the season. Now, do you think you can do this for a couple of minutes every day? I’d like you to try it!

It’s so easy to get caught up in our busy, aggravating, stressful and sometimes even mundane lives that we don’t always take the time to appreciate the beauty in our children; nor do we take the time to teach them to appreciate the positive in their own lives.

To begin your daily two minutes of reflection, ask yourself this question:

“As a parent, what am I most grateful about today?” Is it the sweet kiss that you got as you left for work? That, just this once, your teenager didn’t argue with you? That siblings helped each other with homework?

Some days the answer will come easily to you, in fact you may have a long list that makes you feel grateful. However, on more stressful parenting days, feeling appreciative of your child may be somewhat more challenging. These are the days it is most important to stop for a moment to ask yourself the question AND then really search until you find a meaningful answer. Doing so will help you keep a clear perspective on what is most important in your life as a parent. No matter how upset, angry or frustrated you may be right now, you can find the beauty in your relationship with your child when you stop and look for it. You simply have to take the time to stop and do so.

This is also an important skill to teach your child. Begin by helping him ask himself the following question each night before going to sleep:

“What was the best thing about today?” Was it that we had outdoor recess? Am I happy because I made a new friend? Did I have my favorite lunch? Did the teacher give me a compliment? Did I get my homework done really quickly?

Of course, as with parents, kids will have an easier time on some days than on others finding the ‘best’ in their day. If it was a difficult day, it will be harder for your child to find the good in it. This is when it is most important for you to help your child find something positive about the day—don’t accept ‘nothing’ for an answer!

You probably realize that being a good parent is hard work largely due to regular challenges from the very child you are trying to raise! So take a little time each day to appreciate the true beauty in your child (and also teach your child this skill). This will help melt away the frustrations you may feel as you go through the tough parts!


Dr. Susan Bartell is America’s #1 Family Psychologist. Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions That Kids Ask. You can learn more about her at www.drsusanbartell.com.

Family and Friendship by Robin Gorman Newman

I am not a happy camper right now.

I caught the cold from hell....likely from Seth (though it wasn't that bad for him), and we have a wedding this weekend.  I have to get psyched, despite tissues, cough drops, nose spray, and all.

We will be driving four hours to Binghamton, NY for the wedding of a gal I've never met.  It's the daughter of a cousin.  We thought it would be nice to see family we haven't seen in some time, but as it turns out, many aren't going.  And, the older folk, my aunt and uncles, are mostly deceased, so it's kinda bittersweet.  But, we're not gonna cancel.

It's up to the cousins and others in the younger generation to connect, but for whatever reason, I'm not close to my family, whether on my father's or mother's side.   Never have been (except for select aunts/uncles who I miss).  Part of it, I suspect, is because my sister and I are on the younger side compared to many of our cousins (on my dad's side in particular) who could almost have been our parents (if they were young parents).  Not that age should matter, but it puts you in different places in your life and in a position where you can't necessarily relate all that well to each other.

My mom's side is a different story.  She had a major fallout with my favorite aunt at the time (her older sister), and they both passed away never making ammends.  So sad.  Tragic really.  And, as a result, it estranged my sister and I from our cousins.  Not that we had a fight with any of them, but we all drifted apart, given the wrath of our respective mothers.

Family is a tricky thing.  I was watching Piers Morgan on CNN earlier this week, and he was interviewing Janet Jackson.  It was the first time I've heard her speak at length and so candidly.  He probed about her life growing up in a famous "fishbowl" where you're part of a highly celebrated family that when mentioned brings to mind both huge talent and eccentricity (and not necessarily in that order).  What was that like?  Her response was that she didn't know anything different, and that every family, famous or not, has challenges.  I couldn't agree more.

Marc and I thought going to this wedding would be good for Seth.  Being that he is an only child, we have a high consciousness of family and our desire to instill that in Seth.  We make a point of trying to connect him with his cousins, when possible, and to send cards, make calls, etc.  We want him to know that family, beyond us, exists for him..

But, at the end of the day, we can't choose our family.  We can choose our friends.  And, Seth does a good job in that arena.

Just because people are blood-related (and in this case, they're actually not for Seth, since he is adopted), doesn't mean you're going to feel a bond.  And, you certainly don't want to promote one if it doesn't feel welcome or mutual.

Seth has always had friends and been social.  We're gearing up for his 8th birthday party, and there's no shortage of kids coming.  And two nice boys he's been in school with since they were four will be there.  It's very sweet to watch them grow up and remain buddies.

I hope Seth will always have good friends in his court. I feel confident he will.  He's a caring, loving kid who enjoys others, and makes friends easily.  That will serve him well as the years go by.  And, while I also hope that he will stay in touch with cousins, we'll see what the future brings.  He, like my sister and I, is the youngest of his cousins.  But, as long as they're able to play things like Wii together, they stand a good chance. A good game of Mario Bros. knows no age.

FAMILY FINDS: FOR MOM + DAD: Drinks and Eats (FREE SAMPLES) by Robin Gorman Newman

Periodically I will be blogging about some discoveries I've made that I can't wait to share, so here goes my take on some notable beverages and edibles, and there are sampling opportunities, so read on:

NEW YORK NATURALS KALE CHIPS
I was recently introduced to these by a gal at my gym, and both my husband and I have turned into fans.  Thin and glazed with various seasonings, they not only are snack worthy and packed with nutrients, but they also can be used for dipping or as a salad topping or a garnish for all sorts of dishes (since they're kinda flaky). Amy Hamberry and Joe Orr make them by dehydrating kale in their Brooklyn plant, where some magic makes than taste fried. They come in three flavors: spicy miso, vegan cheese and bombay ranch.. Each has a bit of kick. New York Naturals Kale Chips are sold at various locations for $7.49 for 3.5 ounces, and at http://www.nynshop.com/, where they are sold individually and also in a pack of three for $19.95.  What a pleasure to have something to much on that doesn't feel decadent....especially with holiday season approaching.  In fact, this might make a cool edible gift for health-conscious friends.  And what a great way to eat a veggie!  My personal favorite is the cheese flavor.

HINT WATER
You can never drink enough water, and HINT is simple: Premium essence water with a HINT of flavor. HINT offers beverages with no calories, sweeteners or preservatives and is a great alternative to juice and soda. HINT was launched in April 2005 by current CEO Kara Goldin, a former AOL executive and mother of four. HINT is available in high-end grocery stores, cafes and food retailers nationwide, including Pax, Dean & Deluca, Food Emporium, Stop & Shop, Morton Williams Associated Supermarkets. HINT is available in 10 flavors: Watermelon, Honeydew Hibiscus, Blackberry, Mango-Grapefruit, Pomegranate-Tangerine, Lime, Raspberry-Lime, Pear, Cucumber and Strawberry Kiwi.  My personal favorite is the raspberry-lime.  My son liked them as well.  A nice alternative to unflavored water....yet still healthy. For more information, visit www.drinkHINT.com.

V8 V-FUSION + TEA JUICE BEVERAGES
V8’s latest product: V8 V-Fusion +Tea. My whole family, including my son, really liked these.  My personal favorite is the pomegranate green tea blend. The juice beverages provide a combined serving of vegetables and fruit in each 8-ounce glass, along with the antioxidants and cool, crisp taste of natural green tea, all for 50 calories per serving. V8 V-Fusion +Tea juice beverages are available in three flavors: Raspberry Green Tea, Pomegranate Green Tea and Pineapple Mango Green Tea. Each meets the American Heart Association’s criteria to display its heart-check mark and contains no artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.  It is sold at supermarkets, convenience, mass merchandise and club stores nationwide for a suggested retail price of $3.99 for a 46-ounce bottle. For more information, visit http://www.v8juice.com/ and www.facebook.com/V8VFusion.

CELSIUS NUTRITIONAL SUPPLEMENT DRINK
Celsius®, Your Ultimate Fitness Partner™, is a ready-to-drink nutritional supplement powered by a proprietary MetaPlus® blend of ingredients, including green tea with EGCG, ginger, caffeine, calcium, chromium, B Vitamins and Vitamin C. Celsius contains no sugar, no high fructose corn syrup, no aspartame, no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, and is very low in sodium.  It is clinically shown to burn calories and reduce fat while building more lean muscle when combined with exercise. Celsius is available at retail locations nationwide and online at www.celsius.com.  It comes in four sparkling flavors—orange, wild berry, cola and ginger ale—as well as non-carbonated green tea raspberry acai and green tea peach mango flavors. Celsius On-the-Go Berry Flavored stick packets can be added to regular bottled water for a refreshing berry taste. My personal favorite is the green tea peach mango blend.  My husband liked it as well.


NOTE: WE ARE GIVING AWAY SAMPLES OF EACH PRODUCT. IF INTERESTED, DROP A NOTE NOW TO ROBIN@MOTHERHOODLATER.COM AND INDICATE YOUR PRODUCT PREFERENCE.  INCLUDE YOUR FULL MAILING ADDRESS, AND TELL US BRIEFLY WHY YOU'D LIKE TO TRY OUT THAT ITEM.  ONE WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN PER PRODUCT.
 
 
 
 
(Note: Motherhood Later...Than Sooner assumes no liability should you consume these products.  Thanks to the featured products for providing samples.)

Week 26 My Life...by Liimu

If they would just stop arguing…three girls, constant chatter, constant arguing and bickering…but when they get along it’s so much fun to watch. So much fun to hang out with them. I am really glad to be their mom and really looking forward to watching them grow up. And right now, as they are all snuggled in my bed watching Animal Planet, I feel pretty proud and serene.
This morning, I was talking to my sister – a mom of two boys – and began to realize just how unprepared I am for this little man about to join our ranks. I have no idea how to change a little baby boy’s diaper, other than to know that it is going to be very different than changing a girl. I’ve never had anyone pee in my face, for one thing. I also have NO boy clothes, have no boy linens, no boy toys (hold your jokes, please)…heck, we don’t even have any front runners for names right now. (OK, we do…but hubby won’t admit it.)

Part of the interesting challenge of having three children and being pregnant with a fourth is that life is happening at such a rapid pace taking care of them all (not to mention working and taking care of our marriage and ourselves), there’s not a whole lot of time leftover to prepare for the new one.

Along those lines, I thought I might share a week in the life:

Wednesday:

School let out at 11 am due to a sudden power outage. I was in a meeting from 11 to 12, and when I got out of it, there were 8 messages on my cell phone, including four frantic messages from my 8-year old who had managed to borrow a phone from a friend on the schoolbus. Dad, our sitter and I all ran around in circles and converged on the bus at the same time.
After getting a solid couple hours of work in, we take Amelia to CHOP (again) to see the geneticist. Four hours later, after painful bloodwork and a trip to the hospital cafeteria, we are finally on our way home. My night is just beginning, as I have to make up the hours of work I missed due to the early dismissal and late dr’s appointment.

Thursday:

Midwife appointment. I spent 30 minutes waiting, 5 minutes being examined, and 30 minutes deconstructing why I’ve gained so much weight in the past six weeks. Our brilliant conclusion: the 500 calories I was no longer burned at the gym, combined with the 500 extra calories I was eating might have something to do with the 2 pound a week weight gain I was averaging. Someone suggested maybe I needed a weekly dr’s appointment to be required as a cover for getting out on the trail to run. Not sure if it was me or the midwife.

Saturday:

Took Amelia to gymnastics, only to find that she no longer wanted to do it because it was too hard. She can’t do the headstands, the somersaults or really anything at all without assistance. Having all the parents watching didn’t make her any more interested in pushing through the discomfort. My emotions ran the full gamut between frustration at her unwillingness to commit to yet another activity to full-blown tears as I realized that it wasn’t her fault and wasn’t likely to get better anytime soon, given the fact that the geneticist didn’t anticipate having an answer to what may be causing her problems for several months, at best.

Sunday:

Finally went to the gym with all three girls and managed to eke out a 1.5 mile run. First good workout in a long time, and I’m sure my talk with the midwife had something to do with it. In the afternoon, we settle in, bundled up in our warmest scarves and coats, to watch Autumn’s last soccer game. At last!

Monday:

After working all day, I dodge out early to meet the sitter and Amelia for her x-rays, as ordered by the geneticist. Our insurance requires us to go through our local hospital, so after waiting for an hour and a half (outside the room because I’m pregnant and am not allowed in with her), they present me with a CD that I have to figure out how to get to the geneticist. It’s taken much longer than I anticipated, so I have to rush right from there to pick up Autumn and take her to her soccer party, where she receives her first trophy and I eat tomato pie and beg off participating in the parents vs. kids soccer tournament. I frantically e-mail the teachers with whom I have parent/teacher conferences to see if we can reschedule to the following day. Thank God for modern technology.

Tuesday:

I have worked out three days in a row, hurrah! I get up later than I normally would and leave half of the morning routine to hubby, but it’s worth it. I feel like I’m at least doing my part to keep the weight gain in check. I work a few hours then head out to parent conference #1. She’s doing great, hurrah! No time to relish this fact – I come home, work a few more hours then head out to parent conference #2. She’s doing great – talks too much. (Yeah, I know – multiply that by three and welcome to my world.) Back home to work some more and get a head start on this blog.

And is it any wonder I don’t have time to think about preparing for this baby? Thank God it’s not due till March. I promise I will start to think about it after Christmas is over.

GUEST BLOG POST: Making Gratitude the New Attitude by Andrea Reiser

You’ve heard it time and again—from friends, other parents, your own parents, or parenting experts in the media: this generation is rife with selfish, entitled, impolite, and ungrateful kids. And if you look around, you see plenty of evidence. Too many parents, it seems, have conceded defeat and given their offspring tacit permission to sulk, complain, make demands, and generally behave ungratefully.

But your kids don’t have to become card-carrying members of Generation I (for “Ingratitude”)! It truly is possible to reclaim our capacity to parent and refocus our children’s attention and values. Specifically, we can teach our kids to have a profound sense of gratitude—and with the holidays right around the corner, it’s the perfect season to seize some outstanding teachable moments.

Let’s be clear: we’re not just talking about saying “thank you.” That simply reflects polite manners that should be expected anyway. Gratitude, rather, is a mindset and a lifestyle—a way of thinking that needs to be fostered and ingrained.

Why is gratitude so important? Because it grants perspective (even in kids), improves relationships, and counteracts the “gimmes.” And while cynics may find it corny, expressing what you’re grateful for goes a long way toward achieving happiness.

Most parents instinctively know this, but what you may wonder is how to instill this critical quality in your kids. Well, from firsthand experience with our four sons and from talking to other likeminded parents, we’ve developed some simple tips that can help promote an attitude of gratitude:

Be a grateful parent. As most parents know, how you treat your kids affects their development far more than the rules you set. Tell them you’re grateful to have them….and do it often.

Don’t shower them with too much stuff. This dilutes the “gratitude” impulse. Remember, all things in moderation. Yes, it’s okay to want to give your children the best you can provide; just don’t go overboard.

When your child wants something, make him pitch in. If he receives an allowance (or, for older kids, has a job), ask him to contribute a percentage toward the “big” stuff. This will foster a true understanding of the value of a dollar!

Keep a stack of thank-you cards on hand. Insist that your kids use them often. Don’t contribute to the decline of the thank-you note. Have your kids send them out regularly for gifts, sure—but also to teachers, Little League coaches, and others.

Set a good example. Say “thank you” sincerely and often. “Do as I say, not as I do” is, at best, an ineffective parenting strategy. The values your children espouse as they grow up aren’t those you nag them into learning, but the ones they see you living out.

Link gratitude to your Higher Power. After all, most religious traditions emphasize the practice of gratitude through acknowledging blessings and through serving others.

Don’t just count your blessings—name them. Have a minute of thanks in the morning. Even if you’re not the “praying” type of family, have everyone name one thing they’re grateful for to start the day off on a positive note.

Ask your kids to give back. The old saying, “It’s better to give than to receive” has stuck around for a reason. It really does feel great to help someone else out—plus, service tends to dilute selfishness.

Insist on politeness and respect all around. When your kids treat others with dignity and respect, they’ll be more likely to appreciate the ways in which those folks contribute to and improve their own lives.

Look for teachable moments. Yes, it’s important to talk about values with your children—but be aware that from time to time, situations that illustrate your point perfectly will arise. Use them as the powerful teaching aids that they are.

Find the silver lining. We’re all tempted to see the glass half-empty from time to time…and kids are no exception. When you hear your child griping about something, find a response that looks on the bright side. It’s called an “attitude of gratitude” for a reason—it’s about perspective more than circumstance.

Andrea Reiser and her husband, David, are the grateful parents of four sons and co-authors of the new book Letters From Home: A Wake-up Call for Success & Wealth (Wiley, 2010, ISBN: 978-0-4706379-2-0, $27.95). They are proud to contribute 100 percent of royalties and other income from the publication of the book between three personally meaningful charities: Share Our Strength (www.strength.org), Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center (http://www.mskcc.org/), and FORCE (http://www.facingourrisk.org/.   For more information, please visit http://www.reisermedia.com/.

GUEST BLOG POST: Weeding Through Well-Meaning Advice by Dana Rosenbloom

The minute you let people know you are pregnant, it begins. Mostly you’ll hear “Oh you’re pregnant? You have to…” Or, “I tried this and it’s the best.” Or, “I used this item and it’s a must.” Or, “You know everyone does this/uses this doctor/subscribes to this technique.” It can be endless! And advice is forthcoming for expectant parents, first time parents, and parents on their 2nd and 3rd children. To be sure, most of this advice is well-meaning…but there’s so much of it. How do you know what to listen to and what to let go?

Consider this:

1. Any advice, item, or technique has to work for your family. In my practice, I view each family as its own culture. In this way, I help families identify the points that are important to them and how to use parenting techniques to fit in to that framework. For example, there are many benefits to your child having a 7:30 bed time. Maybe all of your friends are doing it! There’s nothing like peer pressure in parenting. If your reality is that you don’t come home till 6:30 and your partner is home at 7:30, you probably won’t want to put your child to bed at 7:30. This advice is not for you!

2. Any advice, item, or technique has to work for your child. If we look at the scenario above, the final decision about bed time has to consider your child. If your child goes to bed at 9:30 and wakes up in time for school, wakes up well-rested, and wakes up able to function well and maintain their routine, then no one can tell you that it’s the wrong time. It may not work for a child who requires more sleep or for a parent who needs their child awake at an early hour for class or day care. But it may work for you. This concept can apply to bottles, bouncers, scheduling and many other decisions parents face.

3. The “Go-To” Person. Each of us has a friend, family member or mentor who is our “go-to” person. This person has proven him or her self over time to give advice or comfort that strikes a chord. It may be the person who seems to have warm, loving, respectful relationships with their children. It may be the pediatrician your OB introduced you to, who you’ve been speaking to throughout your pregnancy and who just seems to “get” your temperament and your ideal parenting style. It may be the friend who works in education whose ideas and interactions with children you respect and admire. It may be your father or mother-in-law (figured I’d throw that one in for good measure). The point is, follow your gut. Often, the person who knows you well and whom you trust will give you specific advice that will help you be the best parent you can be.

4. If you aren’t sure, ask. When you hear advice that you might be interested in trying, consider your child’s behavior, temperament, and tendencies and then talk to your partner. See what he or she thinks. If you still aren’t sure, ask an expert. That’s what we’re here for! Many professionals will answer a quick question without requiring a consultation or session. If the question or issue is more complex, it’s probably worth setting up the appointment. In the end, you’ll have the support you need to make the best decision for you and your child.

Dana Rosenbloom has a Master's degree in Infant and Parent Development and Early Intervention from Bank Street College. She is a certified Early Childhood teacher in both general and special education. Dana has been working with children and families in a variety of capacities for over 10 years. In addition to providing services through Dana's Kids, she is both a classroom teacher and a special instructor for children enrolled in Early Intervention. Dana's Kids provides parent education, play therapy, special education services, parent workshops and support groups, and professional development. Dana considers herself to be a "reality-based" therapist, who takes each child's and family's specific situation into consideration before making suggestions. Visit Dana's Kids. Empowered Parents, Happy Families.

GUEST BLOG POST: Moms and Dads: Why You Should Invest in Your Past by Bob Brody

For more than 10 years I promised myself I would write something exclusively for our son Michael and daughter Caroline. It would be a family history, deeply personal, straight from me to my kids.

After all, I’d already cranked out just about everything for everyone else. I’d done essays, articles, memos, speeches, newsletters, brochures and two unpublished novels. I’d contributed to newspapers, magazines, websites, book publishers, corporations, clients and private citizens alike.

Surely I could manage to handle a writing assignment for my own children.

But I just never got around to it. Somehow or other, I never found the time, only plenty of excuses. I had a full-time job. I had a part-time job. I needed to watch TV every night and play basketball on weekends. You’ve heard the song.

But then I resolved to do it. And on January 1, 2008, I started to keep a booklike journal, one for each child. Every week I took an hour or so to capture a special memory – how my son as a toddler slept on the carpet next to our bed, how my daughter mourned the loss of a goldfish.

I also shared anecdotes about my own life, mainly about my parents and grandparents. I recorded my first date with my now-wife, how it felt to land my first job, my occasional successes and frequent failures.

Letters to my kids, these were – equal parts celebration and confession, more fact than opinion, heavy on encouragement but light on advice.

That Christmas, I presented the handwritten journals as gifts. The next year I completed a second set, also handed over on Christmas. The two volumes contained more than 100 entries, amounting to almost 70,000 words, equivalent to about half a book.

Later, the kids -- now 27 and 21 years of age -- read the journals and gave me pretty good reviews. Certainly they expressed appreciation for my efforts.

I now take this private initiative public, with my blog letterstomykids.org, for a reason. It is to urge other parents to do the same.

Keeping a journal is simple. Telling stories to your kids out loud is all well and good, too. But conversation is just air. Often little remains. Documenting your memories, on the other hand – either with a journal, a video or an audiotape -- lends the enterprise permanence.

Here are my top 10 tips for your historic new pasttime:

1. Decide To Do It. No, really. Decide wholeheartedly. You’re either in or you’re out.

2. Plan It All Out. Do at least an outline. Even Shakespeare needed a blueprint.

3. Vote For Reality. Kids can smell spin from a mile away. So opt for the truth about your family, however much it hurts.

4. Single Out The Highlights. Draw only from the richest memories at your command. Forgo trivia.

5. Stick To A Schedule. A little regularity never hurt anyone. Once a week is realistic.

6. Keep It Spontaneous. First thought, best thought, poet Allen Ginsberg said. The Bill of Rights protects this impulse.

7. Briefer Is Better. It’s the soul of wit, no?

8. Tell a story. Each entry will ideally have a beginning, a middle and an end. Maybe even a lesson.

9. Make every word count. Every sentence, too. Your readers will be keeping score, after all.

10. Anyone can write. We all have stories to tell and we’re all storytellers at heart. Period.

In the process, you’ll leave behind a keepsake even more precious than your wedding ring, an heirloom as valuable in its own right as your house, a tangible, heartfelt legacy for the next generation better than any insurance policy.

So invest in your past. As you summon memories to share, you’ll be in for a surprise. You’ll discover new truths about yourself. You’ll understand more about your life. Most rewarding, you’ll find out once and for all just how deeply you love your kids.

They'll find out, too.

Bob Brody is an executive and essayist in New York City who blogs at http://www.letterstomykids.org/. His pieces have appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, Smithsonian and Reader's Digest. By day, he's a senior vice president/media specialist at Powell Tate, a division of the public relations firm Weber Shandwick.

GUEST BLOG POST: The Year of the Dog by Deb Amlen

When my kids finally get around to choosing my nursing home – I fully intend to live long enough to be a burden on them -- I am confident that they’ll be kind. She might not have been the cookie-baking type of Mom they’ll say, but she always had our backs against the naysayers. And then they will go ahead and reserve the room with the garden view and the working “Call” button and the muscular attendant named Thor, because as I’ve taught them, one hand washes the other. Cookies come and go, but emotional indebtedness lasts forever.

Intellectually, at least, I understand the importance of fitting into a society that values conformity. A round peg fits nicely into a round hole and makes life a lot easier for school administrators. But what if you give birth to a hexagon and the local nursery school says, “I’m sorry, but the only nap mats we have are round. You’ll have to take your little hexagon somewhere else”? Sometimes you have to just look at the whole hexagon and say, those points may be a bit rough now, but I can help smooth them just enough for my kid to fit in. And eventually, what’s left will be seen as a positive character trait. What’s left will be her strength and will get her through the rough spots in life.

If I’d had my kids earlier, it might not have worked out that way. It takes a certain amount of confidence to face off against people who tell you they have a lot more experience with children than you, but you know what those people ultimately taught me? No one knows my kids better than I do.

If anyone had told me that my daughter, who has grown into one of the loveliest, most well-adjusted young women I know, would spend the entire third year of her life walking on all fours and barking like a dog, I would have suggested that they up their doses of medication. But that’s exactly what she did. This included wanting to drink from a bowl on the floor (occasionally indulged) and pooping outside with our real dogs (not so much tolerated.) I knew why she was doing it; she was raised around dogs and was developing a compassion for animals that would eventually lead her to become a vegetarian.

It wasn’t always apparent to those who crossed her path that she knew she wasn’t really a dog. I had signed her up for a tots’ acting class, seeing as how she loved indulging her creative side. The teacher pulled me aside one day and suggested that perhaps my daughter would benefit from a psychiatric evaluation. My first reaction was to try to suppress the urge to vomit, because nothing makes you feel more insecure as a parent than to think that an objective adult with a graduate degree thinks there is something seriously wrong with your child.

“She thinks she’s a dog,” the teacher said. “I tried to tell her that she’s not a dog, but all she did was lift her leg on me. That’s bad.”

“Well, she shouldn’t try to mark you,” I agreed, the queasiness starting to subside. “But she knows she’s not a dog. C, are you really a dog?”

“Woof,” my little hexagon replied, wistfully shaking her head. If only, she was probably thinking.

“You see? She doesn’t think she’s a dog. She’s pretending that she’s a dog.” I added a genial smile and laugh to show her that C and I were not, in fact, clinically insane. I took my child and left without pointing out the irony that pretending was exactly what she and her graduate degree had been charged with teaching a group of kids to do.

Occasionally, we lucked out. This was around the same time that C. started pre-school, and that year she had a teacher armed with a graduate degree and a developed sense of humor. At the end of the year, this wonderful woman took me aside and congratulated me. C had spent her year in pre-school slowly convincing the unconverted that being a dog was much more fun than being human. Once the teacher was able to convince the litter that speaking was more acceptable than barking, they became quite the obedient class. Oh, and when they covered color identification, C. had gone around stumping for her personal favorite until the entire class believed that their favorite color was purple, too. She has a brilliant future ahead of her, the teacher said. Yes, I agreed, apparently as a politician. Or a cult leader.

It’s a good thing she dropped the drinking-from-a-bowl-on-the-floor thing. That would not go over well on the campaign trail.


Deb Amlen is the author of “It’s Not PMS, It’s You” (Sterling, 2010). Visit her home on the web at http://www.debamlen.com/. 

You are Invited to Attend - by Cara

My son’s birthday was this past Friday. We had his birthday celebration on Saturday, which happened to also be MY birthday! It was at a gorgeous local pool, and the weather was the best we have had in weeks! Warm enough to swim; cool enough to relax in the shade, and no humidity! We had a perfect birthday on a perfect day!

What irks me, though, is that I have found that year after year, I always have to hunt down parents who fail to respond to the invitations I send out. I always send them out about a month before the party date, because I know families are busy during the summer months, or go away. I additionally put not only my phone number, but also my e-mail address on the invite so that for someone like me, who has limited time to chitchat, the parent can send out a quick e-mail message indicating whether their child can attend or not.

This year was the worst. Not only did I have to make multiple calls during the week before the party, the parents whom I did get in touch with gave me some of the most ridiculous responses. For instance, one Mom said that she would have to get back to me closer to the day of the party because if the weather was nice. She wanted to take the family to the beach. When I mentioned that adults were welcome to swim at the pool and that her son could even bring his brother along, she said she still was not sure. She ended up e-mailing me late the night before the party to say that her son couldn’t come.

Then there was the Mom who said that her daughter had a party to go to on the same day and that if her daughter wasn’t having fun at the first party, she would leave that party and come to my son’s. She never showed so I assume her daughter was having a good time at the other party.

And finally, one mother wanted to know if another particular child was going. She said that she would not let her son go if the other boy would be attending, because the two boys don’t like each other. When I said that the other boy’s parents hadn’t responded yet, she said to give her a call when they do, and that if the other boy was not coming, she would let her son come. (Incidentally, neither boy came because I never heard back from the first one, so I didn’t have any information to give the second one.)

There were also the no-shows. Mom’s who said that their sons would definitely be there but ended up MIA. And there were no follow-up calls indicating why the boys didn't come! To make this particular incident even more outrageous, one family happens to live six houses from the pool!! I just don’t get it.

Has the world become so bogged down with so much to keep track of that they can’t leave a simple message on the phone or through e-mail? I will give one Mom a little credit. She called me back very quickly after I called her home to see whether her daughter would be coming to the party. She apologized profusely and said that she had the party invitation in her pocketbook with the intent to RSVP, but the invitation got swallowed up inside her bag. At least she was carrying the invite around with her!

Until I can figure out a system that will work better, so that I am not scrambling to put goody bags together at the last minute with an undetermined head count, I guess I’ll be flying around, flapping my wings to make sure that I have everything ready, no matter who shows up or not. And I do want to thank those parents who actually did RSVP in a timely manner! One Mom even offered to come early and help set up! Two thumbs up for that Mom! Although I did decline her generous offer.

In the end, as stressful as putting a party together can be, the most important thing is that the kids had a great time! My son was ecstatic, and I had a terrific birthday, chatting with many of the Moms who are also my friends, while basking in the glow of my son’s happiness!

What more could I ask for on my birthday??

The Conundrum Over Wine Glasses - by Cara

I am currently in the midst of a heated debate regarding a set of wine glasses I gave to a close friend recently. I first saw them on a Facebook group site called,

“OMG, I so need a glass of wine, or I’m gonna sell my kids!!”

This group has a following of 109,646 fans. So I am obviously not the only one who can relate to this group! I bought a pair of these glasses with the full group tag imprinted on the wine glasses for myself, as well as a pair that just said, “OMG, I so need a glass of wine!” A friend saw these and LOVED them, so I bought her a set, with the complete logo as a gift, and she frequently calls or texts me that she is pulling out those glasses after the kids are asleep!

Enter one of my other close friends. She typically has bottles of wine and wine coolers lined up on top of her refrigerator. And she frequently mentions that as soon as her son goes to bed, she is having a tall glass of wine. Well, I thought that these “OMG” wine glasses would be great for her to have too! I even bought her the ones that just said,”OMG, I so need a glass of wine,” just in case she didn’t want to use the ones with the reference towards selling your kids with certain company. Well, as it turned out, she was appalled. And she needed to mention that not only was SHE appalled, she showed the glasses to her family and fiends and they were appalled as well! I apologized for offending her and offered to take the glasses back or suggest that she give them away or even throw them out if they offended her so much. She said that she wanted to keep them (?).

I was then forwarded an article by one of our other Motherhood Later bloggers regarding the issue of Mom’s needing a drink at the end of the day to take the edge off,

“All Joy and No Fun...Why Parents Hate Parenting,”

from New York Magazine. This article quotes a Mom who states, “The Children’s Museum of Manhattan - a nice place, but what it really needs is a bar.” This is just not a select group of Moms who fall into this category. There are Parenting Podcasts where the hosts readily admit to needing a drink of wine at the end of the day. There are Parenting Forums where literally hundreds of Moms admit that parenting is far from easy and that a drink at the end of the day helps them to unwind.

I need to add that I am not at all pro-drinking. In fact, I rarely drink at all due to the plethora of medications I take. And I am definitely not advocating drinking to such excess that it begins to impair your life or you need it to get through each day. But a glass of wine now and then, or socially, I believe is perfectly acceptable. Especially when you come home at the end of the day and find a myriad of toys strewn around, crayon marks on the walls, a bathroom that is drenched from you child wanting to give their stuffed animals a bath (and end up wrapped in your child’s sheets to “dry off,” i.e. remake bed). I can see wanting to grab something to relax you before you try to calmly deal with each of these issues.

So back to my wine glasses. What do you think? I gave them to one friend who adores them and one friend who is horrified by them. I guess having glasses that indicate that you would want to sell your kids is a bit much. And I don’t think I will be giving them as gifts to any other friends, unless upon specific request. But considering the circumstances, was I reading into my appalled friend a little too much, and subtly indicating that she has a drinking problem (which I certainly was not), or was she over reacting to what I considered a humorous, harmless gift?

Please give me your feedback. I am interested to know what you think.

GUEST BLOG POST: A Teachable Moment - Summer Exploration by Dr. Susan Bartell

The summer is great when you’re a kid. The stressful weeks of school have been left far behind and autumn’s cold and dreary days seem like they’re still forever away. Each sunny moment is an opportunity for something new—an interesting shell on the beach; a new friend at the park; a delicious ice-cream flavor. The summer is a time for exploring.

In addition to being fun, exploring is an important task of childhood. By becoming a detective, a child learns that one must look beyond the obvious “big picture” to see the world as interesting and complex. Developing the ability to explore with an open and inquisitive mind—to analyze situations, objects and places—is a skill that will carry a child far beyond the fun of the playground and into a successful adult life.

It is important for you to provide opportunities for your child to explore—and summer is the perfect time. Encourage digging holes on the beach by making sure you remember to bring the shovel. Invite exploration in the playground by leaving ample time to play. Ensure bicycles and their safety equipment are accessible and ready to go. Your enthusiasm and patience (rather than frustration or boredom) will support your child’s desire to question and learn. At home, adventures can be found in baking or homegrown scientific experiments with soap, water, clay and…just ask your young explorer! Summer days are perfect for ‘science’ when patios or driveways can be hosed down afterwards!

Exploring need not be reserved for playful detective work! Trying new foods is a type of exploration—a venturing into unknown and for many children, scary territory. However, the summer is a great time for widening a child’s palate. For one thing, it is less stressful, having left behind the “hurry up and eat, we’ll be late for school, homework or bed.” There are also so many great foods to try—fruits, BBQs and picnic foods all seem tastier and more fun in the summer. So, invite your child to explore a rainbow of summer foods—make it tempting by cutting them into interesting designs or serving them in fun ways. Invite neighbors to a picnic in the backyard—new foods taste better on colorful paper plates while sitting under a tree, especially when other kids are eating them too—peer pressure can work wonders when it comes to exploring foods.

Some children are born explorers. For others, the idea of venturing out of their comfort zone doesn’t seem like fun, it feels overwhelming. Sometimes a child is left behind by the others who want to explore—especially when the park, pool and beach are calling out for adventure. A reluctant explorer may need a boost from you to get over fear. Also, ask yourself if you’re contributing to his or her anxiety by conveying your own worries about straying too far, getting hurt or becoming dirty. If so, you’ll want to keep this in check so your child can become a more confident explorer—while still being safe of course!

Igniting interest in creative exploration is a gift you can give your child that will burn brightly long into adulthood. So get out your favorite walking shoes, your digging stick and your magnifying glass and get ready to explore!

Dr. Susan Bartell is America’s #1 family psychologist. Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions Kids Ask. You can learn more about Dr. Bartell at http://www.drsusanbartell.com/. 

The Consignment Sale - by Cyma

Last weekend, my husband and I spent two days preparing items to take to my old neighbor’s bi-annual consignment sale. This is not your usual consignment sale; this is the mother of consignment sales. My neighbor prepares for months, delegating tasks, advertising and marketing this well-known event. We prepare for months, by adding old things to our now old-familiar consignment sale paper bags. These bags are hidden in closets and tucked away awaiting final examination. The items are then transferred to well-marked boxes and transported to the Event.

From the end of one sale, in the Spring, to the other sale, in the Winter, nearly every week is spent assessing the viability of too-small clothes, no longer used toys and ‘gently used’ accessories. I must confess that every stain that appears on my children’s clothing, every rip I find represents lost dollars and a futile attempt to make good on something now seemingly bad. I’ve spent countless hours spraying and respraying stain remover on grass, blood and crayon in the hope that I can recycle that one piece at the tag sale. Sometimes it works; sometimes it doesn’t.

For us, the days leading up to the sale are a ritual, and one that takes on the tone of the High Holidays – this is when we get to assess; reassess; atone for past mistakes (i.e. items needlessly torn or broken during fun times, or during a fit of rage); and attempt to make better. We get to say goodbye to things no longer needed, items which came with memories, and items which have a story of their own. And of course, I, especially, feel the familiar sadness that comes with knowing that the clock can’t be turned back; that you, and your children can’t recapture time gone by. While they continue to race toward the finish line – “when I get older…………..,” I can’t wait until I get older……………..” -- and seem to delight in adding their no longer needed items to the pile, I keep holding on to the past, reluctantly parting with all of this, knowing full well that the finish line never looks the same when you are standing at the starting gate.

The act of preparing for this Event takes on a life of its own: we separate the clothing from the toys; tag all items on the right side of each piece with the gold and silver safety pins we receive with our participant package; and list each corresponding item on the inventory sheet, being careful to disclose the type, size, wearer’s gender and, of course, the price. Nearly always, the price becomes a bone of contention between us – should we reduce it to nothing just to get rid of it, should we charge fair market value to recoup our original investment? Should we just get rid of things that are no longer useful by selling them, or should we donate them to much needier people? Ultimately, does any of this matter at all?

Once tagged, our items must be placed in boxes labeled with our name and participant number. This year, I sent in my prerequisite deposit money many, many weeks ago. I was sure I was the first to do so. I wanted the coveted #1 spot. I have been #3 and #5 during years when I raced to her house to give her our deposit. This year, I wanted the prize before the event. Our neighbor granted us our wish and secured our place firmly in (what I consider to be) the top spot. I was so excited that I bought #1 Award tags and affixed them to all our boxes. I made sure to show her that she made my day.

This time I had 68 items; actually 64 a few days ago, but the straggler pieces – things that I just stumbled on throughout the house -- were added and added until finally we brought the boxes to her. Yesterday, I found something else to sell, but yesterday was too late. That item was placed in the new paper bag, awaiting the next sale this Winter.

Who I'm Not -- by Liimu

I’m not God. I can’t possibly control all that happens in my world, and I’ve long since given up trying. I’ve known many women and marriages that have broken down over a woman’s futile attempts at maintaining control and some unattainable level of perfection at all times and in all areas. I know a woman who spent her entire career working to be the top dog in her field, until she realized that no amount of money could repair the damage caused by neglecting her husband and kids for nearly twenty years. I know another woman who spent fifteen years spending all her energy trying to be the perfect mom, then woke up one day to find her children about to leave the nest and a man laying next to her in bed she hardly recognized.

I am crazy busy. Anyone who knows me knows that. Bless Robin for including me in this website knowing that fact, but I guess it’s because she also knows that I try very hard not to make commitments unless I fully intend to keep them. If asked where my first priority lies, they might be surprised to know that it’s not actually to my children. It’s to God, and finding ways to best serve Him, and following that, to myself. Because what I have learned is that if I neglect myself or my spiritual life, I am really no good to my children and husband. I’m cranky, irritable, ungrateful, self-centered and just downright yucky to be around. My husband said to me once when I was in one of these moods, “You need to do whatever you need to do to get re-centered. When you’re miserable, everyone in this family is miserable.”

So, I no longer try to be all things to all people. I start with getting connected to God and to being me, the best me I can be, and everything I do is to support one of those two goals. I usually start the day by running or going to the gym for a good workout. (When people ask me how I have time to run, I explain that I multitask. When I’m asked to go out for coffee or drinks, I always ask if we can get together to run instead. That way, I’m combining catching up with a good friend with my never-ending quest for health and fitness. My spiritual tank ends up twice as full!) Today, I ran three miles with a friend at 6 am, and was feeling pretty good about things. I worked for a few hours, and got some excellent feedback on my performance so I was feeling really jazzed. Then at about a quarter to 4, I got all freaked out when I checked our bank account online. I knew I didn’t want to pick up the girls in that state – I try hard not to raise them with the same sense of financial insecurity I grew up with – so I called my sponsor to get some support.

My sponsor told me a story from a recent production of Cinderella she saw. She said in the story, Cinderella asks her fairy godmother if she can go to the ball. She tells her fairy godmother how badly she wants to go and how disappointed she is not to have the right dress to wear or a way to get there. Then she says, “Well, I guess I could borrow my mother’s dress and catch a ride to the ball. I don’t really have to go in a fancy carriage in a fancy dress.” And of course then the fairy godmother grants her the wish, but in this version of the story she says it’s because Cinderella is willing to do everything she can to make her own dreams come true. That opens the door for the Universe to do the rest. “So,” my friend of more than 15 years then said to me, pausing only to breathe deeply (which, in turn, prompted me to do the same), “have you done everything you can do to make your dreams come true?” “I don’t know!” I cried. “Yes,” she assured me. “Yes, you have. Now, just go outside into your beautiful backyard for ten minutes before you pick up those girls and give thanks for all you have. Because just for today, it’s enough. You are enough.”

So, I did. I sat on the patio in the middle of my park-like backyard which, now that Spring has sprung, is bursting with color thanks to the flowers that are in bloom in the grass, the trees and the bushes. I sat there and looked around and then I looked up and said, “I’m sorry for doubting You. Thank You, God. Thank You for taking such good care of me. I promise, I trust You.” And before I knew it, it was time to go pick up my girls.

As I walked down the driveway to meet the bus, my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and saw that it was a colleague of mine who has been helping me secure project work consistently since the beginning of the year. He was calling to tell me that a resource they had assigned to an upcoming project had backed out and he wanted to know if I was interested in taking it. I smiled to the Heavens and said another silent “thank You” to the God of my understanding, who was – yet again – reminding me that there is a God, and it isn’t me.

Seven -- by Robin

My son turned 7 this week. Time sure flies.

I went to school on his birthday to celebrate with his first grade classmates. It was very sweet. I brought ice cream cups, juice and Oreos. My mother in law came as well, and we read books to the kids. In honor of Seth, we chose two fire truck-theme stories, and he couldn't be happier.

We took photos with other students and the teachers, and I whipped out my new handy Flip camcorder to give it a try.

We hung up decorations at home and went out to dinner, where he ordered a decadent chocolate mousse dessert, and we sung to him as he blew out the candle.

I asked him the day after how it felt to be 7, and he thought about it for a second, and said "good." It made me smile.

This weekend is his birthday party, and we're looking forward to celebrating with friends. While I find party planning a bit stressful...so many details....especially since I was organizing the class visit as well....it's great to have a happy occasion to celebrate.

My last blog related to my ailing senior dad, and his return to the hospital is looming in my mind. So, this was a welcome, positive break. And, he'll be coming to Seth's party Sunday, and hopefully, even if for a short while, he can let go of his constant downbeat health-related thoughts. I was disappointed that he didn't call Seth on his birthday, but I know he's mentally caught up in his health issues, as his stent procedure is this coming Wednesday. He can't get it done fast enough, and I will once again be on edge.

It was actually nicer than I expected to have my mother in law come to Seth's class. She is a hugely judgmental person, and isn't always easy to be around in that regard. My husband and his brother were pleasantly surprised to hear that she read a book to the kids. I told him that I kinda didn't give her a choice. I handed her the book, and said "why don't you read this next book." And, she rose to the occasion, and I actually think she enjoyed the interaction with the children. For a fleeting moment, I found myself picturing her reading to my husband when he was Seth's age, assuming she did that. And, I wondered if it took her back to that place too?! Her son, my husband, will forever be her baby, as will Seth for me, even though he's growing up fast.

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY Seth! We love you high as the sky sweetie!!


PS -- It's not too late to register your kids for Winter/Spring Classes! Check out The Little Gym of Port Washington in NY. Say Motherhood Later sent you and receive a 10% discount.

Back to School -- by Jamie

This was a big week in the education-department for the Levines: Jayda started nursery school, and I registered for some important classes of my own. Both were big milestones for each of us, though Jayda’s transition was far easier than I expect my return to college will be.

Jayda has been at the same day care center since she was 3-1/2 months old. She’s always been ahead of the learning curve, and has been promoted into each of her classes at an earlier age than most of the other kids. Thus, in September, when many of Jayda’s friends (who are slightly older than Jayda) were moved up to the nursery school program, I expected Jayda would be following them. But due to classroom overcrowding and some annoying day care bureaucracy, she lagged behind for awhile. Ultimately, my daughter successfully potty trained, vastly improved her vocabulary, spent much of her time helping the younger kids in her toddler room, and, in sum, displayed what I felt was extreme readiness for nursery school. Fortunately, by the holidays, my relentless hounding of the school’s director finally reaped success, and to my relief, Jayda became the only child allowed to transition to nursery school in January.

Jayda’s first day in nursery school was drama-free for both of us. She took to the ground running—literally—and leapt out of my arms, shouting, “Mommy—LEAVE!” as she ran to join her old friends, who were playing happily in her new classroom. When I came to pick Jayda up in the afternoon, her new teacher informed me that Jayda had had a terrific day, and it had seemed “like Jayda had been in nursery school forever.” As I’d suspected, Jayda’s move into nursery school had been long overdue, and she’d been more than ready to get started there.

I, on the other hand, am likely to have more trouble adjusting to my new classes. I received a B.A. in Communication from the University of Michigan in 1991, and never imagined I’d be going back to college at almost-40-years-old. For more than 15 years, I worked in children’s publishing—as a writer, a school book club editor, a marketer, and a buyer—and have always loved my career. But sadly, as the result of corporate downsizing, I found my job eliminated a year ago. Freelance writing and consulting have kept me financially afloat, but I’m no longer fulfilled by my daily work, nor do I have the job stability I need as a single mother. After much soul-searching, I’ve decided to pursue grad school, specifically for Speech Pathology—a career that would profit from my occupational experiences and strengths, and provide the job-flexibility and salary I need to raise my daughter.

However, I can’t just take the GREs, apply to grad school, and get started on a second career. First, I must fulfill several Speech Pathology-related undergraduate prerequisites. And before I could even register for those classes, I had to apply to (and be admitted to) a special university program. Fortunately, I was accepted to the program at Queens College, and this past week, I met with an advisor to help me select my classes. At this late date (classes start at the end of January), most of the classes I needed were closed, and I was only able to get into two. But that’s a start. And what with commuting to Queens from Long Island twice a week, continuing my freelance work (I still need to bring in as much money as possible), and taking care of my daughter, I guess that’s enough to get my feet wet.

Because I’m a “planner,” it has been my natural inclination to map out my “school plan”—to consider all the work I’ll be doing for my classes, as well as the time I’ll need to spend schlepping back and forth to the campus. But not everything involved with going back to school at my age is so easy to predict. It’s been a long time since I’ve had to listen to a lecture, take copious notes, or study for a test. When it comes to being a student, I’m out of practice—as well as out-of-the-loop in regards to modern-day college practices. Even applying to school this time was a novel experience for me: When I applied to Michigan, I typed out my application and essays on an electric typewriter—and mailed a check to the school. This time, I applied online and simply entered my credit card number. A lot has changed in two decades.

This week, while I waited for my appointment with my advisor at Queens College, I sat in a waiting room with other prospective students, who, technically, were young enough to be my children. And that’s going to be an interesting experience, too. Things may be different in grad school, but right now, while I’m taking my undergraduate classes, I’ll be sharing lecture halls and assignments with young men and women who are literally half my age. And that will definitely be an adjustment—for me and for them, I’m sure. I’m fairly certain none of them will be juggling their studies with mother- or fatherhood, and I’ll be a novelty.

The other day, I told Jayda I was going back to school, and she got very excited about it. She wondered, “Is it a big school?”—like the elementary school we pass on the way to her day care center—and asked, “Will you be going on a school bus?” which is her own personal fantasy. And, of course, she asked if she could “come, too.” There is actually a nice playground outside the Speech Pathology department office building, and I may bring her there to check it out in the spring. While my time at school certainly won’t be full of fun and games like Jayda’s nursery school adventures, hopefully it will still be a positive experience. And I may as well show Jayda some of the fun that can be involved, since nothing—including going back to school—is a solo venture for me anymore.


Back in September, Jayda and I appeared on a local cable TV show in a segment about SMCs. If you’d like to check it out, here are the YouTube links:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ehgwxZfhNL8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYEavdyFDUM http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJ9aaxXA_TA

Yearning for BFF Times -- by Robin

I am SO looking forward to the weekend.

My good friend, Debbie, who I don't get to see too often since we live a distance apart, is coming to stay with us for a night with her two kids. Though older than Seth, he loves playing with them. And, I am psyched for the time with Debbie.

One of the things that I miss a lot is quality time with close girlfriends (my BFFs...best female friends). Since becoming a mom and no longer working in the city, I don't have access to some as I used to. Debbie and I, back in our single days, both worked in Manhattan and would often socialize together after work or at the very least get in a healthy dose of exercise as we walked to the subway or bus together, enroute to our homes. She lived on Long Island, and I in Queens. And, we'd spend ample time on the weekends on the phone dishing about our week and making weekend plans.

Things are different now.

She lives in New Jersey, and I live on Long Island. For years, we always joked that when we each (hopefully) got married one day, we'd buy homes next to each other or at least nearby.

That didn't happen.

She met a guy from New Jersey, so they wound up settling there. And, I met a guy originally from Queens who was living in Great Neck, NY, so we wound up in Great Neck. We lived in a 1 bedroom apartment at first and when it came househunting, we didn't just look in Great Neck. We toured Rockland, Westchester, CT, other areas of LI and even NJ. I originally thought if we at least lived in NJ, even if not far out, I could get relatively close to Debbie....or at least there wouldn't be a bridge between us.

We wound up putting a bid on a house in Glen Rock, NJ that was accepted, but it led to my having a totally sleepless night. I woke up the next day and realized we had made a big mistake. I didn't want to move to New Jersey. I hated the George Washington Bridge. There's always major traffic on it, and I knew that if I were to ever drive to LI, NYC or Queens (where my dad lives), I would not be a happy camper. So, we revoked the offer, and the homeowner was totally understanding. I knew at that moment that Debbie and I would likely never become next door neighbors or even live in the same state.

Since I no longer work in the city, I've endeavored to make friends in the suburbs. And, since becoming a mom, I've made a constant effort to befriend other moms. But, being moms isn't enough to cement a true, meaningful friendship. You have to connect on a level beyond that. I do think it's possible, but it doesn't happen overnight, as my mom friend Jeri says.

There is something to be said for having history with a BFF. Debbie knew me back in my single days. She knew my mom (who has passed away). She understands what my upbringing was like. Where I grew up. What I used to wear. When I first permed my hair. What pushes my buttons, so to speak, etc, etc. And, she's not afraid to "tell it like it is" if I'm venting about something. She helps keep me "real" in that regard....kinda like a dose of tough love that you may not want to hear but you know you need to listen.

And, don't we all need at least one friend like that?! Someone who isn't afraid to say something even if it might not sit right with us. Someone who can ruffle your feathers, but you know they're coming from a truly sincere place of wanting only what's best for you. Someone you could call at 2AM, and they wouldn't hang up. Someone who will let you talk 'n talk and not expect anything in return. There's no hidden agenda. No walking on eggshells. No questioning if they like you or not....or if it's just about a play date for the kids....or for professional networking reasons. You genuinely connect on a kindred spirit level.

I'm grateful to have time (even though it will be fleeting this weekend) with Debbie. I'm glad we've managed to stay close all these years and to share the ups 'n downs of life. She's one of the most grounded women I know (her upbringing was a challenging one), and we always have a good time. It takes me back to the days when life seemed simpler. Uncertain...yes......since we were both single and wondered how things would turn out. Now that we have a sense of that at least for today, we can laugh as we look back on the things we used to worry about. They have since been replaced by an entirely different set of concerns.

Life is an ever-evolving journey, and the more we get to share it, the better.

School Approaching - by Robin

Where does the time go?

School will be here before you know it, and it's first grade for Seth.

Everyone says it's much more demanding than kindergarten. That remains to be seen. I'm crossing my fingers the homework isn't daunting.

It's been so nice having him come home from camp and just being able to chill. Some of the biggest challenges were creating a funky hairstyle for him for Wacky Wednesday and picking clothes in black 'n red for checkerboard day.

The whole after school homework thing is such a challenge for everyone.

And, now we're giving thought to after school activities.

There is no after class program for first graders at the school. So, two days we have enrolled him in a dropoff program similar to day care. But, what about the other days? Should we consider Hebrew School? (He has no interest in that.)

Two other mom friends have broached the subject of martial arts.

Another mentioned tennis.

How much and what to do? And, all this taking into consideration the demands of school itself.

We're not rushing into signing him up for anything as yet, but I do feel like I'd like to have a potential gameplan in mind.

I don't want to be one of those overscheduling moms. Kids need ample time to chill. But, it's tempting to sign them up for programs that seem cool, especially if their friends are doing it. I don't buy into the whole "keeping up with the Jones parenting thing," but it is easy to be influenced.

So, as I call up karate places, kids gyms, synagogues, etc. , we'll see what jumps out at us and Seth. If he had his way, he'd be happy staying home and watching Sponge Bob for hours after doing homework.

Pool Life Lessons - by Robin Gorman Newman

I'm so proud of Seth.

He passed the deep water swim test at camp this week, and it meant so much to him and all of us. We're going to go out for a celebratory dinner tonight. He didn't pass the first time, and I so admire his persistence and desire to make it happen. I don't think he ever doubted that eventually he would get there. He has the right attitude, and I hope he can ultimately apply it in all areas of his life.

We've been spending a lot of time at our local pool, in addition to him swimming at his day camp, and he's made huge progress. It's amazing to watch his development. From one day to the next, things he wouldn't do last week, he's now doing without fear, projecting total confidence. It's an inspiration.

I am learning to do laps myself this summer. Working on my breathing now, which has been a challenge. But, I know I'll get there.

Yesterday in the pool, I was speaking with a veteran swimmer who comes religiously the same time each day to swim for at least half an hour. I watch him with awe and aspire to follow in his swim strokes one day. We don't usually talk because he swims as if on a mission. But this time, we chatted a bit as he came up for air, and we got on the subject of kids and how it's ideal to learn to do certain things when you're young. Granted, not that I'm old at 48, but as he pointed out, the older you are, the more you might be riddled with fear. And, he's right. I don't have a comfort level in the deep water, though I'm working on it. And, I don't envision ever jumping off a diving board....though I never say never.

But, it's not just about swimming.

It's amazing how kids fully embrace most new experiences, and as adults, we might sometimes hem 'n haw over them, wondering how they fit into our expectations of what we think the experience will be like. And, if you're like me, it's so easy to over think a situation. And, nothing will instill more fear in you than what you conjure up before even embarking on the experience. You could love it and be totally surprised. If you had asked me a few years ago if I'd ever put my face in the water, I would have answered with a resounding "no."

I don't expect to learn to ski at this point in my life. Nor, do I have the desire.

I don't plan to jump out of a plane.

But, I do still yearn for new experiences. It's never too late to learn.

Perhaps snorkeling?

Taking an acting class?

Hmmm...what else?

What do you think about learning or trying something new at this point in your life?

One of my single love coaching clients told me this week that she might sign up for a tarot card reading class in the fall.

That sounds intriguing.

The possibilities for learning are endless.

Another mom I know is studying the Torah.

New experiences help keep life fresh.

I'm wondering what's next on my learning agenda.

How about you?

Show I Recommend -- Gazillion Bubble Show

GAZILLION BUBBLE SHOW CELEBRATES ITS 3RD “UNBUBBLELIEVABLE” YEAR OFF-BROADWAY At New World Stages in NYC

GAZILLION BUBBLE SHOW continues to amaze audiences with its mind blowing bubble magic at New World Stages (340 W. 50 Street in NYC). A family affair, GAZILLION BUBBLE SHOW features Guinness World Record Holders Fan, Ana or Jano Yang.

The show is the first and only interactive stage production of its kind, complete with outstanding light effects, lasers, rousing music and jaw-dropping masterpieces of bubble artistry. The grand finale floods the theatre with an incredible laser display and wave after wave of light-catching bubbles. It is "awesome"....to quote my son.

I recently saw it with Seth (age 6), and he got a huge kick out of jumping out of his seat, trying to catch the bubbles. It was great to take him to a show where he didn't have to stay put, keep quiet, etc. It was an intriguing interactive experience on many levels and quite memorable.

I, myself, was mesmerized with the pulsating streams of colored lights, music and bubbles. I actually found it surprisingly tranquil and relaxing at points....as if I was being transported under the water...between the special effects and the wetness of the bubbles surrounding you, touching you, etc.

I enjoyed it much more than I ever anticipated, and highly recommend it. It's a real treat and feast for the eyes and senses.

And, it was amusing. Kids were selected from the audience and brought on stage, and it was fun to watch their reaction. It felt like one big party. I often found myself saying "wow."

Tickets may be purchased thru Telecharge at 212.239.6200 or at www.telecharge.com.
Running time is 80 minutes, no intermission.

Visit www.gazillionbubbleshow.com to check it out.