Mother Pants -- by Laura Houston

Motherhood didn’t always fit me. It often felt too tight. Too restrictive. Awkward. Impossible to zip up.

But this week my pants fit. After moving 3,000 miles away from the home I loved, adjusting to a big, new city, making new friends, missing old ones, and trying to find a place where I sort of fit in, I am finally hitting my stride as a mom.

I had a great week.

Here are a few random thoughts and things that happened:

I learned that my sons are not being rude at the dinner table when they say, “F@#k peas.” They’re actually being polite, asking for a “fork please.”

Most Saturday evenings we meet other parents at the playground across from a luxury high rise. This Saturday I said to one of the dads, “Whenever I see those people all dressed up and getting into a taxi to go see some show or eat at a fabulous restaurant, I sometimes wish I could do that instead.”

And he said, “Every time I stepped out of that building all dressed up and headed somewhere fabulous, and I saw parents playing with their children in this playground, I wished I could do this instead.”

Touché.

I have a pair of mimics. Wyatt and Lyle regularly play with another pair of twins who hail from London. Now they no longer call me Momma. Instead I am now “Mummy” complete with the accent.

I still can’t get Lyle to sleep through the night, but I can calmly get him into bed at 8:00pm. He won’t necessarily go to sleep right away. No. In fact, he cries and whines for the first half hour, but when he finally agrees to sleep, he stays that way for almost six hours. A record!

The boys can count to 12. We live on the 12^th floor, and we always count going up. And going down. Now they do it without me.

They can dance and actually hit the beats.

Instead of throwing the blocks, we are finally starting to build stuff with them.

I gave Lyle a timeout and a lecture along with it, and it actually changed his behavior.

Most nights when Dave comes home I ask him if he wants a glass of wine or a beer, but I didn’t realize how much of a habit it was until Wyatt greeted the babysitter with the line: “Do you want a glass of wine?”

It has been fun.

What changed? Well, sure, the boys are getting older. But I can also credit changes I made. I started exercising again. I had to. I threw out two discs in my back, and I am finally out of pain for the first time in two years. Also, I am working part-time, and that makes my brain work a little better. And there are things to look forward to: swim classes, father's day, vacation, summer in Central Park, not cooking every night because it's too hot, and reading a really good novel.

It feels like I am finally returning to me. And even if my pants don’t fit me like they used to…in that they are way too loose in some places and too tight in others….well….that’s OK. They still pull on easily, and they’re comfortable. Finally. My mother pants are comfortable.

GUEST BLOG POST: Organizing Kids - by Ana Homayoun, author, That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed...

Last week, after a book signing for my recently released book “That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life,” a mother approached me to lament about how even though she thought that she had tried everything her son was on the verge of failing the eighth grade

After speaking with this mother for a few minutes, it became clear that it wasn’t just her son’s struggle to be organized that was the problem. Every time I would say something positive and encouraging, she would become negative. When I made a suggestion, she batted it down as though it wouldn’t work, even though she had yet to try it. Though this mother clearly was well-intentioned (she was giving up part of her Thursday evening to hear me speak and buy my book!) her own attitude and approach clearly made it impossible for her and her son to move forward.

Between all the activities parents have to juggle – jobs, finances, home life, kid’s school, sports and activities – parents don’t always readily realize that the message they send through their actions – both verbal and non-verbal – have an enormous impact on their child’s ability to become encouraged to make long-term changes towards personal and academic success.

Through my work with families, it is abundantly clear that parental attitude and approach are some of the main factors of long-term student success – here are few quick tips:

Make a Fresh Start and Let Go of Past Mistakes – In my book, I give the example of the a boss who no matter what you seem to do, reminds you of past mistakes, short-comings or your general failing to measure up. Most adults would long to find another job FAST, and don’t realize that they inadvertently treat their kids the same way. In my work, I always talk about the win-win – that is, how getting better organized will make the student’s life easier so he or she can spend more time doing whatever it is they enjoy – and that this process is all about THEM. For most pre-teens and teenagers, that can be a powerfully motivating message.

Let Your Child Take Ownership of his Successes and Mistakes – Over my years of work, I see that the most successful parent/child dynamics are those where the parent allows the child to develop their own skills and react to their own challenges. Some weeks and months might be smoother than others, but the overall trend is that over time, these kids develop into reliable, competent and hardworking young people.

Remain Calm and Re-Group as Necessary – When I give talks to parents and educators, I often get nervous laughter when I exclaim how “No child sits up late at night strategizing how they can stress you out by forgetting their homework on the printer!” As with everything, learning is a process, and kids will struggle as they learn new techniques. Structuring a weekly re-group time in your home, where kids can go through their backpack, clean out any crumpled papers, update their planner and start the week off in a great way is probably one of the best long-term changes parents can make.

I encourage you to look at this upcoming week or weekend as a time to start fresh, re-group and help your child on his or her own path to success!

Ana Homayoun is the author of THAT CRUMPLED PAPER WAS DUE LAST WEEK: Helping Disorganized and Distracted Boys Succeed in School and Life. She is also the Founder and Director of Green Ivy Educational Consulting, an educational consulting firm that encourages junior high and high school students to create their own framework for academic and personal success. A graduate of Duke University, Homayoun also holds a Masters Degree in Counseling from the University of San Francisco. She lives in Northern California. Visit http://www.thatcrumpledpaper.com/.

Playdate Peer Pressue -- by Robin

When does peer pressure start to influence your child?

We had a playdate this past weekend, and I was somewhat stunned at the behavior of my son. His friend came over, and he's a bit younger than Seth, and a very active boy. Seth is too, but at times, it felt like this boy topped him.

The plan was to play in our newly refurbished basement. And, his parents came too. We're all good friends, so it was a good opportunity for everyone to socialize. And, we were excited to showcase our basement and to be able to share it, since the whole construction process was quite the ordeal (if you read my previous blog).

From the moment the boy arrived, things felt a bit wild in the house. They wound up running up 'n down the stairs, playing in Seth's room, the hall, in the basement...all over the house. I had baked a quiche, and was serving lunch in the basement for my friends, and had made mac 'n cheese for the boys. Certainly, we knew in all their excitement of being together, shooting Nerf guns, etc., that taking a lunch break was no where on their minds. That was okay. But, what transpired was not okay in my book.

As they rain upstairs, they deliberately pushed the sliding lock on the basement door (outside the door), and locked the three adults in the basement. We could not get out. It was very unsettling. We banged on the door and yelled and yelled, and finally they let us out. And, then 10 minutes later, they did it again, despite our scolding them.

This time I had enough, and my friend asked for a screwdriver removed the lock from the door, and I took the two boys in the kitchen, sat them down to eat their now cold lunch, and we had a discussion about behavior, safety, etc.

I told Seth there would be punishment for his behavior, and that mommy and daddy would discuss it and let him know what it is. My friends said that it wasn't Seth's fault. That their son was involved as well, but that didn't make it any better for me. Seth didn't stop it.

What arose for me with this experience is of great concern. Seth is six...soon to be seven....and at what age do kids just go along with other kids, even if they know their behavior isn't ideal? And, actually downright dangerous.

I said to my husband that Seth needs to learn a big lesson from this. But, is it possible at his young age? Is it too much to expect a six year old to grasp that he doesn't have to go along with the crowd, or even just one other child?

And, what happens as he gets older? Today, it's locking a basement door. They'll be countless other influences and influencers who come into his life as he matures. Will he be discerning enough to resist? Will he emerge a leader vs. a follower?

How can you as parent instill in your child an innate sense of what is right and wrong? Is it possible?

We can't be by his side 24-7, especially as he spends more and more time with friends, and less with mommy & daddy, so he will need to reach conclusions on his own.

I do want to set in place an understanding of values that he can apply to help guide him through life in a positive way.

I'd love to hear from you. Do you have older children, and how have you dealt with this matter? If you have younger children, is it something you think about? Please do share....I welcome stories and advice.

PS -- Be sure to sign up for our free monthly newsletter at www.MotherhoodLater.com. The February giveaway is courtesy of Lisa Leonard Designs, makes of something unique custom jewelry & more, enjoyed by celebrities and others.