CYMA SHAPIRO CHATS with Rallie McAllister, co-author of The Mommy MD Guides to Pregnancy and Birth

Q: What compelled you to write this book?

The idea for The Mommy MD Guides to Pregnancy and Birth came from my co-author, Jennifer Bright Reich, a mother with two young sons. In her career as a writer, Jennifer has interviewed hundreds of doctors. She was especially intrigued whenever a woman physician offered her tips that she had used in her own life to deal with common challenges that most mothers face, especially in terms of keeping her children safe and healthy. We (also) loved the idea that physicians who are also mothers have expertise and experience in two very important areas: motherhood and medicine.

Q: What might be the most common myth which you debunk in this book?

I think the myths held by moms-to-be fall into two general categories, depending on the woman’s personality. For those who have always felt that they have their lives perfectly in order, and that they must maintain total control over every aspect of their lives, the book dispels the myth that you can control all aspects of pregnancy and delivery. You just can’t! These women learn that they have to relax and leave some things to Mother Nature, and she knows what she’s doing! For women who tend to feel less powerful, on the other hand, the book debunks the myth that they can’t influence their pregnancies in any way.

Q: It is interesting that this book is written from the viewpoint of the working mother -- someone relegated to working through common pregnancy and childrearing issues ranging from morning sickness, and heartburn to time restraints and daily scheduling. What are some of the tips these mom-physicians have shared?

One tip that all of our Mommy MD Guides agreed upon is the wisdom of banking babies’ umbilical cord blood. It’s important for moms-to-be to consider, since they’ll only have one chance to do it: in the moments following birth. Umbilical cord blood is a rich source of stem cells, considered to be the master cells of the body. After collection, cord blood is delivered to a cord blood bank, where it is stored in liquid nitrogen. Theoretically, the stem cells it contains can last forever if stored properly. For more information and additional important benefits of cord blood banking, moms-to-be can visit http://www.cordblood.com/

Q: Do working mom-physicians bear burdens or have experiences different from other working mothers?

I believe one of the greatest challenges that mom-physicians face that may not affect women in many other careers is their knowledge of all the things that could go wrong during pregnancy. It’s perfectly natural for expectant moms to experience occasional concern and anxiety. With their medical training and experience, mom-physicians have lots of fuel for the fire.

Another challenge for mom-physicians is that because of their medical training, they may believe that they’re prepared for all the changes that accompany pregnancy and motherhood. Wrong!

Q: What are some of the positive attributes about being a mother and a physician?

As a physician, it’s wonderful to understand the anatomy and physiology of the human body. If we’re able to think objectively about ourselves and our children, this can be very helpful in terms of knowing when to seek medical attention. But this positive attribute doesn’t even come close to the on-the-job experience we gain every single day of our careers. I think most of our Mommy MD Guides would agree that our patients are the greatest teachers of all.

Q: New older motherhood presents challenges often singular to this group. Did your older women subjects offer any advice?

Several of our Mommy MD Guides were older when they became pregnant for the first time, having completed undergraduate school, medical school and residency training before they conceived. They offered lots of firsthand, heartfelt advice about going through in vitro fertilization, dealing with fatigue, changing their career plans, enduring (or choosing not to have) all of the extra diagnostic tests of pregnancy recommended for older women.

Q: Your section on "When to Call Your Doctor" is, perhaps, the most commonly asked question, especially for new mothers. When do you call your doctor?

While the book offers hard and fast signs and symptoms that warrant a call to the doctor, the more important, underlying message to moms-to-be is this: If you are concerned, or if you have a feeling that something is just not right, you should feel free to call your physician for reassurance or advice. If you don’t feel comfortable calling, you probably don’t have the right doctor.

Q: What have you learned from writing this book?

I learned so many important tips that I wish I had known during my own pregnancies! They would have made my life so much easier. I also learned that motherhood creates a wonderful bond between women that transcends all boundaries. It’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world for one mother to identify with and feel compassion for another mother. We’ve have shared so many of the same experiences, fears, and joys.

Q: The image of a physician is often overworked, stressed, and stretched-thin. Your book presents women physicians taking care of themselves while pregnant or with their children. Do you think this group represents the larger group as a whole?

I do. Like most female physicians and hard-working women in any occupation, our Mommy MD Guides placed enormous demands on themselves—physically and emotionally—when they were not pregnant. But in virtually every case, these same women were not willing to sacrifice their babies’ health during their pregnancies. So while they may have been perfectly willing to miss meals, sacrifice sleep, and work to the point of exhaustion before they became pregnant, all that changed with conception. There’s something incredibly powerful and instinctual about motherhood that drives us to put our babies’ health first and foremost.

Q:  What one final tip would you give any working mothers with children?

I would encourage working mothers to remember that their children only have one childhood. A baby’s first years are absolutely critical in terms of emotional development, and a mother’s time and love are the greatest gifts she can give her baby. More than expensive toys or clothes or books, babies yearn to be close to their mothers. Moms should feel good about relinquishing some other responsibilities in life to spend time with and enjoy their beloved babies.

     

Some of the 900 tips that 60 doctors who are also mothers use during their own pregnancies and births:                                                                

Coping with morning sickness: At some point in the pregnancy, I stopped being able to tolerate flat liquids of any kind—even water. Seltzer water always came to my rescue. It worked best during those times when I was at a restaurant and I felt the nausea wave coming. If you don’t like plain seltzer, try one with fruit flavoring.

—Tyeese Gaines Reid, DO

Easing the (heart)burn: When I was pregnant with triplets, I had terrible, unrelenting heartburn. I discovered that eating ice cream and sipping a little milk helped. So I coated that heartburn with some ice cream! The ice cream (plus medication my doctor prescribed) eased the heartburn enough that it wasn’t waking me up anymore. Of course, by then I was waking up for a zillion other reasons.

—Sadaf T. Bhutta, MBBS

Enjoying sex during pregnancy: Before I got pregnant, my husband and I had a healthy sex life. We had a lot of sex while I was pregnant too. In fact, we had sex the morning my water broke. We just found ways to make it happen. Sex was relaxing for me and lovely for him. It’s good to bank up a lot of “credit,” because after the baby comes, you won’t be able to have sex for a while.

—JJ Levenstein, MD

Seeing your baby for the first time: I cannot adequately describe how I felt when my babies were born. At the time, the analogy came to me forcefully that it was just as if I had died and there really was a Heaven with the Prophets and the Angels, and that you could look at them clearly and see they were like real people, with eyelashes and fingernails. My baby’s eyelashes and fingernails seemed that impossible

and vivid to me. Just to look at them seemed impossible.

—Elizabeth Berger, MD

Rallie McAllister, MC, MPH, is co-founder of Momosa Publishing, publisher of MommyMDGuides.com and the Mommy MD Guides book series.  She is a board-certified family physician and a nationally recognized health expert.  Her nationally syndicated newspaper column, Your Health, appears in more than 30 newspapers in the US and Canada and is read by more than a million people each week.  Dr. McAllister has been the featured medical expert on more than 100 radio and television shows.  A dynamic public speaker, she educates and entertains audiences from coast to coast with her upbeat, down-to-earth delivery of the latest health news.  She has three sons.

 

Mid-Life Motherhood Crisis -- by Cara

I read Robin’s Blog on Friday, and it resonated with me. To the core. On many levels. Up until 3 years ago, I, too, had to care for my elderly father and a young baby/toddler. I honestly don’t know which was worse...explaining for the 100th time to my father why he had to take a new medication or racing all over the house, preventing my young son from writing on the walls or taking everything out of drawers so he could sit it them!

I call this “Mid-Life Mothering.” Many “later” Moms are feeling this crunch. And even if their parents are healthy, being a single Mom or a working Mom with few resources, can only burden one even more.

I feel for Robin. At the time my father was alive, I, too, went the holistic approach, looking for ways to manage all of my stress. I tried holistic medicine, tinctures, vitamins, Acupuncture (and drinking this horrid “tea” three times a day, which I had to boil for an hour! Oh the stench!!). I started going to a therapist, got weekly massages, exercised regularly. All of these things worked...to a limited extent. My stress level was mounting and I just couldn’t get a handle on it with nontraditional methods.

Enter the big time meds. They worked! They worked REALLY well! Twenty-four/seven! And as much as I hate having to rely on these meds every day, twice (or more) a day, they are what my body needed and still needs. So I understand what Robin is saying about not wanting to rely on meds to manage stress. But sometimes the stress is beyond just ordinary stress. At that point, you need to decide whether the meds might help. If they work miracles (as they did for me), fabulous! If they don’t, you can just opt to not take them anymore.

The reason I am droning on about this is because we ARE the “sandwich generation.” The other day, I went for a walk to try to calm myself down from some stressful news. The walked worked. But only for about 45 minutes afterwards. Then I was going into the medicine cabinet to help myself calm down again.

I am in no way addicted to these meds. I forget to take them sometimes. And then life starts to get to me, and I have to check my pill box to see if I took all of the meds I’m supposed to take. And I’m not a drinker, so that would be of no help to me. In fact, I’ve been reading articles stating that Moms are becoming the newest, “up-and-coming” category of binge drinkers! It starts with a glass of wine once the kids are in bed and escalates to running for the wine glass as soon as they come through the door at the end of the day. What is scary is that I have two friends who do this, and I am quite concerned for them. I personally would rather take my meds and have a fully clear head about me.

So what does all this mean? And where do we go with this? I wish I had the answers. I have my ongoing issues, as we all know. But then “life” throws us a curve ball. Or two or three, all at once! I guess each one of us has to manage our stress in whichever way works best for us.

Before my son was born, I used to take yoga classes for an hour and then go home and meditate between 40 - 60 minutes. I no longer have the luxury of that “healing” time. If I can get a 30-minute walk in most days a week, I’m thrilled! Now I need that time to help my son do his homework (and refocus him to do his homework!). I have to help him learn algebra (yes, algebra...in First Grade. I think I learned it in 9th Grade. What is wrong here?? Why does a First Grader NEED to learn algebra!)? All of these added burdens accumulate. Until your head wants to implode.

I, unfortunately, don’t see my life getting any easier. I do hope and would love to eventually get off all of these meds and enjoy a peaceful meditation session. (Maybe once my son goes to college!) But it seems that as soon as you think you have everything under control, something changes. And it just happens when you least expect it. At the worst possible moment in time.

Have any suggestions or stories to share? I would relish reading and learning how others cope throughout this “Mid-Life Motherhood Crisis.” Please share them with others and me.

Life in the Fast Lane -- by Robin

For better or worse, I feel like I'm living life in the fast lane....literally.

Last week a friend told me about Mercury Retrograde because I felt like things just weren't going right in a wide variety of ways.

Well....this week, the universe continues to speak to me, and if I don't listen, I need to get my hearing checked.

I've had a cough for a couple of weeks now that is keeping me up at night. It's a dry cough, so I presumed it was allergies, post nasal drip or due to throat irritation from acid reflux. My dad has a gastro doctor he really likes, who I've spoken to on his behalf on the phone, so I decided to make an appointment to see him.

He had a lovely bedside manner, and I felt very comfortable sharing my health history and what brought me to him. After taking notes, he said let's take a chest x-ray. I haven't had one in a number of years, so I thought fine, and didn't expect anything.

I waited patiently for the results, and to my total shock, he told me I have pneumonia. I never had pneumonia before. How is that possible? Who knows!? But, it's here. I don't feel awful, and I always thought you would with pneumonia. He said not everyone is highly symptomatic.

So, I'm now on antibiotic and am so grateful that I didn't dismiss my cough. Goes to show you really need to know your own body.

Earlier this week, despite being ill, I was committed to attend a moms night out dinner for Motherhood Later in NY. It featured speaker Elaine Lerner on the subject of ADHD (http://www.adhdparenttrainer.com/). It was a very informative talk, and was enjoyable to spend time with mom peers, some of whom I met for the first time.

When the talk ended, I went to my Kia rent a car (You might recall that last week I was in a car accident, so my Camry is now in the shop..to be returned mid-next week.) and put my bags down on the hood while I said good-bye to a friend. We had to move our respective cars because we were blocking someone else. We chatted a bit more and then took off for home, and when I got home, I had my pocketbook, but my tote bag was nowhere to be found. I went crazy looking under the seats and all over, and drove frantically back to the restaurant, but no bag was turned in. I had my date book in there (which is my life), notes from the dinner talk, flyers, a CD, etc. Luckily my phone and camera were with me, so it could have been way worse. I recognize.

On my way back home, upset and without my trusty tote, I decided to drive very slowly on the main road and I head past papers flying all over the lane. I pull over into a safe side area, jump out, and dodging cars, I pick up one piece of paper and see that it's one of the Motherhood Later flyers from the meeting. I then look more closely and see my tote laying in the middle of the two way, four lane road, being run over by traffic. I scurry to grab it and look anxiously to see what is inside.

I lost the notes from the meeting, and my pens and card case were smashed, but other than that, the bag itself and other items were totally intact. (It was a lesportsac. Boy are those things made of steel. And, they've created a new line for moms. http://www.lesportsac.com/.)

I was in total disbelief that I even had this experience.

When I got home and looked back on last week, my tote bag incident, and now being under the weather, clearly it would seem that I need to get my act together in more ways than one.

What I came up with is this...

Slow down. Focus. Invite clarity into your life. Don't we wedded to "stuff." It's just stuff, and we are not defined by our "stuff".

Step back. Get off the spinning hamster wheel. It never stops unless you make it.

None of this is easy for me. I'm used to being a producer. And, being a mom has complicated that equation. I'm not entirely sure that we can have it all, though we/I try. It's for sure a juggling act and one that can wear you out. (I wrote last week about being worn out.) My to-do list is full of both big stuff and minutia, and it's a lot for anyone to handle. But, such is life, and it's not unique to me. I hear so many talk about being busy, busy.

Part of it is time management. For me, another part is de-cluttering. My house looks like a bomb hit it due to our basement construction. But, in the next month or so, we will be done with it, and can work on inviting positive energy back into our home and lives. We will purge and organize and create a system that ideally works for all of us.

A cluttered home leads to a cluttered brain leads to potential incidents such as the ones I've been having of late. At least that's my philosophy. I need to cut myself some slack. Take stock of what is truly important. Practice self-care. And, not feel guilty if I take a break. If not now, then when?!

A perpetually overtaxed mom isn't good for anyone.

A Sandwich Generation Day: Cycles of Life

I have blogged on this subject before, and at the risk of being redundant, I feel the need to share my experiences of yesterday.

I am calling it a true "Sandwich Generation" Day. And, I wonder if you can relate. I'd love your feedback and to hear your experiences if you'd like to share.

Like many, I'm sorry to see summer come to an end. We had such a blast at our community pool, and I will really miss it.

Not only do I find the change of season a bit challenging, but yesterday, and this whole week, for that matter, I find myself in a somewhat conflicted emotional state.

Seth started Kindergarten today, and I took him to meet his teacher and to see the classroom and classmates. It feels surreal that he has hit this stage of his education. He loved the school, and got particularly thrilled when he asked the teacher if they go on class trips. She said yes, and the first trip is to a firehouse. Well...she couldn't have said anything better for Seth. Firehouses are his most favorite place in the world.

I am both excited for him and a little melancholy that he is growing up so fast. Part of me likes that there are more and different experiences we can have together, yet I like to cuddle with my little buddy.

It just gets me thinking about how fast time goes in general, and the cycles of life.

After returning from Seth's school, we met my dad at the diner for lunch. He was celebrating his 90th birthday! G-d bless him. I am so eternally grateful to have my dad in my life, despite his health challenges and not feeling up to par. I lost my mom 10 years ago, so his presence in my family's life is all the more treasured. And, my sister and I are planning a surprise birthday luncheon for him this Saturday, with family and friends. I want to savor our time together.

Such major milestones in the life of my son and dad this week!

Leaves me with a lot to think about. But, since I am the queen of overthinking, I'm keeping myself busy so I'm not too alone with my thoughts. The last thing I want to do is get teary eyed, though sometimes a good cry is the best release.

I am both sad and happy. I want to take note and rejoice in each upbeat moment and not let my emotions get the better of me.

Have you ever felt this way?

Sick Days

Seth's pre-K called yesterday. I know whenever the phone rings, and it's the school nurse, that it's not good news. Seth had a 101 fever she said, and was very uncomfortable. I had to come pick him up right away.

I have to admit...I lost it at that moment. In my time of frustration, I said to her, "You know...this isn't mom's taxi service. I'm in the middle of some things now. I will get there as soon as I can."

Well...she didn't seem to like that response, and the next call I got was from the school social worker. I explained that I would definitely get there within the hour. That I don't live around the corner, and I work part time from home, and can't just drop everything and run over there this very second. She seemed to understand a bit more, though really, she wanted me there pronto too.

Now...I could see if Seth had, G-d forbid, some awful, contagious disease. And, believe me, I understand that you don't want whatever it is to spread throughout the entire school. That said, I drove him directly to the doctor who squeezed us in before the after school rush. Turns out he has some kind of virus, which you don't treat with medication. I more or less suspected this, but since he had a chesty sounding cough too, I wanted to be safe.

Did you know they can diagnose the flu in a child immediately by popping a cotton swab in their nose and testing it on the spot? Takes about 10 minutes for results. Unreal. Luckily it wasn't the flu. I waited anxiously to hear, since I did not get the flu shot and have never been keen on it. When I was little I recall getting the measles vaccine and wound up with a case of the measles from it. To this day, that left me a bit vaccine phobic, at least for myself.

I asked the pediatrician for a doctor's note for the school, and he looked at me funny. I explained it wasn't because they think Seth might be playing hookie, but rather, more to document to the school that Seth has been seen by a physician.

So, Seth was home sick today. He seems improved, and no fever. Monday is a holiday, so we have a long weekend ahead, with some cold weather coming, so Seth will need to be somewehat housebound to get fully well. This means mommy may go a bit stir crazy too, but Tuesday is another day. And, hopefully a healthier one...and crossing my fingers that Marc & I don't catch this from Seth. We've both had more than our share of awful colds already this season.