Week 28...All I Want for Christmas by Liimu

All I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY.

Week 28. Officially in the third trimester. We are in the final stretch, folks, and no one is more happy about that than I. (Funny thing is, I find myself still amazed and befuddled when I look down at my protruding stomach, thinking, "How did we get here again?") But I feel generally pretty good, other than a lingering cough from last week's QUARANTINE situation.

Last Wednesday, my 6 year old started complaining of stomach pains and before long was curved over the toilet, throwing up. Needless to say, she stayed home with me. I sent a text to my mother's helper and found out (through an inadvertent text she had intended to send to her sister that ended "WTF?") that she is deathly afraid of stomach bugs, so I was essentially on my own with it. Not too bad, since for the most part my daughter was pretty perky and I didn't have much on my calendar other than a holiday party, and the hostess was gracious about letting her tag along with me.

Sad for me, I had forgotten about the sneakiness of stomach bugs. How they can look benign and short-lived in one person and linger for days in another. Friday, as I went to bed, I start feeling like I was going into early labor, my stomach was hurting so bad. I could barely sleep. Just past midnight, I heard a scream from my 4-year old's room. She had just wretched in her bed. After finally getting her bed sheets changed and getting her settled down, I felt it coming on for me. I had endured 7 months of pregnancy without puking and this stomach bug was taking me down. An hour later, my 8-year old was calling out for help and back in our room, my husband was complaining of feeling queasy. It was going to be a long day.

As luck would have it, I also had some sort of head cold on top of everything else, along with a fever. So, while everyone else has mostly recovered (my husband still complains of queasiness), I am coughing like a 70-year old barmaid with a 2-packs a day habit. I'm still grateful that the bug ran through our house quickly, rather than taking us out one at a time. Christmas is the day after tomorrow and my girls are healthy. That's the most important thing. My husband and I are getting better day by day. This time next week, we'll be in Arizona with my sister and her family and that can only improve our situation.

So, all I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY. If I get nice jewelry, or a trip to the spa, even better. But honestly, after surviving this last week of nonstop illness, I'm pretty focused on the basic things for which I have to be grateful: my wonderful family, a job I love that pays well, great friends who make me laugh out loud long and often, and of course, if nothing else, at least I have my health.

Stay warm and dry everyone, and be grateful for the little things. The things that you get for Christmas every year without even having to ask.

CYMA SHAPIRO CHATS with Rallie McAllister, co-author of The Mommy MD Guides to Pregnancy and Birth

Q: What compelled you to write this book?

The idea for The Mommy MD Guides to Pregnancy and Birth came from my co-author, Jennifer Bright Reich, a mother with two young sons. In her career as a writer, Jennifer has interviewed hundreds of doctors. She was especially intrigued whenever a woman physician offered her tips that she had used in her own life to deal with common challenges that most mothers face, especially in terms of keeping her children safe and healthy. We (also) loved the idea that physicians who are also mothers have expertise and experience in two very important areas: motherhood and medicine.

Q: What might be the most common myth which you debunk in this book?

I think the myths held by moms-to-be fall into two general categories, depending on the woman’s personality. For those who have always felt that they have their lives perfectly in order, and that they must maintain total control over every aspect of their lives, the book dispels the myth that you can control all aspects of pregnancy and delivery. You just can’t! These women learn that they have to relax and leave some things to Mother Nature, and she knows what she’s doing! For women who tend to feel less powerful, on the other hand, the book debunks the myth that they can’t influence their pregnancies in any way.

Q: It is interesting that this book is written from the viewpoint of the working mother -- someone relegated to working through common pregnancy and childrearing issues ranging from morning sickness, and heartburn to time restraints and daily scheduling. What are some of the tips these mom-physicians have shared?

One tip that all of our Mommy MD Guides agreed upon is the wisdom of banking babies’ umbilical cord blood. It’s important for moms-to-be to consider, since they’ll only have one chance to do it: in the moments following birth. Umbilical cord blood is a rich source of stem cells, considered to be the master cells of the body. After collection, cord blood is delivered to a cord blood bank, where it is stored in liquid nitrogen. Theoretically, the stem cells it contains can last forever if stored properly. For more information and additional important benefits of cord blood banking, moms-to-be can visit http://www.cordblood.com/

Q: Do working mom-physicians bear burdens or have experiences different from other working mothers?

I believe one of the greatest challenges that mom-physicians face that may not affect women in many other careers is their knowledge of all the things that could go wrong during pregnancy. It’s perfectly natural for expectant moms to experience occasional concern and anxiety. With their medical training and experience, mom-physicians have lots of fuel for the fire.

Another challenge for mom-physicians is that because of their medical training, they may believe that they’re prepared for all the changes that accompany pregnancy and motherhood. Wrong!

Q: What are some of the positive attributes about being a mother and a physician?

As a physician, it’s wonderful to understand the anatomy and physiology of the human body. If we’re able to think objectively about ourselves and our children, this can be very helpful in terms of knowing when to seek medical attention. But this positive attribute doesn’t even come close to the on-the-job experience we gain every single day of our careers. I think most of our Mommy MD Guides would agree that our patients are the greatest teachers of all.

Q: New older motherhood presents challenges often singular to this group. Did your older women subjects offer any advice?

Several of our Mommy MD Guides were older when they became pregnant for the first time, having completed undergraduate school, medical school and residency training before they conceived. They offered lots of firsthand, heartfelt advice about going through in vitro fertilization, dealing with fatigue, changing their career plans, enduring (or choosing not to have) all of the extra diagnostic tests of pregnancy recommended for older women.

Q: Your section on "When to Call Your Doctor" is, perhaps, the most commonly asked question, especially for new mothers. When do you call your doctor?

While the book offers hard and fast signs and symptoms that warrant a call to the doctor, the more important, underlying message to moms-to-be is this: If you are concerned, or if you have a feeling that something is just not right, you should feel free to call your physician for reassurance or advice. If you don’t feel comfortable calling, you probably don’t have the right doctor.

Q: What have you learned from writing this book?

I learned so many important tips that I wish I had known during my own pregnancies! They would have made my life so much easier. I also learned that motherhood creates a wonderful bond between women that transcends all boundaries. It’s the easiest and most natural thing in the world for one mother to identify with and feel compassion for another mother. We’ve have shared so many of the same experiences, fears, and joys.

Q: The image of a physician is often overworked, stressed, and stretched-thin. Your book presents women physicians taking care of themselves while pregnant or with their children. Do you think this group represents the larger group as a whole?

I do. Like most female physicians and hard-working women in any occupation, our Mommy MD Guides placed enormous demands on themselves—physically and emotionally—when they were not pregnant. But in virtually every case, these same women were not willing to sacrifice their babies’ health during their pregnancies. So while they may have been perfectly willing to miss meals, sacrifice sleep, and work to the point of exhaustion before they became pregnant, all that changed with conception. There’s something incredibly powerful and instinctual about motherhood that drives us to put our babies’ health first and foremost.

Q:  What one final tip would you give any working mothers with children?

I would encourage working mothers to remember that their children only have one childhood. A baby’s first years are absolutely critical in terms of emotional development, and a mother’s time and love are the greatest gifts she can give her baby. More than expensive toys or clothes or books, babies yearn to be close to their mothers. Moms should feel good about relinquishing some other responsibilities in life to spend time with and enjoy their beloved babies.

     

Some of the 900 tips that 60 doctors who are also mothers use during their own pregnancies and births:                                                                

Coping with morning sickness: At some point in the pregnancy, I stopped being able to tolerate flat liquids of any kind—even water. Seltzer water always came to my rescue. It worked best during those times when I was at a restaurant and I felt the nausea wave coming. If you don’t like plain seltzer, try one with fruit flavoring.

—Tyeese Gaines Reid, DO

Easing the (heart)burn: When I was pregnant with triplets, I had terrible, unrelenting heartburn. I discovered that eating ice cream and sipping a little milk helped. So I coated that heartburn with some ice cream! The ice cream (plus medication my doctor prescribed) eased the heartburn enough that it wasn’t waking me up anymore. Of course, by then I was waking up for a zillion other reasons.

—Sadaf T. Bhutta, MBBS

Enjoying sex during pregnancy: Before I got pregnant, my husband and I had a healthy sex life. We had a lot of sex while I was pregnant too. In fact, we had sex the morning my water broke. We just found ways to make it happen. Sex was relaxing for me and lovely for him. It’s good to bank up a lot of “credit,” because after the baby comes, you won’t be able to have sex for a while.

—JJ Levenstein, MD

Seeing your baby for the first time: I cannot adequately describe how I felt when my babies were born. At the time, the analogy came to me forcefully that it was just as if I had died and there really was a Heaven with the Prophets and the Angels, and that you could look at them clearly and see they were like real people, with eyelashes and fingernails. My baby’s eyelashes and fingernails seemed that impossible

and vivid to me. Just to look at them seemed impossible.

—Elizabeth Berger, MD

Rallie McAllister, MC, MPH, is co-founder of Momosa Publishing, publisher of MommyMDGuides.com and the Mommy MD Guides book series.  She is a board-certified family physician and a nationally recognized health expert.  Her nationally syndicated newspaper column, Your Health, appears in more than 30 newspapers in the US and Canada and is read by more than a million people each week.  Dr. McAllister has been the featured medical expert on more than 100 radio and television shows.  A dynamic public speaker, she educates and entertains audiences from coast to coast with her upbeat, down-to-earth delivery of the latest health news.  She has three sons.

 

And Then There Was...The 2nd Trimester...by Liimu

Ahhh...the 2nd trimester! Cue Disney music...

After more than two months of feeling like I should be living in a dark cave, with my husband throwing food outside the entrance for me to slither out and devour every 90 minutes, I finally feel like a human being once more. I wish I could say that I am now running 4 miles 5 days a week, but let's not push our luck, shall we not?

I have to say that God sure does know what He is doing, because my resurgence of energy and feeling human times perfectly with my life getting INSANE. I won't even touch on the fact that work has ramped up to an unprecedented level of busy-ness. It's a good busy, so it feels almost blasphemous to complain about it. (Plus, it's going to pay for the bouquets of flowers I intend to send to myself in the hospital in advance of my scheduled c-section so that for this last baby, I have the experience of having a room full of flowers that I've sort of secretly always wanted.)

The other thing that's suddenly happening is that our family has gone from watching on the sidelines (pun intended) as our friends shuttled their kids here, there and everywhere all fall to having a ton of activities happening in what feels like 18 different directions. Devon begins winter swim on Monday - practice 5 days a week and weekend swim meets - and our not-quite-four year old is actually really good at and really enjoying soccer. We had always promised ourselves that we wouldn't push them into doing any activities, but that if they showed a true interest in something we would support them and strongly encourage them to pursue it. Autumn has been kicking the ball around all summer with dad and is settling into soccer like the game was invented for her. The funny thing is that I have friends who's kids are already on traveling teams, my sister's three kids have all been playing soccer for years, and it has seemed like a staple of suburban parenthood that our family was just not going to experience. Just goes to show that kids are different. My three kids have very different interests and what works for one definitely does not work for the others. Still trying to figure out what the middle one is into (other than singing and monologuing in the mirror).

A hectic pace, a frenetic schedule, but through it all I am somehow managing to stay in flow. Just this morning I got a meeting cancellation that freed me up to take care of some other work-related activities that I had been trying to figure out how I was going to complete. I swear, for the past three days I have felt like there was a mixed up Rubik's cube in my head and then today it's like someone just took a paintbrush to all the different sides and it is now miraculously solved. It's flowing like that.

Speaking of Being in Flow, someone asked me when I told her I was pregnant how I was going to manage a fourth kid - "It's so expensive and you complain now about the logistics of the kids you already have!"

I said to her, "In my experience, God doesn't come up with HALF a plan."

My thought for the week...there is a God and it ain't ME!!! Hope you'll tune in next week for all the Week 14 FUN!!!

The Psychic Sister...by Liimu

OK, so I'm a week late...but only those of you who are truly following along noticed that, right? And I can blame a lot on preggo brain, you know. I fully intend to milk that side effect for all it's worth.

Okay, so we didn't tell our kids we were pregnant until we saw the heartbeat at week 9 (though I am hard-pressed to understand how they didn't know as I was bursting at the seams wanting to tell them and constantly dropping hints). But they didn't. I know they didn't, because when we finally told them they burst into such authentic screams and shrieks of joy, there's no way they are those types of Oscar-winning actresses...yet. My 7 year old actually started to cry tears of joy.

With that in mind, there were some really weird goings on from almost the moment we found out.

The morning we found out we were preggo - my daughter wakes up and wants to tell me her dream. She is not one to regularly share her dreams, so this was weird in and of itself. She says, "I dreamed you had another kid who was saying I wasn't your kid. He was saying HE was your kid. And I said, 'No...I'm her kid...and Amelia (my 6-year old) is her kid and Autumn (my 3-year old) is her kid...but you? I don't know WHO you are." I was like, whoa. That's weird. But whatever.

A couple weeks later, same daughter (Devon) comes home from summer camp wanting to show me some cat's cradle type thing. I'm like, ok, whatever go ahead. She puts her hands together with string all around them, twists them around and through and tells me to pick three fingers, 1, 2, 3. I do. She says, "It's a boy!" I'm like, "What? What's a boy?" (At this point, remember, she still doesn't even know we're pregnant.) She does it THREE MORE TIMES and each time, I pick different fingers and each time, it "says" it's a boy. Then she says to me, "How many kids do you want?" And I say, "Four." So, she does it four times. First time, boy. Second time, girl. Third time, girl. Fourth time, girl.

Two weeks later, less than a week before we tell her the big news, she says she had a dream we had a baby boy. When we finally told her the news, I point-blank asked her if she had known or had any inkling that we were pregnant. She insisted she had no idea.

We have three girls. If I have a boy, she's psychic. No lie.

My Son is Turning Seven! - by Cara

It all began 7 years ago, on a Tuesday evening at exactly 9:20 pm - according to my watch next to my bedside. I was reading a book, a Harry Potter book in fact, thinking, “It’s okay if I start this book now, I’ll have plenty of time during maternity leave to read the rest of it while the baby sleeps.” Well, my baby had other plans. And Harry’s story was left unread.

I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy. Especially considering that I was an “older” maternity patient at 39 with my first pregnancy. I saw my high-risk doctors regularly. I never developed gestational diabetes, which they all thought I was doomed to get. They also thought I was headed for pre-eclampsia (dangerously high blood pressure in a pregnant woman) since my blood pressure was slightly elevated at the start of my pregnancy. Never happened. In fact, about the only significant thing about my pregnancy (except for periodic night legs cramps which make you want to scream bloody murder at the top of your lungs as you massage the cramp out), was that I had real, but random, contractions, starting at 34 weeks gestation. The doctors wanted me to reach 37 weeks gestation so that the baby’s lungs would be fully mature, so I was placed on “modified bed rest” and went to the doctor’s office every other day to undergo fetal monitoring.

I met their goal of 37 weeks, but I wanted my son to be born closer to 40 weeks. See, his due date was 2 days before my 40th birthday. I wanted him to be my 40th birthday present. I would never need another present again for my birthday for the rest of my life! I wanted him to be IT! However, I also didn’t want him to be born ON my birthday. I wanted his birthday to be his and his alone. I didn’t want him to feel that he had to “share” his special day, even with his mother. I prayed that he was not born after me, because then the excitement of celebrating Mommy’s birthday may overshadow his own, especially at the age he is now - the grade school years. When birthdays are magical and completely eventful and young children want it to be THEIRS, and theirs alone!

My daily prayers were finally going to be answered that fateful Tuesday evening, August 5th, 2003. My own 40th birthday was 2 days away. At 9:20pm, the first of many contractions began. I didn’t wake my husband because I knew he needed the rest for the long day ahead. So I monitored, and practiced my labor breathing techniques all night long. Finally, around 5:30 am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I needed my husband to call the doctor. Our son was ready to be born! Oh how I prayed he would be born that day, Wednesday, August 6th!

After 23 hours of labor, 3:45 minutes before my 40th birthday, at 8:15 pm, my gift arrived! A gift like no other I have ever had or ever will have! And he came on the best day possible, the day before MY birthday!

Every year since, when I celebrate my son’s birthday, it is as if I am celebrating my own! The planning of his parties, the invitations, the party favors, the balloons!! I have not one ounce of resentment nor care that my own birthday is the one overshadowed or overlooked! This is EXACTLY what I wanted! So…to my son who will be celebrating his 7th birthday this Friday, Happy Birthday, my precious, beautiful, amazing boy!! I love you with all my heart, and much more! My gift!

The Argument by Laura

Yesterday I participated in a new talk show that’s coming to CBS. They have a segment called “Viewer vs. Viewer,” and as a mother who gave birth at the age of 44, I was pitted against a woman in California named Diane who believed it was selfish, risky, and dangerous to have children over the age of 40. We had a healthy debate, and I am sure my stance is correct because choosing to have children is a very personal, very private decision that belongs only to a woman and her partner.

But the thing is -- Diane in California is right. But only on two counts. It is risky and dangerous to conceive at an older age, and we’re more likely to have complications with everything from the baby’s health to our health. My doctor specialized in multiples and women over 40, and she always told me we had to look at the picture through three lenses: my health, the babies’ health, and the health of the pregnancy. Fortunately, I was healthy and the babies were healthy, but my pregnancy was a worst-case scenario. I had a previa, a hematoma, and an abruption, all of which lead to an emergency C-section at 32 weeks, and ten days later I had a hemorrhage that landed me in the ICU.

Having babies at my age with my issues was risky. And it was dangerous. And I wouldn’t change a thing. And in truth, the only person who suffered was my husband who after my procedure had to ask the doctor if he was going to become a single father. I was knocked out through the whole ordeal, so I was not traumatized in the least. In fact, it was nice to be able to spend another two nights in the hospital so I could be close to my boys who were just one floor down in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU.)

But Diane in California is wrong, wrong, wrong on one account. Having babies at 40 is not selfish. Her point was that they wouldn’t know their grandparents and to that I say, "I didn’t have a grandmother growing up." She died giving birth to my father and his twin. And I turned out just fine. I found substitutes. And eventually my grandfather married a wonderful woman who was a great grandmother to me. Both of them lived well into their 90s, so I was in my 30s when they passed.

My opponent also mentioned that 40-year old women didn’t have the energy to keep up with the kids, so we cut corners. Au contraire, Diane in California. Even with three hours of sleep a night, I am wide-awake for this time in my life. And because I waited to do this, I have the resources to give these kids everything they need and more. I have a huge circle of friends who are aunts and uncles to these boys. And because I am older, I am more patient and wiser, and what I see from this is two little boys who are happy, delightful, confident, secure and curious about their world.

I wouldn’t change a thing. Bring on the risk. The danger. And I will be selfish only with my time. That goes to the little guys I gambled on. Gambled and hit the jackpot.

The Athlete Within -- by Liimu

Most of us, during the late pregnancy and early parenthood, voraciously search for all the information we can find about the ways in which becoming a mother will change our lives. Friends and family members share their memories of sleepless nights and mornings spent scrounging through the closets looking for something that’s reasonably wrinkle-free, fits, and isn’t stained with spit up or something worse. Websites like Babyfit, Babycenter, Parenting and iVillage are bursting with helpful tips and advice. What should I pack in my hospital bag? What will I need for the nursery? How can I ensure breastfeeding success? What are my options if I’m not successful? And probably the most asked question of all, When will I lose the baby weight?

What I learned as a new mom is that answering these questions doesn’t even scratch the surface of the real issues I faced after the baby came. I have friends who lost their baby weight before they even returned from maternity leave (though I have many more friends, thank God, who – like me – are still struggling with the last 20 pounds, three years later). Even for those lucky few who did find the number on the scale settling right back to where it had been nine months earlier when the stick first showed two lines, there was an unpleasant surprise in store. Their original weight had been redistributed in new and unsightly ways! What was this new pooch poking out over my waistband? Who invited those big bumps on the sides of my thighs? What’s up with my feet being a half size larger? And don’t get me started on the boobs. Bigger, flatter, droopier, leakier, there seems to be no end to the ways in which that region has turned on us and become an unrecognizable version of what was for some of us our once most prized assets.

I realized after the birth of my second child that although I did everything “right” according to the websites and physicians, and had another beautiful, healthy girl as a result, I still felt betrayed by my body after the dust settled. I had been through an emotionally draining, physically exhausting experience that left my body permanently transformed. I had also seen for the second time that my body could do amazing things – for the second time in less than 18 months, I had endured more than 30 hours of excruciating labor and produced new life. Could I perhaps undertake another, similarly redefining experience and transform yet again? I could, and I would. I began to focus on redefining myself as an athlete, and to challenge my body to do what it could, rather than weigh what it could. In January of 2005, I set a personal goal of running a 10K race. I scoured the internet for information about running with the same unbridled enthusiasm I had when I’d been researching pregnancy. I found online running plans, the best running trails, and found online communities and support. By the end of the year, I had run a marathon. I was a runner. Soon after completing it, I became the leader of the Philadelphia Chapter of Moms in Motion, helping other moms to achieve their fitness goals and redefine themselves as athletes.

Whether your inclination is to swim, walk, bike or run, there are tons of reasons to find your inner athlete. And who knows? Maybe by finding your inner athlete you can help those around you have the courage to go on a quest for their own athlete within. When I first started running, my five-year old daughter used to ask, “Mommy, why do you go running?” Now she asks, “Mommy, can I go with you next time?” And this year, my answer is yes! My 7-year old daughter is currently training to complete her very first 5K, and I will be cheering her on every step of the way.