My Big Little Guy by Robin Gorman Newman

Seth is growing up in a flash before my teary eyes.

Second grade will soon come to an end, and this week, parents were invited into this classroom to watch a year-end slide compilation created by Seth's teacher.  It was so immensely touching and well done...from the choice of heartfelt music to the overall presentation.  Songs from the Little Mermaid and Beaches had me all choked up.  I didn't expect it.  But, what struck me the most from the experience was the fullness of my son's life when I'm not with him.  As I strive to be a stimulated (if not overwhelmed) stay at home working, multi-tasking mom, jumping back in forth between personal/family and professional pursuits, Seth is creating a life of his own.

He has friends he plays with.  Teachers who engage him.  Bus drivers who transport him.  Experiences that enrich him.  And, he's only 8.  There is so much more to come.

While I was aware of the special in-school ceremonies, occasions and outside field trips to places like the local firehouse, police station and children's hospital, I was truly taken by the rich array of activities, and the fact that from day to day, he is occupied filling his young mind with the vastness of the world.  His school is  wonderful, and we are hugely fortunate to have such good public education available to us.  That was definitely a consideration when deciding where to live, knowing our goal was to one day have a family.

As Seth continues to mature, he will have more 'n more adventures and experiences outside the home, with and without us....both good 'n bad. 

He'll meet kids and adults he doesn't like (he's already encountered what he calls "the bully girls" during recess), and will learn to navigate the complex world of relationships.

He'll learn about romantic love.  He has had a "girlfriend" since kindergarten, and one day, he'll have a serious girlfriend and even have sex.  It's hard me me to wrap my brain around that notion, as I help dress him each morning for school, and he gets a kick out of giving me glimpses of his buff little butt....which will no doubt become the object of desire of women when he's grown.  

He'll establish priorities.  He already knows what is important to him and how he likes to help others, whether it's assisting the lifeguards at our community pool or standing up for other kids (as one  mom told me at his class this week), who are having a hard time for whatever reason.

He'll ultimately decide his profession of choice.  At this point in time, if you were to ask, he'd state emphatically fireman, followed by FBI agent, SWAT team member, etc. 

He'll one day have a dog.  On an almost daily basis, he asks my husband and I if we'll ever get a dog.  He adores animals in general, and since he also loves police, he'd welcome a german sherphard, which he would raise as if it's a member of the K-9 force.  But, Marc and I have no plans to get a dog.....we currently have a cockatiel, and that's enough in our book.

I could go on 'n on about all that life potentially holds for him, but for now, I'm grateful to still be able to hold his 50lb trim body in my arms and on my lap, and that he still likes to cuddle and craves my good night kisses and hugs.  No matter how old he is, I will never stop taking pleasure in that, and I hope one day, he'll return my hugs with a huge muscular bear hug when he's a man, and I'm an old woman, looking back on the years well spent helping to create the fine human being that Seth has turned out to be.

Hiswork or Mywork? by Robin Gorman Newman

Ahhh.....Homework.  Or should I say Hiswork or Mywork??

Seth had half a day this week….parent/teacher meetings.

After the play date I arranged for him, and he opened yet another Hanukkah present, we sat down to do his special homework assignment that is due in a week.

It was about ancestry. He was to choose a country of his ancestry, and research it in order to answer certain questions.

Since Seth is adopted, we don’t know his biological ancestry. So, we offered him a variety of options. Russia came up….my grandparents. Israel and Germany for Marc’s grandparents. I also mentioned Australia…since our bird Smokey is a cockatiel, and that’s where they are from.
The choice was Seth’s. He opted for Australia. So interesting to me that he went that route but not altogether surprising since he loves animals and his pet bird and fish.

What was somewhat surprising and questionable to me was the requirements of this homework.

Seth is in second grade, and this was most certainly not something he could do on his own. It mandated research….whether on the computer or from library reference books. We didn’t have anything handy at home relative to Australia.

He and I sat down at my lap top, and Google became our best friend. He knows how to use Google, so together we looked up various aspects of Australia, and I dictated/spelled answers for him. He was asked to fill in everything ranging from the most popular food in Australia, to top sights, to neighboring countries.

I have to confess…..most of this was total news to me. I actually had thought the capital of Australia was either Sydney or Melbourne. I was wrong. And, I didn’t know that Australia is in fact its own continent. Live and learn.

Foodwise….aside from kangaroo and crocodile…which Seth loved the notion of….another top food called Vegemite, some sort of breakfast spread, came up as a favorite. Who knew?! Meat pies were ranked high as well.

Sights included things like the Sydney Opera House and Great Barrier Reef.

It was a learning experience in terms of the information we uncovered…but what I questioned ultimately was the gain for Seth in doing this assignment. Was it his homework or mine?

What is the lesson he was supposed to take away from it?

He already knew how to search with Google.  He is fairly computer astute.
Was it just intended to be yet another mommy & me project? If so, I’m able to engage my son in a variety of ways without being given school work.

This felt like burden.
Australia isn’t a country he was taught about in school. Would it have been more effective if he were to further research something that is at least remotely familiar to him?! Will he retain the information? How will it be shared in the classroom with other students? Does he even know where Australia is? No.

Back in the day when I was in grade school, I don’t remember researching at the age of 7.

Homework such as this becomes one more thing for a parent to do…as if we don’t already have enough. And, what if you’re a working parent, where do you find the time? It’s not viable to assign it to the child himself at age 7.

Will someone please explain to me the necessity of such special school assignments when it’s above a child’s head? I don’t get it. But, I do now know that Canberra is the capital of Australia.

Friendship of a Lifetime by Robin Gorman Newman

Seth was off Tuesday for Election Day, and we had a playdate here with his best buddy Nathan.  It's been some time since they got together here, since over the summer, we hosted various playdates at our community pool.

His mom dropped him off, and they proceeded to first play upstairs, then gradually made their way to the basement.   There, Seth played Wii, and Nathan perused the spacious closets full of toys and entertained himself.  Things were going swimmingly for some time, until the both of them wound up in my home office proclaiming they were bored.  Seth was armed with his tool kit in hand, asking me what needed fixing in the house.  I wasn't keen on going that route for my little Bob the Builder and his willing assistant, so I had to think fast.

Bored?  How could they truly be bored?  We don't lack for toys and means of entertainment.  Perhaps they were actually in toy overload and couldn't focus?  It was all likely becoming one big blur of legos, megablocks, fire trucks, spy kits, space vehicles, power rangers, rescue heroes, game boys, etc.  You name it.

Recalling that I've learned to keep on hand in the pantry various mixes for cookies, muffins and brownies.....Seth has always loved to help in the kitchen....I quickly proposed we bake.  They jumped on the opportunity, and Duncan Hines chocolate chip cookies won out.  While fun, this took all of 15 minutes (not counting the oven and eating time).  Then what? 

Nathan loves to write (he knows I'm an author), and Seth likes to draw, so I proposed we create books.  Armed with stapler in hand, paper, etc., they sat down at the kitchen table (after licking off the cookie dough spoons), and put pen to paper.  After another 15 minutes, they were ready to move on.

I wasn't sure what to propose at this point....until a moment of inspiration.  The two of them started bantering back 'n forth about how they met.  I was so intrigued by their dynamic, that I whipped out my FLIP video camera (which I adore) and told them we were going to make a movie about the history of their friendship.  They've known each other since they were 4 (they're now 7), and theirs is a charming friendship.  I'd like to share it with you (see below).  And, I'd like to recommend that you consider filming your children interacting with their friends, etc.....and be spontaneous....some of the most precious moments can be captured at the drop of a hat, and I'm grateful to have preserved this time between them.  It doesn't always have to be a birthday or momentous occasion when we break out the video camera.

They both had a blast doing it.  And, it reminded me of my childhood friendship with Audrey, who is still a close friend today.  We both recently celebrated our 50th birthdays,  and we've been good friends since kindergarten.  There's nothing that truly compares to a childhood friend who knew you "then."  While I welcome new, empowering friendships, having a history with someone means a lot.  She knew me when I had childhood dreams.  She knew me when I learned to ride a bike.  She knew me when I felt unpopular in Kindergarten.  She knew my crushes on boys.  She knew my breakouts.  She knew when I first got my period. She knew my mom before she passed away, and I knew hers.  She knew the dynamic of my family as I was growing up.  We went to the same college (had different roomates).  We traveled overseas together.  We socialized as singles (she's still single). It's hard to believe decades have passed.  Lots of memories.  She's like an "aunt" to Seth, and I'm so glad they have that relationship.

As I watched Seth and Nathan, I wondered if their friendship will be one of longevity.  It would certainly be nice for both of them.  And, it would be cool to see how they mature and grow into the men they are meant to be.  Time goes fast, and they may not follow in each other's footsteps.  But, I'll always have the FLIP video of the day the two of them talked about how they came to be friends.  And, hopefully in years to come, they'll look back on it as well....smile....and be grateful they still have each other, as I do my special childhood friend.

http://sharing.theflip.com/session/e4abdfd33c45b36384aa19060d523fff/video/25799301 -- click link to watch video

A Picture Tells...Maybe Nothing? - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Last week, when I went to pick my son up from his after school program, one of the employees of the program asked to speak to me in person. She took me to the back of the room and showed me a picture that my son had drawn which showed a male person with genitalia. Knowing as much as I do about child psychology of a seven-year-old boy, my gut reaction was to giggle. But the seriousness of the matter on this employee’s face quickly made me stifle my laugh. She told me that because it was early in the year she was going to let it go...for now...but that if it continued, my son would be expelled from the program. I looked at her and thought, “You run a program for grade school children...do you know nothing about seven year old boys??” She obviously could use a refresher course.

Then I noticed that my son was sitting with a “friend,” whom I know from past experience, is an awful influence on my son. We even went so far as to have a meeting with the principal, requesting that my son and this other child not be placed in the same class for Second Grade. She honored our request. Every time my son spends even a small amount of time with this other boy, my son will begin to use inappropriate language or demonstrate what I term “toilet behavior.” We know it is the influence of this other child. Because when time goes by like a Winter Recess, the language and foul behavior diminish and then stops altogether. We have tried to talk to this child’s mother regarding this issue, but she never bothered to discuss it with her son and said that all of her son’s older male cousins speak and act like that, so there is nothing she could do. It was at that moment that we decided to limit the amount of time our son would spend with this boy. There is nothing we can do about lunch, recess, and the after school program, but other than those activities, our son does not see this other boy at all.

When I tried to explain to the employee that this other child has a history of instigating our son to do and say things he normally wouldn’t, the after school emplyoyee wouldn’t listen. Her response was, “This is his (the other boy) first day here and he has been playing very nicely today.” When I told her it was on school record that this other child has a history of bullying my son on the playground. The employee blew it off. All she cared about was the picture and the fact that if we didn’t get our son under control, he would be expelled from the program.

I next went to my therapist, who has extensive experience with grade school children, and showed her the picture. Her response was the same as mine. She wondered if any of these employees were trained, in any way, regarding child psychology of grade school children. She said what my son drew, albeit not very appropriate, was absolutely “normal” for a child his age. She then asked how my husband and I handled the situation with our son.

I told her that we all sat down together (which was a first in I can’t tell you how many months!) and asked our son why he drew the picture with male genitalia. Our son said, “It was an accident!” I calmly explained that spilling a cup of water because you forgot it was next to you is an accident. Or sometimes when I call my son my dog’s name or my dog my son’s name, it is an accident (yes, my dog is one of my children!). But when you draw anything, you have to think...even for a moment, what you want to put down on paper. I told him that what he did was not an accident. We also told him that we loved him no matter what he did, and nothing would ever change that. And we encouraged him to please be honest with us. When we point blank asked him if this other child asked him to draw the genitalia on the picture, he sheepishly said yes. Both my husband and I kissed and hugged him for being honest with us. We then tried to impart a little of a lifelong lesson in our son: We told him that there would be many times that other children, good friends or not, who would ask him to do things that were either inappropriate or wrong, especially if he felt it was wrong deep down inside of him. We implored that he think for a moment, if possible, (kids with Auditory Processing Disorder and ADD are neurologically wired to be impulsive), about what he was being asked to do and whether it was the right thing to do or not. Truthfully, my son has never drawn pictures of genitalia on anything he has ever created. In fact he usually draws scenery. In fact one of his paintings won an award! My therapist said we handled it beautifully and to just let the issue go from then on.

The following week, my husband went to pick up my son from the after school program and noticed that this same employee was having a serious conversation with the mother of the boy who made my son draw the inappropriate picture. My husband lingered because he wanted to see if this other boy’s mother would provide any further information about the incident that had occurred the week before. All this mother said was, “My son is in big, big trouble!!” That’s all we needed to hear. We now knew that the program employees knew that it wasn’t completely our son who was at fault. They now knew that this other boy does and says things that are just plain inappropriate in and of themselves.

My son was not punished for drawing what he did. We knew he was coerced. He would never have drawn anything like that on his own accord. But we do have consequences laid out for any future infractions that occur where we know he should have known better. And he is fully aware of this. But for goodness sake...would programs that work with a certain child population at least get a crash course on child psychology??? Sheesh!!

Bittersweet Summer by Robin

August was a total whirlwind of activity for our family.  We vacationed on two separate occasions...which I will share in an upcoming blog post.  And, in between, I came home sick, not to mention jet-lagged and totally overwhelmed with email and countless other to-do items.

After our second trip, Seth was home with me.  Camp had ended.  And, we had two weeks together.  While at times it was a challenge to keep him busy, I enjoyed knowing he was around.  And, thankfully, we have a really wonderful outdoor community pool literally five minutes from our house, that we both adore, so we became daily regulars.  I in the lap lane, and he assisting the lifeguards, learning to dive, playing in the playground, etc. He was in his element.

So.....Why does it have to feel like summer ends so abruptly, even when it's still sunny and warm?!  We know it can't last forever...but it still stings.

Just yesterday (Labor Day), we were at the pool.  And, all last week we were fixtures there.  And, now, suddenly, it's over.  School has begun, and I'm back to spending much of my time on the computer.  Alone.  In my home office.  And, while I do work well myself, I relish the company of others, and miss that.

Being at the pool was my time to not just to swim, but to read and relax, I would engage in discussion, even if with the lifeguards, and it felt good....communal.  Seth and I would throw around a frisbee in the pool if it wasn't too crowded or play some sort of game of aquatic spy game that he concocted with his vivid imagination that never ceases to amaze me.

I'm looking out my office window as I type this, and my heart feels a pull.  I want to drive over to the pool and look through the metal fence at the glistening water, which has yet to be drained.  I want to wade in the lap lane one more time until the water temperature feels comfortable and then submerge.  I liked being in my own world under the water. Worries would melt away, if at least for the moment.

Kids are so resilient.  Seth loved his first day of school.  I was the one feeling out of sorts.  A friend suggested I do something good for myself....which was to get an overdue haircut and hit the gym.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  And, before I knew it, the school bus pulled up, and Seth came bounding out.  I was anxious to get the lowdown on his first day...but he didn't have much to share other than that it was good and he already has homework.  Luckily it wasn't anything monumental.  Neither he nor I are poised as yet to embark on the daily regimen of homework, which will come soon enough, after the Jewish holiday ends this week.

By then, I'll adjust no doubt to the finality of summer pleasures.  As much as there were days that were uncomfortably sticky, and the mosquitoes seemed to come out in droves at night, especially by our pool, it was still a summer to remember.  I'm sure Second Grade will ultimately be a year to remember as well, and I look forward to seeing how it unfolds.

The good times fly all too fast, but memories thankfully do linger!

School Already??? - by Cara

That was the phrase uttered by my son just the other day. I have to admit, the summer has certainly flown by. With the exception of a planned vacation, much of the summer has just whisked its way through many hot summer days.

I don’t think I was able to see my friends as often as I planned. I did spend more quality time with my son. But except for a few cute movies and an exciting theatre excursion, we really didn’t take advantage of the summer activities as we usually do.

I think much of it had to do with the almost endless clean up from the tornado that hit our town at the beginning of June. There were weeks and weeks of clean up going on in local parks and pools. That certainly put a damper on our outdoor activities.

Daily day camp occupied my son who almost always came home exhausted. And we had a reading tutor come after camp twice a week. With almost daily homework given. Except for the endless laundry, summer really hasn’t felt like...summer.

We didn’t use our outdoor grill even once this year (I plan to rectify that next year!) Except on his camping trip with his Dad, my son didn’t have the energy or time to even catch fireflies, as we did together last summer. There were very few gatherings or get-togethers with even just my friends.

And now school is back in session. By the time this blog is posted, my son will have completed his first day of Second Grade! I am as excited for him as he is. But also wary. With higher-grade levels bring larger homework loads. I wonder whether my son can deal with the greater workload. Or will I be writing many explanatory letters.

My son will be heading into school with a long list of modifications already outlined by the professionals who follow him. But will he need more? Will the school provide him more?

The one relief I have, that I blogged about last year, is that the PTA came up with an interesting fundraising idea this year, to help out overburdened parents (such as myself!). The PTA sent out  flyers at the end of the school year, last year, offering to have every single item your child’s new teacher requested, for the new school year, available for a reasonable fee! All the way down to 24 sharpened pencils! Heck, it is worth a few dollars just to have someone else sharpen 24 pencils for me! Each child would be presented with their own, boxed supplies (almost like a gift!), presented to them on the first day of school! No dragging of heavy items into school the first day. No misplaced pencil cases, erasers, notebooks. Everything is right there waiting for each particular child whose parents chose to utilize this service.

As I was walking through Staples last week, I saw several frantic Moms, with trails of their children, holding pieces of paper with their school supply lists. The Moms were blowing hair out of their eyes while their children complained in unison that either the items Staples had were not the right brand, too large, to small, or just plain sold out. As I quietly picked out the proper ink cartridge for my printer, I just stood there and smiled. No sharpening of 24 pencils for me this year! I have plenty of other things to do!