Things My Child Has Taught Me - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. It may be overt teaching, role modeling, or simple day-to-day interactions. Conversely, our children are always learning, whether it be through formal education, social interaction, or simple observation of the world around them. There is always something we can always learn.

This past weekend was filled with situations that were fuel for reflection. I would like to share what I learned and even get some feedback from our readers as to what they have learned through being a parent.

1.  Family is the most important aspect of a child’s life.

2.  If a person has even one individual in their life that they trust and feel completely secure with, then they have what they need to feel fulfilled as a human being.

3.  Yes, a dog, or other pet, can, at times, be a sibling.

4.  All work, and no play, can stifle our imagination, our creativity, and lead us to burn out.

5.  Exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise is the best type of exercise of all!

6.  Even 48 year-old, out-of-shape, Moms can learn to play handball!

7.  The best bonding is usually found either through car rides, or sitting together with Legos or a puzzle.

8.  It’s okay if you want to wear your underpants backwards. Who’s going to check?

9.  It’s good to be persistent. It may make a Mother’s hair turn prematurely gray and she may need to hide in the bathroom and count to 1,000, but if your child is motivated to achieve something, or get something done, perseverance and persistence will get them there! Don’t squelch it!

10. Go outside. There is a wonder that nature provides during every season.

11. Introduce yourself to new people. My son does this all the time. I can’t tell you how much fun he has had by walking up to other children around his age and saying, “Hi! I’m Brandon! Want to play?” To my knowledge, his tactic hasn’t failed yet!

12. Leaving the house with two socks on and entering the house with only one can be liberating.

13. When you are down in the dumps and nothing seems to pick up your spirits, go see a movie about hip-hop, singing and dancing birds!

14. Sleep when your child sleeps! Even if that is at 8:30pm! You might find that waking up completely refreshed, rather than putting that last load of laundry away or emptying the dishwasher was so worth it!

15. Children get dirty, especially boys. That’s why boy’s clothing comes in ugly, drab, dark colors. And also why there are 15 different types of stain removers in stores.

16. Show your affection. If you are home, there is no need to ask permission. If you are out in public, ask out of courtesy. And hug like you never want them to leave!

Losing Sleep over Losing Sleep -- by Jamie

I hate bedtime. Not my bedtime—I actually long for the moment I’m able to crawl under the covers and go to sleep. But Jayda’s bedtime is a completely different story.

From the moment she was born, Jayda was a horrible sleeper. Even when she was just a tiny infant, everyone joked that this kid simply didn’t want to miss anything. She was alert and happy most of the time—and turned into a screaming lunatic when anyone tried to put her down for a nap. It’s a lucky thing she was so cute and good-natured, or I don’t know how her daycare teacher would have tolerated her, because getting Jayda to nap was probably the toughest part of her teacher’s job. Other moms I knew could count on 2-3 hour breaks throughout the day during which they could get chores done—or even take a nap, themselves—while their babies were sleeping; I never had that luxury. I was lucky if Jayda napped for an hour twice a day. And nights were even worse: Jayda was up every few hours, and thus, so was I. It took until Jayda was 18 months old before she finally started sleeping through the night (“the night” being from 8 p.m. until 5 a.m., which to me, at that point, was utter bliss). Even now, she rarely sleeps past 5:30 a.m., and is my daily alarm clock. But at least she doesn’t disturb me in the middle of the night anymore.

However, just as when she was a baby, Jayda still won’t go to sleep on her own. From the start, my child needed to be held, rocked, carried around the room, and coaxed to sleep. She never fell asleep in her car seat, nor in her swing, and certainly not just by laying down in her crib. My father was the master of getting baby Jayda to konk out—he’d hold her close to his chest and sing to her and walk around the house until she succumbed to his “charms.” Then he’d let her take her entire nap on his chest, because he wouldn’t dare risk putting her down—and having her wake up. We used to call him “Mr. Mattress.” As Jayda got older, carrying and rocking her to sleep was replaced by rubbing her back while she laid in her crib…but even that required tons of time and patience, as Jayda would fight sleep for as long as possible.

As it’s always been, Jayda’s bedtime is full of rituals. Every night, Jayda changes into her pajamas, uses the potty, and crawls into bed with me with a pile of books. After our book-reading, we turn out the lights and cuddle and, as Jayda requests, “talk days.” I tell her about my day and she tells me about hers, and then I tell her what we have planned for the next day. After that, I rub her back until she goes to sleep. However, lately, that can take forever because my child has become a master procrastinator.

First, she’ll ask for a drink of water (which I keep next to the bed), then she’ll toss and turn and start to ask questions that she already knows the answers to, like “Where’s Grandma?” or ridiculous ones like “What’s Rocco (her friend at school) doing?” If I ignore her, she’ll keep repeating her questions until I answer. And when I tell her to stop talking, she turns all mushy on me and asks for a “big hug,” which, of course I can’t ignore, and sometimes showers me with kisses. Then comes the “Mommy—I have to use the potty!” request. As a very recently potty-trained child, she has me wrapped around her finger because she knows I won’t refuse her a trip to the bathroom. This request only comes once though, since, after I take her to the bathroom, I warn her that we’re not coming back, so she “better make use of her time there!”

Some nights, Jayda adds new surprises to her repertoire. The other evening, she tossed and turned in bed insisting that her back hurt and she needed an ice pack—clearly imitating her grandmother. Once, she insisted she needed dental floss because her “teeth hurt.” She’s also been known to change her mind about what doll she wants to sleep with (wanting the one that is downstairs, of course), claim that her feet are cold and she needs special socks, or suddenly decide that she urgently needs an application of “tushie medicine” (ie: Desitin).

Of course I don’t give in to every demand Jayda makes, and I don’t calmly lie next to her for hours. But leaving her to fall asleep alone isn’t a solution either. Because if I do, Jayda screams and cries for awhile, and then she just calmly sits in bed and waits for me to come back. She’ll wait for hours, too. There have been nights when I’ve gone out for drinks with friends, and have come home to find that Jayda has waited up for me. My mom will put her to bed, and Jayda will lie there calmly…but she won’t go to sleep until she knows I’m home with her. If I’m out very late, eventually exhaustion takes her out…but it could take hours…and I don’t want my kid staying up and losing her much-needed sleep simply because I don’t have the patience to sit with her for a bit longer. So, each night, I return to cajole her to sleep.

As an overtired mommy who LOVES her bed, I’ll never understand why Jayda doesn’t welcome sleep as I do. Even when she’s totally exhausted and rubbing her eyes, and it’s clear to both of us that she needs to pass out, she won’t. She’ll fight me with her very last bit of energy—and she’ll fight hard. My willful child has conquered her naps, of course, and no longer takes them. Oh, the irony: Jayda’s needing (or at least succumbing to) less sleep than ever…and I need more. People tell me this will change…but I fear it won’t until she’s a teenager. I hope I’m proven wrong.

Week of Firsts for Mother and Son -- by Robin

Seth's first day of first grade was this week.

He was both excited and mildly nervous. But, his nerves quickly turned to anxiousness in a positive way, as he readily hopped on the big school bus with the other kids. And, this time, because they're considered"big" kids, there is no bus attendant to make sure they're settled in their seats and don't leave behind any of their belongings. This is a big change.

It was a new experience for both of us. We had been spoiled. Up until this year, Seth's bus stopped at our doorstep, and we didn't know how good we had it. We would both roll out of bed and hustle to get ready, and no matter the weather, we waited inside the house most of the time until the bus pulled up, and I sent Seth outside.

Now, we have to wait at a bus stop with other parents and kids, and I'm not used to it. Before, to be honest, I'd often throw my winter coat over my nightgown or put on a nice house dress and kiss Seth good-bye. It's no longer like that. I need to put myself together, relatively speaking, since I'm out there in the company of others.

I'm discovering a whole new world of morning people. I used to be one of them. Ok....reluctantly.....but when I worked fulltime in NYC prior to motherhood, I got up early, commuted and even wore pantyhose (something I detest now). It was a daily routine, and I was used to it. I was also younger and had less responsibility.

These days, part of my challenge is that I often don't sleep soundly. Perhaps it's perimenopause? Or maybe the fact that my life feels so full (or overwhelming at times), that my mind is not at peace? Most like a combination.

All I know is that I typically wake up not feeling well-rested, and since I'm not a napper, I get through some days yearning for a good snooze (crossing my fingers that tonite will be a more restful night).

And, Seth is the energizer bunny. It will be interesting to see how he comes home as school becomes more demanding and then has to sit down and do homework. I'm told that in first grade a lot more is expected of them (and therefore the parents too).

Maybe I can learn to use the morning hours to my advantage? I heard that Michelle Obama rises at 5:30AM for her morning workout. But, then she also goes to bed early, and I fight doing that. I've always been a night person by nature. And, Seth too likes to stay up with me and watch a movie in bed. It's sweet.

School changes all that. He needs to get a good night sleep, even if I don't always.

I'll adjust. I have to. And, maybe I'll grow to appreciate the morning? There is a certain calmness about it that offers the promise of productivity and even renewed creativity. Your mind is clear before the day quickly takes over.

I've been looking at our local adult ed catalog to see if there is a morning class I might register for. It would be a new experience for me to be amongst people that early. To think there was a time in my life when I dealt with rush hour and was surrounded by office mates, feels like another lifetime ago. But, I am a people person, so I do miss the company you lack working from home.

I wonder how much conversation you can make while doing stomach crunches on an exercise ball? I am thinking that it might be fun to take a class that gets the blood pumping. I've never been a coffee drinker, so this could serve as my dose of caffeine, so to speak. It's just one idea.

Regardless, I am thrilled that so far Seth is liking his new school, teachers and classmates. At age six, he is really quite resilient. He transitions well. I commend him for that and look forward to seeing how the year unfolds for all of us. It will be a learning experience for everyone.