A Part of the Family by Sharon O'Donnell

Our beautiful little red long-haired dachshund had back surgery on Friday of this week. Dachshunds are prone to back problems because of their long backs and short legs, but our Fenway is only 7 years old -- a bit young it would seem for such problems to happen. Even in dog years, he is only 49 -- my age exactly -- but come to think of it, I did have back surgery myself 3 years ago.

But with dachshunds, back problems can be very serious, and believe it or not, 6 or 7 is the average age of these problems occurring. I had a dachshund when I was growing up, and he lived until he was 16 with never a back problem or other health problem at all. Despite Fenway having doggie steps onto two of our couches and up to our bed, he still developed the problem.

He first started having symptoms of back problems this past August when he suddenly didn't want to walk. My husband had done research on the web, and he knew that when back problems develop, it is important to get treatment immediately. We took Fenway to a local university vet school clinic where they examined Fen and took x-rays. They could tell that Fenway had some mineralization along the discs of his spine, but they couldn't tell if a disc was actually herniated; an MRI would be able to show it, BUT they said that spinal surgery was so tricky that they would not recommend such surgery if the dog was still able to walk -- even if an MRI showed a herniated disc, they still would recommend conservative therapy - where basically the dog is carried up and down steps and not allowed to jump, etc. For the most part, we did that for the past 4 months. In the rain or the cold, we still carried Fenway down the stairs to his gated-in area off our deck and would then wait for him to do his business and carry him back up again. When we first got Fenway, we had steps built for him that were small without much rise in height between each of them so that there would be less strain on his back. However, perhaps that any kind of steps would have been too much strain.

The conservative therapy seemed to be working. Fenway gradually got back to his old self, although he was really spoiled, having grown used to us carrying him up and down the steps. Then four days ago, I noticed he was hesitating when having to get up to walk. We called and made another appointment for the university vet clinic for the next day. This time my husband insisted on Fenway having an MRI even though it was expensive; and if the MRI showed it was a herniated disc, we wanted to seriously consider surgery. Our college son came home and went with us to take Fen to his appointment. They kept Fen for the day to do the MRI. That afternoon, the results were back, and yes -- it was a herniated disc. They said surgery might help - but it was still risky as any spinal surgery is. The also said that if the disc had been herniated for a while, it would be difficult or impossible to remove. They also said they could decompress the herniated disc as well as the other discs in his back so that there would be more room around them in the spinal canal. Or we could put Fen on pain meds and more conservative therapy. We opted for the surgery. It was scheduled for the next day, but we took Fen home with us for the night.

That night it was more than obvious Fen was in pain. He had trouble moving and reluctant to walk. His breathing was more labored, as if it hurt to breathe. The next morning, his breathing was worse, almost like he was groaning or snoring every time he took a breath. He was in pain, and it was incredibly painful for us to watch. My husband had to take Fenway in for his pre-surgery prep at 7:30 that morning. Our 11-year-old son broke down in tears as he listened to Fenway's breathing, such an obvious sign that Fenway was hurting. Our whole family was a wreck. Our middle son, a senior in high school, had to get to class, but I know it was hard for him to leave Fenway. I saw later he'd texted, "Good luck in surgery, buddy."

Fenway is like part of our family. Forget the simile. Fenway IS a part of our family. He is very loyal and cuddly and playful and can make us forget our worries and concerns in no time. Just being around him makes us better people. Fen has a special relationship with everyone in the house, but he has a super special strong bond with my husband, Kevin. When Kevin is out of the house, Fenway guards Kevin's belongings all day, growling at anyone who comes near. It's actually kind of strange and overboard but that's Fenway. Most of the time, Fenway is a very laid-back dog who loves to relax, but when his is ready to play, he plays hard.

Yesterday afternoon did not bring the news we'd prayed to hear. The disc had been herniated for a while, making it impossible for doctors to actually remove the disc; however, they did decompress the disc and the other discs so there would be more room for in the spinal column and thus would alleviate the pain. But still -- it wasn't the best case scenario. Time will tell what will happen. Using pain meds off and on will also help him if needed. It hurts to think he won't be able to roughhouse with my sons the way he has for the past 7 years -- we'll miss that so much, and I wish I'd taken some videos of it. I think I took one last year, but it was brief, and I'm not even sure where it is in our stack of small video tapes. Ironically, in the beginning of November, we bought a brand new video camera that records without tape -- primarily to record Fenway. But we've been so busy that we didn't get around to taking one.

Even though he won't be quite his 'old' self, we know we are blessed to be able to bring Fenway home tomorrow. I went and visited him this morning, and he was very wobbly but able to walk and seemed very ready to come home with us. Hated to have to leave him there. His back is bare, now, his beautiful red hair shaved with staples along his spine. It's odd to see him like that. Kind of funny to look at though, and that is the approach we will take when my 11-year-old sees him. Kind of a revers Mohawk.

We can't wait to bring Fenway home in the morning. Home. Back where he belongs. With us. Part of the family.

GUEST BLOG POST: Choosing the Right Pet for Your Family by Diane Pomerance

Deciding to incorporate a pet into your family can be one of the most important decisions you make. After all, the pet may spend a significant number of years with you and share many life experiences with you and your children. Adding a pet to your family can deeply enrich and improve the quality of your life and teach both you and your kids many profound life lessons including compassion, loyalty, responsibility, unconditional love and respect and appreciation for all creatures and our planet. The right pet can also become a beloved family member.

Never make the decision to adopt a pet in haste or spontaneously. A pet, particularly a dog or cat, requires love, affection, interaction, exercise, proper nutrition, regular veterinary care – and a lifetime commitment from you to provide for his care and well-being. Before introducing a pet into your home and lives, discuss the decision (pros and cons) with your family. Carefully and thoughtfully consider the suitability and compatibility of the pet which bests accommodates your lifestyle, budget, time and space parameters. Do you and your kids have the time to provide a pet with a quality life – or is your schedule full of work and other activities that would preclude you from spending time and devoting attention to a pet? Would the pet be a burden rather than a joyful addition to your lives?

Children and their animal companions often forge a unique bond – full of love and trust. An animal companion provides unconditional love, loyalty, friendship, and companionship and is nonjudgmental. He makes a child feel safe and comfortable. He becomes the child’s confidant and accepts him for who he is. Children, who have animal companions, tend to be better socialized with their peers as well as adults. Their confidence is increased and their self-esteem is generally higher than children who do not have a pet. Children learn compassion and responsibility while learning to care for their pet.

Bear in mind, that you, as parent, will always be ultimately responsible for the pet’s care and well-being. However cooperative and willing to take care of a pet, children are, well,” children” and, however well-intentioned, are easily distracted or involved with social obligations, extracurricular activities, homework, chores and other activities. Are you willing to take on this additional responsibility?

Conduct research and discuss the various types of pets that are available and best suited to your household and lifestyle. Visit animal shelters and rescue organizations with your family. You can save the life an animal by adopting a shelter or rescue dog or cat. Discuss the benefits of pet guardianship with friends, relatives and neighbors who have pets. If you are planning on adopting a pet from a shelter or rescue organization ask animal welfare workers/volunteers to determine which one is the most appropriate for you – one that all of you will love and from which you will derive great pleasure. The rescue and shelter volunteers are often very knowledgeable about the specific pet you are thinking of adopting and can provide you with much information regarding the animal’s health, personality, socialization skills, and energy/activity levels.

Careful thought and awareness of the responsibility that comes with pet guardianship are extremely important. However, the joys of having a pet far supersede any challenges or responsibilities involved.

Diane Pomerance, Ph.D., is President, The Polaire Entertainment Group, Inc., and author, Our Rescue Dog Family Album.  Visit www.animalcompanionsandtheirpeople.com. 

Things My Child Has Taught Me - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. It may be overt teaching, role modeling, or simple day-to-day interactions. Conversely, our children are always learning, whether it be through formal education, social interaction, or simple observation of the world around them. There is always something we can always learn.

This past weekend was filled with situations that were fuel for reflection. I would like to share what I learned and even get some feedback from our readers as to what they have learned through being a parent.

1.  Family is the most important aspect of a child’s life.

2.  If a person has even one individual in their life that they trust and feel completely secure with, then they have what they need to feel fulfilled as a human being.

3.  Yes, a dog, or other pet, can, at times, be a sibling.

4.  All work, and no play, can stifle our imagination, our creativity, and lead us to burn out.

5.  Exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise is the best type of exercise of all!

6.  Even 48 year-old, out-of-shape, Moms can learn to play handball!

7.  The best bonding is usually found either through car rides, or sitting together with Legos or a puzzle.

8.  It’s okay if you want to wear your underpants backwards. Who’s going to check?

9.  It’s good to be persistent. It may make a Mother’s hair turn prematurely gray and she may need to hide in the bathroom and count to 1,000, but if your child is motivated to achieve something, or get something done, perseverance and persistence will get them there! Don’t squelch it!

10. Go outside. There is a wonder that nature provides during every season.

11. Introduce yourself to new people. My son does this all the time. I can’t tell you how much fun he has had by walking up to other children around his age and saying, “Hi! I’m Brandon! Want to play?” To my knowledge, his tactic hasn’t failed yet!

12. Leaving the house with two socks on and entering the house with only one can be liberating.

13. When you are down in the dumps and nothing seems to pick up your spirits, go see a movie about hip-hop, singing and dancing birds!

14. Sleep when your child sleeps! Even if that is at 8:30pm! You might find that waking up completely refreshed, rather than putting that last load of laundry away or emptying the dishwasher was so worth it!

15. Children get dirty, especially boys. That’s why boy’s clothing comes in ugly, drab, dark colors. And also why there are 15 different types of stain removers in stores.

16. Show your affection. If you are home, there is no need to ask permission. If you are out in public, ask out of courtesy. And hug like you never want them to leave!

What is “Better?” - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

“BETTER” - of superior suitability, advisability, desirability, acceptableness, preferable”

I must admit that I was humbled by the number of concerned and genuine written and verbal comments my blog elicited last week. However, as true as all of the comments were, the essence that I took away from all of them was that my life would eventually “get better.” So I began to ponder both my life and the term, “better.” I came up with a list of questions that will sound bitter, and angry, and sarcastic because...well...I AM feeling bitter, angry and sarcastic. So, for those of you who truly had my best intentions in mind, and I sincerely appreciated all of them, please see past the bitter feelings and reflect on these questions:

Is “better” having my son ripped from his family unit and having to share time between two parents?

Is “better” being a single Mom to a child with multiple learning disabilities, and having to be the primary caretaker?

Is “better” having a child learn to deal with two different parenting styles, one of which is completely against his nature?

Is “better” having to pay a divorce lawyer almost $2000 of what was going to be my son’s college money just to fill out stupid, inane, paperwork when my child could have perhaps put that money into 2 college classes later in life?

Is “better” having one of your two pets, both of which your child adores, practically taken away because that pet favors the other parent?

Is “better” having to deal with stress related illnesses just about every single day, watching your own body become feeble and frail in the process?

Is “better” having a child have to share holidays, vacations and birthdays between each parent?

Is “better” attending a special event of your child’s, standing on the opposite side of the room from your former spouse, having as little communication as feasibly possible with that spouse, cheering on your child, hugging and kissing him for doing so well, and then having both parents leave in separate cars?

Is “better” not only not knowing what to say to friends when they inquire about the impending divorce? And is “better” having a child wonder what the heck is going on in their family but barely able to comprehend, let alone ask appropriate questions about what the heck is going on, because you don’t even know yourself? 

Is “better” having to linger in this “lifestyle” until your child goes off to college, which will roughly be 10 years from now?

After contemplating the smattering of questions I exemplified, can anyone honestly tell me that my life will get “better?” I seriously doubt so. Although I am open to being receptive to comments to the contrary.

I made a conscious decision to have a child and build a family. I looked forward to having a loving spouse, who would be there for this family during good times and in bad. I may never know just what went awry. But what I am experiencing and will be experiencing is far from “better.” And it’s a damn shame, especially for my child. Because out of us all, he’s the one who deserves “better.”