Thank Heavens for Little Girls, and Big Ones Too...By Liimu

I have a theory. I believe that the size of my kids directly correlates not with their weight at birth, but rather with how much weight I gained during each pregnancy. When my eldest daughter was born, she weighed 6.5 pounds and her thighs were so skinny, I could circle one of them with my thumb and middle finger and have finger left to spare. Now, at 8 years old, she wears a size 7.5 women's shoe, is nearly 5 feet tall and weighs as much as many of my friends. I gained 90 pounds when I was pregnant with her. 16 months later, after gaining only 45 pounds, I gave birth to her sister, who weighed in at a respectable 7.5 pounds, but had not reached Devon's 2-month length by her 4-month birthday. She is 7.5 years old now and shares clothes with her 4 year old sister.

I've tried to explain this to my 8 year old when she complains that she wants to lose weight (sad, but true) because she wants to weigh what the other girls in her class weigh (75 pounds, vs. her 110). I try to explain to her that she is growing at exactly the rate she has her entire life - which is literally heads and shoulders above her peers. I tried to explain that when she was 6 months old, she wore 12 months clothes, and when she was 12 months old, she wore 2T, and when she was 2 years old, she wore 4t, etc. Nothing has changed. I tried to explain to her that as long as she stays active and makes healthy choices, she will continue to be healthy and beautiful. I try to set a good example for her of how to do just that.

My sister pointed out that there is one thing I could do better than I'm doing now, which is to set a good example for her around loving and accepting myself. I realized recently that the extent to which I have been pushing myself to get back to my prepregnancy weight quickly (like all those freaking celebrities do that are all over the tabloids - think Penelope Cruz), I have been sending a conflicting message to the love-yourself-you're-perfect-just-the-way-you-are message I've been trying to send her since she saw her first class photo that looked like she had taken a wrong turn from the elementary school and ended up in a day care center. Much the same way my beautiful 8-year old daughter is built to be closer in size to her 12 year old cousin than her 7-year old sister, I'm built to make big, strong healthy babies by having big strong, healthy pregnancies. Love it, deal with it, accept it and get over it. And just as sure as she will blossom into a statuesque beauty in her teens and adulthood, I know for a fact I will be back to my beautiful, sassy post-partum self in no time. I've done it before (three times!!), and I will definitely do it again.

So to all my girls all over the world, whether you're 4'10" or 5'10", whether you gain only 10 pounds when you're pregnant or you gain 100, I challenge you to love and accept yourself as you love and accept your children, your nieces, your mothers, your sisters and your friends. I challenge you to hold yourself to the same firm but gentle standard of healthy eating and activity you would want your daughters to follow. I will not force myself to workout for an hour every day anymore than I would force my children to. But I will try to find ways to be active. And if it's a beautiful day and I've been working on the computer all day, I will say to myself, "hey, get outside for awhile!" just like I would say it to my kids. And when I reach for that second piece of cake, I will lovingly ask myself if I'm really still hungry or just wanting to taste a little bit more, just like I do my kids - and if it's the latter, I promise myself that I can have it again in a day or two (and I even put it in the freezer so I can do just that).

It was a huge epiphany for me to realize that (a) I'm doing a pretty good job managing the beast of insecurity that threatens to take hold of my girls and (b) the one area where I can improve is to slay the beast within myself.

Things My Child Has Taught Me - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

As parents, we are constantly teaching our children. It may be overt teaching, role modeling, or simple day-to-day interactions. Conversely, our children are always learning, whether it be through formal education, social interaction, or simple observation of the world around them. There is always something we can always learn.

This past weekend was filled with situations that were fuel for reflection. I would like to share what I learned and even get some feedback from our readers as to what they have learned through being a parent.

1.  Family is the most important aspect of a child’s life.

2.  If a person has even one individual in their life that they trust and feel completely secure with, then they have what they need to feel fulfilled as a human being.

3.  Yes, a dog, or other pet, can, at times, be a sibling.

4.  All work, and no play, can stifle our imagination, our creativity, and lead us to burn out.

5.  Exercise that doesn’t feel like exercise is the best type of exercise of all!

6.  Even 48 year-old, out-of-shape, Moms can learn to play handball!

7.  The best bonding is usually found either through car rides, or sitting together with Legos or a puzzle.

8.  It’s okay if you want to wear your underpants backwards. Who’s going to check?

9.  It’s good to be persistent. It may make a Mother’s hair turn prematurely gray and she may need to hide in the bathroom and count to 1,000, but if your child is motivated to achieve something, or get something done, perseverance and persistence will get them there! Don’t squelch it!

10. Go outside. There is a wonder that nature provides during every season.

11. Introduce yourself to new people. My son does this all the time. I can’t tell you how much fun he has had by walking up to other children around his age and saying, “Hi! I’m Brandon! Want to play?” To my knowledge, his tactic hasn’t failed yet!

12. Leaving the house with two socks on and entering the house with only one can be liberating.

13. When you are down in the dumps and nothing seems to pick up your spirits, go see a movie about hip-hop, singing and dancing birds!

14. Sleep when your child sleeps! Even if that is at 8:30pm! You might find that waking up completely refreshed, rather than putting that last load of laundry away or emptying the dishwasher was so worth it!

15. Children get dirty, especially boys. That’s why boy’s clothing comes in ugly, drab, dark colors. And also why there are 15 different types of stain removers in stores.

16. Show your affection. If you are home, there is no need to ask permission. If you are out in public, ask out of courtesy. And hug like you never want them to leave!

I’m Coming Back In…..by Cyma Shapiro

A few weeks ago, I wrote that I was not enjoying being a mother. My children were grappling with issues, our lives had become complicated; we had also experienced a few tragedies. All of this compounded my feeling that without a happy home, life had just become…well…just too hard.

I’m happy to say that, in our therapist’s terms, I’m “coming back in” to our lives. Things are ironing themselves out (as they often do), and I’m now aware that time is passing and I must keep pace.

I’ve often written that for me, being a midlife mother brings a razor-sharp awareness that life will not go on forever. I never recognized this; at midlife, and with children, I most certainly do.

It’s SO easy to forget about the good, small things that happen daily as children grow. It’s SO easy to get mired in daily problems and yearly concerns. It’s SO easy to feel like the issues of today will still be the issues of tomorrow; our children’s angst will continue on into infinity, etc. etc.

The truth is that they grow and, hopefully, we grow (up) too!

Today, I will remind myself again of how happy I am to be a midlife mother; how happy I am to be sharing my life with my children; how happy I am for the people they are becoming.

Here’s my deal: Exercise, exercise, exercise. Pray, pray, pray. Meditate, meditate, meditate.

I try sooooooo hard to keep it all together.

OM…………….

FAMILY FINDS: FOR MOM + DAD: Drinks and Eats (FREE SAMPLES) by Robin Gorman Newman

Periodically I will be blogging about some discoveries I've made that I can't wait to share, so here goes my take on some notable beverages and edibles, and there are sampling opportunities, so read on:

NEW YORK NATURALS KALE CHIPS
I was recently introduced to these by a gal at my gym, and both my husband and I have turned into fans.  Thin and glazed with various seasonings, they not only are snack worthy and packed with nutrients, but they also can be used for dipping or as a salad topping or a garnish for all sorts of dishes (since they're kinda flaky). Amy Hamberry and Joe Orr make them by dehydrating kale in their Brooklyn plant, where some magic makes than taste fried. They come in three flavors: spicy miso, vegan cheese and bombay ranch.. Each has a bit of kick. New York Naturals Kale Chips are sold at various locations for $7.49 for 3.5 ounces, and at http://www.nynshop.com/, where they are sold individually and also in a pack of three for $19.95.  What a pleasure to have something to much on that doesn't feel decadent....especially with holiday season approaching.  In fact, this might make a cool edible gift for health-conscious friends.  And what a great way to eat a veggie!  My personal favorite is the cheese flavor.

HINT WATER
You can never drink enough water, and HINT is simple: Premium essence water with a HINT of flavor. HINT offers beverages with no calories, sweeteners or preservatives and is a great alternative to juice and soda. HINT was launched in April 2005 by current CEO Kara Goldin, a former AOL executive and mother of four. HINT is available in high-end grocery stores, cafes and food retailers nationwide, including Pax, Dean & Deluca, Food Emporium, Stop & Shop, Morton Williams Associated Supermarkets. HINT is available in 10 flavors: Watermelon, Honeydew Hibiscus, Blackberry, Mango-Grapefruit, Pomegranate-Tangerine, Lime, Raspberry-Lime, Pear, Cucumber and Strawberry Kiwi.  My personal favorite is the raspberry-lime.  My son liked them as well.  A nice alternative to unflavored water....yet still healthy. For more information, visit www.drinkHINT.com.

V8 V-FUSION + TEA JUICE BEVERAGES
V8’s latest product: V8 V-Fusion +Tea. My whole family, including my son, really liked these.  My personal favorite is the pomegranate green tea blend. The juice beverages provide a combined serving of vegetables and fruit in each 8-ounce glass, along with the antioxidants and cool, crisp taste of natural green tea, all for 50 calories per serving. V8 V-Fusion +Tea juice beverages are available in three flavors: Raspberry Green Tea, Pomegranate Green Tea and Pineapple Mango Green Tea. Each meets the American Heart Association’s criteria to display its heart-check mark and contains no artificial colors, flavors or preservatives.  It is sold at supermarkets, convenience, mass merchandise and club stores nationwide for a suggested retail price of $3.99 for a 46-ounce bottle. For more information, visit http://www.v8juice.com/ and www.facebook.com/V8VFusion.

CELSIUS NUTRITIONAL SUPPLEMENT DRINK
Celsius®, Your Ultimate Fitness Partner™, is a ready-to-drink nutritional supplement powered by a proprietary MetaPlus® blend of ingredients, including green tea with EGCG, ginger, caffeine, calcium, chromium, B Vitamins and Vitamin C. Celsius contains no sugar, no high fructose corn syrup, no aspartame, no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives, and is very low in sodium.  It is clinically shown to burn calories and reduce fat while building more lean muscle when combined with exercise. Celsius is available at retail locations nationwide and online at www.celsius.com.  It comes in four sparkling flavors—orange, wild berry, cola and ginger ale—as well as non-carbonated green tea raspberry acai and green tea peach mango flavors. Celsius On-the-Go Berry Flavored stick packets can be added to regular bottled water for a refreshing berry taste. My personal favorite is the green tea peach mango blend.  My husband liked it as well.


NOTE: WE ARE GIVING AWAY SAMPLES OF EACH PRODUCT. IF INTERESTED, DROP A NOTE NOW TO ROBIN@MOTHERHOODLATER.COM AND INDICATE YOUR PRODUCT PREFERENCE.  INCLUDE YOUR FULL MAILING ADDRESS, AND TELL US BRIEFLY WHY YOU'D LIKE TO TRY OUT THAT ITEM.  ONE WINNER WILL BE CHOSEN PER PRODUCT.
 
 
 
 
(Note: Motherhood Later...Than Sooner assumes no liability should you consume these products.  Thanks to the featured products for providing samples.)

Y Community? -- By Laura Houston

When I moved to New York City from a small farm in Oregon, I naturally felt out of place. It was a tough adjustment being a new mom in a strange, crowded, loud city without my network of friends around me – friends who would come over in an instant if I needed help or a break. As I elbowed my way into a new social network in Manhattan, many neighbors, mothers, and friends suggested joining a family gym. But as a rule, I hate gyms. My workouts in the Northwest centered on gardening, hiking, kayaking, and running. I like the outdoors. I like all kinds of weather. I like hard work. In Oregon, I easily found communities of people who felt the same way and enjoyed the same things, and I bonded with people naturally out of mutual interest.

I am the sort of person who makes friends easily under most circumstances, and thanks to groups like Motherhood Later Than Sooner and Upper West Side Moms, I’ve met some great women. We gather on playgrounds. We have coffee after playschool. We share sitters, housekeepers, doctors, and lawyers. But regardless of our network of resources and information, a group of mothers is not always enough to call a community. After all, as mothers of young children we are pretty frazzled. We can’t often reach out and offer support to one another because we are barely making it ourselves. It’s hard to create a kinship of reliable support just due to the logistics of the city alone.

So how does one go about creating a community for the family? Churches, mosques, temples and synagogues are a good start, but if you don’t practice those religions, you’re out of luck. Plus, I want a more diverse community. I like to meet and get to know all kinds of people going through all kinds of situations. But they have to have some things in common: they want to be healthy, they have interests, and they want to form relationships with other people.

That’s difficult to do on a small island where there are more than 71,000 people per square mile. It’s ironic with all these people crowded together that so many mothers admit to feeling lonely and isolated. And mothers have a particularly hard time in New York – especially if they are stay-at-home moms who are raising the kids themselves – sans full-time nannies.

Last week I met a woman named La-Vena Francis. She was a single, teen-age mother living in Brooklyn, and she was determined to do the right thing for her child while trying to find community for herself. When her son was six-years old, he began showing signs of childhood obesity, and she could not to let that happen. She knew her son loved the water, and she knew she wanted him to be safe, so she joined the YMCA and signed him up for swim lessons.

“That’s how I became connected,” La-Vena told me, “I became connected with the community the Y had to offer, with my son, and with myself because I started taking classes, too.”

Two birds. One stone.

When La-Vena first moved to this country as a little girl, she did not live in a safe neighborhood. There weren’t many places she could play without fear. She said the Flatbush YMCA was a refuge, so that’s where she went after school to take gymnastics. Then, as a teenage mom, she returned with her son, introducing him to health and wellness, to male mentors, and to a community that would help her help him.

Twelve years later La-Vena’s son is 18-years old, attends college, and teaches swimming lessons at a YMCA. And La-Vena now works at the North Brooklyn YMCA as a director. She also met her husband there, and now her two youngest kids attend for daycare, classes, and fun.

There are many stories I’ve heard from mothers, especially single mothers, about the kinship, the solace, and the support they discovered at their local gym. The YMCA organization itself is an anthology of hope, help and health from members of its community. It offers more than just fitness classes, and it has free babysitting in their child watch program, so mothers can workout, get a break from the kids, and perhaps have a conversation with an adult that lasts more than four sentences.

As hard as I have tried in New York to create my own community, I might have to borrow someone’s for a while and see if I can fit in. I believe I need to take some pottery classes, some yoga classes, and maybe get over my distaste for public swimming pools, and gym locker rooms while I’m at it. My life has changed not only as a mother who is living in a new city, but now I find I am becoming a different kind of person who has to find new interests in a city where I can’t plant a garden, and in a life where there is little time for solace. I’m also no longer as fit as I used to be. There are times when I can’t seem to keep up. So it’s time to buck up and join up. And see where this inspired community leads me.

Healthy Habits -- and a Happy Kid -- by Jamie

I was not a very active kid. I preferred cookies to cartwheels, and reading to running. And it showed: I was a rather chubby child, who struggled with a weight problem throughout much of my youth. It wasn’t until my mid-20s that I truly discovered the joys of exercise; I joined a boxing gym, and, as I strived to succeed in the sport, found my endorphins flowing, and my energy increasing. After just a few weeks of boxing, I set off on a quest to become stronger and faster and added running and weight training to my routine. Ultimately, my body became leaner, my heart grew healthier, and I became a gym-rat.

I’m known at my current gym as “the woman who worked out until the day she gave birth”—and it’s true: I exercised about 6 times a week throughout my pregnancy, and would have been at the gym on the day I went into labor, but I had an early OB/GYN appointment that day that deterred me; I gave birth that evening.

Soon after my C-section, I was out walking again, with Jayda strapped to my body in a Baby Bjorn, and I returned to the gym less than a month later. Exercise and eating healthfully are important to me…and I want them to be important to my child. But, as I know from my own experiences, you can’t force exercise on a kid if you want it to become a habit for her; instead, she has to enjoy it.

Like her mom, Jayda has a passion for sweet things. For a long time, I could get away with giving her fresh fruit, Greek yogurt with honey, or homemade zucchini-carrot bread as a treat. But of course, as Jayda grew, her grandparents, daycare friends, and our shopping forays introduced her to cupcakes, ice cream, candy, and other not-so-healthy snacks. I still try to limit Jayda’s treats, and make healthy substitutions whenever I can. (For example, one of Jayda’s favorite places is the “ice cream store” where, unbeknownst to her, we both eat low fat frozen yogurt.) However, since I don’t want to create an eating-disordered daughter and deny her all the foods her contemporaries are eating, I’ve been simply focusing on getting Jayda to exercise more, instead.

When Jayda was about 18 months old, I signed her up for a gymnastics class—and a year later, we’re still attending once a week. She loves it at The Little Gym, and 45 minutes of climbing, swinging, and running around are never enough for her. Weather-permitting, I take her to the playground after daycare as often as I can, and while sometimes she just wants to swing, and sit and watch the other kids play, other days, Jayda is a real little monkey, climbing the jungle gym and racing around in circles. Regardless, the playground is a place she looks forward to going to, and that’s what’s important.

Because my little girl has been begging me to go to “dance school” for months now, I’ve signed her up for a class in January, and she can’t stop talking about it. If dancing brings her as much joy as I think it will, she’ll be twirling around incessantly once class begins. Add to that the yoga class that Jayda’s daycare starting offering a few weeks ago (and which Jayda loves—and constantly practices at home), and it looks like my daughter is turning into a pretty active child. More importantly, she’s enjoying her activities every step of the way.

Recently, I began taking Jayda to my gym with me on the weekends; it has a free daycare center and she adores the woman who watches her there. As soon as she wakes up on Saturday mornings, Jayda asks me, “When is mommy going to exercise?” and “Can I come, too?!” Having a toddler who begs to go to the gym must mean I’m doing something right!

Is This What 40 Something Is?

I've blogged about my fibroids. I've written about my erratic sleeping patterns, I think due in part to hormones. A couple of months ago, I hurt the rotator cuff on my right arm....I believe due to lifting Seth under that arm. And, it's still not 100 percent. I didn't even know what a rotator cuff is. Now I'm all too aware.

As if my health isn't enough of an open book, I'm going to share the latest. I just found out I have tiny gallstones. And, the gastro doc I saw right away said I should see a surgeon. I totally balked and immediately emailed my integrative doctor and starting researching on the web. He faxed to me a liver/gall bladder flush which patients have had success with when the stones are small. Mine are described as "tiny," so I'm hoping this does the trick. I'm only mildly symptomatic at this point.

I figured I just had to drink some olive oil and lemon juice as a friend suggested. But, no, this is much more involved, including the use of coffee, berries, heavy whipped creme, etc. I'll spare you the details. Suffice it to say, this is not going to be a walk in the park. Thankfully I don't have to drink the coffee....but I'm dreading this whole procedure. And, how do you know if it works? The instructions said that if you feel nauseous during the night, that's a good thing. We want to achieve that result, it stated. Terrific! Another reason not to sleep.

I'll do it. I'm a trooper. And, this is WAY better than surgery, even laproscopic.

I had a chat with my trainer at the gym about this, who in addition to working my body, has become like a mom figure/therapist/friend. Sometimes we yak more about life stuff and the exercise lags behind, but it's always comforting since she is well read on health matters and loves to share.

This past week she confided in me that I should get used to this kind of stuff. That once you hit 40 (not that she or I want to depress you), according to her, your body changes and things happen, however minor. But, it takes adjustment, and ultimately acceptance...and letting go of control if we ever thought we had it. This isn't easy for me to swallow. I'd rather swallow tons of supplements, than this notion.

I'm hearing this from others too. A friend I recently had dinner with said she has a couple of herniated discs and is now seeing a chiropractor. Another gal I know in her 40s just had hip replacement. And, people are buying reading glasses, taking MSM pills for aches, etc.

Granted, luckily, none of this is serious in the scheme of things. But, as one mom said to me, it's amazing, because when she was younger, her biggest health concern was an occasional cold. And, now she's living in a body she doesn't fully recognize.

At a time when we need self care the most, it's so hard to get it when mothering requires major time and effort.

I guess going with the flow is the best attitude, and being grateful for our bodies, despite newfound developments.

Anyone else finding 40+ a time for bodily changes?