Vacation from Motherhood -- by Cara

My husband and I decided, after much debate, that he could handle taking care of the house, our dog, our rambunctious son, work from home...and do it all really well, all by himself. I said to him, well, millions of Moms do it everyday, why don’t you try it if you want. And he really wanted to. So I said, “Go for it!”

So off I went to stay at a vacant home of a friend I know of, with my dog as my companion, and left him to his desire. The first call came not an hour later, “What are these weird dishwashing cubes and how do you use them?” I told him that they were a new type of dissolving dishwashing soap and to read the back of the package for instructions about how to use them.

Then the first day passed, and I received a call about my son running out of underwear. I decided to pack up my laundry and trudge over to do a load or two because A: I know it took ME, who reads manuals, almost two weeks to fully understand how to use this high-tech, front-loading machine, and B: The last time my husband did laundry, all of the whites turned pink and some of the other clothes looked poorly tie-dyed. So I offered to take care of the laundry.

Then I found out that the fish hadn’t been fed in days! The poor things were staring at me and then looking up at the top of their tanks for some food!! I quickly gave them some food, then wrote a note in bold letters, “FEED FISH EACH DAY!!” My son could easily do that.

The next day there were questions about what to pack for lunch and how do you keep some items cold (umm...an ice pack??)? What does my husband do with school notices (Hmm...read them??), what does he do with the book ordering form (go over it with our son to see if he would like a book or two??). This went on for a few days. At least he remembered to feed the dog!! (I did have to remind my husband to give her daily medication, though.)

To my delight and amazement, after several days, my husband had gotten into the swing of things and I’ve caught up on a lot of work that had been accumulating and have been completing long overdue continuing education credits.

I must also say, living alone for now is giving me time to reorganize my life; embark on activities I had long put aside, and give me a huge breather from the stressful, hectic pace of everyday life! The only other being I need to care for is my dog. And he sleeps most of the time!

This experiment has also given me a window into what my life used to be like, when I was single or what life would be like now if I hadn’t married or had a child. It’s very intriguing. I try to see my son every day, so I’m not completely removed from motherhood. But I am removed from the daily trials and tribulations. On the contrary, I also miss seeing my son do his math homework in the blink of an eye! Or sharing with me that the reason we stand is because of gravity! I know this way of living won’t be forever, but it sure sheds some light on what my life could have been versus what it actually is. They both have their advantages. For now, though, I am enjoying my little “vacation.” Reality is eagerly waiting right around the corner. And the big question? Will my husband still run and empty the dishwasher once I’m back, now that he knows how to use those “little dishwashing cubes”??

Post Disney

We did it!

We have friends who have done it. Family who love it. Have heard much about it, but resisted....until now.

We took Seth to Disney.

Marc had a conference in Orlando for three days, so we left three days early so we could vacation as a family at Disney before his meetings.

We stayed at Animal Kingdom Lodge. A very cool place. You get to see exotic animals 24/7 from your hotel window, etc. Seth loved it. And to enhance the experience, he brought his spy night vision goggles, so he could scope out the zebras and giraffes among others before bedtime.

The first day we hit both Animal Kingdom and Magic Kingdom. Surprisingly, our favorite attraction overall proved to be the safari. It was so much fun and adventurous.

Seth wasn't into seeing shows, so we skipped Lion King, though I would have liked to see it. We did have a character breakfast at Tusker House with Daisy, Donald, Mickey and Goofy. Great photo opps. and good food.

Magic Kingdom was particularly beautiful at night...all lit up. Seth isn't keen on fireworks....too dark and loud....so we didn't stay for that. But, we all enjoyed the Buzz Lightyear ride. That was a particular standout.

The next day we did Ecpot. Wow...is that place massive. I was there years ago, but had forgotten. The Nemo ride was fun...and Soarin, though a bit scary if heights aren't your things, was truly AWESOME. Seth had a mixed feeling about it, but was a trooper.

I enjoyed the foreign side of Epcot. Reminded me of my single days when I enjoyed traveling to Europe, the Orient, etc. Feels like another lifetime when I vacationed that way.

Our third day was Hollywood Studios. It was particularly muggy that day, and we were all sweating up a storm. Thankfully friends had advised us to bring the stroller so Seth wouldn't have to walk everywhere. Here we particularly enjoyed the car stunt show and Toy Story ride. Seth got to meet Buzz and Woody, and he loved that. And, he connected with two Power Rangers for photo opps, so that made him smile as he did his action poses with them.

The next three days, it rained torrentially in Orlando. Fortunately, I have two friends there, so we got to get together and did some indoor stuff like mall shopping and visiting playspaces and Downtown Disney. Seth had a blast at the huge Lego store. We managed to squeeze in a couple of quick hours by the hotel pool before the heavens opened up our last day there. So glad I had packed a rain coat for Seth!

Now I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation.

As good as it is to get away...coming home...though overwhelming with the unpacking and catching up....feels good too. And, who would have thought that the weather would be better right now in NY than Orlando.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend! Our community pool opens up, and I hope to do some chilling there while Seth plays lifeguard. He's been waiting all year to assist at the pool. Time goes fast!


PS -- If you're been to Disney, would love to hear your experiences. Do tell.

Vermont Vacation

We just got back last night from our Vermont vacation, and had both a lovely and tiring time.

It was the longest car ride we have taken with Seth, and while at times he grew restless, for the most part, he was surprisingly pretty tolerant. Of course, we made many a bathroom stop, but that was the least of it.

Vermont is lovely. Marc & I used to go there prior to Seth. Our favorite B&B was the Village Country Inn, which has since sadly closed.

Vermont felt very different this time around. While being there brought back memories of our time as a couple, it was the first time we experienced the state as a family. And, it lent itself to an entirely new perspective.

We were away four nights, and for two of the nights, we were joined by another family. Seth is friends with their son, so it was a fun get together for all of us.

We visited places like the Vermont Teddy Bear Company and the Ben & Jerry's ice cream factory. What could be bad with either? Seth made himself a "friend for life" red teddy bear. He hand-picked it and helped to stuff it. Of course, he chose red, because it's a "fire" bear. He's since named him Joe and dressed him in fireman attire.

At Ben & Jerry's, we learned how they make their amazing ice cream and the whole back story of how the company came to be. Quite inspiring, really. Very cool entrepreneurial thinkers....turned millionaires, no doubt...but they also give back, which I respect.

Our first stop was Stowe where we stayed at the Green Mountain Inn (www.greenmountaininn.com). With a prime location, right on the main street in town, it's a good choice for families and others. Our spacious room had a king canopy bed, with a separate sleep area for Seth, who also got his own tv, so we were all happy. And, he loved that they have a game room. There's also a heated outdoor pool, but we didn't take advantage of that this time 'round.

After leaving Stowe, we made our way down Vermont, and stayed at the Manchester View (www.manchesterview.com). We wound up in two adjoining rooms, and Seth adored having his own old-fashioned key to let himself into his room. The view was beautiful, and the staff was very accomodating and helpful.

Seth loved climbing the rock fountain at the Orvis store in Manchester. We visited a farm and got rained on as we checked out the baby lambs. We attempted to take Seth horseback riding, but the weather didn't permit.

We perused bottles of maple syrup, sampled fudge, tasted apple cider, visited a glass blowing factory, kept an eye out for moose and deer on the road, etc.

Seth had a great time. But, ultimately, he yearned to get back home to his lego's and fire trucks.

It's always good to get away...but there's no place like home.

Vacation Reflection

Amazing how much I love my bed when I return from vacation.

We recently got new mattresses, and it's been a bigger adjustment than I anticipated. But, now that I'm getting used to it, I hate to leave it.

The older I get, the more I crave my beloved creature comforts. And, sleeping on a great bed that I'm accustomed to is one of them. Not to mention my pillow and egyptian cotton sheets.

I think back to my younger days when I lived in a college dorm, spent a summer with a family living in Nice, and took many a trip to Europe, staying in affordable (if not downright cheap) hotels in my 20s, and not thinking twice about the bed. It was all about the cost.

And, taking long plane rides didn't bother me. Now, I find I get restless even on a short flight. And, feel somewhat confined in the seats...feeling the need to stretch.

And of course, traveling with a five year old is a whole different experience. My son loves flying, and now that he's learning to read, he took tremendous pleasure in attempting to decipher and spell out phonetically the many technical words on the plane. I didn't noticed them so much before, but he was eager to point them out to me, including the emergency exits.

We returned Tuesday night from a five day trip. I had actually left on the trip earlier to attend an offsite business meeting, and met up with my husband and son who drove to Charleston, SC to pick me up. Then, we headed to Myrtle Beach, where we stayed for two nights. They had stayed there four nights total, and got to scope out the lay of the land.

Myrtle Beach is a great family destination. So much for kids to do.

And, this was off season, so some attractions were closed, but there was still plenty to explore and no crowds.

Children's Museum
Aquarium
Nascar Theme Park
Broadway on the Beach (with rides and shops)
Walking along the beach and gathering shells
Eating at cool places like Planet Hollywood, and Hard Rock Cafe

We had a full agenda every day.

And, in season, there are various outdoor water theme parks, fantasy miniature golf places, etc.

While there are a plethora of places to stay, we enjoyed our stay at the Dunes Village Resort and would totally recommend it.

We had a two room suite which was very spacious. Seth, my son, loved having his own room with a tv, and it allowed us to sleep in a bit, without him readily waking us up. We had a view of the beach, and enjoyed having breakfast in the dining room that also had a water view.

Most of all, Seth ADORED their indoor water park. They have the only indoor water park of all the Myrtle Beach hotels, and it stayed open until 11PM. And, it even featured hot tubs for adults. A lazy river with inner tubes and car floats. Basketball. Squirting elephants. Fantastic slides. Etc. And, because we were there off season, it was not a total scene, which was truly appreciated. Seth would have spent the entire day in the water park, and there are actually two of them on premises, each in a different building. We hung out at both.

Their website is www.dunesvillage.com, and I invite you to check it out, if you're looking for a family getaway.

We would love to go back on another occasion, perhaps closer to the in season, so we could check out some of the other attractions that were closed this time 'round.

Now I'm racing the clock to play catch-up after our trip...and still have to unpack...but I look forward to seeing the photos from the trip and know that Seth will for a long time be talking about Dunes Village and the cool indoor water park.


PS -- If you like to read about travel, you might enjoy the website www.travelingmom.com. A friend of mine, Fran Capo, writes a blog there called Traveling Adventure Mom.

Trip Guilt

I am so conflicted.

I'm off tomorrow for a six day jaunt to Canyon Ranch in Tucson where I'm leading two workshops based on my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH.

I'm going by myself, which is a unique traveling experience for me. And, I feel like I'm racing the clock like a crazy person. Doing even more multi-tasking than I already do.

Aside from packing and preparing for my talks, I'm jumping ahead to projects that will arise when I return, trying to anticipate tasks so I can potentially kickstart them now. And, I'm planning dinners for Seth while I'm gone, his snacks for school, etc.

No wonder I couldn't sleep last night, with all that is going through my head. I jumped up at 3AM to send myself an email on my Blackberry, so I'd get it at my computer this morning and not forget to do something.

Part of me finds the notion of the trip freeing. When was the last time I had an opportunity to really focus on myself, aside from lecturing to singles? As relaxed as I hope I'll be once there, I'm doing a number on myself right now to pack all the right things. I want to seize the vacation moment and read books I've been longing to get to...do some writing....chill....sleep later...and let my creative juices flow.

Yet, I don't want to have too many expectations for this trip. That's a lot of pressure. I need to live in the moment and let things unfold. That's when excitement can really kick in. But, I'm such a planner that I make myself nuts. It's not like this is the only vacation I'll ever have again, though I don't make a habit of going away without Marc and Seth. And, I'm only doing it now because of the speaking opportunity. I am very flattered to have been invited by Canyon Ranch to share my expertise as a dating book author. It is always gratifying to feel like I can help others.

So, back I go to my list making...leaving notes for my husband and nanny re: handling various matters during my time away.

I know things will be in good hands. Yet, it still feels odd to be flying the coop, so to speak. I'll miss everyone, though a little absence can make the heart grow fonder, as they say.

I bet, though, once I'm settled in my seat on the plane, I'll be grateful for some solitude and a break from everyday motherhood. How often as moms do we allow that for ourselves? It's so tough to give yourself permission, even if it's a short break.

We certainly do deserve it, so I'm going to try my best to leave my guilt at the door.

Have you gone away by yourself whether for business or pleasure, since becoming a mom? How was it for you?

POST VACATION

Wow....if I could have blogged during our vacation, it would have been such a great release, but I didn't have my compter with me.

It was great to get away, and actually had a really amazing experience. I had the opportunity to meet former President Clinton and Hillary, and to personally give President Clinton a signed copy of my book HOW TO MARRY A MENSCH(decent person). Very cool and quite surreal. It occurred to me afterwards that I should have suggested they pass it on to Chelsea, but perhaps they'll do so anyway.

Aside from this encounter, I celebrated my birthday by getting a facial and massage. As I get closer and closer to 50, it's hard to believe just how fast the years go.

And, I saw a newfound maturity of sorts in Seth this trip. He discovered the power of autonomy and exerted himself in a way I've never seen him do at home.

We vacation at Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz every summer with family members, and have been since Seth was a baby. So, I guess, having grown up there, he has such a level of comfort and familiarity, that he feels he owns the place.

It began by him, along with my 14 year old niece, requesting a copy of our room key for himself. Of course, he kept leaving it in our room, and luckily the room number wasn't on it, in case he lost it outside the room.

Marc, my husband, went home two nights during the trip for a company workshop, and I was with Seth. One of the nights, he gave me quite a fright. He had been playing with a girl a bit older than him and didn't show up to meet me when he was supposed to. I wound up searching the resort and was on the verge of contacting security, when a friend of my sister told me she saw him. Turned out he had been playing in the girl's room, which was ok, except that he didn't tell me.

We bribed Seth to attend the morning session of camp by buying him a toy fireboat he could play with at the beach. Luckily, it worked, so Marc and I could at least get some down time or hiking time in before lunch.

Seth made friends so readily this trip, including a little girlfriend, who looked and acted like a female version of him. They were so totally cute. She doesn't live in NY, so we'll see if we see them again during a future Mohonk trip. We did take photos of them together. I'm curious to see his reaction when we get the photos developed.

As mature as he was trying to act, the five year old in him also emerged. There were a couple of minor poop accidents, losses of toys, and the most unreal pee accident. We had visited Woodstock one afternoon, and bought Seth a tye dyed rock 'n roll t-shirt.

One night he was too weary to put on his pajamas, so he decided to sleep in the shirt and short. Normally we prefer he wear PJs, but went along with it this time since it was vacation.

In the morning, we got quite a colorful surprise. Seth had been so exhausted, that he didn't go to the bathroom before he fell asleep. So, he had a pee accident during the night. When he woke up, the sheets of his bed were blue and purple, from the original white. The dye from the t-shirt had run and colored everything, including his stomach and arms. Just unreal!

We had a tye dye mess.

We threw Seth in the bathtub and scrubbed away, and quickly soaked the t-shirt and hung it in the shower stall, as it dripped further shades of blue and purple.

We were relieved, in a sense, that it happened at the hotel, since our sheets at home are patterned and we would not have been able to bleach out the colors.

So, I'd say our trip was quite eventful in more ways than one. While it's great to get away, it's good to be back home too.

I Need a Post Vacation Vacation

The vacation verdict is in.

Travel with a four year is not a vacation in the true sense of the word.

We returned this week from a 10 day stay upstate. While it was good to get away, I can't say that I've come home rejuvenated.

Seth completely rejected the notion of trying the kiddie camp, so downtime for Marc (my husband) and I did not exist as I had hoped.

It was nice to spend time as a family without the distractions of home and my typical To Do list, but I'm sure you can guess who dictated, for the most past, our choice of activity at Mohonk Mountain House, the resort where we stayed.

We went boating, attempted fishing (though I'm not keen on the whole worm thing....or the idea of spearing a living creature), explored the grounds, took a stab at hitting golf balls....etc. But, most of our time, on a daily basis, was spent either at the indoor pool or man made beach lake area.

I did manage to squeeze in a massage, which I adored, and had fleeting pockets of time to read and take an art class. What I really wanted most was the opportunity to do some hiking and sitting in one of the many thatched huts surrounding the spectacular lake and mountains. It is there that in the past I've been alone with my thoughts and could clear my mind....something I don't do well at home.

I guess this is the way vacations sometimes go when your child (especially a busy boy) is no longer an infant you can contain in a stroller.

To his credit, Seth showed a huge sense of autonomy, easily navigating the resort and playing on his own at times. That was great to see.

We are considering a winter vacation, when Seth is on break from Pre-K, and I imagine we'll be looking at places like Disney, etc. There, I will not have the expectation of chilling, and I guess that's the key. To let go of vacations as we've known them....go with the flow....make the most of family time.....and know that our kids grow up fast, so relish even the less than relaxing times.

I would, however, welcome another moms retreat with gal pals, or a weekend to myself.

How have your vacations gone since you've become a mom?

Hold that Vacation Thought....

Seth's last day of summer camp is today. Where does time go? June and July totally flew, and before you know it, he'll be in pre-K in September.

We leave in a week for what has become our annual family trip upstate NY. We vacation with my dad, my sister, her husband and her two kids. It's a special bonding time for Seth and his cousins who he seldom gets to see since they are on the competitive tennis circuit.

Our vacation spot offers a fun kiddie camp. In past years, it's been up for grabs whether Seth would go into the camp or not. If he elects not to, it changes the whole dynamic of the trip for Marc (my husband) and I. I like to use, at least some of the time away, as an opportunity to stir up my creative juices. It's such a beautiful place, and I try to hide in one of the many secluded thatched huts perched high on a cliff around the lake, and disappear into my own thoughts. Something I seldom get to do at home, with all the clutter of every day busy life. I bring books I've been longing to peruse, and several journals, and let the words and thoughts flow. Amazing how effortless it is when outside your home environment, far from your TO DO list and distraction.

I wish I could bottle the feeling I have while on vacation. One year I bought one of those snow globes and put it on my desk at home. I'd shake it up and watch the flakes circulate, and think positive thoughts about my time away. For the moment, it brought back a special feeling of calm, but it was all too fleeting.

Breaks are so very important. As busy as we all are, it's so easy to get into a rut.

Is it possible to take home your vacation mindset and somehow conjure it up in your everyday life? I'd love to hear your thoughts on that.

Never Ending Vacation

You'll be glad to know that we had a blast at Hershey!

Yes, it was tiring, in terms of the territory to cover. But, it was worth it. We all had a really good time, and didn't OD on the chocolate. I have to say, it is my favorite theme park to date. We have yet to visit Disney with Seth, and some of the smaller ones, but Hershey is definitely on my list in terms of deserving a return visit.

And, being in the Amish country was a nice change of pace. We were on constant look out for corn fields, horse 'n buggies, cow grazing...and Seth's favorite, tractors. Buying a tractor is now on his list for "What Mom & Dad Should Buy Me."

There is a lot to be said for a vacation. While I was having withdrawal a bit from my computer, it was a welcome relief to get a break from it, though I do get email on my Treo phone.

We all slept in the same room in the hotel, and took turns sharing a bed with Seth. There was something sweet about it, and he actually slept later than he does at home, and didn't see any monsters during the night.

He reminded me of me when I was younger. He asked if we were going to stay at the hotel for a long time? He said he wants to stay there all the time.

I know what he means. When I was a child, and even now as an adult, I get sad when a vacation draw to a close. In fact, I start thinking about it knowing the end is near, and want to savor every moment. I especially feel that way now, sharing these special times with Seth. We are creating family memories, and it means that much more.

Bring on the Chocolate....Dark Please!

I am psyched...I think.

We are going away this weekend to Hershey, Pennsylvania with another family who has a son Seth's age. They are good friends, as we are with the parents, so I'm generally looking forward.

What's not to like? Chocolate is my weakness.

My concern is that it might be exhausting.

I spoke with my friend yesterday who has gone there before. I asked how long a drive it is from NY? She said...."Well....it should take around 3.5 hours...but with traffic, it could be 5." Yikes! I hate gridlock....and this will be the longest car trip we have taken with Seth.

A woman at my gym went to Hershey recently and said that she needed a vaction once she got home. No doubt it will be good exercise walking all over the park, and I'm sure Seth will adore it. But, I'm not a big fan of crowds and waiting on long lines, especially in the heat.

It is daunting how many theme parks there are for kids....especially those with water. And, as a parent, you feel compelled to visit as many as possible. At least I do. I mentioned to one of my single girlfriends that we were going to Hershey, and she recalled being there as a child and loving it. It had etched a fond memory in her mind, and I'd love Seth to think back on the vacations we took with him and smile.

Our hotel, Willow Valley, is supposed to be great, and I always enjoy time away from home. And, being away with friends is a new experience that I welcome. So, I'm going to psych myself up.

Just have to make sure that I wear my most comfortable sneakers.

And....if I need a little energy booster, we'll be in the right place.

Bring on the dark chocolate kisses, please! No doubt I'll walk off the calories, and experts say dark is heart healthy. That works for me. :)

PS - Have you gone to Hershey, and what was your experience?