Interfaith Holiday Mayhem - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

It is November 30th. The stores have had holiday decorations up since the beginning of November. Greeting cards for the holidays have been out for roughly the same amount of time. Even holiday music has been playing on the radio for the past couple weeks. Worst of all, my son has been making up his gift lists for both Hanukkah and Christmas.

We are raising our son in the Jewish faith, so we celebrate Hanukkah. Since I am not Jewish, we also put up a “Christmas” tree purely to celebrate my holiday traditions. There has never been any religious affiliations with our tree discussed in our home. I never even mentioned Santa. When my son was young though, he picked up on the notion of Santa and the bringing of gifts very early on. 

We obliged his fantasy when he was younger. I thought that because we live in a predominantly Jewish community, his fantasy of Santa would fade at an early age. No such luck. My son is still steadfast in his belief of Santa. His belief is adamant to the point that some children in his school vehemently told him that he was not Jewish because not only did he still believe in Santa, but that I was not Jewish, therefore he was definitely not Jewish (by definition, some Jewish communities believe that the child MUST be born to a Jewish mother to be considered completely Jewish. We belong to a Reform Temple that states that if one parent is Jewish, then the child is considered Jewish.) 

My son came to me saddened and confused the other day. We had a VERY long discussion about this tender issue. I first had to explain to him that regardless what others thought about him being Jewish, our Temple recognizes him as Jewish, therefore he WAS Jewish. You could see his whole body relax from that explanation. I subtlety also addressed the fact that he was a better person than the children who were judging him and making him feel bad about himself. My son is quite aware that we do not judge anyone else based on what they look like, believe in, or practice. My sister-in-law is from India, so we have discussed tolerance of other cultures and beliefs from a very early age.

I explained further that although I was not born Jewish, I still embrace Judaism through taking courses at our Temple and trying to learn Hebrew. I even have my son participate in Shabbat services at sundown on Friday nights and will be taking him to Shabbat services throughout the year (Shabbat is a Jewish practice through prayer and a meal, performed at sundown, and carried through as a “day of rest” all day Saturday until one hour past sundown, Saturday night).

As for our “tree,” I explained that I grew up with holiday traditions that are not embraced by Judaism, however it brings back warm, special memories for me seeing a sparkling tree decorated with a slew of my mother’s handmade ornaments. My heart swells every year when I decorate that tree since my mother died when I was only 19 years old.

About Santa...I felt as if I had to almost dig out the Polar Express DVD we have. I had been hoping that my son would have given up the notion of Santa way before now. My son, however, insists that Santa still exists. Knowing his personality, he probably wants to “prove” to his naysayer peers that they are wrong. Whatever the case, my son still “believes.” He still has his list for Santa as well as his list for Hanukkah (lucky kid, I often tell him!), with his lists getting longer and consequently more expensive. I think that when Santa does not deliver the $400 Lego set my son is craving, the reality of Santa may finally be over. We will see. Since I don’t know what small items my son wants for Hanukkah, and he knows we buy him those gifts, he has been pointing out some Nintendo games that he would like and some inexpensive action figures he is desiring. 

Interfaith holidays...so complex and confusing to children. Yet giving up my “holiday tree” would take away so much pleasure for me. I embrace our multiple Menorahs we light up every year. I also have Hanukkah decorations that fill our home. I even have been collecting dreidels (spinning tops used in a traditional Jewish game played during Hanukkah) for my son, every year since he has been born. I write a heartfelt message on the boxes and date them so that he will have a collection of them, from me, once he is older. They are made out of all types of material: clay, metal, glass, wood. His first one is made from bone china. Yet the complexity remains.

I wonder if my son will be asking me next year, “Mommy? Is there really a Santa Claus?”

The Hassle of Interfaith Traditions - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I will admit it. I am tired and overwhelmed celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas in our home. Thank goodness that at least the holidays are spread apart this year by a few weeks.

I’m exhausted. I am exhausted by my life. I am exhausted by issues with my son’s teacher that need to be resolved. And as my son is getting older, I am getting exhausted by his mile long list he has of items he wants for Hanukkah and Christmas.

Yes, we are raising him in the Jewish faith. But we don’t celebrate Christmas for it’s religious aspects. We celebrate it because, “it was Mommy’s tradition growing up.” 

My son believes in Santa...still! You would think by now, after going to Hebrew school for his third year and having Jewish friends, he would have been let in on the secret that, “No, Brandon...there isn’t a Santa Claus.” But my son is not buying it. Or at least he is so smart that if he let’s on that he realizes that there ISN’T a Santa Claus, he won’t get as many gifts. I am tending to lean towards the latter. However when he approached me this past weekend about writing up a list for Santa and wanting to mail it...stamps and all...I’m really not sure.

In any event, I’m tired. I’m tired of decorating for two holidays. I’m tired of wrapping gifts for two holidays. But I’m not so tired that I want to disappoint my son.

I tried to get away with using only our electric menorah to light a candle each night for Hanukkah. But my son loves to watch the real candles burn and was so let down when I told him we were only going to use the electric menorah, that I dug up the real one and we’ve been using it with real candles. And my son figured out how to use the “CHILD-PROOF” candle lighter!! That’s the most scary thing of all!! It is now locked away. I can’t believe he not only figured out how to use it, but has the strength and coordination TO use it!! I almost fainted when he showed me!!

Anyway...back to this past weekend. My son also wanted to put up our “Holiday Tree.” Due to our old one being too heavy and cumbersome to drag up from the basement myself, I donated it to someone who really needed one and bought a “pop-up” tree from Brookstone catalog. Although it is not as full and bushy as our old one, it was certainly MUCH easier to put up than our old one! And at the end of the season, it collapses flat, in it’s carry box. No more struggling to drag a massive tree up the stairs any more!! And my son just wants a tree to decorate. He really doesn’t care if it is “full and bushy” or not.

I will put stockings on our mantle, but that’s about all. No tchotchkes are coming out. No special dishes. No Hanukkah adornments. Nothing. Nada. None. Because really, the only one who really cares about the Holidays in our home is our son. And at his age, what REALLY matters are the gifts. So the Holidays are going to be streamlined to the absolute bare minimum this year.

The Grinch is residing in our home.

Interfaith Traditions -- by Cara

This is always an interesting time of year for our family. And a lot of work for me! See, my husband is Jewish, I am not, but we are raising our son to be Jewish. All of this is fine except for one major thing. My son is in love with everything Christmas, especially Santa Claus!

It all started when my father was still alive and my son was 2 and 3 years old. Since my father didn’t have the stamina to put up his own Christmas tree each year, as he became elderly, we would put one up in our home while he watched us decorate it. And my Mother-in-Law never wanted my father’s holiday to be forgotten, so she would cook a big Christmas dinner for all of us.

My son, even at this young age, took all of this in. Besides the fact that there are Christmas displays everywhere you look this time of year. And Christmas cartoons, movies, and songs just about everywhere. My son became completely enamored with the mystery of Christmas.

Every year, I try to instill both the religious meaning and tradition of Hanukkah in him. But it never seems to trump Santa. “Eight crazy nights!,” I exclaim! “Eight nights of gifts!” The lighting of the candles on the beautiful Menorah he made at religious school! Still, he wants to know when Santa is coming. “How many more days, Mommy?,” he’ll ask.

My father is no longer with us, but the tradition of putting up a tree and decorating it still remain. My son moved all of the items away from the fireplace so that Santa can have easy access into our home. I am wondering how many more years he will still be believing in Santa Claus? I was certain that once he started religious school, the mystery of Santa and his reindeer would be exposed. Didn’t happen. He goes to school with predominantly Jewish children and has mostly Jewish friends. But he cannot be swayed. I’ve brought him to Tot Shabbat services, Hanukkah lightings at our Temple, festivities celebrating Hanukkah! Still, he wants to hold on to the belief of Santa.

So, as we do every year, I put up the Hanukkah decorations first. Read him books about celebrating Hanukkah, make Hanukkah crafts and play “Spin the Dreidel” with him. We watch my Mother-in-Law make potato Latkes. We put on Jewish music celebrating Hanukkah. Still, it all doesn’t matter. He anxiously awaits the man in the red suit and the white beard.

I must admit, preparing for two different winter holidays is not easy. Hanukkah is a little easier, but dragging an artificial tree up from the basement, putting it together, decorating it, making cookies for Santa and wrapping presents for BOTH holidays is a chore. I’m secretly hoping that my son comes to the realization that there really isn’t a Santa Claus. My work load would certainly diminish.

But I’m not going to be the one to squelch my son’s fantasy. It will come naturally on it’s own. Then maybe we can all focus on one holiday, light candles, eat latkes, sing songs and be united in the tradition of Hanukkah. In the meantime, I really wish my son didn’t have to announce to his religion teacher what Santa would be bringing him this year!

Happy Christmakkah! by Jamie

As a Jew, I’ve always embraced the traditions of Judaism, but not necessarily its religious aspects. For instance, I don’t go to temple, was never Bat Mizvahed, and must admit that most of my Yom Kippur fasts have been solely weight loss-driven. However, I do know (and often use) a few dozen Yiddish words, wish just as many friends a “sweet” New Year around Rosh Hashanah as I do on January 1st, and truly “kvelled” over giving my daughter a Hebrew name at a baby-naming ceremony. I may not “practice” my religion all the time, but I certainly appreciate it—the holidays, stories, and most of all, the familial bonds (and, well, the food, too!). And as the mom of a toddler, I really look forward to starting—and continuing—traditions with my daughter for all of the Jewish holidays.

That said, hooray for Hanukkah! This is the first year that Jayda, at 2-1/2, can really join in—and begin to understand—our holiday celebrations. I have a special Crayola crayon-shaped menorah to light with her, eight presents to give to her on each of the eight nights, and a family Hanukkah dinner planned, with home-made latkes headlining the meal. I’m looking forward to it all. But I’m not looking forward to competing with Christmas.

I’m no Scrooge, and I certainly understand the appeal of Christmas; I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit to that. My mother’s mother was Irish-Protestant, until she gave up her religion for my Jewish grandfather. However, she never stopped celebrating Christmas, and my own mother carried that tradition into our home. When I was growing up, we celebrated Hanukkah, but we also had a Christmas tree, left cookies for Santa on a table near the chimney, and woke up on Christmas morning to a pile of gifts. It made sense because it was a part of my mother’s upbringing, but for me, as a single Jewish mother, it doesn’t make sense anymore. There’s no reason for me to have a Christmas tree in my home, or even teach my child to believe in Santa Claus. But I fear it’s going to take a heck of a lot of work to get Jayda to understand that Hanukkah is “just as much fun” as Christmas.

A few weeks ago, Jayda pointed to a picture of Santa Claus and asked me, “Who’s that?” Moments later, she gestured to a picture of a Christmas tree and said, “What a pretty tree!” I explained to her as best I could who Santa Claus is, and why that tree was covered with decorations, and she soon lost interest. But I know that was just the beginning.

Let’s face it: We live in a Christmas-focused world. Every street in our neighborhood is filled with Christmas lights, huge fusses are made over Christmas tree lighting ceremonies, and our stores are swarming with Christmas-themed decorations, gifts, toys, and candy. True, there are Hanukkah books that I can read to Jayda, and occasionally I’m able to find a TV special airing which focuses on our holiday. This past week, I was especially thrilled to discover that at Jayda’s daycare, they had a Hanukkah unit: All week long, Jayda’s class read stories about the holiday, made crafts, and even enjoyed Hanukkah treats. But it still doesn’t compare to the Christmas craziness that will be saturating the same daycare—and everywhere else—in upcoming weeks.

Because my childhood included Christmas celebrations and I “had the best of both worlds,” I never really noticed the lack of Hanukkah hoopla around us, but I’m pretty certain my own child will. Perhaps I’m worrying needlessly, but I hate to think Jayda will feel like she’s missing out on something just because we’re Jewish. I know the best I can do is embrace our Jewish traditions, as I do, and pass my enthusiasm for them along to Jayda. Hopefully then she’ll appreciate who we are—and what our holiday means. This Hanukkah, I know Jayda will be doing plenty of celebrating, enjoying her family, and receiving lots of great gifts, and that’s a tradition no one should find reason to complain about.

Hanukkah..and Holiday Time

We celebrate Hanukkah, and Seth is obsessed with the fact that it's eight nights.

Now that he is learning numbers and counting in school, he can keep track, and each day after school asks if he's getting another present.

We did buy a few for him...not big ones....but it's the idea that he is waiting with baited breath for them that concerns me.

I know he's just 5, and who wouldn't want to get presents. But, how much is overkill? And, he got from grandpa, grandma and his cousins. Is it possible for him to even appreciate them all?

Today, we're actually going to give him a Chia pet. It's kind-of a quirky present, but I like the idea that it's not yet another toy. It's a cool plant that he can be reponsible for.

Yesterday they had a holiday party at his Kindergarten class. It was so cute and heartfelt. You could see the teachers really love the kids and were so joyous about celebrating with them and the parents that attended. It was quite touching.

He's off from school starting tomorrow, and we have many plans on tap for the school break.

I'm taking him to some kids shows at our local library and have get togethers scheduled with friends, with and without kids. Seth is so psyched about having a vacation, even though we're not going away. And, I'm glad to be staying home too. As long as the weather holds up, and there's no more snow in the next week or so, we'll be good. Seth, of course, loves to play in it, but mommy doesn't like to drive on icy roads, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that Santa won't bring us a white Christmas. (Sorry to those who are hoping for one.)

I wish you and your family a very happy, healthy holiday season!!

Snow Day

I was totally unprepared for today.

I live in New York and had heard the forecasts re: the impending snow storm.

I ran all over town yesterday doing errands....the drug store...bank....supermarket, etc., so we'd be well stocked with necessities, mostly for Seth.

Then the phone rang at 6AM this morning. I jumped out of my skin because I don't wake up that early, and we don't get calls that early, so I thought G-d forbid, had something happened to my senior dad, or my mother-in-law, who broke her wrist just a week ago?

Luckily, neither was the case. It was a recorded message from the school district announcing that today was a snow day and that the children would not be attending kindergarten. It hadn't started snowing at that point, but this was in anticipation of what was to come.

So...now what? I thought. I didn't plan any at-home activities for Seth and I. And, I wasn't about to go driving around in the snow. I'm not comfortable with that. They never plow the streets well or quickly in my neighborhood.

So, what to do with a busy 5 year old boy who every 5 minutes asks, "What are we doing today?"

Out came the gingerbread mix that had been sitting in the pantry.

We baked a gingerbread man and made a house. Ok...they both came out looking like pancakes, but it was the effort that counted.

We later made popcorn and watched a DVD.

Seth shoveled outside twice. So, we had two changes of clothing, and outerwear, since he was getting soaked each time.

In between, I hustled to do work, answer emails, tape a radio interview, etc. All the while, watching Seth closely out the window and applauding his shoveling efforts.

Finally, as he continued to climb the walls back inside, we gave in, and allowed him to open his Hanukkah present from grandpa early. It was a Black 'n Decker kids tool station. I'm not sure what Seth loved more. Playing with the tools, or installing the batteries to get it in working order. He's such a boy!

Before you knew it, time passed, as it always does so quickly. Marc came home from work, we ate dinner, and now they're both outside shoveling, as I quickly write this blog post.

All in all, today was a nice bonding day with Seth. But, I must admit, next time I suspect that a snow day might be in store, I'm going to try to do some advanced activity planning, as best I can.