Santa Was Here — by Margaret Hart

Santa definitely made it to our house this Christmas, and thank goodness my son was on the jolly old man's "nice" list.  On Christmas morning, most of the items on the Christmas list were under the tree, with a few exceptions.  Santa had taken a bite out of one of the candy cane sugar cookies left on a plate for him on a table next to the sofa. The stockings were filled with odds and ends, and the tree was still standing (after having fallen twice, breaking some of my most favorite ornaments!). So all in all, Christmas was a success for a certain seven-year-old. 

But it was a success for many more reasons that my son is still too young to fully appreciate. He, and my husband and I, got to spend five days together with my parents and my younger sister.  My parents are in their 70s now, and thankfully still in good health.  But as I get older, they get older.  Over the years, as I have matured, I have understood  more than ever the blessings of family and have appreciated them so much more than I did when I was younger. I have made it a priority to spend as much time with them and to share as many milestones with them as possible—especially since my son was born.

We all couldn't wait for my family to arrive. I had rushed around for weeks, stressing out, getting everything ready.  I was still preparing just a few hours before they arrived. But when they walked in the door, I finally sat down, and felt a sense of calm.  My husband took several days off from work, and my son was off from school, so we had the chance to spend some real quality time together.

Like many families celebrating the holidays, ours involved a lot of food, special treats, and traditions. We started off celebrating my sister's birthday.  She loves the singer Lady Gaga, so I had fun cupcakes made for her by a friend of mine who owns a bakery. Take a look.  They were a huge hit.  

Every Christmas we also have a tradition of going out for a family dinner to celebrate several occasions:  my sister's birthday (December 22), my parents anniversary (December 26) and my birthday (January 11). When my son was born, we added his birthday to the list (December 2).  I also cooked special Christmas Eve and Christmas Day dinners, and made our family Trifle for dessert. My mother is Scottish, and so is the recipe for Trifle.

This Christmas we started a new tradition of dining on china passed down from my husband's great, great grandmother. He told us stories of eating holiday meals on the china at his grandmother's house when he was a small boy. It was an emotional day for him because he inherited the china from his parents, both of whom passed away recently.

As one day turned into the next, and I could finally see the back of my refrigerator, I realized the visit was coming to a close.  On the last afternoon, as my son sat on the sofa next to my father— a seven-year-old teaching a 76-year-old how to play Super Mario Brothers Wii—I saw pure joy on both of their faces.  I looked at them and I knew that this Christmas had been a huge success. 

It didn't matter that I hadn't baked a gazillion cookies.  It was okay that Santa didn't bring everything on the list. (My son never complained.)  What mattered was that we were spending time together, that my son was getting the chance to enjoy his grandparents, and that we were making memories.  In that moment, all the stress of the season just melted away. And I wished that I could freeze that moment in time. I hope that one day my son will talk about this holiday with fond memories, and that he will remember not only the gifts that he received, but also the funny, joyful and memorable experiences with his family. 

May the New Year bring all good things to you and your families.

Staying Healthy and Sane Through the Holidays...by Liimu

Crazy, crazy week.

Saturday night, my children had a Christmas concert for which they've been preparing all year. Sunday, they had their church play and Sunday afternoon, a surprise 40th birthday party for a dear old friend of mine (an hour away from our house).

Needless to say, there was quite a bit of food at these functions. I am proud to say that I didn't eat hardly any of it! I cannot say the same for the food I baked to bring to these functions. I must have eaten a dozen brownies and another dozen chocolate chip cookies over the course of the weekend.

So by Monday, I felt ... gross. I managed to eke out a couple of the amazing 4-minute workouts my new trainer developed for me (accompanied by my kids, which made it even more amazing). On Tuesday, I was feeling slightly better, but still not 100%, I guess, because my trainer asked me if I was sad. Not sad, just feeling gross, I told her. She promptly reminded me that I need to just move forward and focus on my accomplishments, not my failures. Miraculously, I was able to take her advice. I also was able to internalize my sister's advice, when she told me to focus on how strong I'm getting, rather than how much weight I feel like I still have to lose.

Perhaps the greatest miracle of all is that I am managing to stay willing to do my best even in the height of the holiday season. Sunday is Christmas, and I'm bringing a Whole Foods feast to my mother-in-law's house. I also have a plan for working out nearly every day between now and New Years (though tomorrow's plan was thwarted by an all-day meeting hours away from my house).

And then it will be January - and we will seriously ramp this weight-loss party up to a whole new level. (And I will have a whole new format for you, to boot, complete with regular pictures and much more detailed updates!)

Until then, have a Merry, Healthy Christmas!! And remember, even if you just do something small to support your health and fitness goals, it COUNTS!

Interfaith Holiday Mayhem - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

It is November 30th. The stores have had holiday decorations up since the beginning of November. Greeting cards for the holidays have been out for roughly the same amount of time. Even holiday music has been playing on the radio for the past couple weeks. Worst of all, my son has been making up his gift lists for both Hanukkah and Christmas.

We are raising our son in the Jewish faith, so we celebrate Hanukkah. Since I am not Jewish, we also put up a “Christmas” tree purely to celebrate my holiday traditions. There has never been any religious affiliations with our tree discussed in our home. I never even mentioned Santa. When my son was young though, he picked up on the notion of Santa and the bringing of gifts very early on. 

We obliged his fantasy when he was younger. I thought that because we live in a predominantly Jewish community, his fantasy of Santa would fade at an early age. No such luck. My son is still steadfast in his belief of Santa. His belief is adamant to the point that some children in his school vehemently told him that he was not Jewish because not only did he still believe in Santa, but that I was not Jewish, therefore he was definitely not Jewish (by definition, some Jewish communities believe that the child MUST be born to a Jewish mother to be considered completely Jewish. We belong to a Reform Temple that states that if one parent is Jewish, then the child is considered Jewish.) 

My son came to me saddened and confused the other day. We had a VERY long discussion about this tender issue. I first had to explain to him that regardless what others thought about him being Jewish, our Temple recognizes him as Jewish, therefore he WAS Jewish. You could see his whole body relax from that explanation. I subtlety also addressed the fact that he was a better person than the children who were judging him and making him feel bad about himself. My son is quite aware that we do not judge anyone else based on what they look like, believe in, or practice. My sister-in-law is from India, so we have discussed tolerance of other cultures and beliefs from a very early age.

I explained further that although I was not born Jewish, I still embrace Judaism through taking courses at our Temple and trying to learn Hebrew. I even have my son participate in Shabbat services at sundown on Friday nights and will be taking him to Shabbat services throughout the year (Shabbat is a Jewish practice through prayer and a meal, performed at sundown, and carried through as a “day of rest” all day Saturday until one hour past sundown, Saturday night).

As for our “tree,” I explained that I grew up with holiday traditions that are not embraced by Judaism, however it brings back warm, special memories for me seeing a sparkling tree decorated with a slew of my mother’s handmade ornaments. My heart swells every year when I decorate that tree since my mother died when I was only 19 years old.

About Santa...I felt as if I had to almost dig out the Polar Express DVD we have. I had been hoping that my son would have given up the notion of Santa way before now. My son, however, insists that Santa still exists. Knowing his personality, he probably wants to “prove” to his naysayer peers that they are wrong. Whatever the case, my son still “believes.” He still has his list for Santa as well as his list for Hanukkah (lucky kid, I often tell him!), with his lists getting longer and consequently more expensive. I think that when Santa does not deliver the $400 Lego set my son is craving, the reality of Santa may finally be over. We will see. Since I don’t know what small items my son wants for Hanukkah, and he knows we buy him those gifts, he has been pointing out some Nintendo games that he would like and some inexpensive action figures he is desiring. 

Interfaith holidays...so complex and confusing to children. Yet giving up my “holiday tree” would take away so much pleasure for me. I embrace our multiple Menorahs we light up every year. I also have Hanukkah decorations that fill our home. I even have been collecting dreidels (spinning tops used in a traditional Jewish game played during Hanukkah) for my son, every year since he has been born. I write a heartfelt message on the boxes and date them so that he will have a collection of them, from me, once he is older. They are made out of all types of material: clay, metal, glass, wood. His first one is made from bone china. Yet the complexity remains.

I wonder if my son will be asking me next year, “Mommy? Is there really a Santa Claus?”

Going Biblical on Thanksgiving - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Thanksgiving. I've always loved Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday. There are no gifts to give. There is no religious affiliation. It always centered on family for me. A crackling fire in the fireplace. Lounging around in comfy clothes. Helping and testing the homemade delectables being prepared and cooked. I've had many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving.

Once I married, I started making the turkey for my extended family. No amount of preparation squelched my enthusiasm for making the most delicious turkey I could possibly present. I never let anyone down. I basked in the delicious aroma that permeated my house! Most important, I adore almost all traditional Thanksgiving food! Yes, even the cranberry sauce, even if it is canned!

Last year was the first year my husband and I began sharing holidays with my son independently. What is most important to me is that my son is with whichever household has other children he can play with. My lawyer goes nuts when I bring this up, but my son's happiness supersedes my "turn" to have my son on a holiday. I will probably always have my son for Christmas purely for the fact that my husband is Jewish. I am always invited to my BFF's home. She has a son who is my son's age and her sister has two slightly younger children of her own. My son has a fantastic time when he is there! Conversely, my in-laws usually have either my son's cousins over on Thanksgiving or friends who have children close to my son's age. Why would I want to deprive my son fun on a holiday purely because the judicial system says it has to be "fair and balanced." I don't give a hoot about "fair and balanced!" I care about what is in the best interest of my son.

Well, I have no meal plans this year for Thanksgiving. My son will be going to my in-law's, where other children will also be present. I will have my son until about 1pm. We'll watch the parade in our pajamas and do some quiet things together. Then I have something very unusual planned for myself. I will be going into NYC to see an exhibit of the "Dead Sea Scrolls." For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, these scrolls are a collection of 972 texts from the Hebrew Bible and extra-biblical documents found between 1947 and 1956 on the northwest shore of the Dead Sea, from which they derive their name. The texts are of great religious and historical significance, as they include the oldest known surviving copies of Biblical and extra-biblical documents. They are written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. These manuscripts generally date between 150 BCE and 70 CE.

I have a passion and growing interest in theology, so, for me, this will be a special treat. I will be going in the late afternoon, once the throngs of parade watchers have moved on to gather at their feasts. I am looking forward to seeing something biblical, up close, yielding awe. The fact that these scrolls lasted a couple thousand years and are somewhat intact, is an amazement in itself.

For this Thanksgiving, I am shaking things up a bit. While I used to love Thanksgiving for it’s non-religious affiliations, I am now bringing a little bit of historic theology to this holiday. I am also doing something purely for myself. And, thankfully, I won’t be gorging on food and the extra calories my body doesn’t need.

I may make a small turkey breast for my Maxi dog and myself. I’ll add a baked sweet potato for color, but that’s about it. A nice, quiet Thanksgiving. Even if I’m making it biblical!

Wishing all of our readers a very festive,

Happy Thanksgiving!!

What's in a Bag? by Margaret Hart

This week I got together with a group of women I hadn't seen in a while for breakfast. As I was driving to the coffee shop, I reached into my purse, as I often do while driving, and dug around for my phone so I could double check the address in my contacts at the next red light. It's true that women can put on lipstick and makeup, brush their hair, and do all manner of things while driving, but I draw the line at texting, emailing, or trying to look up addresses–it's just too dangerous, not to mention illegal in most states.

So there I was stuck in traffic with the perfect opportunity. I looked down and there, staring me in the face, was a zip lock snack bag containing a two-day-old ham and cheese sandwich on whole wheat bread.  "I'm really losing it," I thought.  I didn't even remember putting it in there.  But there it was.  Pink ham. Yellow cheese. Smear of mayo. Yes, I did remember! It grabbed it from the refrigerator as I was racing out the door on Wednesday to serve my volunteer shift at my son's school.  I was so busy checking out books to the first graders that day, I never got to eat.  And so, kind of like the emails that aren't read on time, the sandwich got pushed to the bottom of the abyss of my handbag and, two days later, on Friday, it surfaced.  None too worse for the wear, I might add.  It wasn't moldy and it didn't even smell.

When I got to the coffee shop, my good friend Margot arrived first.  I couldn't wait to tell her.  Her daughter and my son have known each other since diapers, and we've shared a lot of parenting experiences. This morning, her story was just as good.  "Don't feel bad," she said.  "Before I left, I took out a pair of socks, two pairs of underwear, and some crayons."

We continued to compare notes.  My purse: one stretchy monster leftover from Halloween, three washable markers, two tattoos, three stickers, one orange lollipop.  Her purse: crayons, candy, hair clips, and miscellaneous girlie stuff.

Now that our children are potty trained and in elementary school, we've long since traded in our fashionable diaper bags, but we still carry snacks, juice boxes, water bottles, toys, and gadgets in our designer handbags to keep our kids happy–along with an extra pair of underwear or socks for those little emergencies. 

My handbag is also typically filled with notes I make when I'm running errands, despite my Smartphone having so many apps for these kinds of lists that I should never need to write anything down on another sticky note as long as I live. Not to mention that my new phone talks to me, reminding me to pick up milk or stop at the post office to buy stamps. God, I love technology!

In addition to the items I often carry for my family, a quick inventory of my handbag reveals the regular contents, and it's really boring: a zip lock bag filled with store coupons for sales that have mostly expired (guess I didn't have time to get to the sale), my checkbook, sunglasses in a large case that takes up too much space (but for what I paid for those sunglasses, I'll deal, so they don't get scratched), two bottles of hand sanitizer, two tubes of lip balm (after all, it's chapped lips season), a makeup bag filled with makeup I rarely wear during the week, reading glasses, crumbs, miscellaneous papers and receipts, a mint from the salon where I get my mani/peddi, a credit card holder containing store gift cards, my oversized wallet, my key chain with my favorite photo of me and my little man, a digital camera, pocket tissues, gum, and three pens. All hidden inside a really expensive designer handbag that I got for Christmas a couple years ago. You'd think the contents would be more exciting.

On any given week, my handbag serves as my mini-office. It's also a slice of my life at the moment, and a place where I know something can go and hopefully it won't get lost. But chances are, it will get shuffled down to the bottom of the abyss. And next time I'm stuck in traffic, I'll find it. And I'll either eat it or I'll throw it out.

Post-Partum Transformation - Week 7 by Liimu

This week I came up against the first day in what I call the Diet Disaster Trifecta (DDT), which includes Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. As someone who has been known to gain 10 pounds in a four-day holiday weekend, I do not take the DDT lightly and decided to go into this year with a solid plan. The plan was this: each day in the DDT is exactly that: one day. I plan to allow myself an indulgence on each of those days, but unlike other years, I will not allow them to straggle into the days that follow ending up with a holiday binge that lasts a week or more and completely obliterates all my post-partum weight loss efforts of the past several months. I have memories of years past where I developed a nightly habit of going to the freezer one (or several) times a night for one (or several) frozen miniatures. Or following Thanksgiving eating lunches AND dinners that were a repeat of our Thanksgiving spread for days on end, including the dessert! Not this year.

I’m happy to say that with one of the trifecta holidays behind me, it seems to be working. I enjoyed an indulgence in Halloween candy on Halloween night, but I had eaten healthy the rest of the day and there was very little impact to my overall efforts – I’m still losing at a rate of about a pound to a pound and a half a week. Slow but steady progress, and I’ll take it!

It also helps that I’m training for a half marathon. I ran a marathon six years ago and have had an ongoing tradition since then of running the Broad Street 10-mile run every spring and a half marathon every Fall, with the exception of the two times I’ve been pregnant during the past six years. The ridiculous amount of running I do to prepare for these events definitely helps offset these holidays. I ran 9 miles last Sunday and will be running 10 miles this coming Sunday (hence, the 20K+ steps I’ve been logging on my BodyFIT armband).

That brings me to my BodyFIT update: I’m still enjoying tracking my exercise and sleep on the BodyFIT armband. I did have to take it off for my gig this past Tuesday night (I’m in an original band – feel free to follow me on Twitter or on Facebook. It definitely motivates me to workout more. I love going into my long runs with my armband on, knowing the vigorous activity I log for the day is going to be off the charts. When I was recently interrupted during a workout by an unexpected meeting, knowing I wouldn’t hit my exercise goals for the day helped motivate me to get back to the gym later in the day. If you haven’t gotten your BodyFIT armband yet, check it out at the BodyMedia website. It would make a great Christmas present to anyone on your list, even you!

The Loveliness of No Homework ? - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

If there was one thing I didn’t miss during the school Winter Recess growing up, it was not having to do homework. I guess those days are over.

My seven-year-old son was given a 3-week project to do on the solar system. It was to be worked on before the Winter Recess, during the Winter Recess and now for the week after. We wisely chose to do the bulk of the written work both before and after the Winter Break. The project included making a diorama of the solar system in an empty box. We left that to work on during the break because it we thought it would be more fun to do.

The written work - the whole project, actually - was beyond exhausting. Especially given at the peak of the Holiday Season. There was, no exaggeration, an eight-page outline of exactly what was supposed to be completed, in what order, and exactly how the accompanying diorama had to be constructed. An entire page was dedicated to Internet sites that the children (read: “parents”) needed to get information from. And the diorama models of the planets needed to look exactly as shown on the Internet sites. To make matters even more fun for the parents, specific craft supplies, within specified dimensions, needed to be obtained to construct this diorama! Try going to Michael’s craft store at the peak of the holiday season, push and shove your way through the isles to get to the Styrofoam balls (of varying sizes, of course), along with other assorted items. Once the materials were collected, you had to stand on line for 20 minutes, while your child is whining that they just want to go home (me too), and why is the line so long (because it is the Holiday Season, Honey, and ALL lines are long during the Holiday Season), and can’t we just do this another time when the store is not crowded (that would  probably be sometime around mid- June)??

Later, we found that the “planets” would need to be hung from the top of the box in some fashion. My husband went to Home Depot to get special hooks to hang these darn “planets” from.

Back to the paperwork, we still needed to have my son color in each of the planets on a sheet of paper in the exact colors shown on the Internet, and label them. Since my son loathes using crayons, and prefers using markers because he enjoys seeing his art project “come to life” using markers or paint, he wasn’t terribly happy about having to use specified crayons to color in his planets. He was downright frustrated when our small box of crayons had some colors either broken or missing. And while I have a supply of markers in every color imaginable, I didn’t even have one stinking box of crayons in my vast supply! Off to Staples I went the next day (I wasn’t dealing with Michael’s again!) and bought the 64 crayon box, so that my son would have a plethora of crayons to chose from, all new, and all which could be used to accurately resemble the actual colors of each planet!

This is just a sample of what the parents had to engage in before, during and after the Winter Break! For Christmas, my cousins knew how hard we all were working on this taxing project that they bought my son a real telescope for Christmas! My son has been looking for planets every night since!

So, although this project, due this Friday, has been a major inconvenience and huge hassle in every conceivable way for us parents, it has engaged my son. It all taught us something (mostly patience while waiting on long lines!), and proved that hard work and diligence really does pay off in the end.

But please, teachers. If you have to give children such a large project to do, please choose a time of year OTHER than the Holiday Season!! It would be so very much appreciated!! Thank you!

Week 28...All I Want for Christmas by Liimu

All I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY.

Week 28. Officially in the third trimester. We are in the final stretch, folks, and no one is more happy about that than I. (Funny thing is, I find myself still amazed and befuddled when I look down at my protruding stomach, thinking, "How did we get here again?") But I feel generally pretty good, other than a lingering cough from last week's QUARANTINE situation.

Last Wednesday, my 6 year old started complaining of stomach pains and before long was curved over the toilet, throwing up. Needless to say, she stayed home with me. I sent a text to my mother's helper and found out (through an inadvertent text she had intended to send to her sister that ended "WTF?") that she is deathly afraid of stomach bugs, so I was essentially on my own with it. Not too bad, since for the most part my daughter was pretty perky and I didn't have much on my calendar other than a holiday party, and the hostess was gracious about letting her tag along with me.

Sad for me, I had forgotten about the sneakiness of stomach bugs. How they can look benign and short-lived in one person and linger for days in another. Friday, as I went to bed, I start feeling like I was going into early labor, my stomach was hurting so bad. I could barely sleep. Just past midnight, I heard a scream from my 4-year old's room. She had just wretched in her bed. After finally getting her bed sheets changed and getting her settled down, I felt it coming on for me. I had endured 7 months of pregnancy without puking and this stomach bug was taking me down. An hour later, my 8-year old was calling out for help and back in our room, my husband was complaining of feeling queasy. It was going to be a long day.

As luck would have it, I also had some sort of head cold on top of everything else, along with a fever. So, while everyone else has mostly recovered (my husband still complains of queasiness), I am coughing like a 70-year old barmaid with a 2-packs a day habit. I'm still grateful that the bug ran through our house quickly, rather than taking us out one at a time. Christmas is the day after tomorrow and my girls are healthy. That's the most important thing. My husband and I are getting better day by day. This time next week, we'll be in Arizona with my sister and her family and that can only improve our situation.

So, all I want for Christmas is to be HEALTHY. If I get nice jewelry, or a trip to the spa, even better. But honestly, after surviving this last week of nonstop illness, I'm pretty focused on the basic things for which I have to be grateful: my wonderful family, a job I love that pays well, great friends who make me laugh out loud long and often, and of course, if nothing else, at least I have my health.

Stay warm and dry everyone, and be grateful for the little things. The things that you get for Christmas every year without even having to ask.

The Hassle of Interfaith Traditions - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

I will admit it. I am tired and overwhelmed celebrating Hanukkah and Christmas in our home. Thank goodness that at least the holidays are spread apart this year by a few weeks.

I’m exhausted. I am exhausted by my life. I am exhausted by issues with my son’s teacher that need to be resolved. And as my son is getting older, I am getting exhausted by his mile long list he has of items he wants for Hanukkah and Christmas.

Yes, we are raising him in the Jewish faith. But we don’t celebrate Christmas for it’s religious aspects. We celebrate it because, “it was Mommy’s tradition growing up.” 

My son believes in Santa...still! You would think by now, after going to Hebrew school for his third year and having Jewish friends, he would have been let in on the secret that, “No, Brandon...there isn’t a Santa Claus.” But my son is not buying it. Or at least he is so smart that if he let’s on that he realizes that there ISN’T a Santa Claus, he won’t get as many gifts. I am tending to lean towards the latter. However when he approached me this past weekend about writing up a list for Santa and wanting to mail it...stamps and all...I’m really not sure.

In any event, I’m tired. I’m tired of decorating for two holidays. I’m tired of wrapping gifts for two holidays. But I’m not so tired that I want to disappoint my son.

I tried to get away with using only our electric menorah to light a candle each night for Hanukkah. But my son loves to watch the real candles burn and was so let down when I told him we were only going to use the electric menorah, that I dug up the real one and we’ve been using it with real candles. And my son figured out how to use the “CHILD-PROOF” candle lighter!! That’s the most scary thing of all!! It is now locked away. I can’t believe he not only figured out how to use it, but has the strength and coordination TO use it!! I almost fainted when he showed me!!

Anyway...back to this past weekend. My son also wanted to put up our “Holiday Tree.” Due to our old one being too heavy and cumbersome to drag up from the basement myself, I donated it to someone who really needed one and bought a “pop-up” tree from Brookstone catalog. Although it is not as full and bushy as our old one, it was certainly MUCH easier to put up than our old one! And at the end of the season, it collapses flat, in it’s carry box. No more struggling to drag a massive tree up the stairs any more!! And my son just wants a tree to decorate. He really doesn’t care if it is “full and bushy” or not.

I will put stockings on our mantle, but that’s about all. No tchotchkes are coming out. No special dishes. No Hanukkah adornments. Nothing. Nada. None. Because really, the only one who really cares about the Holidays in our home is our son. And at his age, what REALLY matters are the gifts. So the Holidays are going to be streamlined to the absolute bare minimum this year.

The Grinch is residing in our home.

Thanksgiving and Gratitude - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Thanksgiving. I love this time of year. I love the beautiful changing colors of the leaves. I love going outside at night and smelling the woody smell of a fireplace burning in someone’s home. I love the anticipation of a Thanksgiving feast! I love all of the typical Thanksgiving foods! I even love preparing the Thanksgiving turkey myself! All 22 pounds of it! But this year Thanksgiving is going to be very different for me.

I’ve always celebrated Thanksgiving at home. First, when I was young, and my mother was still alive. She would set the dining room table with all of her fine china. And while I watched her cook her fabulous feast, I learned her “tricks” as to how her meal always came out so delicious! Then, when I celebrated Thanksgiving with just my father, he always made the first-of-the-season fire going all day in the fireplace! And while the fire was glowing, we would prepare our own, smaller feast to enjoy! Later, when I got married, we had Thanksgiving every year at my in-law’s home. My father was always there with his signature praline sweet potato pie! And for the past 15 years, I have always made the Thanksgiving turkey! Even when we lived in our first apartment and I had a small, dinky oven, I managed to get that bird into it and it always came out delicious!

My plans are different this year. I was invited by my cousins to celebrate Thanksgiving in a restaurant. This will be a whole new experience for me, as I always welcomed the warm, fuzzy, homey feeling of celebrating Thanksgiving in a home. My son will be going to my in-laws. I requested having him for Christmas to take him to my best friend’s house, where children his age will be frolicking and merriment will abound!

It feels odd for me to celebrate my favorite of all holidays in a restaurant. Even one that is going to be rather upscale. And although I have celebrated other holidays and events with my cousins, we never celebrated Thanksgiving together and I never spent it “alone” (meaning going by myself without other immediate family with me). This feels odd. But at the same time it feels loving and warm that my cousins thought enough of me to invite me with them.

Things change, I know. And the alternative was that I would have been at home with the dogs, probably eating a cheese sandwich. But this whole change really does feel so unsettling for me. I’m sure to get caught up in plenty of conversation with my cousins. Once we start, it’s hard to get us to stop! And I’m sure the food in this particular restaurant will be 5 Star. So I am certain that I will enjoy my meal. But, still, all of this feels “funny”. I just can’t shake this feeling, no matter how many positive spins I put on the occasion.

Well, I will certainly let you know how I fared with my next blog. In the interim, I thought I would leave you with a saying that is framed and hangs besides my bed:

Gratitude

There is no greater act than giving thanks.

Remember to acknowledge

the goodness in your life.

Quiet your mind, listen to your heart

and fill your soul with gratitude.

To all of our readers, I wish you a safe, joyful, warm and fuzzy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

There Goes the Bride by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

 This past Sunday was my Brother-in-Law’s wedding - my husband’s brother. I was invited, but chose not to go for many obvious reasons. My only wish was that I hadn’t been very ill because it gave my husband the perfect excuse as to why I wasn’t there. My husband is an awful liar. You could tell when he fibs a mile away. So, unfortunately he would be correct in telling family and friends why I didn’t attend the wedding. Bummer. I would have at least have enjoyed knowing how uncomfortable he would have been having to produce a reason why his “wife” wasn’t at his brother’s wedding. Oh well...there will be other occasions.

My Sister-in-Law (wife of my husband’s OTHER brother) will be having her second child in April. I am pretty sure that I will be quietly absent from that milestone event as well. He’ll have to come up with some type of story for that occasion, I’m sure.

And then there are all the Holidays in between. I assume my son will be spending all of the Jewish religious ones at my in laws. I’ll get my son and take him to visit very close friends for Christmas and Easter. But what to do about Thanksgiving? I’ve made the largest turkey I could find, to feed 20 plus people for just about every Thanksgiving for 15 years now. I guess those days are over.

My husband and I will have to trade off on Thanksgiving. Since my son went to the wedding, perhaps my husband will allow me to take my son to my best friend’s house for Thanksgiving this year. It will be very festive as my best friend’s birthday is very close to the Thanksgiving Holiday, so she celebrates her birthday then as well.

It is hard when you are breaking away from your spouse while having to go through the Holidays, especially with a child. The child is used to everyone being together and having a wonderful time. Now the child gets tossed between one family and another. It’s confusing and painful...for everyone involved.

Being an only child, with now both parent’s deceased, and no close relatives who live nearby, I grew up spending many, many Holidays with my best friend and her family. I recently asked her if it would be okay to resume that historical pattern. She was delighted. A little overwhelmed, but delighted. I kind of get the “warm fuzzies” just thinking about all of the wonderful times in the past that we’ve spent together during the Holidays. Like her Dad serving us spiked Eggnog when we were only 16! We couldn’t understand why the Eggnog tasted so good, nor why we were so giddy hanging ornaments on her tree! It brings back such warm and loving feelings!

My son is the same age as my best friend’s son, who is adopted. My friend chose to become a single Mom right before she turned 40. I wanted to have my first child before I turned 40. The stars aligned in the heavens for both of us! We both have boys and they are only 3 months apart in age! And both boys think they are “cousins!” In a way, they really are. They see each other far more frequently than my son’s actual cousins.

So maybe this can work, this Holiday swapping thing? As I’ve experienced, families don’t have to be related to be close and have fun! I think I’ve had more enjoyable and exciting Holidays spent with close friends than with relatives who critique your cooking!

I guess another chapter of my life is unfolding. Just like going down the tall Mayan water slide at the Atlantis Resort with my son, last month. I am ready to experience another incredible ride. The ride through the Holiday maze! I better hold on tight for this one, too!

On Celebrating Holidays - by Cara

I was quite saddened during this past Jewish holiday called Rosh Hashanah. And I anticipate many sad holidays to come. At least for a while.

I am not Jewish. My husband is. Before we got married, by husband requested that we raise our children in the Jewish faith. Not comfortable at that point to consider converting to Judaism, we elected to raise our child through what is known as Reform Judaism. In Reform Judaism, at least one parent must be of the Jewish faith. In more strict areas of Judaism, the mother of a child MUST be Jewish in order for the child to be considered Jewish. This is not the case in Reform Judaism, where only one parent, mother OR father has to be Jewish.

I chose to raise my child to be Jewish for several very important reasons. My first is that although I am a spiritual person, I do not have any direct connections with any particular faith, as my parents were not very religious. My feeling is that if a child is going to experience a religion, this child should be exposed to religious family gatherings, rituals and traditions on a fairly regular basis. I felt that although my husband was not terribly religious (and is even less so now), that at least there would be my husband’s family who would introduce and carry out these important customs for my child to eventually relate to and internalize.

We have been sending our son to religious school, at the Reform Temple we belong to, for going on three years now. Our son enjoys his religious classes and we can tell is learning, and retaining a fair amount of his studies. But now that my divorce proceedings are underway, I’m in between a rock and a hard place.

Since I wasn’t raised in the Jewish faith, I am hardly equipped to truly raise my child with the customs and traditions that become assimilated into a person if the religion is practiced routinely, beginning in childhood. I did take a 7-month Introduction to Judaism class along with a 3 month Beginning Hebrew class...still, I feel lost. My husband has practically no interest in celebrating the Jewish Holidays. In fact, he blew off the second day of Rosh Hashanah to go to the Jersey Shore with his friends. He is working on Yom Kippur, the most holy of all Jewish holidays. And he is planning to be at a convention the first 5 days of Chanukah. My husband’s family wants nothing to do with me, so there goes the family support for the traditions and customs. I am at a loss. I did not choose to do this alone. Had I ever thought I would be teaching religion to my child by myself, I would have at least chosen a religion who’s customs I am much more familiar with. But it is not fair to my son to suddenly redirect him towards a different religious path at this point.

Since my husband is choosing to disregard the holidays of his own religion, I felt that the minimum he could do would be to drop our son off at religious school, pick him up, and do our son’s religious homework with him. My Rabbi, a warm, sweet, loving woman, is going to help me learn more as my son and I go along. She wrote down family get-togethers and child focused events, such as helping to build a Sukkah (an outdoor dwelling where all meals are eaten and you can choose to sleep in the Sukkah, weather permitting, for 8 days. It is actually a celebration of the harvest season and typically is celebrated in the Fall.), as well as some Chanukah family events we can attend together.

It is somewhat comforting to know that several of the children in my son’s religious class have also been in one of his classes at his elementary school, so I am at least familiar with some of the parents at our Temple. Still, I feel overwhelmed and abandoned in yet another area of my son’s and my life. I chose to do this in the best interest for my child and with the understanding that I would have family support. Now, I have none of that, and I am resentful. I guess I just have to resolve that this is yet another area in my life where my son and I are going to plod through as best we can.

And, of course, it doesn’t help matters when my son loudly asked in Temple the other day, “Mommy, when is Christmas?”