Follow Your Bliss...by Liimu

I’m excited. I’m really, really excited. Friday I go to audition for the Voice on NBC. Now some people may think I’m completely crazy to do this. I have four kids aged 8 and under, the youngest of which is a four-month old. I have my own business and I’m the primary breadwinner. I’m 41 years old. I’m probably about 40 pounds overweight. I also have an absolute passion for singing. And anyone who has ever known me knows that it’s something that’s just in my blood.

I was talking to my sister weeks ago when I was debating whether I should audition for the Voice, keeping in mind that it would probably involve waiting in line with the other masses of people who believe they were born to sing. Of course, she suggested I try to get an appointment to audition the way I did when I auditioned for Clash of the Choirs. We all know how that turned out (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qTJkfFlz9M). During that audition process, my fears of not having the perfect situation in my life were offset by the fact that I was able to slide in at 4:30 or 5 pm, sing my song and still make it home in time to have dinner ready for my family when they got home. That’s not the case this time. This time, when I asked if I could get a special appointment time, I was told if it wasn’t convenient for me to wait in line at the appointed time, they’d be more than happy to accept an online video submission. Something in my heart told me that wasn’t going to cut it.

So on that day with my sister, I told her about my dilemma – how I wasn’t sure if I should go and audition. She asked me to tell her what it was that made me not want to do it. I said, “Fear. Fear that I have too many kids, fear that I’m too old, fear that I won’t be able to continue earning enough to support my family, fear that it’s a ridiculous crapshoot to think that I can find that needle in the haystack.” She reminded me that I always profess to live by the philosophy that decisions shouldn’t be made motivated solely by fear nor by money and that I should continue to live by that philosophy.

Then she asked me why I would want to go to the audition. I said, “That week in 2007, when I was doing Clash of the Choirs in New York, the days were long and arduous. We woke at 5 am and were going all day long from 6 am till 10 or 11 at night. Shuttled from choreography to blocking to wardrobe to vocal rehearsals, to on-camera interviews, we were pushed to the limits every minute of the day. It was hard to be away from my family and the tension and anxiety about performing each day was almost unbearable. That being said, I loved every minute of it. In fact, it was the closest I have ever come to experiencing bliss in my entire life.” She said, “Well, when you put it like that, the answer is clear. You need to follow your bliss.”

So that’s what I’m doing this week – I’m following my bliss. And I can’t wait to come back here next week to tell you that I’ve been chosen to fly to LA to audition on television in front of the blind judges. Until then, I challenge you all to step out of your comfort zone, put your fears aside and follow your bliss.

34 Weeks...and so then what? by Liimu

Yeah, that's right, I said it. I am now officially at the point where I can say that this baby is coming "next month," the nursery is officially ready, my eldest daughter has moved herself into the baby room, I've had flowers delivered to my hospital room in advance (so I don't have to rely on anyone else to do it), my baby shower is scheduled...and so guess what?

I'm already on to the next thing. I'm a hot mess in this way, but hey - that's who I am. Always thinking about the next thing. That's why alcohol and I could never be friends. Because I'd be drinking whatever drink, not fully able to ever enjoy it, so focused was I on where I'd get the next one from. Just keeping it real, folks.

So, I am coming to the end of this HUGE, life-altering, completely unexpected and totally fulfilling project, creating this new person to join our family. I have loved nearly every minute of it, too. (Not the stepping on the scale part, but pretty much everything else. Oh, and that was definitely balanced out by finally getting the clear skin I've coveted for 15 years.) And now that I'm coming to the end of that project, and now that my consulting business - the bread and butter business for me - I'm able to start thinking about my other love project that came before this little guy came on the scene - my music. For those of you who don't know, I've been singing for many years, my claim to fame was having a lead solo in Patti Labelle's choir on the 2007 series, Clash of the Choirs. Since then, I've been working with one of Patti's producers to get back into songwriting and performing my own songs, and am working on an EP and full-length album with a band full of some of the best musicians in the country, including my very own husband.

I know my husband thought maybe the dream had ended before it began. I tried to tell him it was just a matter of time before we got things back on track. And now, now that the end is nigh, and this baby will be here before we know it, now I can start to rekindle my musical fire. So, I'm back on Facebook and Myspace, writing again, even poking around about where we can play next. Now, if I can just figure out how to get that pre-baby body back! How I wish I had appreciated it while I had it!

When I Grow Up...by Liimu

As I watch my belly grow and my daughters sing and play, I find myself wondering what they will be when they grow up. My daughters all want to be movie stars or pop singers, dreams that will likely change over time. It was my dream, too, and in my case, the dream never quite died. There was a long period of time where I wondered why my life had to take the turns it did, and why I never had the chance to realize my potential as a superstar pop phenomenon. Today was perhaps the first day I really felt like my life has gone exactly the best way possible. Realizing that has changed me and has changed the way I think about my role with helping to guide my children as they pursue their dreams.

When I was in my early twenties, I was at the Hard Rock Café in Myrtle Beach with my mother when I noticed Wyclef Jean and his entourage entering and sitting at the table next to us. Wyclef Jean is one of the founding members of the Fugees and was responsible for launching the career of Destiny’s Child and one of that group’s fairly well-known and successful members…Beyoncé. I was a huge fan of Destiny’s Child and the Fugees and could not contain my excitement at being seated right next to someone responsible for the two hugely successful (and talented) groups. I leaped out of my chair and asked if I could take a picture with Wyclef. As my mom snapped the picture, I leaned in close to him and whispered, “Can you do for me what you did for Destiny’s Child?” To my surprise, Wyclef responded, “Can you sing?” Of course, I said, “Yes.” (For those of you who haven’t heard me sing, you can check out my performance on NBC television in 2007 with Patti Labelle on YouTube or my original music at www.reverbnation.com/liimu.)

Wyclef then asked me if I had a demo, which I didn’t, but I would have broken into song right then and there – no shame in my game – if my mom hadn’t begged me to stop bothering them. I have often wondered if that might have been the moment my career took off. I think I also began to fantasize about my children actually pursuing their own dreams of superstardom as a way to finish my own story the way it should have gone.

In truth, I now realize that my story went exactly the way it should have. Having gotten sober at the tender age of 24, I know that I was a complete Lindsay Lohan-style train wreck waiting to happen when I met Wyclef. If I had been thrust into the spotlight, there’s no guarantee that my sobriety could have stood the test. What’s more, would I have met my wonderful husband? Had my wonderful kids? I love the life I have today and nothing is more important to me than being a mom. As for money, I have enough. And fame? That was never the reason I wanted to sing to begin with. In fact, I don’t particularly like being gawked at the handful times it’s happened. So, would my life have been better if I had gone down the path that Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Rihanna all went? From what I read in the tabloids, not so much. I like having a private life. I like being able to take my kids to the Santa at the mall and to Ruby Tuesday for dinner afterward.

But what about them? What if they want to pursue that life, which they very well may? I’m clear now that my role is to neither pull them back nor to push them forward. My role is to provide them with a strong foundation of love, support, and spirituality, to keep them tethered to the important things that matter, so that they can fly as high as they want to without ever having to worry about floating off into space like a leftover balloon from a backyard birthday party. If I do my job right, they can have whatever job they want and it will be equally successful, equally fulfilling and equally okay with me.