A New Day is Dawning... by Liimu

Be careful what you wish for...you just might get it.

I have been an avid believer in the Law of Attraction since I read The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne (along with half of the world) back in 2008. I'm not sure what it did for anyone else, but it definitely changed my life on many levels.

First of all, I found myself on stage singing a solo backed up by a choir hand-picked by Patti Labelle (with Patti herself directing) live on NBC for 10 million viewers. (If you don't believe me, click here.) I couldn't really believe it myself at the time, which I guess you figured out if you watched the whole clip. It was a surreal moment, and the lyrics to the song - "I'm letting go...give me one more chance...cause I can't do this on my own..." were not lost on me.

Soon after the Patti Labelle experience, I ventured into starting my own business. I quit my six-figure day job to start my own consulting company, relying on my networking skills alone to get clients and keep them. I doubled my income the first year. I have had slumps here and there, but I have always made more than I made when I worked a traditional job and I never looked back. Similar to when I was in the process of auditioning for Clash of the Choirs, I refused to entertain even an inkling of doubt about whether or not I would be successful.

Flash forward to now. After having my baby, I have been wracked with doubts about whether or not I could lose the baby weight and if so, how fast. I have been obsessively counting calories, enduring punishing workouts (including the half-marathon I ran the Sunday before Thanksgiving, despite knee pain beginning at mile 2), talking about it so much I bore myself and my kids keep trying to reassure me by telling me I'm skinny, and even getting snarky at the weight loss success my friends have been having while I have circled around the same five pound marks for months.

That's not me. That's not what I know to be the Law of Attraction and how it works. Well, actually, I guess it is. The same way for years my beliefs about my inability to be a singer if I wasn't 19 years old and a size 0 kept me singing in my car and the occasional wedding band until I employed the Law of Attraction to realize my dreams of singing on a large scale. The same way I spent a good chunk of my day complaining about my job, thereby securing my spot, only to find that once I put that same energy into what I really wanted to do - work for myself - that it would be successful beyond even my own imaginings.

And so why would I think that doing things that keep me far from my sense of joy - things like talking about how "hard" it is to lose weight, depriving myself of all the foods I love, pushing through brutal workouts even when I'm exhausted or hormonal - would get me closer to the body of my dreams and achieving my weight loss goals? Newsflash - it won't. In my experience, the Law of Attraction is LAW. So, if I believe that it's going to be hard - guess what? It's going to be hard.

I know some people will think this is mumbo jumbo, hocus pocus, crunchy granola BS (like my trainer, for one). I don't really much care. I know what's real and true in my life and I know for a FACT the Law of Attraction is a law of the Universe and I am filled with joyous intent to employ it in my favor from here on out. And guess what? I'm really enjoying myself, while I'm at it.

Today was full of laughing and singing and snuggling my kids. I haven't been to the gym since Monday. Won't get there tomorrow, either, because I have the chance to spend time with a friend from Australia who is only here until Friday. We will go for a walk, though, so at least I'll get the body moving. I am loving taking deep breaths before I eat anything so I can get in better touch with what my body wants. I've been reading books about intuitive eating and resonate so strongly with Geneen Roth, author of Women, Food and God, who said, "But once the belief and the subsequent decisions are questioned, diets and being uncomfortable in your body lose their seductive allure. Only kindness makes sense. Anything else is excruciating. You are not a mistake. You are not a problem to be solved." (To read more, click here.)

That was an aha moment for me. So, when my trainer asked me today how I was doing, I told him the truth. I said I was eating healthy, not exercising as intensely as he'd probably like me to but that I am no longer in a go-hard-or-go-home headspace, more of a be-gentle-be-healthy headspace. His response? "That's crap. You haven't been pushed hard enough by me. You're about to go off the cliff. Let's talk." I understand his concern. There have been many times I've used the idea of intuitive eating as an excuse to gorge myself only to come crawling back to him, tail between my legs. That's not what's happening now, and I told him so. I still believe he is one of the best trainers on the planet. He could get me there, if anyone could. I'm just not really in the mood to go. Does that mean I don't want a smaller body? Does that mean I'm opting to be this size the rest of my life? No, no more than it would mean that I didn't love the beach just because I decided to plan a mountain vacation instead. I'm opting to accept and love myself. Or, as one friend of mine put it - we can't beat ourselves into submission when what we really need to do is love and accept ourselves into surrender.

I surrender.

Didn't We Almost Have it All ... by Liimu

Sometimes I buy into the falsehood that I can have it all. And sometimes I buy into the falsehood that I can't.

Let me explain myself. As I get older, I realize that whether or not I can have it all undoubtedly depends on what I perceive "it" to be. In my younger years, it was an insanely successful career as a movie star and headlining act at Madison Square Garden, along with a dutiful but alpha male husband with model-quality good looks and 6-pack abs, as well as equally dutiful children - 3 or 4 of them, at least one boy. I would also have clean and friendly relationships with all of my family of origin and an enviable relationship with God. Oh, and lots and lots and lots of money.

It was my birthday on Sunday. There have been many, many birthdays where I found myself incredibly disappointed because I didn't get what I wanted, even though I didn't even know what it was that I wanted. This year, I was pleasantly surprised to not receive very many tangible gifts at all. Instead, I was given the gift of a full-night's sleep by my husband, followed by a beautiful "Happy Birthday" serenade by the whole family. As I wiped the sleep out of the corners of my eyes and took in the scene - painfully handsome husband, three beautiful (and incredibly precocious) daughters and an unexpected miracle of a son - I felt myself choke up with pride and joy. Later, as I skated around the roller rink with my 7 and 5 year old at a birthday party and we laughed and laughed as they fell again and again and we sang our favorite pop songs as loud as we could, I felt it again. This is "it," I thought. This is joy. At the end of the party, someone actually recognized me as the girl who had sung with Patti Labelle. I had even slipped a little bit of fame in there a few years ago when I had my moment on the stage in front of 10 million viewers.

Years ago, sitting at dinner with my hugely successful (and incredibly unhappy at the time) brother, he was pressing me to reach for the stars, to push to be the greatest, the best, at whatever I chose to do. To crush the competition, to be NUMBER ONE! I turned to him and said, "If that's your dream, that's fine. But it's not mine. My dream is to be happy.

There "it" is - the all I had been hoping for. I am living the dream - the one I had given a voice to so long ago. And it may be true that I don't have the car and driver, the personal chef (and personal trainer), the millions of dollars in the bank, the paparazzi following my every move (yet). But I do have it all. I have all I ever wanted - and more. And as long as I keep that in perspective, I always will.

34 Weeks...and so then what? by Liimu

Yeah, that's right, I said it. I am now officially at the point where I can say that this baby is coming "next month," the nursery is officially ready, my eldest daughter has moved herself into the baby room, I've had flowers delivered to my hospital room in advance (so I don't have to rely on anyone else to do it), my baby shower is scheduled...and so guess what?

I'm already on to the next thing. I'm a hot mess in this way, but hey - that's who I am. Always thinking about the next thing. That's why alcohol and I could never be friends. Because I'd be drinking whatever drink, not fully able to ever enjoy it, so focused was I on where I'd get the next one from. Just keeping it real, folks.

So, I am coming to the end of this HUGE, life-altering, completely unexpected and totally fulfilling project, creating this new person to join our family. I have loved nearly every minute of it, too. (Not the stepping on the scale part, but pretty much everything else. Oh, and that was definitely balanced out by finally getting the clear skin I've coveted for 15 years.) And now that I'm coming to the end of that project, and now that my consulting business - the bread and butter business for me - I'm able to start thinking about my other love project that came before this little guy came on the scene - my music. For those of you who don't know, I've been singing for many years, my claim to fame was having a lead solo in Patti Labelle's choir on the 2007 series, Clash of the Choirs. Since then, I've been working with one of Patti's producers to get back into songwriting and performing my own songs, and am working on an EP and full-length album with a band full of some of the best musicians in the country, including my very own husband.

I know my husband thought maybe the dream had ended before it began. I tried to tell him it was just a matter of time before we got things back on track. And now, now that the end is nigh, and this baby will be here before we know it, now I can start to rekindle my musical fire. So, I'm back on Facebook and Myspace, writing again, even poking around about where we can play next. Now, if I can just figure out how to get that pre-baby body back! How I wish I had appreciated it while I had it!

What I Collect - by Liimu

Some people collect corkscrews. Others collect stamps or coins. I collect experiences.

Other people look at someone water skiing or running a marathon and say, “Why would anyone want to do that?” And I say, “Why not?”

When my husband and I went to Jamaica for our honeymoon, we were told that the Rick’s Café in Ocho Rios boasted a view of one of the most beautiful sunsets in the world. The first thing I noticed, when we disembarked from our commuter boat from Negril to Ocho Rios was the people leaping off the infamous cliff outside Rick’s Café. I knew as soon as I saw those bodies leaping off the thirty-plus foot cliff that I wanted to do it, too. My husband of just a couple days rolled his eyes; he was already far too familiar with my thirst for excitement. Landing feet first was much harder than it sounded. I ended up with a huge bruise that took up my entire thigh. Worth it, though, I felt. I had yet another experience to add to my collection.

When I began running, I fully intended to run no more than a 10K. During that 10K, I connected and became friends with another woman. We began to run together, trained for Broad Street, and after running it decided we would run a marathon. In my mind, it was another experience to add to my collection. I didn’t care how hard it was, I was determined to do it.

Now, older and wiser, I try to make sure the experiences I collect aren’t life-threatening or even too physically taxing. With three young children and me rapidly approaching my 40th birthday (on May 22), I now have to think about more than just my own gratification. I have to make sure I have the energy and wherewithal to be not just a mom to them, but a present and engaged mom who actually has the energy to enjoy hanging out with them, helping them with their homework, pushing them on the swing, laughing at their jokes. And I now realize that many of the experiences I’m collecting are experiences I’m sharing with them.

Every March, the girls are off school for a week for Spring break. This year, I decided to plan a road trip. No boys, just me and the girls (and our teenage babysitter). We had SO much fun. I didn’t work, I didn’t obsess about working out, I didn’t even plan out our days from sunup to sundown. I let them call the shots and we had a great time. Here’s a picture of my three-year old trying beef jerky for the first time ever.

During this trip, my two youngest daughters swam for the first time (with water wings) all the way across the pool. They touched baby alligators, fed a bearded dragon and sat on a petrified alligator. We took a boat ride alongside real live dolphins as pelicans flew overhead. My older two daughters even got to drive the boat. .

These are the experiences I collect now. When I was a teenager and young adult, the experiences were all about partying, acting crazy – jumping to floor level at the Grateful Dead/Bob Dylan concert. Over the past few years, I have had personal experiences beyond my wildest dreams – diving off the cliff at Rick’s Café, running across the finish line of the Philadelphia Marathon, singing a solo live on NBC for 10 million fans while Patti Labelle directed from just 20 feet away.

Perhaps even more precious than these experiences are the ones I have shared with my children, petting alligators in South Carolina, hiking the mountains of Denver, watching my 7-year old win a hula hoop contest in Florida, driving down Christmas Tree Lane in California, and the hundreds of experiences we’ve shared right here in our home. I’m grateful I don’t need a cabinet in which to store all these amazing experiences. I would have long ago run out of room.