Week 39....Beyond Ready...by Liimu

So, this is it. My last post before the newest McGill makes his appearance in the world. I have to admit, there is a part of me that is more excited about not being pregnant anymore than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I cannot WAIT to meet my son, and I'm sure that will overshadow all else as soon as he gets here, but right now, with the numbness in my hands and feet, the swelling everywhere including my face, the heartburn and the wheezing, I just feel like a hot, hot mess. I'm just ready to be on the other side of the peak of pregnancy discomfort, on the road to recovery and back to my sassy self. That's part two of this journey readers, coming back to myself - better than before.

The other thing I wanted to talk about - in the context of being beyond ready - is a little Aha moment my husband and I had with our eight year old. We thought we were ready, she and I. I bragged to friends about how she had decided to move into the baby's room because she wanted to be there to help in the middle of the night. "No backsies!" I joked. And a joke it was because she was terrified to be in her own room after having had someone in her room since her younger sister was born just 16 months after her. So, this week, we blew up the air mattress and put it on the floor of her old room, now her sisters' room, and that is where she will sleep until she's feeling brave enough to try again.

My husband was torn and inclined to tell her to suck it up. But I have been terrified of the bumps in the night, and I know that there are times you need to suck it up and times you need to change the situation to address the fear. Because she wasn't wanting to sleep with us, her sisters wanted her in the room with them, and she is generally a sweet and adaptable young lady, I fought hard for her to get to change her mind and go back to the safety and security of sleeping with her sisters. So far, so good. We thought we were ready before. Now, we are beyond ready. We are ready to admit mistakes and learn from them, and that (I have found) is the most important factor in really being ready for parenthood. Because the only thing I have found that I knew for sure each time I had a child was that nothing at all is certain.

Week 35...Perspective...by Liimu

So, I guess the theme for this week is perspective. Is the glass half full or half empty? Am I lazy or finally slowing down and resting for the last month of this pregnancy? All I know is I'm finding it harder and harder to find the energy to even get up in the middle of the night the 18 times a night biology forces me to do so, let alone summon the additional energy to don my workout clothes and get a nice workout in before I start my day.

What I do know is that I'm tired, tired, tired. I have been trying to stay positive in these posts, have tried to keep them well-rounded, not just about my fixation on how much weight I've gained or even what pregnancy symptoms I'm currently experiencing. But this week, I just can't help it. It's pretty much all I'm thinking about. How much weight I've gained, how quickly I can get it off, will I have to resort to liposuction to do it, and if so, how much will said liposuction cost? Ok, I haven't really gotten to where I'm thinking about liposuction to get the pregnancy weight off. At least not any time soon. But you get the point.

OK - I started writing that last night and first, I have to say I feel MUCH better this morning. How's that for perspective? That being said, I still feel huge. So, I'm gonna lay it down for you guys.

I cannot WAIT to get back in my groove again. For those of you who didn't know me pre-pregnancy, here's a pic. I LOVE being a girl, and love wearing clothes that show my curves. I'm not looking to be perfect or plastic . For now, I'm looking to get back to where I was. Although, if I'm being honest, I do have to admit that I have looked into the cost of liposuction and even have a library of before and after pics and places that can do the surgery.

I'm not saying that I'm going to do it. I'm not saying I'm not. If I were to do it, it wouldn't be until the kids are older. I know I'm not trying to have to worry about the recovery associated with liposuction post op with three young children and a newborn. But it is out there as an option in my mind if exercise and diet alone don't do it for me. I am a hardcore exercise fiend. I LOVE running and lifting weights and non-pregnant, I do it 5-6 times a week without complaining. I eat healthy without denying myself occasional treats. But let's face it, after four children and with 40 in my rear view mirror, I might need a little extra help to get back to what I looked like (and didn't appreciate) when I was in my twenties before I had kids.

For now, though, I'll be happy to get back to this. Here is a picture of me from last year this time. Boy, what a difference a year makes, huh? Now, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am SO happy to be having another baby. I'm so thrilled and feel so blessed to be having a healthy boy to add to our family of girls. I almost cannot believe it's happening, and I fully intend to enjoy being a new mother again just as I have enjoyed this pregnancy. I have eaten healthy but enjoyed indulgences. I have worked out, but taken it easy when my body has told me it's time to slow down (like now...I can't even get my butt to the gym anymore). And to be totally honest, this pregnancy has taught me a lot about how to not be in constant diet mode. I think now that there is sometimes as much value in a hot bath as there is for a good workout. It might not burn as many calories, but I believe that I have struggled sometimes with losing the last ten pounds just because of how much I WANTED to do it and how stressed out I was about it. I have learned, during this pregnancy, how to relax without giving up the entire goal.

So, my friends, although this phase of my life - the pregnancy - may be nearing it's close. The story is FAR from over. And I look so forward to sharing the next chapter with you!

34 Weeks...and so then what? by Liimu

Yeah, that's right, I said it. I am now officially at the point where I can say that this baby is coming "next month," the nursery is officially ready, my eldest daughter has moved herself into the baby room, I've had flowers delivered to my hospital room in advance (so I don't have to rely on anyone else to do it), my baby shower is scheduled...and so guess what?

I'm already on to the next thing. I'm a hot mess in this way, but hey - that's who I am. Always thinking about the next thing. That's why alcohol and I could never be friends. Because I'd be drinking whatever drink, not fully able to ever enjoy it, so focused was I on where I'd get the next one from. Just keeping it real, folks.

So, I am coming to the end of this HUGE, life-altering, completely unexpected and totally fulfilling project, creating this new person to join our family. I have loved nearly every minute of it, too. (Not the stepping on the scale part, but pretty much everything else. Oh, and that was definitely balanced out by finally getting the clear skin I've coveted for 15 years.) And now that I'm coming to the end of that project, and now that my consulting business - the bread and butter business for me - I'm able to start thinking about my other love project that came before this little guy came on the scene - my music. For those of you who don't know, I've been singing for many years, my claim to fame was having a lead solo in Patti Labelle's choir on the 2007 series, Clash of the Choirs. Since then, I've been working with one of Patti's producers to get back into songwriting and performing my own songs, and am working on an EP and full-length album with a band full of some of the best musicians in the country, including my very own husband.

I know my husband thought maybe the dream had ended before it began. I tried to tell him it was just a matter of time before we got things back on track. And now, now that the end is nigh, and this baby will be here before we know it, now I can start to rekindle my musical fire. So, I'm back on Facebook and Myspace, writing again, even poking around about where we can play next. Now, if I can just figure out how to get that pre-baby body back! How I wish I had appreciated it while I had it!

Snowy Day...Week 33 by Liimu

I've never been the type of mom that gets all down and dirty playing with her girls. In fact, I'm SO not that mom, my girls know to always give me the role of "the queen who lays in the lounge chair and watches her princesses play." but something about snow brings out the hands-on mom in me.

When we woke up yesterday to full-blown snowfall, I knew we had a situation on our hands. When it took me 35 minutes to make the normally 5-minute drive to my daughter's day care, I knew the situation was serious. When, more than an hour later, I arrived at the elementary school my two older daughters attend to find that NONE of the buses had yet arrived, I knew it was time to take the situation into my own hands. I packed those girls up and brought them right home again.

School didn't dismiss until 2 pm yesterday, but we had a ball. I got a lot of work done, yet somehow, we also managed to make princess cupcakes and play Wii. And today, in addition to reading time, watching American Idol and playing Just Dance 2 for long enough to break a decent sweat (not long, I have to admit), we are just about to finish decorating fairy cupcakes.

Add to that the fact that I have also attended several meetings (virtually, of course), turned in several key deliverables and send enough e-mails to make everyone else in my work sphere feel like they're the ones who are slacking off, and I pretty much feel like I've got it going on. OK, granted, at week 33, I have gained the same amount of weight I gained with my last pregnancy all totaled, but still...I am ROCKIN' this whole balancing act of motherhood and working. At least, for today I am. Tomorrow could be a whole different story.

Week 26 My Life...by Liimu

If they would just stop arguing…three girls, constant chatter, constant arguing and bickering…but when they get along it’s so much fun to watch. So much fun to hang out with them. I am really glad to be their mom and really looking forward to watching them grow up. And right now, as they are all snuggled in my bed watching Animal Planet, I feel pretty proud and serene.
This morning, I was talking to my sister – a mom of two boys – and began to realize just how unprepared I am for this little man about to join our ranks. I have no idea how to change a little baby boy’s diaper, other than to know that it is going to be very different than changing a girl. I’ve never had anyone pee in my face, for one thing. I also have NO boy clothes, have no boy linens, no boy toys (hold your jokes, please)…heck, we don’t even have any front runners for names right now. (OK, we do…but hubby won’t admit it.)

Part of the interesting challenge of having three children and being pregnant with a fourth is that life is happening at such a rapid pace taking care of them all (not to mention working and taking care of our marriage and ourselves), there’s not a whole lot of time leftover to prepare for the new one.

Along those lines, I thought I might share a week in the life:

Wednesday:

School let out at 11 am due to a sudden power outage. I was in a meeting from 11 to 12, and when I got out of it, there were 8 messages on my cell phone, including four frantic messages from my 8-year old who had managed to borrow a phone from a friend on the schoolbus. Dad, our sitter and I all ran around in circles and converged on the bus at the same time.
After getting a solid couple hours of work in, we take Amelia to CHOP (again) to see the geneticist. Four hours later, after painful bloodwork and a trip to the hospital cafeteria, we are finally on our way home. My night is just beginning, as I have to make up the hours of work I missed due to the early dismissal and late dr’s appointment.

Thursday:

Midwife appointment. I spent 30 minutes waiting, 5 minutes being examined, and 30 minutes deconstructing why I’ve gained so much weight in the past six weeks. Our brilliant conclusion: the 500 calories I was no longer burned at the gym, combined with the 500 extra calories I was eating might have something to do with the 2 pound a week weight gain I was averaging. Someone suggested maybe I needed a weekly dr’s appointment to be required as a cover for getting out on the trail to run. Not sure if it was me or the midwife.

Saturday:

Took Amelia to gymnastics, only to find that she no longer wanted to do it because it was too hard. She can’t do the headstands, the somersaults or really anything at all without assistance. Having all the parents watching didn’t make her any more interested in pushing through the discomfort. My emotions ran the full gamut between frustration at her unwillingness to commit to yet another activity to full-blown tears as I realized that it wasn’t her fault and wasn’t likely to get better anytime soon, given the fact that the geneticist didn’t anticipate having an answer to what may be causing her problems for several months, at best.

Sunday:

Finally went to the gym with all three girls and managed to eke out a 1.5 mile run. First good workout in a long time, and I’m sure my talk with the midwife had something to do with it. In the afternoon, we settle in, bundled up in our warmest scarves and coats, to watch Autumn’s last soccer game. At last!

Monday:

After working all day, I dodge out early to meet the sitter and Amelia for her x-rays, as ordered by the geneticist. Our insurance requires us to go through our local hospital, so after waiting for an hour and a half (outside the room because I’m pregnant and am not allowed in with her), they present me with a CD that I have to figure out how to get to the geneticist. It’s taken much longer than I anticipated, so I have to rush right from there to pick up Autumn and take her to her soccer party, where she receives her first trophy and I eat tomato pie and beg off participating in the parents vs. kids soccer tournament. I frantically e-mail the teachers with whom I have parent/teacher conferences to see if we can reschedule to the following day. Thank God for modern technology.

Tuesday:

I have worked out three days in a row, hurrah! I get up later than I normally would and leave half of the morning routine to hubby, but it’s worth it. I feel like I’m at least doing my part to keep the weight gain in check. I work a few hours then head out to parent conference #1. She’s doing great, hurrah! No time to relish this fact – I come home, work a few more hours then head out to parent conference #2. She’s doing great – talks too much. (Yeah, I know – multiply that by three and welcome to my world.) Back home to work some more and get a head start on this blog.

And is it any wonder I don’t have time to think about preparing for this baby? Thank God it’s not due till March. I promise I will start to think about it after Christmas is over.

Week 17...The Brawn - by Liimu

So, last week I promised we would talk about The Brawn. It probably won't surprise anyone to hear that my focus couldn't be any farther from that. I'm not the slightest bit interested in gracing the cover of any magazines bearing my pregnant belly, a la Demi Moore and Vanity Fair. My relationship with exercise has changed, much in the way my relationship with my weight has changed, with this pregnancy.

I am exercising regularly again. I made a commitment to myself that I would slog through a two-mile run at least 4 days out of the week, however clumsily, and then tack some weight training onto the end. Yesterday, the whole thing took me a half hour. Today, I was at the gym for over an hour and actually felt some soreness in my muscles. It felt good. And I realize that feeling good is what exercise is all about right now. I could use whatever endorphins I can get, basically. And after I exercise, I feel all glowy and beautiful. Why wouldn't I do something that makes me feel like that?

I guess I want to share this stuff with you guys because it applies whether you are pregnant or not. You're beautiful if you say you are, if you feel like you are, if you strut like you are. Similarly, whether you are pregnant or not, you will benefit from making the time to exercise. Hell, I'm working 60-70 hours a week right now, holding down the fort with three kids and have one on the way, and I'm finding time to work out - even if it's just for a half hour - not because I'm trying to lose weight (clearly) but because I know it will make me feel good. And I'm not leaving that to anyone else but me. So, if I know there's a guaranteed way to get my day started off right (or finished off right), I'm damned sure going to do it. And if I don't, and I feel all yucky and bloated and blah, I have no one to blame but myself.

Give it a try. You make time to shower, to brush your teeth, to help your kids with their homework, to make dinner, whatever it is you've decided is a priority. Get yourself back on that list and see how much more you get out of every single day when you add a half hour of exercise. You'll be surprised how much more you can do when you've got an extra spring in your step.

OK, nuff said. Don't mean to preach. Now I have to keep working out so I don't look like a hypocrite. Or a hippo. Tee hee. Is anyone reading this, anyway?

Good night, all...

Week 15...On Pregnancy Weight Gain by Liimu

I know, I know, we all get sick and tired of thinking about our weight, complaining about our weight, obsessing about our weight, and during pregnancy is the one time we won’t, don't, shouldn’t have to worry about it, right? WRONG.

My sister Skyped me a couple nights ago to say that someone had told her that the average pregnant woman only needs an extra 200-300 calories a day, and did I know that? Well, when I didn’t Skype her back (I was asleep – it was well past my normal pregnancy bedtime of 8:30), she worried that I got so pissed at her raising the issue of how much I should eat during pregnancy that I’d decided not to ever speak to her again. Seriously. It is that big an issue for many of us.

I’m not going to lie – my pregnancy weight gain stories have been pretty melodramatic, from the pregnancy where I gained 25 pounds by my first 8-week appointment (pregnancy #1 – I gained 90 pounds in all), to the one where I gained a mere 40 pounds (I weighed myself daily and worked out 5 days a week). I have run the full spectrum between not giving a single rat’s patootie to being borderline obsessive compulsive.

Last time I checked, we moms begin worrying the moment we pee on the stick. Is it really two lines? Is the second line too faint to really count? Will I miscarry? Should I have the amnio? Should I tell my boss? Will my husband still find me attractive? Will he mind if I don’t want sex? Will I be a good mom? Do we have enough money saved? Enough stuff for the nursery? Did I pick the right nanny/day care? Should I stay home with my kids? Will they welcome me back into the workforce if I take time off to be a mom? Will my kids resent me if I don’t? And on and on and on…So, do the doctors really have to add this little nugget into the mix, something over which many of us have so little control, especially when more than half of us are puking our guts up and just happy to eat whatever we can keep down and the rest of us are wishing we would puke already because we just spend the entire day feeling like we’re going to and eating is the only thing that seems to take away the nausea?

What I have come to believe is that as mothers, whether seasoned or first-time newbies, we have enough to worry about without adding some arbitrary guidelines about something we may have little control over into the mix.

Let’s take the 200-300 calories guideline, for example. I don’t know about you guys, but when I’m in my normal every day mode, I’m generally pretty diligent about how I’m eating and exercising. That means, I’m dieting. Pretty much all the time. OK, that’s not for everyone, I know. It’s not something I’m proud of, but I’m just being honest. So, what I want to know is, when they say 200-300 extra calories, one would assume that’s on top of the regular maintenance caloric range of 2000 calories a day, not the Liimu-I’ve-been-dieting-since-I-was-9 caloric range of 1500-1600 calories a day. So, that means that by their standards I should be averaging between 2200-2300 calories a day. That’s significantly more than I’m used to, and about where I’ve been landing (at least since we entered the 2nd trimester and I stopped feeling like Sigourney Weaver in alien, except in my case the alien was going to gnaw it’s way through to the outside of my stomach, rather than popping out in a dramatic, scary burst).

And how about the guidelines around weight gain? I just read something today that said I should have gained about 5 pounds by now. Hopefully, they mean give or take 15 pounds. Seriously, though, I read a post on one of the pregnancy boards by a woman who weighed less than 110 pounds pre-pregnancy and when she went to her doctor for her 12-week checkup she had gained 6 pounds. He completely chastised her, saying for her entire pregnancy she should only gain 23 pounds. Where the hell did he get THAT arbitrary number? And honestly, there’s a part of me that feels like there should be a prerequisite for OB/GYNs to make commentary on the weight gain of their patients, unless they’ve been pregnant themselves or have seen their wives through at least three pregnancies. Otherwise, it should be like in the doctor’s office. You can not say anything derogatory or stress-inducing about the pregnant woman’s weight without a qualified nurse in the room, and by qualified, I mean she’s had a baby.

I’ve had three children, and have gained 90 pounds, 40 pounds and 65 pounds with them, in that order. Ironically, my first child just turned 8 years old and is nearly 5 feet tall and wears women’s size 8 shoes. She gets her incredible height from her dad and she’s not the slightest bit overweight. As for my second daughter, the nearly 7-year old with whom I gained the “ideal” amount of weight? A peanut. She’s in the 25th percentile and is barely an inch taller than her not-quite-4 year old sister. Not sure if there’s a correlation there, but I certainly intend to keep my eye on it. If this baby is tall enough to qualify for the NBA by the time he starts high school, I’ll get my answer.

And by the way, when I got pregnant with this child, I was within 5 pounds of my pre-first pregnancy weight, just like my mommy friends who gained 20-25 pounds with their pregnancies. My body knows what to do. It’s proven that time and time again. I’ve never had gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, preeclampsia or any other weight-related issues with my pregnancies and my children are happy and healthy.

Last time I checked, that was really what matters the most.