A Fond Farewell...by Liimu

No, I'm not done blogging and my weight loss journey is certainly still ongoing. I'm not going anywhere any time soon. So, what am I saying "Farewell" to? To dieting and all my diet paraphernalia. I deleted all my apps, tossed all my magazines, even cancelled my "Biggest Loser" season pass.

Part of becoming an intuitive eater is letting go of the diet mentality. It's funny, because there's a saying in recovery that in order to successfully achieve sobriety, you have to let go of any reservation in your mind that you might one day successfully drink again. Similarly, successfully becoming an intuitive eater means letting go of any reservation that you might one day successfully diet again. Fortunately for me, I have experience with doing this in sobriety and know firsthand that adopting this mentality of full surrender really does work and leads to success. So now, I just have to apply this to intuitive eating.

For the first few months, I did harbor a reservation - I felt like if this "intuitive eating thing" didn't work out, I could always hop on a diet and lose the weight real quick. That has changed. This "intuitive eating thing" is now the only thing. It's more important to me, even, than the weight loss, which I now see as a likely by product of successfully becoming an intuitive eater. I look forward to that happening, but am even more thrilled to be freed from the bondage of the dieting/binging cycle. For example, this week I learned how to sense my own fullness during a meal and how to stop before I hit fullness - that is, to stop eating once I was no longer hungry. CRAZY, man. I can't even tell you how long it's been since I've done that at one MEAL (unless the food was gross) let alone, an entire week of eating.

When I stopped smoking, one of the tricks I used to stay stopped was to identify myself as a "nonsmoker" as much as possible. So, here I am now, becoming a new person once again - an intuitive eater who simply doesn't diet.

Post a comment if you want more information on intuitive eating. I'd be happy to help you begin your journey!

New Year - New Format!! The Journey Continues...by Liimu

So, my new commitment to this journey of learning how to lighten my load, so to speak, in a healthy, intuitive way is going to be very interesting. At least, to me, anyway. I thought I would just jot down my thoughts throughout the week in a much more personal way. I hope you don't find it to be overkill. I am really excited to share with you as I transform into my best possible self in the most loving, intuitive possible way.

Thursday:

Thank God the holidays are almost over. I can start to feel myself getting back into my own groove after several days at my mother-in-law’s house, where there were literally counters covered with cookies, brownies, pies and cakes. I fell into the habit of eating a cookie or two here and there every time I went into the kitchen. It added up. By the time we checked out of the hotel, I was feeling bloated and no longer positive that intuitive eating was going to work for me. I did hang in there with the whole thing and resisted the temptation to resubscribe to Weight Watchers, call and beg my trainer to take me back, or attempt the Master Cleanse for a week or two. I even got to the gym a couple times, thanks to having the company of my nine-year old – don’t be alarmed, we just walked on the treadmill and did a few jump squats and ball crunches.
Back at home, I apparently needed some extra rest, because I slept until 10 am on Thursday and ended up just doing a little bit of exercise here and there throughout the day – jumping rope for a minute, 25 squats in the shower, that type of thing. It’s unorthodox, and much different from the 90 minute workouts I used to push through, but it felt right.

Friday:

I’m feeling much more solid, much more on my game. I ran across a wonderful blog called Deliberate Receiving that really helped me get back on track with what I need to be doing to stay the course of intuitive eating. Essentially, the first and most important thing to do is to avoid processed foods and any chemicals you can’t pronounce. I presented my kids with my new food philosophy: “If you can’t read it, don’t eat it.” (They are willing to try adopting it, but I’m not going to force the issue. Just a gentle reminder now and again.) As for me, it was very easy to stay on track with intuitive eating by following that simple philosophy. I can really complicate things and so I need to find ways to keep it simple. I thoroughly enjoyed the choices I made today – shrimp gumbo, Ezekiel bread with peanut butter, extra veggies at dinner instead of bread. Yum! I also enjoyed intuitive exercise – on the way to the gym, I turned to my daughter and asked if she’d rather go for a walk along my favorite trail. We ended up walking 3 miles, with a couple 8-minute intervals of walking and jogging. Later in the day, she suggested we walk to the playground to meet her sisters, rather than drive. She even suggested a couple bursts of running along the way! While at the playground, I actually joined them in a game of tag, rather than sitting on the side reading on my iPhone, like I usually do.

The Law of Attraction is law and it is working. My weight loss journey has finally begun.

Saturday:

Happy New Year! My family celebrated the new year in style at Dave and Buster’s. I was underwhelmed by the nasty buffet that offered cheap chicken nuggets and mini pizzas, and not a vegetable in sight unless you count salsa or ketchup. I did manage to work up a sweat on the Dance Party Fiesta video game, however. Yay, me.

Sunday:

I kept my promise to myself of trying at least one of the recipes using my Christmas gifts from Hubby – the Best SlowCooker Recipes cookbook and a top-of-the-line Set and Forget crockpot. Tonight, I made sweet potato soup. Tomorrow, I plan to make easy chicken and rice, which is a meal my mom used to make and I used to love. Not sure my kids will be into it, but so what – at least I’ll have a nice hot lunch option. Tomorrow starts my resolve to start eating natural sugar only, at least for awhile. One more week till I check in on the scale. I have done a great job staying away from it, at my trainer’s suggestion. I do look forward to seeing how I’m doing from that perspective.

Monday:

I’m about to get my period. I realized this in a quick bathroom moment of meditation after about two hours of feeling like everyone in my house was completely annoying and out to make my life miserable. I finally realized that the common denominator was my complete lack of tolerance for any of them. I also remembered that this feeling of intolerance, combined with the feeling that I’ve suddenly expanded to twice my size, and the extra couple of zits that are no longer the norm thanks to my steering clear of hormone-laced dairy products, could only mean one thing. I’m probably still a week away from relief, but I am feeling the hormonal shift.

I guess with that thought in mind, the small amounts of chocolate I consumed today should be considered commendable, and huge progress over years, even months past. I also made it to the gym and had a pretty respectable workout. So, all that to say – it’s ON, folks. I am officially on my game.

Tomorrow, I meet with the nutritionist. Cannot imagine he will tell me anything I don’t already know, but my friend Joan from the gym swears by him, so who am I to think I know it all? I am nothing if not teachable.

Tuesday:

Met with the nutritionist today. He’s a smooth one, that John. I tell him my diet and he notices that I usually have no snack between breakfast and lunch and an extra snack at night. After quite a long conversation about the benefits of eating sooner after waking and not letting more than five hours go by without eating – so as to keep the metabolism from slowing down – he tells me that as long as I eat a structured diet, I should be fine. Although it would be better if I could eliminate one of the two nighttime snacks. In other words, I should eat three meals and three snacks, spaced 2-3 hours apart. Brilliant. Why have I never heard that before? Oh yeah…I have. To be fair, it really hit home with me this time and seemed like a reasonable request. So, I’m trying. I’m noticing that I could work on my portions. Baby steps.

Wednesday:

I’m doing really great. Making small changes, working out nearly every day, even got my water intake up to four liters today. I went to the gym for a workout class today and I actually didn’t hate what I saw in the mirror. I still look pregnant to me, but according to one of the trainers at the gym who’s certified in prenatal instruction and assessment, that’s partly due to the fact that I have ab separation, also known as diastasis recti, which is a common occurrence after having children. Mine is fairly severe, so I am limited to only certain ab exercises (no crunches – only planks and leg lifts) until it closes up. Hopefully that will also help lend me the appearance of a smaller waist. Either way, I was pleasantly surprised to see changes happening in my body when I scanned the workout room, which for some evil reason is walled in mirrors. Doesn’t the fact that we are paying to workout suggest that we might not be vain enough to want to be able to see our thighs jiggle from every possible angle?

The other thing that’s been helping is that I’ve been working out a lot with my sister lately. She and I had an opportunity to try this cool new product, “Cool Off,” a post-workout wipe that’s individually wrapped and is small enough to fit several in your purse. My skin is very sensitive, so I had a slight allergic reaction to the alcohol in the product (hoping they come out with an alcohol-free version). My sister, however, really loved the scent and said it left her feeling refreshed enough to squeeze in a couple of errands before heading home for a shower. You can get them on Amazon or directly at their website.

Next week’s update - the post-holiday weigh in!! You don't want to miss it!

Dear Sugar...by Liimu

I think I've figured out why my weight loss has been so slow going. I'm enmeshed in a toxic relationship that is undermining all my best efforts. No, it's not with my husband, or my trainer, or anyone from my family of origin.

It's with sugar.

Sugar and I have had an ongoing love affair for many, many years now - since as far back as I can remember, really. As a child, breakfast was Cookie Crisp cereal, lunch was peanut butter and fluff sandwiches followed by a marshmallow scooter pie for dessert. I couldn't go to sleep without a kiss from my mom and bedtime snack, which was usually a heaping bowl of ice cream. Every birthday was celebrated with cake and ice cream. Boo boos were made better with a lollipop. Holidays were marked with tables heaping with sugary treats and stockings bulging with candy. One year, my sister and I even gave each other our own stockings so our sugar high could last twice as long.

Six years ago, I realized that sugar had a nasty hold on me when I found myself losing the train of conversation as my own thoughts drifted to whether I could grab another bowl of ice cream without anyone commenting. The struggle to moderate only led me to late night binges on anything I could get my hands on, even if the only thing I had in the house was sugar-free ice cream sweetened with chemicals that left me with a terrible stomachache, a nauseating chemical aftertaste, and a mortifying flatulence problem.

I managed to give up sugar in favor of natural sweeteners for several years, but picked it up again during my last pregnancy. It's no coincidence that nine months post-partum, I still haven't lost many pounds beyond what I lost in the first few weeks after I left the hospital. It's time to admit that my love affair with sugar is what's keeping me apart from my beautiful pre-pregnancy body (see photo at right, if I do say so myself).

So, it's time to write the goodbye letter. The other day I was exercising with my 9-year old and she asked me why my dear friend, who had a baby 5 months after I did, has already returned to her pre-pregnancy weight. I told her it was because she worked really hard and gave up treats for a few months. She said, "Why don't you do that?" And I said, "I'm going to. I'm going to give up sugar for awhile. In fact, I'm going to write it a nice goodbye letter." "Really, mommy?" she giggled. "Yes, really."

So here it is.

Dear Sugar,

I suppose this won't really come as much surprise, since what we've had hasn't really ever been good and we're both much happier when we're apart. Well, maybe it will come as a surprise to you - after all, we've been keeping up appearances of being happy together over the past year or so. But the truth is, Sugar, this just isn't working for me. I'm not happy. It's not you - it's me. I know you'll make someone else very happy, but I just lose myself when I have you in my life. I get so consumed by you - thinking about when we can be together, and howI can prolong our time together, and how I can make it work when it really doesn't feel healthy. I try so hard not to admit the inevitable fact - that I'm really unable to resist you and that loving you is keeping me from doing the things I really want to do in life - like run faster and more often and strut my sexy stuff all over the stage and maybe most important of all, have great sex with my husband. You're just dragging me down and I've got to let you go.

I'll think of you often, I'm sure, and I might even write you again to let you know how I'm doing. But please stay away from me and know that once we make this break, I intend to keep my distance from you as well. I will have lots of support, and will be surrounding myself with people and things that are healthy for me, to make the transition easier. I will always love you, but I love myself more.

Take care,

Liimu

So, there it is. A new chapter - I'm optimistic. I can do this. I've survived more difficult breakups than this one. And others before me have released sugar from their lives and lived to tell the tale. If they can do it, so can I.

Week 6: Distance Running and Weight Loss by Liimu

First, let me apologize for getting your hopes up if you ended up at my blog after googling "distance running and weight loss." Truth is, my experience has been that distance running alone does not lead to weight loss. It leads to increased hunger and a false sense of security, which if I'm not careful, results in weight gain rather than loss.My connection between distance running and weight loss has more to do with how similar the journeys are. I was running 8 miles this past Sunday, admiring the beautiful trail, adorned with trees of the many colors of the changing leaves, the sounds of the Wissahickon as it babbled alongside me as I ran. I had a momentary tug to try to run faster, get a better overall time, which I quickly dismissed.

I have learned over the years of distance running that if I run a pace that's too fast for me I will quickly get discouraged and either need to stop or at best, feel like I'm struggling through the entire run. If I get the pace right, I feel like I could run forever. And at the end of the run, I have the same sense of satisfaction from having completed the run. Moreover, I often find that my pace is almost exactly the same as it would have been if I'd pushed it harder.

I realized as I jogged along that my weight loss journey is very much the same. If I go at too fast a pace (3-4 pounds a week), I have an unrealistic expectation that I should be able to maintain that pace and then when I can't I get discouraged and stop. The whole point is to finish the journey - to get to my goal weight - and I'll get there faster overall if I just pick a reasonable pace that I can sustain and just keep going no matter what. Pick it up when I hit a downhill slope (maybe when I'm feeling high energy and there are no holidays or birthday parties to deal with) and hunker down and really focus when I'm facing an uphill climb (like this next couple of months).

Anyway, it's really helping me to feel good about my 1-2 pound a week weight loss. In fact, the more reasonable the pace of my weight loss, the more encouraged I become because I know it means I'm doing things in a healthy way that's sustainable for the long haul. I know that I will get there if I just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

BodyFIT update: One thing that was really neat this week about BodyFIT is that I was totally dragging one day and my BodyFIT told me I had only gotten 6 hrs of sleep! I thought I had gotten more, so it definitely explained my dragginess.

In other BodyFIT news I'm still setting new personal records - my new overall calorie loss record is 3,854 calories in one day and my new overall sleeping record (same day) is 8 hrs 42 min. Oh, and I logged over 22,000 steps!!! How about that?? I'm struggling a little bit with wearing it all the time, but I sure am loving the motivation of tracking how much I'm burning on a regular basis and how well I'm doing from a calorie deficit perspective. You can get your own BodyFIT armband at www.bodymedia.com.

What Goes Up, Must Come Down...by Liimu

Nine months up, nine months down...that's what they say. So, when I was coming up on Max's six month birthday (it was yesterday), I decided it was time to get serious about losing this baby weight. I asked Robin Gorman-Newman if it would be okay for me to chronicle my weight loss journey for all of you. I mean hey, I shared with you guys all the ups, downs, ins and outs of the pregnancy. Why not share with you all the sweat, blood and tears of becoming my best self after the fact? I promised Robin I would also share all the idiosyncrasies of raising four kids and feeding them and a 6'2, 230 pound husband while trying to eat clean and workout like a maniac.

So, here we go...WEEK ONE

The day before my journey began a friend asked me if I was on a diet, almost as if she expected me to say yes (maybe because I've spent most of my life either on a diet or cheating on one). This time, my answer was a solid and resounding "NO." Now, it just so happened that I hadn't actually started my Dreambodies journey - yesterday was Day 1, as you know. But to be honest, even if I had been asked the question after I started, my answer would have been the same.

I don't believe in dieting anymore. We've all read the magazine articles that talk about the fact that diets don't work, and I believe that to be true. It doesn't work to go "on" a diet, because that presupposes that eventually you will go "off" the diet. In my case, my period of being "off" a diet more than counterbalance any of my good dieting efforts.

All that being said, though, my reason for being so convicted about not being on a diet when my friend asked me had less to do with the efficacy of diets and everything to do with the Law of Attraction. The fact is, I am done with perceiving myself (and being perceived) as someone who has to diet in order to have a great body, beautiful skin, and tons of energy.

So, I am not on a diet. I am on...

A MISSION.

I am stoked to be on Dreambodies, because I basically get my marching orders - daily meal plan, workout, etc - and then I don't think about it anymore. If I feel myself weakening, I send an e-mail to my trainer and he e-mails me right back with an answer to my question, words of encouragement or a virtual kick in the pants.

I am on a mission to become a leaner, stronger version of myself, better even than before I got pregnant.

I am on a mission to show my daughters that motherhood, aging, and fierce beauty don't have to be mutually exclusive.

I am on a mission to reclaim the inner vixen, inner goddess, inner Betty Boop that I have carried with me all these years but only in small spurts have been released to the outside world.

I am on a mission to follow through on my commitment to myself, my health and my children's desire to have me around for a long time.

I am on a mission. Feel free to come along for the ride. :)

Weight Loss and The Law of Attraction (oh, and Money and Abundance, too)...by Liimu

Both because my blogging day is nearly half over and because I recently downloaded and listened to Esther and Jerry Hicks "Think and Get Slim," I am inspired to share a blog I posted to my own site, Recreating Liimu, not long ago.

While I am still waiting for the scale to show the numbers I want to see, I remain as confident as ever. I recently ran 5 miles outside ofr the first time, and just a couple days ago ran 2 miles in 20 minutes! That's my first time running my old 10 minute pace I was happy to be running before I got pregnant. I am SO happy with that because I know I will be ready for the half-marathon in November.

I have really made some significant progress since I had little Max. My body has definitely toned up and I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of June, more than 30 pounds overall. I still have 40 pounds to go, but I know the Universe is going to suck that off of me with the quickness. One reason I know this to be true is that I have experience with affirmation prayers of abundance working WELL and now all I have to do is come up with an equally powerful prayer around my weight loss.

The abundance is prayer is amazing. Since I have been saying it consistently, I have been seeing contracts that were already for a good amount of money get DOUBLED by the client, have seen checks come in weeks early that were for thousands more than I expected them to be, have seen small projects pop up out of nowhere for work I've already completed. It's amazing - like magic.

I have a friend who is skilled in the Law of Attraction and she swears that since she figured out how to apply the Law of Attraction principles to her weight loss, she now has the figure of a Victoria's Secret model. She says what she does is to put on the best music she can think of (for me, that's currently "Moves Like Jagger" by Maroon 5), gets all into an uber happy state of mind and then and ONLY then, she envisions herself at her perfect weight.

I know for a fact that I have been disallowing my ideal body to manifest by making the mistake of thinking and talking about weight loss from a negative mindset. Only starting today, I have started getting really excited about the fact that I KNOW the Law of Attraction works, so it absolutely has to work in this area if I am diligent about keeping my thoughts and words positive.

I know how it feels to be in really good shape. I know how it feels to be eating healthy and exercising, to look in the mirror and like what I see. I know that's right around the corner. I'm just going to focus on how good it's going to feel when I get there. I have seen it work with regard to manifesting abundance. Now it's time to see it in action with regard to achieving my ideal body. Oh, and case you're wondering, it looks like THIS:

Week 35...Perspective...by Liimu

So, I guess the theme for this week is perspective. Is the glass half full or half empty? Am I lazy or finally slowing down and resting for the last month of this pregnancy? All I know is I'm finding it harder and harder to find the energy to even get up in the middle of the night the 18 times a night biology forces me to do so, let alone summon the additional energy to don my workout clothes and get a nice workout in before I start my day.

What I do know is that I'm tired, tired, tired. I have been trying to stay positive in these posts, have tried to keep them well-rounded, not just about my fixation on how much weight I've gained or even what pregnancy symptoms I'm currently experiencing. But this week, I just can't help it. It's pretty much all I'm thinking about. How much weight I've gained, how quickly I can get it off, will I have to resort to liposuction to do it, and if so, how much will said liposuction cost? Ok, I haven't really gotten to where I'm thinking about liposuction to get the pregnancy weight off. At least not any time soon. But you get the point.

OK - I started writing that last night and first, I have to say I feel MUCH better this morning. How's that for perspective? That being said, I still feel huge. So, I'm gonna lay it down for you guys.

I cannot WAIT to get back in my groove again. For those of you who didn't know me pre-pregnancy, here's a pic. I LOVE being a girl, and love wearing clothes that show my curves. I'm not looking to be perfect or plastic . For now, I'm looking to get back to where I was. Although, if I'm being honest, I do have to admit that I have looked into the cost of liposuction and even have a library of before and after pics and places that can do the surgery.

I'm not saying that I'm going to do it. I'm not saying I'm not. If I were to do it, it wouldn't be until the kids are older. I know I'm not trying to have to worry about the recovery associated with liposuction post op with three young children and a newborn. But it is out there as an option in my mind if exercise and diet alone don't do it for me. I am a hardcore exercise fiend. I LOVE running and lifting weights and non-pregnant, I do it 5-6 times a week without complaining. I eat healthy without denying myself occasional treats. But let's face it, after four children and with 40 in my rear view mirror, I might need a little extra help to get back to what I looked like (and didn't appreciate) when I was in my twenties before I had kids.

For now, though, I'll be happy to get back to this. Here is a picture of me from last year this time. Boy, what a difference a year makes, huh? Now, PLEASE don't get me wrong. I am SO happy to be having another baby. I'm so thrilled and feel so blessed to be having a healthy boy to add to our family of girls. I almost cannot believe it's happening, and I fully intend to enjoy being a new mother again just as I have enjoyed this pregnancy. I have eaten healthy but enjoyed indulgences. I have worked out, but taken it easy when my body has told me it's time to slow down (like now...I can't even get my butt to the gym anymore). And to be totally honest, this pregnancy has taught me a lot about how to not be in constant diet mode. I think now that there is sometimes as much value in a hot bath as there is for a good workout. It might not burn as many calories, but I believe that I have struggled sometimes with losing the last ten pounds just because of how much I WANTED to do it and how stressed out I was about it. I have learned, during this pregnancy, how to relax without giving up the entire goal.

So, my friends, although this phase of my life - the pregnancy - may be nearing it's close. The story is FAR from over. And I look so forward to sharing the next chapter with you!

Hare Today, Here Tomorrow - by Liimu

It is such a beautiful and sunny day and I’m so grateful to have the life that I have today, especially when I think about how far I’ve come. Sometimes, though, I have to be conscious of where I’m going, and how fast I’m trying to get there. Like the tortoise and the hare, I can often be so focused on going, going, going, that I burn myself out and then end up missing the entire point of the journey.

I have a friend who I have known for many, many years. She and I have traveled along together in the journey of becoming our best selves, including losing weight. In fact, I met her online on eDiets, and over the course of time as we became friends, we began to see each other in person and then she moved to live 5 min from me. She saw me gain 90 pounds with my first baby and lose 70 of it in the first 7 months. She saw me quickly get pregnant with my 2nd child, less than 9 months after the birth of my first, and then lose the 45 pounds I gained in less than a year. She has essentially seen me work my ass off, literally. But what she has also seen are three things: She has seen me workout diligently 5-6 days a week since she has known me. She has seen me workout at that pace, regardless of how heavy I am; in 2008, I ran a half marathon tipping the scales at 196 pounds (I am 5’5”). She has also seen that no matter how hard I try, if I am not paying attention to what I eat, I can’t make any forward progress and that often if I work too hard, I burn out and then eat everything in sight, essentially undoing any progress I may have made.

What I have seen in her, if nothing else, is unerring consistency. Initially, she consistently was unable to make any forward progress. Last May, she joined me on a program that I absolutely believe is one of the top fitness programs available today, an online nutrition and fitness program called Dreambodies. Where other programs that touted the benefits of counting points, using meal replacement shakes, or getting in-person counseling and pre-packaged meals had failed us, Dreambodies seemed to have the perfect formula for success. When my friend saw that I had blasted out of the gate yet again and lost 30 pounds, she finally acquiesced and signed up herself. She saw immediate results, and now, a year later is within just a couple pounds of her goal. I still weigh the exact same amount that I did the day she signed up. With her unerring consistency and dogged persistence, she has surpassed my success and gotten even further along the journey, just like the tortoise passed the hare sleeping at the base of the oak tree sabotaged by his overeager start (and overconfident arrogance). I am learning from my friend what it means to be consistent, and the value of patient persistence.

Until yesterday, I was focused on and frustrated by my lack of ability, instead of being motivated and inspired by my friend’s unique constancy and how it has served her. Finally, in these last couple of days, I have noticed my energy and shifted it to a positive mindset and I have realized that if I can learn from her example and exhibit the same consistency, faith, positivity and courage (and keep track of what goes in my mouth), I will break through the barrier of self and have the same wonderful success she is now enjoying.

Yes, this week I’m thinking about the tortoise and the hare and how sometimes the world looks at the hares of the world and celebrates their slick, fast moves – Nicole Richie lose the baby weight in 6 weeks! Kim Kardashian loses 5 lbs in 5 days to get back at her ex! And maybe I’ve been the hare in this whole thing up till now, and it’s done nothing to get me where I’m going. Hare today, here tomorrow, as if I’m the one sleeping at the base of that old oak tree. But I’m awake now and ready to hop alongside that tortoise at a nice, even pace. So, big shout outs to the tortoises of the world. Thanks for reminding us that slow and steady wins the race!