Dear Sugar...by Liimu

I think I've figured out why my weight loss has been so slow going. I'm enmeshed in a toxic relationship that is undermining all my best efforts. No, it's not with my husband, or my trainer, or anyone from my family of origin.

It's with sugar.

Sugar and I have had an ongoing love affair for many, many years now - since as far back as I can remember, really. As a child, breakfast was Cookie Crisp cereal, lunch was peanut butter and fluff sandwiches followed by a marshmallow scooter pie for dessert. I couldn't go to sleep without a kiss from my mom and bedtime snack, which was usually a heaping bowl of ice cream. Every birthday was celebrated with cake and ice cream. Boo boos were made better with a lollipop. Holidays were marked with tables heaping with sugary treats and stockings bulging with candy. One year, my sister and I even gave each other our own stockings so our sugar high could last twice as long.

Six years ago, I realized that sugar had a nasty hold on me when I found myself losing the train of conversation as my own thoughts drifted to whether I could grab another bowl of ice cream without anyone commenting. The struggle to moderate only led me to late night binges on anything I could get my hands on, even if the only thing I had in the house was sugar-free ice cream sweetened with chemicals that left me with a terrible stomachache, a nauseating chemical aftertaste, and a mortifying flatulence problem.

I managed to give up sugar in favor of natural sweeteners for several years, but picked it up again during my last pregnancy. It's no coincidence that nine months post-partum, I still haven't lost many pounds beyond what I lost in the first few weeks after I left the hospital. It's time to admit that my love affair with sugar is what's keeping me apart from my beautiful pre-pregnancy body (see photo at right, if I do say so myself).

So, it's time to write the goodbye letter. The other day I was exercising with my 9-year old and she asked me why my dear friend, who had a baby 5 months after I did, has already returned to her pre-pregnancy weight. I told her it was because she worked really hard and gave up treats for a few months. She said, "Why don't you do that?" And I said, "I'm going to. I'm going to give up sugar for awhile. In fact, I'm going to write it a nice goodbye letter." "Really, mommy?" she giggled. "Yes, really."

So here it is.

Dear Sugar,

I suppose this won't really come as much surprise, since what we've had hasn't really ever been good and we're both much happier when we're apart. Well, maybe it will come as a surprise to you - after all, we've been keeping up appearances of being happy together over the past year or so. But the truth is, Sugar, this just isn't working for me. I'm not happy. It's not you - it's me. I know you'll make someone else very happy, but I just lose myself when I have you in my life. I get so consumed by you - thinking about when we can be together, and howI can prolong our time together, and how I can make it work when it really doesn't feel healthy. I try so hard not to admit the inevitable fact - that I'm really unable to resist you and that loving you is keeping me from doing the things I really want to do in life - like run faster and more often and strut my sexy stuff all over the stage and maybe most important of all, have great sex with my husband. You're just dragging me down and I've got to let you go.

I'll think of you often, I'm sure, and I might even write you again to let you know how I'm doing. But please stay away from me and know that once we make this break, I intend to keep my distance from you as well. I will have lots of support, and will be surrounding myself with people and things that are healthy for me, to make the transition easier. I will always love you, but I love myself more.

Take care,

Liimu

So, there it is. A new chapter - I'm optimistic. I can do this. I've survived more difficult breakups than this one. And others before me have released sugar from their lives and lived to tell the tale. If they can do it, so can I.

Post-Partum Transformation - Week 7 by Liimu

This week I came up against the first day in what I call the Diet Disaster Trifecta (DDT), which includes Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. As someone who has been known to gain 10 pounds in a four-day holiday weekend, I do not take the DDT lightly and decided to go into this year with a solid plan. The plan was this: each day in the DDT is exactly that: one day. I plan to allow myself an indulgence on each of those days, but unlike other years, I will not allow them to straggle into the days that follow ending up with a holiday binge that lasts a week or more and completely obliterates all my post-partum weight loss efforts of the past several months. I have memories of years past where I developed a nightly habit of going to the freezer one (or several) times a night for one (or several) frozen miniatures. Or following Thanksgiving eating lunches AND dinners that were a repeat of our Thanksgiving spread for days on end, including the dessert! Not this year.

I’m happy to say that with one of the trifecta holidays behind me, it seems to be working. I enjoyed an indulgence in Halloween candy on Halloween night, but I had eaten healthy the rest of the day and there was very little impact to my overall efforts – I’m still losing at a rate of about a pound to a pound and a half a week. Slow but steady progress, and I’ll take it!

It also helps that I’m training for a half marathon. I ran a marathon six years ago and have had an ongoing tradition since then of running the Broad Street 10-mile run every spring and a half marathon every Fall, with the exception of the two times I’ve been pregnant during the past six years. The ridiculous amount of running I do to prepare for these events definitely helps offset these holidays. I ran 9 miles last Sunday and will be running 10 miles this coming Sunday (hence, the 20K+ steps I’ve been logging on my BodyFIT armband).

That brings me to my BodyFIT update: I’m still enjoying tracking my exercise and sleep on the BodyFIT armband. I did have to take it off for my gig this past Tuesday night (I’m in an original band – feel free to follow me on Twitter or on Facebook. It definitely motivates me to workout more. I love going into my long runs with my armband on, knowing the vigorous activity I log for the day is going to be off the charts. When I was recently interrupted during a workout by an unexpected meeting, knowing I wouldn’t hit my exercise goals for the day helped motivate me to get back to the gym later in the day. If you haven’t gotten your BodyFIT armband yet, check it out at the BodyMedia website. It would make a great Christmas present to anyone on your list, even you!

My Post-Partum Weight Loss Journey by Liimu - Week 4

Well, we are in week 4 of this weight-loss journey and I am AMAZED at how the Universe is providing me with so much to support my success! First, I've decided to provide an update on how I'm tracking to target on a monthly basis. It's week 4, so it's time for an update!

Week 4 loss: 5 pounds

Post-partum pounds left to lose: 40 pounds (P-40 and counting...)

Second, big thanks to Robin Gorman-Newman for giving me this vehicle to say accountable at a very public level. It definitely has helped me to right my boat when it's tipped over during this process. I can say with conviction that I am now sailing along downstream toward my beautiful, pre-pregnancy body (or better). Not only has this blog been an essential part of my success, but Robin has also pointed me in the direction of wonderful products that I'm given the opportunity to review to see how they may help me along the way.

One product I am so incredibly excited to have been given the chance to review is the BodyMedia FIT armband. The FIT armband is a wearable armband that tracks calories, activity and sleep patterns, and it has an online activity manager that measures calories burned and calories consumed, sleep patterns, steps taken, it tracks all that to the overall goals set to keep me on track to my goal of being at goal at just about the same time Max celebrates his first birthday.

I LOVE IT! It is SO me. While the site wasn't entirely intuitive and the quick reference guide didn't give much help in how to use the Activity Manager online (it was more focused on how to get started), I did finally figure it out by using the online tutorial and now I am hooked! I have customized my activity goals to match how much I generally work out so I'm realistic about how much I need to eat, calorie-wise, and I sync up with the activity manager a few times a day to make sure I'm staying on track with my goals. It took a little while to get used to having an armband on all the time (and I felt like a bit of a dork at the gym because I had the armband on one arm and the iPhone on the other) but I slept in it last night and it didn't bother me, and for the most part I can forget I have it on now that I've gotten used to it. And, it's slim enough that you can't see it under my clothes, so now that we're in colder weather I'm pretty much the only one who will know I have it on.

What I plan to do is have a BodyMedia FIT update every week to let you know how I'm doing with staying on track with my BodyMedia FIT goals, and then we'll see how that aligns with the success I'm having on the scale. All in all, I am REALLY psyched to have the opportunity to try this out. I knew when I saw the Biggest Loser contestants wearing something similar that I would be hooked if I ever got the opportunity to try something like it, and dang if I wasn't right! If you want to learn more about it, or if you want to get your own, go to http://www.bodymedia.com/ or click here.

OK, the other thing I want to share with you guys is what a wonderful experience this has been for my family. I shared last week that my daughter said she wants fruit for her next birthday. This week, she said she wants to start to eat healthier on the weekend, and even admitted that she loves cucumbers and if I cut some up she'd eat them as an after-school snack. I made it a point to cut up cucumbers and put them in a baggie the very next day. She has yet to eat them, but I still feel like it's progress. Maybe I'll see if she wants some for her school snack today.

Well, that's all for now. Time to finish syncing the armband, wake the kids, run four miles and then get off to work. I look forward to giving you next week's update - hope to see you then!

What's in My Arsenal? by Liimu

So, after a rocky weekend galavanting around Wildwood feasting on boardwalk munchies, I am back on track this week. Hey, it happens. Don't judge me.

I realized that one of the things that makes the difference between a good week and a not-so-good week is whether I've prepared myself for the week with food and beverages that support my healthy lifestyle. One of the things I have in my arsenal is green tea extract. My trainer has me putting it in my water and I drink 4 liters a day. He still says I can't get enough, as far as he's concerned.

This week, I had the opportunity to try a new green tea product that's on the market, called Tea's Tea. They have sweetened, lightly sweetened, and unsweetened. As I'm trying to limit my sugar intake, I opted for the lightly sweetened and the unsweetened. The unsweetened jasmine green tea tasted very pure - like hot tea that had been chilled, and I was thrilled to find that when I added a splash of liquid stevia, it tasted just like Arizona Iced Tea (do they still make that stuff?). The lightly sweetened was totally yummylicious, and is made with just a little bit of raw cane sugar. The drinks are all natural, organic, and best of all, caffeinated. I now have something new in my arsenal other than coffee to kickstart my workouts and it is yummy and it is green tea, people!

Tea's Tea is sold at Whole Foods, Wegmans, Safeway, among other stores for $1.99, just slightly more than spring water. You can also check it out online at http://www.teastea.com/. I will definitely be buying it on a regular basis. I love it!

Week 2 - Birthdays and Bloodwork by Liimu

We have eight, count them, eight birthdays in September. And I hate to admit that birthdays are pretty much sugar all day long in our house, from the donut with a candle the birthday girl/boy gets first thing in the morning all the way through to the cake of their choice at night. I have resisted the temptation throughout all these birthdays but I swear I came close tonight. Cold Stone Creamery actually makes a cake with whatever candy you want inside the ice cream. I call it "Devil Cake.".

Despite my resolve, my second weigh in was anti-climactic to say the least. I don't know if it's because I am what they call AMA (advanced maternal age) or if there's something wrong with my thyroid (I had bloodwork this morning and should know for sure by the weekend) or if the nibbles of pretzel goldfish here and there are wreaking more havoc on my program than I'd like to admit. All I know is that I had my baby over six months ago and I have lost a grand total of 30 pounds and that is including the initial post partum loss of 17 pounds. So in five months I have lost a whopping 13 pounds. That stinks. After my other kids, I lost that in a month. The last time I worked with this online trainer, I lost twice that in a month. So I am frustrated to say the least.

That's the bad news. The good news is that my eldest daughter is paying close attention and making some good choices of her own. She gave up the last bit of donut this morning (first time for everything) and she even said that next year she wants to have fruit instead of cake, I told her we didn't have to be extreme, that it's ok to have cake every once in awhile. Her response, "But mom, fruit tastes really good!"

So, maybe this new healthy lifestyle of mine (which is what I call it, rather than a "diet") is having some positive influence I hadn't even foreseen going into it. Either way, there's no turning back now. I am committed to this thing until I get my cute little body back. (Though I do secretly hope maybe something's wrong with my thyroid that good old-fashioned western medicine can fix.)

Week 2: Clean House or Clean Mind? by Liimu

I have had people suggest in the past that I clean my house of all junk food, both to make it easier on me and to encourage my kids to not eat junk, ever. Personally, I don’t think that’s realistic. Junk is everywhere in our society. It just is. You can’t drive down a highway in the US without hitting a McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts. You can’t watch a television show without seeing an advertisement for Dairy Queen or Chuck E. Cheese. In 2009, over $4 billion dollars was spent in marketing to children by the food industry. Amidst all that unhealthy noise, I would like my kids to feel like they can still be healthy, active and overall in good shape without having to be completely sheltered from it. I want them to learn how to have it in moderation, how to increase their activity to counterbalance it, and feel comfortable making a choice to have it one day and not the next.

It seems to be working.

The girls have an account in their cafeteria and the first year they were there, I randomly monitored it and found that not only were they abusing it – ordering chips, rice krispie treats, ice cream every day, even an extra lunch one day that was eaten in favor of the one we had sent with them to school, which was deposited in the trash! We had a sit down and a conversation about it and I explained to them the importance of eating healthy and said that if they needed more snacks, I’d be happy to pack something. They said that would be good and I did pack them each two snacks every day – one healthy, one not as healthy (e.g., string cheese and a bag of baked Doritos).

Last week, I got a notice from the school that their accounts were low. I thought they had high balances at the end of last year, so I got worried. When I went in to check, how thrilled was I to find that all they’d been ordering was milk to go with the lunches we’d sent them? My honest opinion is that they are making healthy choices because they are armed with the right information and given the freedom to make choices. Plus, they are not forbidden anything, they are just encouraged to make good ones. So heartwarming to see.

The same applies to me this week. I would love to work out for two hours every day, it’s not always possible. And I would love to either be surrounded by nothing but healthy options or be able to succumb to every craving (the yummy looking oatmeal cookies at this meeting, for instance). Not an option.  Instead, I either forego the items or put them in the freezer to have on a high-activity or cheat day (like the birthday donuts from Sunday).

Monday through Wednesday this week, I had meetings that kept me from getting to the gym where food was brought in that could have derailed my efforts. I have made some very healthy conscious decisions to counter that challenge:

(1) I brought food with me all three days so my food has been crazy clean.

(2) I have kept up with my water – I am currently on liter #3 today, and managed to get four liters in yesterday and the day before.

(3) I have been meditating in the evening and throughout the day to keep a positive mindset, knowing that a few days off from working out can be a good thing if I keep my mindset right. Not only will it give my body some much-needed rest, it will fuel my efforts tomorrow and Friday because I will go even harder in the gym when I finally get back there.

Like I encourage my children to do, I’m doing what I can to counterbalance the lack of activity. Bringing my food and foregoing the junk the meeting facility offers, drinking my water, and logging my food. On Sunday when I ran five miles, I let myself have a bite of an Auntie Anne pretzel because I knew I had run the calories to offset it. I like to think that they are following my lead.

So, I will just keep being the best possible example to them for how to make healthy choices with regard to eating right and exercising, not to mention staying positive. I can’t always control the course of my day or the temptations I’m faced with, but I can certainly arm myself appropriately to ensure the best and healthiest possible outcome for me.

What Goes Up, Must Come Down...by Liimu

Nine months up, nine months down...that's what they say. So, when I was coming up on Max's six month birthday (it was yesterday), I decided it was time to get serious about losing this baby weight. I asked Robin Gorman-Newman if it would be okay for me to chronicle my weight loss journey for all of you. I mean hey, I shared with you guys all the ups, downs, ins and outs of the pregnancy. Why not share with you all the sweat, blood and tears of becoming my best self after the fact? I promised Robin I would also share all the idiosyncrasies of raising four kids and feeding them and a 6'2, 230 pound husband while trying to eat clean and workout like a maniac.

So, here we go...WEEK ONE

The day before my journey began a friend asked me if I was on a diet, almost as if she expected me to say yes (maybe because I've spent most of my life either on a diet or cheating on one). This time, my answer was a solid and resounding "NO." Now, it just so happened that I hadn't actually started my Dreambodies journey - yesterday was Day 1, as you know. But to be honest, even if I had been asked the question after I started, my answer would have been the same.

I don't believe in dieting anymore. We've all read the magazine articles that talk about the fact that diets don't work, and I believe that to be true. It doesn't work to go "on" a diet, because that presupposes that eventually you will go "off" the diet. In my case, my period of being "off" a diet more than counterbalance any of my good dieting efforts.

All that being said, though, my reason for being so convicted about not being on a diet when my friend asked me had less to do with the efficacy of diets and everything to do with the Law of Attraction. The fact is, I am done with perceiving myself (and being perceived) as someone who has to diet in order to have a great body, beautiful skin, and tons of energy.

So, I am not on a diet. I am on...

A MISSION.

I am stoked to be on Dreambodies, because I basically get my marching orders - daily meal plan, workout, etc - and then I don't think about it anymore. If I feel myself weakening, I send an e-mail to my trainer and he e-mails me right back with an answer to my question, words of encouragement or a virtual kick in the pants.

I am on a mission to become a leaner, stronger version of myself, better even than before I got pregnant.

I am on a mission to show my daughters that motherhood, aging, and fierce beauty don't have to be mutually exclusive.

I am on a mission to reclaim the inner vixen, inner goddess, inner Betty Boop that I have carried with me all these years but only in small spurts have been released to the outside world.

I am on a mission to follow through on my commitment to myself, my health and my children's desire to have me around for a long time.

I am on a mission. Feel free to come along for the ride. :)

Thank Heavens for Little Girls, and Big Ones Too...By Liimu

I have a theory. I believe that the size of my kids directly correlates not with their weight at birth, but rather with how much weight I gained during each pregnancy. When my eldest daughter was born, she weighed 6.5 pounds and her thighs were so skinny, I could circle one of them with my thumb and middle finger and have finger left to spare. Now, at 8 years old, she wears a size 7.5 women's shoe, is nearly 5 feet tall and weighs as much as many of my friends. I gained 90 pounds when I was pregnant with her. 16 months later, after gaining only 45 pounds, I gave birth to her sister, who weighed in at a respectable 7.5 pounds, but had not reached Devon's 2-month length by her 4-month birthday. She is 7.5 years old now and shares clothes with her 4 year old sister.

I've tried to explain this to my 8 year old when she complains that she wants to lose weight (sad, but true) because she wants to weigh what the other girls in her class weigh (75 pounds, vs. her 110). I try to explain to her that she is growing at exactly the rate she has her entire life - which is literally heads and shoulders above her peers. I tried to explain that when she was 6 months old, she wore 12 months clothes, and when she was 12 months old, she wore 2T, and when she was 2 years old, she wore 4t, etc. Nothing has changed. I tried to explain to her that as long as she stays active and makes healthy choices, she will continue to be healthy and beautiful. I try to set a good example for her of how to do just that.

My sister pointed out that there is one thing I could do better than I'm doing now, which is to set a good example for her around loving and accepting myself. I realized recently that the extent to which I have been pushing myself to get back to my prepregnancy weight quickly (like all those freaking celebrities do that are all over the tabloids - think Penelope Cruz), I have been sending a conflicting message to the love-yourself-you're-perfect-just-the-way-you-are message I've been trying to send her since she saw her first class photo that looked like she had taken a wrong turn from the elementary school and ended up in a day care center. Much the same way my beautiful 8-year old daughter is built to be closer in size to her 12 year old cousin than her 7-year old sister, I'm built to make big, strong healthy babies by having big strong, healthy pregnancies. Love it, deal with it, accept it and get over it. And just as sure as she will blossom into a statuesque beauty in her teens and adulthood, I know for a fact I will be back to my beautiful, sassy post-partum self in no time. I've done it before (three times!!), and I will definitely do it again.

So to all my girls all over the world, whether you're 4'10" or 5'10", whether you gain only 10 pounds when you're pregnant or you gain 100, I challenge you to love and accept yourself as you love and accept your children, your nieces, your mothers, your sisters and your friends. I challenge you to hold yourself to the same firm but gentle standard of healthy eating and activity you would want your daughters to follow. I will not force myself to workout for an hour every day anymore than I would force my children to. But I will try to find ways to be active. And if it's a beautiful day and I've been working on the computer all day, I will say to myself, "hey, get outside for awhile!" just like I would say it to my kids. And when I reach for that second piece of cake, I will lovingly ask myself if I'm really still hungry or just wanting to taste a little bit more, just like I do my kids - and if it's the latter, I promise myself that I can have it again in a day or two (and I even put it in the freezer so I can do just that).

It was a huge epiphany for me to realize that (a) I'm doing a pretty good job managing the beast of insecurity that threatens to take hold of my girls and (b) the one area where I can improve is to slay the beast within myself.