Happy Birthday to Me! — by Margaret Hart

In about 24 hours I'll be another year older, and hopefully another year wiser.  As for my age? Well...it seems like just the other day when I'd jokingly say that I was 29.  These days, I'm perpetually 39. I figured it was about time to add a decade. 

I'm flattered when people tell me I don't look my age. Sometimes I get that "deer in headlights" look when someone finds out and just doesn't believe me.  In fact, one of my physicians always remarks on my age when I see him:  he glances down at my chart whenever he's about to write me a prescription, looks up at me and just shakes his head in disbelief.  "You have good genes," he always tells me.  I hope that my outward youthful appearance parallels an equally youthful inward condition, because I'd like to stick around long enough to see my son have grandchildren.

But staying healthy takes so much work.  And I never thought I'd hear myself saying this, but some things really do start to go as one ages.  It's true that it gets harder to keep the body  you had when you were 20.  Workouts at the gym are harder now.   But it's satisfying to see that I can keep up with the 85-year-old-woman at the Zumba class!  

Memory is another area that gets old as you age. There was a time when I could remember everything  I needed to do in my head. I never needed a list and I didn't need a calendar except when I was working. Now I always make a list.  I am the queen of lists.  Actually, some people make a living developing lists for other people. So that's not such a bad thing.

As I get older, I've been frustrated with my vision. It was always 20/20, but now I need glasses to read. I know that's not so bad, but when you've gone your whole life not having to wear glasses, it's maddening to not be able to read close up. Good thing my son is reading like crazy now. He helps when I can't find my reading glasses, and I need to know long to cook something in the microwave! 

The silliest thing, I think, is when I get in the car and start to drive, and suddenly I can't remember where I was going in such a hurry!  This might also have something to do with multi-tasking, and trying to do too much! Sound familiar?

So for this birthday, I'm making a promise to myself to slow things down a little. I'm going to enjoy being taken out to dinner by my family, and I'll be thoroughly surprised with the cake that I know is coming.  I'm sure there will be a cute little present or home-made card from my son, and I'm excited to see the joy on his face when he gives it to me. 

Last year he gave me a beautiful necklace with several different colored sapphires in it (with assistance from daddy). He picked it out for me, he explained, because it reminded him of a rainbow.  I don't remember much else about my birthday's past, but I remember the story about the rainbow. That's all I need on my birthday.  A rainbow.

  

I’m so Verklempt! - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Definition: Verklempt - a Yiddish expression of being overcome with emotion.

Living in the outskirts of New York City, and in a predominantly Jewish neighborhood, I hear this Yiddish expression quite often. I believe it was even used in a Seinfeld episode once to explain Elaine’s overwhelmed state of mind! I, too, am verklempt! There really is no better word to use to explain this complex feeling. A mixture of anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, maxed out of your energy, bordering almost at feeling unable to cope. That’s Verklempt!

A couple weeks ago, I wrote about the upcoming changes summer would bring. Particularly the ending of school and beginning of day camp for my son. Well, I dug out and through the pool bags. Tossed the old sunscreens, bug sprays, etc., restocked with fresh supplies. Dragged out the old, ratty towels and wrote my son’s name on them with black, permanent laundry marker. I found his camp shirts from previous years and was thrilled that the small ones just fit! I even bought these great stick on clothing labels to put into every item my son needs to take to camp. Here I was, thinking I was way ahead of the game until today, the first day of camp. Now I am verklempt with emotion thinking of all that still needs to be done! Starting with a fresh load of laundry!

My son came home with a soggy backpack filled with his wet towel and soaking wet bathing suits. Uh oh...forgot to send in plastic bags to put the wet items in. Oh well, no harm done. I’m sure the backpack will dry out by tomorrow morning. Then, as I was tossing my son’s wet bathing suit and SPF shirt into the washing machine, I realized that although I have enough bathing suits to get my son through a full week, I do not have enough SPF shirts!! I bought the only ones my son will wear (due to his sensory disorder) at a greatly reduced price, at the end of the season last year, but only purchased a few. I need at least 10. And at the peak of the season, this brand of SPF shirts are outrageous in price. They are seamless...they have no seams at all. It is the seams that bother my son to the point where he will just rip the shirt off and not bother to apply sunscreen on his exposed skin. So do I risk my husband’s wrath and shell out the money to buy shirts I know my son will wear? Or do I buy less expensive shirts, have them worn once and then tossed aside, only to be given away to someone else? Oy, I’m so verklempt!

Then we come to socks. Again, with my son’s sensory issues, he will only wear socks from one particular store. I have gone to 3 of these stores and looked on their internet site, only to find out that they are completely sold out of every color except black in my son’s size. My son has to wear a blue shirt to camp every day...couldn’t they have at least had blue? No blue at all. Only black. So I bought several pairs of black hoping others would think they were very dark blue. Oy vey.

Our next issue is my son’s upcoming birthday party in about a month. I still have to address and send out the invitations. I bought some of the party supplies. But the biggest issue is regarding one friend my son wants to invite. My son adores this friend. My husband loathes this kid due to some past indiscretions. My son has been begging my husband to invite this friend. My husband is literally threatening me with legal action if I invite this kid. Aghhhhh!!! Verklempt, verklempt, verklempt!!! Where is Calgon when you need it to take you away??

And, of course, why don’t we top it off with my son’s “birthday wish list.” I must admit, my son has very good taste. However, every item on my son’s list costs at least $50!! I tried to gently explain to my son that most people cannot afford to spend that amount of money on a birthday gift. It’s not sinking in. My creative son has come up with 100 different ways that guests can chip in and buy my son what he wants. I tried to explain that you can’t “tell” guests how to go about giving you the gifts you want. Guests make their own choices and you just have to hope to get what you want...or at least close to it. My son is just not “getting” it. He is “hyperfocused” (see last week’s blog for definition) on what he wants and only what he wants!!!! I’m so verklempt!!!

Since none of these things is a major catastrophe, only a miscellany of inconvenience, I think a dose of perceptiveness is really all I need. I mostly went through my son’s closet and replaced the heavy clothes for the lighter ones. I’m packing up my son’s second grade work and boxing it up to look through in the future. The one thing I haven’t quiet gotten to fully is my own closet. The cashmeres are still mixed among the sleeveless cotton shirts. But I did identify many items to give away. I also purchased some new summer clothing that will actually fit, so progress is being made.

I think I just need to sit down to a nice, cold iced coffee and bagel with just a shmear of cream cheese. That oughta do the trick!

Didn't We Almost Have it All ... by Liimu

Sometimes I buy into the falsehood that I can have it all. And sometimes I buy into the falsehood that I can't.

Let me explain myself. As I get older, I realize that whether or not I can have it all undoubtedly depends on what I perceive "it" to be. In my younger years, it was an insanely successful career as a movie star and headlining act at Madison Square Garden, along with a dutiful but alpha male husband with model-quality good looks and 6-pack abs, as well as equally dutiful children - 3 or 4 of them, at least one boy. I would also have clean and friendly relationships with all of my family of origin and an enviable relationship with God. Oh, and lots and lots and lots of money.

It was my birthday on Sunday. There have been many, many birthdays where I found myself incredibly disappointed because I didn't get what I wanted, even though I didn't even know what it was that I wanted. This year, I was pleasantly surprised to not receive very many tangible gifts at all. Instead, I was given the gift of a full-night's sleep by my husband, followed by a beautiful "Happy Birthday" serenade by the whole family. As I wiped the sleep out of the corners of my eyes and took in the scene - painfully handsome husband, three beautiful (and incredibly precocious) daughters and an unexpected miracle of a son - I felt myself choke up with pride and joy. Later, as I skated around the roller rink with my 7 and 5 year old at a birthday party and we laughed and laughed as they fell again and again and we sang our favorite pop songs as loud as we could, I felt it again. This is "it," I thought. This is joy. At the end of the party, someone actually recognized me as the girl who had sung with Patti Labelle. I had even slipped a little bit of fame in there a few years ago when I had my moment on the stage in front of 10 million viewers.

Years ago, sitting at dinner with my hugely successful (and incredibly unhappy at the time) brother, he was pressing me to reach for the stars, to push to be the greatest, the best, at whatever I chose to do. To crush the competition, to be NUMBER ONE! I turned to him and said, "If that's your dream, that's fine. But it's not mine. My dream is to be happy.

There "it" is - the all I had been hoping for. I am living the dream - the one I had given a voice to so long ago. And it may be true that I don't have the car and driver, the personal chef (and personal trainer), the millions of dollars in the bank, the paparazzi following my every move (yet). But I do have it all. I have all I ever wanted - and more. And as long as I keep that in perspective, I always will.

You are Invited to Attend - by Cara

My son’s birthday was this past Friday. We had his birthday celebration on Saturday, which happened to also be MY birthday! It was at a gorgeous local pool, and the weather was the best we have had in weeks! Warm enough to swim; cool enough to relax in the shade, and no humidity! We had a perfect birthday on a perfect day!

What irks me, though, is that I have found that year after year, I always have to hunt down parents who fail to respond to the invitations I send out. I always send them out about a month before the party date, because I know families are busy during the summer months, or go away. I additionally put not only my phone number, but also my e-mail address on the invite so that for someone like me, who has limited time to chitchat, the parent can send out a quick e-mail message indicating whether their child can attend or not.

This year was the worst. Not only did I have to make multiple calls during the week before the party, the parents whom I did get in touch with gave me some of the most ridiculous responses. For instance, one Mom said that she would have to get back to me closer to the day of the party because if the weather was nice. She wanted to take the family to the beach. When I mentioned that adults were welcome to swim at the pool and that her son could even bring his brother along, she said she still was not sure. She ended up e-mailing me late the night before the party to say that her son couldn’t come.

Then there was the Mom who said that her daughter had a party to go to on the same day and that if her daughter wasn’t having fun at the first party, she would leave that party and come to my son’s. She never showed so I assume her daughter was having a good time at the other party.

And finally, one mother wanted to know if another particular child was going. She said that she would not let her son go if the other boy would be attending, because the two boys don’t like each other. When I said that the other boy’s parents hadn’t responded yet, she said to give her a call when they do, and that if the other boy was not coming, she would let her son come. (Incidentally, neither boy came because I never heard back from the first one, so I didn’t have any information to give the second one.)

There were also the no-shows. Mom’s who said that their sons would definitely be there but ended up MIA. And there were no follow-up calls indicating why the boys didn't come! To make this particular incident even more outrageous, one family happens to live six houses from the pool!! I just don’t get it.

Has the world become so bogged down with so much to keep track of that they can’t leave a simple message on the phone or through e-mail? I will give one Mom a little credit. She called me back very quickly after I called her home to see whether her daughter would be coming to the party. She apologized profusely and said that she had the party invitation in her pocketbook with the intent to RSVP, but the invitation got swallowed up inside her bag. At least she was carrying the invite around with her!

Until I can figure out a system that will work better, so that I am not scrambling to put goody bags together at the last minute with an undetermined head count, I guess I’ll be flying around, flapping my wings to make sure that I have everything ready, no matter who shows up or not. And I do want to thank those parents who actually did RSVP in a timely manner! One Mom even offered to come early and help set up! Two thumbs up for that Mom! Although I did decline her generous offer.

In the end, as stressful as putting a party together can be, the most important thing is that the kids had a great time! My son was ecstatic, and I had a terrific birthday, chatting with many of the Moms who are also my friends, while basking in the glow of my son’s happiness!

What more could I ask for on my birthday??

My Son is Turning Seven! - by Cara

It all began 7 years ago, on a Tuesday evening at exactly 9:20 pm - according to my watch next to my bedside. I was reading a book, a Harry Potter book in fact, thinking, “It’s okay if I start this book now, I’ll have plenty of time during maternity leave to read the rest of it while the baby sleeps.” Well, my baby had other plans. And Harry’s story was left unread.

I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy. Especially considering that I was an “older” maternity patient at 39 with my first pregnancy. I saw my high-risk doctors regularly. I never developed gestational diabetes, which they all thought I was doomed to get. They also thought I was headed for pre-eclampsia (dangerously high blood pressure in a pregnant woman) since my blood pressure was slightly elevated at the start of my pregnancy. Never happened. In fact, about the only significant thing about my pregnancy (except for periodic night legs cramps which make you want to scream bloody murder at the top of your lungs as you massage the cramp out), was that I had real, but random, contractions, starting at 34 weeks gestation. The doctors wanted me to reach 37 weeks gestation so that the baby’s lungs would be fully mature, so I was placed on “modified bed rest” and went to the doctor’s office every other day to undergo fetal monitoring.

I met their goal of 37 weeks, but I wanted my son to be born closer to 40 weeks. See, his due date was 2 days before my 40th birthday. I wanted him to be my 40th birthday present. I would never need another present again for my birthday for the rest of my life! I wanted him to be IT! However, I also didn’t want him to be born ON my birthday. I wanted his birthday to be his and his alone. I didn’t want him to feel that he had to “share” his special day, even with his mother. I prayed that he was not born after me, because then the excitement of celebrating Mommy’s birthday may overshadow his own, especially at the age he is now - the grade school years. When birthdays are magical and completely eventful and young children want it to be THEIRS, and theirs alone!

My daily prayers were finally going to be answered that fateful Tuesday evening, August 5th, 2003. My own 40th birthday was 2 days away. At 9:20pm, the first of many contractions began. I didn’t wake my husband because I knew he needed the rest for the long day ahead. So I monitored, and practiced my labor breathing techniques all night long. Finally, around 5:30 am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I needed my husband to call the doctor. Our son was ready to be born! Oh how I prayed he would be born that day, Wednesday, August 6th!

After 23 hours of labor, 3:45 minutes before my 40th birthday, at 8:15 pm, my gift arrived! A gift like no other I have ever had or ever will have! And he came on the best day possible, the day before MY birthday!

Every year since, when I celebrate my son’s birthday, it is as if I am celebrating my own! The planning of his parties, the invitations, the party favors, the balloons!! I have not one ounce of resentment nor care that my own birthday is the one overshadowed or overlooked! This is EXACTLY what I wanted! So…to my son who will be celebrating his 7th birthday this Friday, Happy Birthday, my precious, beautiful, amazing boy!! I love you with all my heart, and much more! My gift!

Seven -- by Robin

My son turned 7 this week. Time sure flies.

I went to school on his birthday to celebrate with his first grade classmates. It was very sweet. I brought ice cream cups, juice and Oreos. My mother in law came as well, and we read books to the kids. In honor of Seth, we chose two fire truck-theme stories, and he couldn't be happier.

We took photos with other students and the teachers, and I whipped out my new handy Flip camcorder to give it a try.

We hung up decorations at home and went out to dinner, where he ordered a decadent chocolate mousse dessert, and we sung to him as he blew out the candle.

I asked him the day after how it felt to be 7, and he thought about it for a second, and said "good." It made me smile.

This weekend is his birthday party, and we're looking forward to celebrating with friends. While I find party planning a bit stressful...so many details....especially since I was organizing the class visit as well....it's great to have a happy occasion to celebrate.

My last blog related to my ailing senior dad, and his return to the hospital is looming in my mind. So, this was a welcome, positive break. And, he'll be coming to Seth's party Sunday, and hopefully, even if for a short while, he can let go of his constant downbeat health-related thoughts. I was disappointed that he didn't call Seth on his birthday, but I know he's mentally caught up in his health issues, as his stent procedure is this coming Wednesday. He can't get it done fast enough, and I will once again be on edge.

It was actually nicer than I expected to have my mother in law come to Seth's class. She is a hugely judgmental person, and isn't always easy to be around in that regard. My husband and his brother were pleasantly surprised to hear that she read a book to the kids. I told him that I kinda didn't give her a choice. I handed her the book, and said "why don't you read this next book." And, she rose to the occasion, and I actually think she enjoyed the interaction with the children. For a fleeting moment, I found myself picturing her reading to my husband when he was Seth's age, assuming she did that. And, I wondered if it took her back to that place too?! Her son, my husband, will forever be her baby, as will Seth for me, even though he's growing up fast.

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY Seth! We love you high as the sky sweetie!!


PS -- It's not too late to register your kids for Winter/Spring Classes! Check out The Little Gym of Port Washington in NY. Say Motherhood Later sent you and receive a 10% discount.

Happy Birthday, to Me... -- by Jamie

It’s my birthday today. Or, as I like to call it every year, the start of my “birthday month.” I love my birthday, and this year, as I launch a new decade, it seems like more of a reason to celebrate than ever. Weeks ago, as this milestone day was approaching, and Jayda became involved in the party planning and discussions of all the festivities, she asked me, “Are you going to be 2-1/2?” I answered, “No,” and with resounding enthusiasm, informed her, “I’m going to be FORTY!” “Wow!” she responded. But since she can only count up to 20, she really has no idea of the magnitude of this birthday. I have, however, raised her to understand how important birthdays are, in general, thanks to my own upbringing. My parents always made (and continue to make!) a huge fuss over me on my birthday, and I do the same for Jayda. My daughter knows that a birthday equals tons of attention—and is intended to be a perfect day filled with presents, fun activities, and cupcakes, of course (or, in a worse-case scenario, a sheet cake with tons of gooey icing).

When I was a child, on the night before my birthday, after I’d gone to bed, my parents would hang a string of balloons outside our house, from the front door to a tree several feet away, “announcing” my birthday to the whole neighborhood; they did this for my siblings—and for themselves, too—as it was (and still is!) a Levine-family tradition. Every year, when I woke up on the morning of my birthday, I’d look outside my window and see the balloons, and smile. It’s amazing how happy and hopeful those balloons could make a person feel—even a 40 year old.

For children, birthdays are often all about parties, presents, and treats—and who can blame them? Personally, I fondly remember going to ToysRUs with my mother and picking out all kinds of toys for myself as an annual birthday tradition. I also remember my deliciously messy make-your-own sundae parties, Carvel ice cream cakes, candy-filled piñatas, and staying-awake-all-night-long slumber parties with a houseful of giggling girl friends.

But as an adult, birthdays take on new meaning. Some people choose to ignore their birthdays; I like to embrace them. On one level, I think it’s important to acknowledge—and celebrate—having lived another year. And while it’s true this has been an unusually challenging year for me—full of plenty of ups and downs—I do still have so much to be grateful for—namely, my daughter, Jayda. It would have been heartbreaking for me to reach the age of 40 without having become a mother, and I’m so thankful I made the choices I made, and was able to have a child on my own, almost three years ago.

On a more selfish level, I simply love the idea of having one day (or one month?) out of the year that’s focused on celebrating me! Because let’s face it: I like the attention. I don’t need presents. I don’t need expensive dinners out. It’s not about money being spent on me…but really the thought that counts. I simply enjoy having people calling me, sending me cards, and wishing me “Happy Birthday!” Of course, this year, I did want a slightly bigger deal: I wanted my friends and family to “really” celebrate with me. Which is why I decided to have a party. Fortunately, my incredibly generous parents helped me organize it, and I had wonderful friends who were able to eat, drink, and be merry with me. It was a great way to kick off my birthday, which I hope will be filled with all the phone calls, emails, and attention I crave—from loved ones around the country, and the globe. I just want people to remember me—and to continue to celebrate with me—as I turn 40, and beyond. That’s all this birthday girl really needs. Because birthdays—like life—should be filled with loving friends and family, happiness, a little sugar, and a few nice surprises along the way.

Birthday Dreamin' -- by Robin

What have you dreamt about doing that you wish you could make happen?

A friend raised the question this week, as I pondered how to celebrate my birthday this summer. This summer? - you're probably saying. I know...I'm thinking WAY ahead, but time goes fast, and it is important to me. I want to mark this particular occasion in a way that feels as satisfying as possible.

Why? Because I'll be hitting yet another milestone. Reaching another decade. And, while I'm grateful, it is a bit hard to swallow, I must admit. I can't quite say it out loud yet. February 11 will be my half birthday...not that I'm counting. :)

So, what to do? How to make it a super cool occasion? One where the excitement outweighs the fact that I feel like I'm aging.

One friend suggested I consider a retreat or spa visit to Tuscany. Sounds tempting.

Another gal mentioned Prague and Berlin. I am interested in Prague. Don't know much about Berlin.

I, myself, am curious about a retreat I had read about in Sedona. But, it will be scorchingly hot there in August.

So, I bought the book 1,000 PLACES TO SEE IN THE USA AND CANADA BEFORE YOU DIE....and I'm perusing it nightly. (I should buy an edition re: overseas as well, if there is one.)

I read about an annual art show in August in Laguna Beach, CA that struck a chord. But, do I really need to go to CA for an art show? (one friend pointed out.)

The same friend suggested I might look at the website Homeaway.com where you can sublet someone's residence, thereby making it a more authentic experience than staying in a hotel. And, maybe I'd want to do that and get a place in Manhattan? she said. I had shared with her that I always regretted not having had the experience of living in the city back in my single days, and perhaps and this would satisfy that urge and curiosity?!

So, I started browsing the site and came upon on a couple of apartments that readily grabbed me. What part of town would I want to stay in? And, what's it like to sleep in someone else's bed? I'd bring my own Egyptian cotton Ralph Lauren sheets, no doubt. And, I am picky about my mattresses. I hate memory foam. I'm a pillow top kinda gal, but I wouldn't be toting my own feather bed, so I'd have to be accepting. The older I get, the more I appreciate my own creature comforts. Would I want a terrace? A gym? What else? Air conditioning for sure, in summer.

It would certainly be an adventure, and I could use that.

There are so many neighborhoods in Manhattan, each with a distinct feel. Do I have a favorite? Depends on what you want to do I guess.

I like Chelsea. I love the West Village. But, how would I want to spend my days and nights, aassuming I'd be there alone? I'd have to arrange child care with Marc, my husband, for Seth....if we can swing it. No doubt he wouldn't be entirely thrilled, but hopefully he'd respect and somewhat understand my need for this experience.

I adore theatre. I'm thinking I might want to be in the Times Square area and see lots of shows.....though some shows play downtown too....and I'm not wedded just to Broadway.

I'd like to consider taking a class. Definitely shop. Eat out. But, if I were to act as if I live there, what would my daily existance be? Certainly I'd bring my computer, as I'd want internet access. But, I wouldn't want to be on the web as much as I am now because then I'd just be in the apartment all the time and defeat the purpose of being in Manhattan.

Would I plan out my activities in advance? That would make sense. How long would I go for? A week?

It's something to think about. And, it does kinda get me excited, which is the whole idea.

Is it crazy, though, since I live in NY? Would I wish I went overseas once my birthday passes? Maybe I can just celebrate the whole year and take various trips (if we could afford it)? Now, that's a thought.

And, how would it feel if I'm in the city (or anywhere) without Seth and Marc? The point would be to reconnect with myself and a desire I've always had. I'm sure I'd miss them...but it could be a good growth experience....and hopefully we'd all appreciate each other all the more once reunited. That's not a bad thing.

Who knows?! One day, when we're empty nesters, Marc and I might get a place in the city. I do think about that. Though, there is something to be said for having a lovely community summer pool and being surrounded by trees as we are in this neighborhood. But, life in the suburbs isn't always stimulating (to me). I suppose there's no one entirely perfect place, which is why some people have summer homes.

In the meantime, one can dream, and I'll be doing a lot of that between now and August.

Stay tuned. And, feel free to share any ideas with me! Or you own personal experiences about how you've marked birthdays to make them feel extra special. I'd love to hear them.

Dedication to My Son Turning 6 - by Cara Meyers

It all began 6 years ago, on a Tuesday evening at exactly 9:20 pm - according to my watch next to my bedside. I was reading a book, a Harry Potter book in fact, thinking, “It’s okay if I start this book now, I’ll have plenty of time during maternity leave to read the rest of it while the baby sleeps.” Well, my baby had other plans. And Harry’s story was left unread.

I had a relatively uneventful pregnancy. Especially considering that I was an “older” maternity patient at 39 with my first pregnancy. I saw my high risk doctors regularly. I never developed gestational diabetes, which they all thought I was doomed to get. They also thought I was headed for pre-eclampsia (dangerously high blood pressure in a pregnant woman) since my blood pressure was slightly elevated at the start of my pregnancy. Never happened. In fact, about the only significant thing about my pregnancy (except for periodic night legs cramps which make you want to scream bloody murder at the top of your lungs as you massage the cramp out), was that I had real, but random, contractions, starting at 34 weeks gestation. The doctors wanted me to reach 37 weeks gestation so that the baby’s lungs would be fully mature, so I was placed on “modified bed rest” and went to the doctor’s office every other day to undergo fetal monitoring.

I met their goal of 37 weeks, but I wanted my son to be born closer to 40 weeks. See, his due date was 2 days before my 40th birthday. I wanted him to be my 40th birthday present. I would never need another present again for my birthday for the rest of my life! I wanted him to be IT! However, I also didn’t want him to be born ON my birthday. I wanted his birthday to be his and his alone. I didn’t want him to feel that he had to “share” his special day, even with his mother. I prayed that he was not born after me, because then the excitement of celebrating Mommy’s birthday may overshadow his own, especially at the age he is now - the grade school years. When birthdays are magical and completely eventful and young children want it to be THEIRS, and theirs alone!

My daily prayers were finally going to be answered that fateful Tuesday evening, August 5th, 2003. My own 40th birthday was 2 days away. At 9:20pm, the first of many contractions began. I didn’t wake my husband because I knew he needed the rest for the long day ahead. So I monitored, and practiced my labor breathing techniques all night long. Finally, around 5:30 am, the contractions were 5 minutes apart and I needed my husband to call the doctor. Our son was ready to be born! Oh how I prayed he would be born that day, Wednesday, August 6th!
After 23 hours of labor, 3:45 minutes before my 40th birthday, at 8:15 pm, my gift arrived! A gift like no other I have ever had or ever will have! And he came on the best day possible, the day before MY birthday!

Every year since, when I celebrate my son’s birthday, it is as if I am celebrating my own! The planning of his parties, the invitations, the party favors, the balloons!! I have not one ounce of resentment nor care that my own birthday is the one overshadowed or overlooked! This is EXACTLY what I wanted! So…to my son who will be celebrating his 6th birthday this Thursday, Happy Birthday, my precious, beautiful, amazing boy!! I love you with all my heart, and then some! My gift!

Phases of Life

My dad is turning 90 in September, and my sister and I are in discussion about planning a surprise party for him. Nothing super elaborate or large, but something special, heartfelt and memorable for all involved.

Last night, I attended a wedding for a third cousin with my dad. There I saw relatives many of whom I haven't seen in years or perhaps never met. My dad is one of 7, so there's quite a number of them on both his mother's and father's side. But, he only has one sibling living at present, a brother in Florida.

It got me thinking about the cycle of life. I am so grateful for my dad. I lost my mom over 10 years ago, and have blogged about that. And, I often wonder how long he will live (not that I want to think negatively). He has had a number of health challenges over the last few years in particular, and his age is catching up with him. I never viewed him as old. Age wasn't a factor. He's my dad, and that's what counts.

Looking at him now makes me all the more conscious of the passsge of time, and the phases we all go through.

At the wedding last night I sat next to a cousin in her 50s who was talking about aches 'n pains she never had before. And, how with each decade of life, comes wisdom and body changes. We do our best to help ourselves, but we can't control the entirety of our health.

Seeing the couple get married and knowing they're about to start their lives together, makes you realize the sweetness of life. Another couple there, cousins of my dad, said they are married over 50 years, and two beautiful sets of grandchildren were also parttaking in the wedding festivities last night.

It was so nice to be together for a happy occasion. For a while there, funerals seemed all too prevalent in my family, as I lost uncles and aunts, seemingly in clusters.

I have always found it hard to accept that losing loved ones is part of life.

When I spoke to my husband last night after getting home from the wedding (he & my son didn't attend), another phase of life presented itself and made me smile. I asked him how things went with him and my son while I was out with my dad. I had left them at our community pool, and they had dinner out.

He proceeded to tell me what a little daredevil Seth is becoming in the water. How after I left, Seth asked him over 'n over again to throw him over his shoulder into the water. And, how he and a little friend wanted to jump into the pool backwards before the lifeguard stopped them out of concern for their safety.

I thought....here my son is practically doing backflips, and my dad has his moments of struggling to walk steadily.

Aging is surely not easy, though it happens to the best of us.

I am so grateful to have an energetic spirit like Seth in my life, and hope that my dad will continue to enjoy him as well and share stories from his childhood. Maybe it will take him back to his days of youth, and I can see that spark in his eye. He, too, was once Seth's age, and the years have flown by.

40 Something Birthday Quandry

My birthday is Saturday, and I don't know how to celebrate. We leave on vacation on Sunday, so there is much to do to prepare, but I don't want to lose sight of my special day.

Growing up, I was always super sensitive about my birthdays. I recall one year my parents gave me presents in advance of my official day, and I got all upset because they came early.

This year for some reason, while I want to celebrate, I don't feel so hung up on having to do something super special. I originally thought I might go into Manhattan, shop around, and meet up with my husband and Seth for dinner. But, now I'm thinking, that maybe I'll just chill with them at our community pool and eat out some place local that I either love or have been wanting to try.

I was chatting with a mom friend about it today who said her husband has a 50th birthday approaching, and she wondered what to do. I'm not as yet at that milestone, but it got me thinking about how I'd want to celebrate when my time comes. Would I want to host a splashy affair, or celebrate in a more low key fashion? Or perhaps go on a fabulous trip, with Seth and Marc, if Seth is mature enough. He will be 7 then.

Lots to think about, and I certainly don't want to rush the years away. Part of me can't believe that one day I'll actually be 50. I don't know where the time goes. But, I do want to enjoy my time and to especially treasure Seth's younger years.

So....maybe for my birthday this year I don't need to really focus on myself. Perhaps I can enjoy the afternoon with Seth and Marc, just spending quality family time....as long as I get to pick the restaurant. I refuse to eat in Seth's favorite dinner spot, our local diner. I draw the birthday line there. And, if I do choose to indulge in dessert, I want my birthday ice cream sundae with the works...hot fudge, cherry, etc. I can burn off some calories playing around with Seth in the pool. And, no doubt I'll get more cardio on vacation, chasing him.