Trust by Robin Gorman Newman

I am disgusted with my son today (Sunday).  I woke up this morning (while he was at ice skating with his father) to find out that various cables, cords, etc. had been unplugged to my computer, modems, etc. in my office.    I was livid and unable to function until Marc, my husband, came home to help put things back together.  Technical matters are not my strength.

It got me thinking.  There was a horrible story in the news last week about a son (30 year old) who brutally killed his parents and then took off on a plane to Israel.  Granted he had documented psychiatric problems,  but it led me to consider the fact that as parents, we never know what/who we are raising.

We do our best....and especially if a child is adopted....as is my son....we don't always have all the biological information we would otherwise be privvy to from our own lineage.  Not to say that adoptive children are any more troublesome than others, it's just that we are operating often more from a place of unknown.

That said, I am in a state at the moment of  distrust with Seth.  

What he did to my office was a total violation of my personal property and a complete lack of respect for my things and the time I spend at my computer (too much I recognize).  It felt like a huge slap in the face and one that I am still having trouble grappling with in my mind.

Additionally, during my senior dad's latest weekend stay with us, Seth took bills from his wallet which we discovered as he was preparing to return home.  Seth denied it, then ultimately admitted it.  It was upsetting, especially to my father, and I've told my dad that he should never leave his wallet in the room they share at bedtime.

I plan to go to the hardware store later today and purchase a padlock for my office....or will call in a locksmith if it comes to that.  I'm not thrilled feeling the need to go this length...but I DON'T TRUST my son.  And, I told him so.

In a fit of rage, while he was at skating, I took out two large garbage bags and loaded them up with some of his favorite toys in the living rooms, and took his wallet, and various other items, and tucked them away/out of sight in a closet in a garage.

I asked Seth why he did what he did, and he offered no explanation.  I also asked if he thought an apology might be in order, and he said "sorry."  He looked sad.  But, was he truly remorseful or was he sorry because I took away his toys and he wanted them back?  Can you teach regret or remorse to a child?  And, if so, how?

Was this punishment the right choice, especially for a child who has so much?  For how long will he miss the toys?  And, will it truly bother him that I said I don't trust him anymore or will he be over it tomorrow?  Does having my trust mean anything to him?  I feel like it does...or at least it should.  Other than my love, if he doesn't care about trust, then what?!

I love him, but I can't look at him right now.  I know my emotions are raw as I write this, and they will ease.

It's just that we put so much time and energy into our children, if we endeavor to be what to us feels like a good parent.  Everyone's definition and perception of that is different, and there's no right or wrong. 

But, how do you raise a child who values their property and that of others?

Is this a phase typical for a 7 year old? What was his motivation?

I may never know.

But, I would love to hear from you.  Has your child exhibited behavior that felt destructive or wrong?  And, if so how did you handle it so that they learned a lesson that would stick with them?

Reinvention by Robin Gorman Newman

I used to be a Vice President at a public relations firm in Manhattan.

I liked my work, and was known to be a supportive boss, generous with my time and knowledge and a respected practitioner.

It felt good.

I had my own home-based practice for some time after leaving that firm, trying to set the stage for motherhood, so I could make my own hours. My goal was to be around for my son and to take on clients on a select basis...those that got my creative juices flowing.

I created a successful business, but ultimately burnt out from it.  I could have had a full-fledged firm, but instead, the universe heard me, and the nature of my business changed, and I ultimately focused on being a writer....promoting my own books How to Meet a Mensch in NY and How to Marry a Mensch (decent person).  I appeared on CNN, The Today Show, Good Day NY, etc.  It was a whole different experience being in front of the camera versus being the one to media train my clients.  But, it was fun, and jumpstarted my career as a Love Coach for Singles.  I went on the lecture circuit and started offering private consultations to help singles lead more successful social lives.  After all, I had met my Mr. Right Mensch, so I wanted to help others do the same.

I still wear this hat, but since becoming a mom, I launched Motherhood Later...Than Sooner.  It was born out of personal need to connect with other later moms like myself.  It did not start out as a business.  But, now that we have a website, chapters worldwide, online communities, four newsletters, bloggers, etc....it's taken on a life of its own.  I'm immensely gratified knowing that I've created a resource/community unlike any other for those parenting later in life. And, while my goal remains that of supporting later moms in their parenting endeavors to the best of my ability, I need to wear the hat of mompreneur as well.  It is vital that MotherhoodLater.com secures advertisers, sponsors, partners, etc. who can help sustain our efforts.  Given the huge amount of time it takes me on a daily basis to oversee all aspects of Motherhood Later, I'd welcome the involvement of an ad sales rep and even a potential business partner who, like me, can envision all that is possible with Motherhood Later and is in a position to help take it to the next level.  That would be immensely exciting for me and the  moms we serve!  I remain hopeful that will happen.  Given the distinct and powerful niche and demographic we have cultivated, our audience is a highly desirable one for marketers.

Aside from Motherhood Later, I aspire to write a play (possibly musical) based on my dating books, and when time permits, or really when I give myself permission to focus on it, I pour through my notes and do my best to create characters, write scenes, etc.  While it feels like a daunting project, it would give me immense pleasure to see my work take to the stage.

And, perhaps I have other books in me?  I contemplate this as well.

Maybe write a column?

Have a radio show?  I've thought about that.

Perhaps take on some PR clients?  I'm available to jump back into that arena, especially if a company or individual is looking to target the parenting arena.  This has become an area of expertise for me....though my promotional skills are really quite versatile.

I often feel like I'm in a state of flux.

As my son grows and changes, so do I.  We are reinventing together.

Both  our futures are far from clear. I don't have it all figured out, nor does he.  He has a long way to go before he commits to a career.  At this stage, being a fireman is high on his list.  We'll see how that desire morphs over the years.

For me, I remain open to possibility.  The soul of a creative spirit  is often a restless one.....and I'm in a constant state of searching for the next BIG idea....the one that will truly put me on the map!

Until then, I remain a multi-tasker who struggles to balance motherhood with professional pursuits, as do many of us.

In light of this, I thought it fitting to present to mothers a program that can change lives.  Motherhood Later has partnered with Leslie Evans Thorne, a talented, wise and compassionate Reinvention Coach (and "later" stepmom), who, with us, will be offering a FREE Teleseminar on October 19th, 12noon EST, on the subject of REINVENTING AND RE-ENTERING THE WORKFORCE: 7 SMART STRATEGIES FOR MOMS.  It will shed light on how to:

Putt your passions to work for profit.
Reinvigorate a career that has become stagnant.
Define a new professional path for yourself.
Cultivate your own earnings potential.
Reclaim your identity as a woman...who happens to be a mom.

It is all possible....even if it feels like a huge, unknown balancing act.  But, once you gain clarity, it can be exciting!

I am a big fan of  teleseminars.  They provide easy access to expert information and thoughtful, confidential conversation on the phone, from the comfort of your home or office. Participants may hear one another and join in the discussion, all while learning.

The decision to transition from full-time motherhood to career pursuits, even if part-time, isn't an easy one. It might even feel overwhelming. Where do you start? You're not the same person you were when you left the workforce. You're a mom! And, how to use that to your advantage, even if might not feel like one?! It is possible.

The advice provided in this teleseminar series have the power to change your life forever and create one that feels fulfilling on a variety of levels. We all know that we love our children and wouldn't trade being a mother, but some want and need more. I, personally, look forward to participating in this call.  I  know that Leslie's insight is something I can use and apply to the questions I often ask myself as a woman, mother and professional.

If you have any questions, write to me --  robin@motherhoodlater.com.  To register, visit http://www.momsreinventcall.com/.  Be sure to sign up TODAY before the call fills up.  And, if you can't be on the line at that time, if you register, you will be emailed a recording which you may listen to any time at your convenience.

And, don't hesitate to invite family and friends.  Dads are welcome as well!

Leslie Evans Thorne has spent over 15 years empowering people to unleash their potential and find work that is meaningful and rewarding. Her specialty is helping women and men leverage themselves in the workplace by incorporating innate talents and abilities with proven skills and experience. Whatever a person's professional aspiration, even if they feel stuck and uncertain, Leslie helps people think out of the box. She has worked with all levels, from CEOs to mailroom clerks, in industries across the board. She is currently writing a book about the workplace of the future and has been seen on CNN.

A NETWORK FOR OLDER MOTHERS

Published: August 19. 2008 09:06AM

A NETWORK FOR OLDER MOTHERS

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By Cathy Stovell

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I'm over 40. Everyone knows that but still people bombard me with the question: "When are you going to have children?" What I find even more surprising is that most of the people who ask me this are seniors. Maybe it has got something to do with knowing me as a child and not fully realising my age, because I thought surely in their day women my age were not still having babies.

But there is a trend of women starting their families later in life and while I was not able to get local statistics, women I spoke with said they felt it is also happening in Bermuda.

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