Pay It Back by Robin Gorman Newman

Thanksgiving has become a huge commercial holiday.  I was watching an early morning news program earlier this week, and there was a feature on a place called Jive Turkey in Brooklyn, NY that specializes in preparing deep fried birds (yikes...how healthy is that?!) available with varied seasonings that they ship all over the country.  Apparently they're in high demand...who knew?!

My local chocolate shop is selling pricey chocolate turkeys wrapped in multi-colored foil.

Fine dining establishments jack up prices and offer fancy prix-fixed meals for those who opt to eat out.

It's a big occasion for diet companies to market their programs to those who gorged on stuffing and pecan pie, in preparation for New Year's, when many resolve to shed pounds.

It's also an occasion that has become synonymous with stores running huge sales....at times generating headlines in the news about people being injured in the feeding frenzy to snap up bargains in the wee hours of the morning or after midnight.  Doesn't anyone sleep?!

It all feels very commercial. 

Does anyone recall the true meaning of Thanksgiving?

As a parent, I feel an obligation to share that message with my son. 

We plan to bake brownies and bring them to the local volunteer firehouse.  We will do this again on Christmas. 

Last year, we also visited Ronald McDonald House and baked for the families in residence.  It was a moving and humbling experience.

I want Seth to know that it does a body good to give back.  I'd like this to be a lesson he shares with his own kids one day, and to know that it was something he practiced as a child.

It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day and not stop to feel gratitude for what you've been given.

And, with the eight days of Hanukkah just around the corner, Seth will be looking for gifts, and I don't want him to take them for granted.  As an only child, no doubt he is somewhat spoiled, though my husband I have endeavor to have a consciousness of what we provide for him.  But, it's hard when you know something brings him much pleasure. His smile is infectious.  He doesn't get everything he wants, but he's not lacking either.

Seth helps to raise funds for his school by selling products and buying books at the fair.

I have yet to take him to a soup kitchen, but that is an outing I've contemplated. 

He did visit the Interfaith Nutrition Network with our synagogue, as part of Mitzvah month -- November.  They collected and helped distribute food to needy families on Long Island.  I thought that was a great outing, though Seth found it "kinda boring."

I want to give thought to other ways he might contribute to the community and world at large. We help sponsor the care of Kibo the elephant through The David Sheldrick Wildlife Trust, and we follow his progress via emails updates they send.  It's a sweet cause.

It's important in life to know that some of our greatest happiness can come from giving and doing for others.  It's not necessarily about financial contribution, but taking initiative and acting out of love and kindness.  Putting someone before yourself and putting yourself in their shoes (especially if you can afford Manolo Blahniks).

What do you do with your children to instill a sense of gratitude and giving back?  Would love to hear some of your ideas.

Go forth and pay it back!!

Hope you and your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving!!

Happy Thanksgiving ... by Liimu

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

What are you grateful for?

I'm grateful for the four beautiful children who made me a mom.

I'm grateful for the husband who helped me make them.

I'm grateful for having been given a second chance at life when I was 24 years old.

I'm grateful for the daily willingness to make the most of it.

I'm grateful for song.

I'm grateful to have something to sing about.

I'm grateful there are people who want to hear me sing.

I'm grateful that I want to sing even when no one is listening.

I'm grateful and happy and loving life.

What are you grateful for?

Going Biblical on Thanksgiving - by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Thanksgiving. I've always loved Thanksgiving. It’s my favorite holiday. There are no gifts to give. There is no religious affiliation. It always centered on family for me. A crackling fire in the fireplace. Lounging around in comfy clothes. Helping and testing the homemade delectables being prepared and cooked. I've had many wonderful memories of Thanksgiving.

Once I married, I started making the turkey for my extended family. No amount of preparation squelched my enthusiasm for making the most delicious turkey I could possibly present. I never let anyone down. I basked in the delicious aroma that permeated my house! Most important, I adore almost all traditional Thanksgiving food! Yes, even the cranberry sauce, even if it is canned!

Last year was the first year my husband and I began sharing holidays with my son independently. What is most important to me is that my son is with whichever household has other children he can play with. My lawyer goes nuts when I bring this up, but my son's happiness supersedes my "turn" to have my son on a holiday. I will probably always have my son for Christmas purely for the fact that my husband is Jewish. I am always invited to my BFF's home. She has a son who is my son's age and her sister has two slightly younger children of her own. My son has a fantastic time when he is there! Conversely, my in-laws usually have either my son's cousins over on Thanksgiving or friends who have children close to my son's age. Why would I want to deprive my son fun on a holiday purely because the judicial system says it has to be "fair and balanced." I don't give a hoot about "fair and balanced!" I care about what is in the best interest of my son.

Well, I have no meal plans this year for Thanksgiving. My son will be going to my in-law's, where other children will also be present. I will have my son until about 1pm. We'll watch the parade in our pajamas and do some quiet things together. Then I have something very unusual planned for myself. I will be going into NYC to see an exhibit of the "Dead Sea Scrolls." For those of you who are unfamiliar with this, these scrolls are a collection of 972 texts from the Hebrew Bible and extra-biblical documents found between 1947 and 1956 on the northwest shore of the Dead Sea, from which they derive their name. The texts are of great religious and historical significance, as they include the oldest known surviving copies of Biblical and extra-biblical documents. They are written in Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek. These manuscripts generally date between 150 BCE and 70 CE.

I have a passion and growing interest in theology, so, for me, this will be a special treat. I will be going in the late afternoon, once the throngs of parade watchers have moved on to gather at their feasts. I am looking forward to seeing something biblical, up close, yielding awe. The fact that these scrolls lasted a couple thousand years and are somewhat intact, is an amazement in itself.

For this Thanksgiving, I am shaking things up a bit. While I used to love Thanksgiving for it’s non-religious affiliations, I am now bringing a little bit of historic theology to this holiday. I am also doing something purely for myself. And, thankfully, I won’t be gorging on food and the extra calories my body doesn’t need.

I may make a small turkey breast for my Maxi dog and myself. I’ll add a baked sweet potato for color, but that’s about it. A nice, quiet Thanksgiving. Even if I’m making it biblical!

Wishing all of our readers a very festive,

Happy Thanksgiving!!

A Thankful Job -- by Margaret Hart

This year, as Thanksgiving approaches, I started thinking about all the things for which I'm thankful, and my mind literally started to race.  My list goes well beyond the three things kids get asked to list on their paper turkeys in school, and it starts with one very important item:  my son.  Seven years ago, on December 2, 2004, Ethan was born. He came into the world with the roundest, most perfect little head and cutest, tiniest little body. He seemed to know right away that I was his mom. He grabbed hold of one of my fingers and held it tight. He looked up at me as if to say, "Hello, Mommy."  He had me at "hello."  Truth be told, he had me at his first sonogram. The one where he was sucking his thumb.     

While I am thankful for my family and friends, my health, their health, the roof over my head, the fact that in this economy we still have jobs (knock wood), and much more, I am most thankful for my son and for the chance to be a mom–his mom.  To say he has changed my life for the better would be an understatement. He has given me the opportunity to do something really meaningful.  Yes, I do believe that I have contributed to society in other important ways, but I know in my heart that being his mom is the piece de resistance–for me.

I am thankful for my motherhood job that gives me the chance to utilize my organizational skills, my creativity, my negotiation skills, my socials skills, and all the other skills I have honed in my professional life. I am thankful that as a mother, I get to teach my son all the wonderful things that my parents taught me. And I am thankful that I get the chance to help shape a beautiful little mind and watch it grow. And feel good that, one day, when he grows up and is independent, that I was partly responsible for the wonderful man I know he will become. I see my role of mom as the one and only job that is really important, and I want to be the best CEO Mom for my son. I am thankful that I have been given the chance to try. 

So this week when I am eating my turkey and mashed potatoes with gravy (which are not on my 1,000 calorie a day diet), and trying to get my son to eat his, I will be thinking about how thankful I am to have food on the table and the chance to nag my son about eating his vegetables.  Afterward, when the Triptan has kicked in and we're all taking a nap, I will be thankful that my son turns down the volume on his 3DS so I can get some much needed rest. 

But seriously, this Thanksgiving, I am thinking about how thankful I am for the opportunity to have the job of a lifetime.  My paycheck comes in many forms:  a running, leaping hug that nearly knocks me over, a lick-kiss because he thinks it's funny, a sweet drawing of a heart that says "I love you Mom," a cookie saved for me from his lunch, a flower he picks for me from our garden in the summertime, and the wide smiles he beams when I say something funny.  

This Thanksgiving, I am more thankful than ever that I am the mom of a very excited almost seven-year-old for whom I am baking and decorating 24 custom angry birds cupcakes! By the way, does anyone know where I can find black shoelace licorice for the eyebrows?!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! 

Post-Partum Transformation - Week 7 by Liimu

This week I came up against the first day in what I call the Diet Disaster Trifecta (DDT), which includes Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. As someone who has been known to gain 10 pounds in a four-day holiday weekend, I do not take the DDT lightly and decided to go into this year with a solid plan. The plan was this: each day in the DDT is exactly that: one day. I plan to allow myself an indulgence on each of those days, but unlike other years, I will not allow them to straggle into the days that follow ending up with a holiday binge that lasts a week or more and completely obliterates all my post-partum weight loss efforts of the past several months. I have memories of years past where I developed a nightly habit of going to the freezer one (or several) times a night for one (or several) frozen miniatures. Or following Thanksgiving eating lunches AND dinners that were a repeat of our Thanksgiving spread for days on end, including the dessert! Not this year.

I’m happy to say that with one of the trifecta holidays behind me, it seems to be working. I enjoyed an indulgence in Halloween candy on Halloween night, but I had eaten healthy the rest of the day and there was very little impact to my overall efforts – I’m still losing at a rate of about a pound to a pound and a half a week. Slow but steady progress, and I’ll take it!

It also helps that I’m training for a half marathon. I ran a marathon six years ago and have had an ongoing tradition since then of running the Broad Street 10-mile run every spring and a half marathon every Fall, with the exception of the two times I’ve been pregnant during the past six years. The ridiculous amount of running I do to prepare for these events definitely helps offset these holidays. I ran 9 miles last Sunday and will be running 10 miles this coming Sunday (hence, the 20K+ steps I’ve been logging on my BodyFIT armband).

That brings me to my BodyFIT update: I’m still enjoying tracking my exercise and sleep on the BodyFIT armband. I did have to take it off for my gig this past Tuesday night (I’m in an original band – feel free to follow me on Twitter or on Facebook. It definitely motivates me to workout more. I love going into my long runs with my armband on, knowing the vigorous activity I log for the day is going to be off the charts. When I was recently interrupted during a workout by an unexpected meeting, knowing I wouldn’t hit my exercise goals for the day helped motivate me to get back to the gym later in the day. If you haven’t gotten your BodyFIT armband yet, check it out at the BodyMedia website. It would make a great Christmas present to anyone on your list, even you!

Gratitude and Reclaiming Family - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

For those of you who read my blog last week, you may recall how disappointed I was going to a restaurant for the first time ever for Thanksgiving. I mentioned that I was invited by cousins to go for dinner at an upscale restaurant. My son was also invited, but I didn’t think that he could sit for such a prolonged period of time with only adults. I made the decision to have my son go with my husband to his mother’s for Thanksgiving, where there would be other children for my son to play with, rather than be the only child, at a table, in a stuffy restaurant. It was the perfect decision!

From what I was told, my son had a splendid time with the two other boys at my in-law’s! He had such a good time that one family was sleeping over, so my son wanted to sleep over too! My husband came back to our house, collected items for my son’s overnight bag, and my husband and son stayed over my in-law’s Thanksgiving night!

I had my own fabulous time! I love getting together with my cousins because we always end up talking nonstop! And talk we did! We ended up taking most of our meals to go because we just couldn’t stop yakking! The bites of food I did try, were certainly delectable! I was shocked that this restaurant was able to produce a Thanksgiving dinner even better than I have ever had at home! It was beyond delicious! In any event, I digress.

I brought with me downloaded photos of family on my father’s side, from Michigan, who “found” me on Facebook. Last summer, the wife of my second cousin sent me a message asking if I was the daughter of Michael Potapshyn (just how many “Potapshyns” are there, really?). I responded that I was. Ever since, I have been corresponding with his wife (Maggie), her three daughters, and another second cousin who lives in California! As my cousins and I perused through the pictures, we unanimously decided that our other female cousin, who lives in Florida, looks exactly like Maggie’s middle daughter! And furthermore, my cousins then looked at Maggie’s first-born daughter and declared that I look very much like her! When I sent a message to Maggie later that evening, relating this observation, she said that she looked closely at some photos of me and of her eldest daughter, and that she agreed that there was a strong resemblance!

As our 5-course meal was concluding, and take-home bags were piling up, we decided to forgo dessert in the restaurant, as one of my cousins had an entire buffet of desserts waiting for us at her home. Still chatting away, we made our way back to her house. Once inside, as my cousins were setting up the “buffet,” I walked around the living room admiring my cousin’s taste in decoration. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted two photos on an end table that I had seen before, but not at my cousin’s house. When my father lived by himself, he had two ancient photos on his desk. Both photos were of his family circa 1920. In one of the photos, my father was a toddler, holding onto his father’s knee. My father at that age looked like the spitting image of my son when my son was a toddler! When my father became too elderly to manage living alone, we moved him closer to us. And in packing his belongings, I have a feeling he threw out those two photos.

I looked in every box, every drawer, every cabinet, and every closet, in search of those photos! I asked my father, whose memory was not very good at the time, if he knew what happened to those two photos. He couldn’t recall. Once my father passed away, I gave his home a complete and thorough going through, but to my utter disappointment, never found those photos. I was devastated.

Now, here were those same two photos, sitting on my cousin’s table! I became so excited, I squealed! My cousin thought something was wrong, but in my excitement, I joyously exclaimed, “You have them!! You have the pictures my father also had but I thought he threw them away!!” She joined in with my excitement and said, “Let’s scan them into the computer right now and e-mail them to you, so that you have copies of them!” There was excitement abound as we were scanning! We saw a very close resemblance of our paternal Grandfather to one of my cousins! We all knew that the oldest child died in childhood of an illness, but all of us were given conflicting stories. We were like kids again, sharing excitement over something that meshed us together! It was a fantastic, memorable moment!

Next my cousin went through a drawer and found photos of our parents with their family when our parents were probably in their 20s! My cousin had 4 of that particular photo, so she gave one to me, which I plan to scan into my computer for safekeeping!

I think the most important reason why I was so overjoyed by the discovery of these photos was really for my son. My father passed away when my son was 3 1/2. However my son still remembers my father vividly. I want to show my son the photo of his “Poppy” when Poppy was a toddler. And then put a photo of my son as a toddler next to it to show my son how similar they both looked at that same age! I also want my son to know that he has family other than my in-laws. I am an “only child” and my parents are both deceased. But we still have family of mine that lives close by as well as newfound family that lives in Michigan! And I would like to take my son to visit the “Michigan side of the family” at some point in time!

So, all told, I had an unexpectantly marvelous Thanksgiving, on so many levels! Sharing newfound relatives, spending quality time with existing ones, finding old photos of family that is now deceased and obtaining copies of these photos as keepsakes to share with my son! How more grateful could one possibly get?!

Well, there is one more thing I was grateful for. Delicious leftovers from our incredible meal the next day!!

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!! By Liimu

So, first of all, a follow up to last week's blog, which was essentially a long, disgruntled complaint about our recent stay at the Borgata. I am happy to report that after many e-mails and phone calls, I finally talked to their Director of Front Office Operations, who was extremely apologetic and more than happy to credit us for one of our nights' stay. Now that that's been made right, I can comfortably say what was amazing about it...in two words: THE FOOD. If you don't have plans for Thanksgiving and you live within an hour of the place, splurge on the Borgata Buffet! There's a reason why TripAdvisor has rated it the #4 eatery in all of Atlantic City!

I had another blog written up about our recent trials and travails of raising three young daughters (8, 6 and 4) while preparing for the birth of our fourth child. Then I realized that I would be posting my blog on Thanksgiving! I can't post a litany of complaints on Thanksgiving! Instead, I decided to list all the things I'm grateful for, with a bit of a spin...I want to find ways to be thankful for the things that might normally not be considered blessings. Of course, I am grateful for my wonderful husband, my beautiful children, our upcoming new addition to the family, our house, our family and friends, my relationship with God, our health and all the other obvious blessings, but I thought it would be nice to find a way to be grateful for the things that might not appear on the surface to be things that would grace the top of the list.

1) Working 70 hours a week. In this economy, this is probably one that is not particularly hard to spin into a positive, but I have to also say that what I'm grateful for about this fact of my life is that I manifested it. Earlier this year, I had very little work and we were working with creditors to manage our existing debt, including getting assistance with our mortgage. Things were looking pretty bleak. I am a huge fan and follower of the Secret and the Law of Attraction, and I credit them and especially the book, Money and the Law of Attraction, with helping me to redirect the energy in my life, shift my vibration and get to where I am now - working as much as I possibly can and reaping the benefits. Life is good, and we are finally able to see our way to financial freedom!

2) Our earlier financial troubles. Ditto on #1 as far as being grateful for understanding and believing in the Law of Attraction. In addition to that, I have a much greater appreciation for what we have now that I've seen what it's like to not have it.

3) My 6-year old's health problems. First of all, I am so grateful that we live so near CHOP, one of the most amazing hospitals in the country. I am far more familiar with its facility and staff than I would like to admit, and am more aware than anyone I know of how blessed we are to have it within less than an hour's drive and covered by insurance. Second, I have seen strength in my daughter and in myself as a result of this journey that I might not otherwise have seen. I am awed by us both and the grace with which we have all, as a family, been able to face this challenge. Third, I feel like this experience has drawn our whole family a lot closer. Fourth and finally, I think it has made us appreciate each other and the good health we do have a whole lot more.

4) Excessive weight gain during pregnancy. Ok, this one was hard to spin into a positive. But then I think about how lucky I am to have struggled with this one most of my life: it's led me to really appreciate the importance of healthy eating and exercising and after three high-weight-gain pregnancies, it's left me confident in my ability to lose the baby weight. I've never been one of those people who didn't really have to exercise. Quite the contrary. My struggles during pregnancy and even when I'm not pregnant have caused me to gather tons of information and skills around how to properly exercise and modify my eating so that I know what to do. (I just don't do it during pregnancy...hence the weight gain.) And that, my friends, is pretty much all I have to complain about these days.

Everything else is just obvious blessings for which I am obviously thankful. I have to also thank fellow blogger, Robin Gorman-Newman for asking me to join this site as a blogger earlier this year. At the time, I had no idea I was pregnant but as soon as I found out, I knew exactly why this was perfect timing. What a blessing to have the opportunity to chronicle, week by week, what it's like to be pregnant with our fourth and last child. So, thanks to Robin and to MotherhoodLater for giving me that opportunity And thanks to all of you for continuing to read!

What are YOU thankful for? Probably more than you think!

Thanksgiving and Gratitude - By Cara Potapshyn Meyers

Thanksgiving. I love this time of year. I love the beautiful changing colors of the leaves. I love going outside at night and smelling the woody smell of a fireplace burning in someone’s home. I love the anticipation of a Thanksgiving feast! I love all of the typical Thanksgiving foods! I even love preparing the Thanksgiving turkey myself! All 22 pounds of it! But this year Thanksgiving is going to be very different for me.

I’ve always celebrated Thanksgiving at home. First, when I was young, and my mother was still alive. She would set the dining room table with all of her fine china. And while I watched her cook her fabulous feast, I learned her “tricks” as to how her meal always came out so delicious! Then, when I celebrated Thanksgiving with just my father, he always made the first-of-the-season fire going all day in the fireplace! And while the fire was glowing, we would prepare our own, smaller feast to enjoy! Later, when I got married, we had Thanksgiving every year at my in-law’s home. My father was always there with his signature praline sweet potato pie! And for the past 15 years, I have always made the Thanksgiving turkey! Even when we lived in our first apartment and I had a small, dinky oven, I managed to get that bird into it and it always came out delicious!

My plans are different this year. I was invited by my cousins to celebrate Thanksgiving in a restaurant. This will be a whole new experience for me, as I always welcomed the warm, fuzzy, homey feeling of celebrating Thanksgiving in a home. My son will be going to my in-laws. I requested having him for Christmas to take him to my best friend’s house, where children his age will be frolicking and merriment will abound!

It feels odd for me to celebrate my favorite of all holidays in a restaurant. Even one that is going to be rather upscale. And although I have celebrated other holidays and events with my cousins, we never celebrated Thanksgiving together and I never spent it “alone” (meaning going by myself without other immediate family with me). This feels odd. But at the same time it feels loving and warm that my cousins thought enough of me to invite me with them.

Things change, I know. And the alternative was that I would have been at home with the dogs, probably eating a cheese sandwich. But this whole change really does feel so unsettling for me. I’m sure to get caught up in plenty of conversation with my cousins. Once we start, it’s hard to get us to stop! And I’m sure the food in this particular restaurant will be 5 Star. So I am certain that I will enjoy my meal. But, still, all of this feels “funny”. I just can’t shake this feeling, no matter how many positive spins I put on the occasion.

Well, I will certainly let you know how I fared with my next blog. In the interim, I thought I would leave you with a saying that is framed and hangs besides my bed:

Gratitude

There is no greater act than giving thanks.

Remember to acknowledge

the goodness in your life.

Quiet your mind, listen to your heart

and fill your soul with gratitude.

To all of our readers, I wish you a safe, joyful, warm and fuzzy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!

The Thanksgiving Cake by Sharon Johnson O'Donnell

There are other signs of getting older that don’t have to do with wrinkles, weight, or age spots. As a woman ages, her priorities somehow change, too. With mothers, this usually means something involving her kids. This first became obvious to me on Thanksgiving about eight years ago. My father’s side of the family always meets in Fayetteville, North Carolina, a city about an hour away from my home, on Thanksgiving for a family get-together. He comes from a family of 12 children so you can imagine how many people are there.

This is the one time a year that I see all these relatives, so I’ve always tried to make a good impression. I usually wear a new sweater and I even attempt to style my hair so it won’t frizz so much. I noticed the relatives of my generation made this same effort to look their best for this annual ‘scrutiny of the relatives’. Except for an easy casserole, my cousins and I left the cooking to the older generation – our moms. They are the ones who baked the homemade from-scratch cakes and added secret ingredients to the delicious potato salad.

But that year, I decided to make a homemade carrot cake with cream cheese frosting just like my mother made a few times before. But she hadn’t made it in years, and I missed it. So the night before Thanksgiving, I grated carrot after carrot, realizing I never thanked Mama nearly enough for all the stuff she’d cooked over the years. I eventually got all three layers out of the cake pans with only one of them sticking, ripping out a chunk of cake. I pieced it back together like a jigsaw puzzle and discovered if I positioned the cake just right, nobody could tell.

By the time I was ready to make the frosting, it was past eleven. I plodded on, determined. The frosting, however, did not cooperate, looking too thin and runny. The cake looked nowhere near like Mama’s. Or for that matter like any other cake I’d ever seen. I decided the only thing to do was to get up the next morning and make a second recipe of frosting.

The next day, I began my baking in earnest once more. The second recipe did the trick, covering the three layers with thick, swirled frosting. I still had to chop the nuts and put them on the top and sides of the cake. I checked my watch. We were running late. If we were going to get to Fayetteville on time, then I knew I had to make a choice: I could either spend the time getting myself ready or perfecting my cake. And this is where I knew I was getting older – I chose the cake. Instead of putting on a nice outfit and getting jewelry to accessorize – instead of using a curling iron on my hair -- I threw on an old pair of jeans and got my cake ready to go. A new generation had arrived. The torch had been passed. I was now one of the women at the Thanksgiving dinner who cared more about how their food was accepted than what anyone thought about the way they looked. I mentioned this to a friend of mine who suggested perhaps this new perspective means we’re now more comfortable with ourselves – more confident in who we are – and that we don’t base our identity so much on how we look. And indeed this might be part of it. But the other part is, of course, as we get older, we see ourselves in different roles.

No, it’s not about who makes the best pies or cakes; it’s about creating heartwarming memories of family gatherings – times to be recalled fondly by our children years from now, so vividly they can remember how the sweet potato pie tasted or the wonderful aroma of turkey filling the house.

The carrot cake was quite a success with only a few crumbs left on the plate. As a cousin complimented me on it and asked for the recipe, I smiled, shrugged my shoulders, and lied through my teeth: “Oh, it’s pretty easy to make.” I’ve taken the cake to the get-together every year since then and make it for a few other holidays too. My sons all like it, so I feel that it’s something special I can make that they truly appreciate. I like to make this cake every now and then when my oldest son Billy comes home from college for a weekend bringing a bag of dirty laundry and textbooks with him. It feels good for him to be home. And then I say, “There’s a carrot cake on the counter,” and I hope that shows him how much I love him and that home is even more special to him.

So, as all of you ladies do your baking this Thanksgiving, remember it's more than about following a recipe but the memories you are making for your kids. Remembering that makes all the measuring, grating, stirring, and chopping worth it.

There Goes the Bride by Cara Potapshyn Meyers

 This past Sunday was my Brother-in-Law’s wedding - my husband’s brother. I was invited, but chose not to go for many obvious reasons. My only wish was that I hadn’t been very ill because it gave my husband the perfect excuse as to why I wasn’t there. My husband is an awful liar. You could tell when he fibs a mile away. So, unfortunately he would be correct in telling family and friends why I didn’t attend the wedding. Bummer. I would have at least have enjoyed knowing how uncomfortable he would have been having to produce a reason why his “wife” wasn’t at his brother’s wedding. Oh well...there will be other occasions.

My Sister-in-Law (wife of my husband’s OTHER brother) will be having her second child in April. I am pretty sure that I will be quietly absent from that milestone event as well. He’ll have to come up with some type of story for that occasion, I’m sure.

And then there are all the Holidays in between. I assume my son will be spending all of the Jewish religious ones at my in laws. I’ll get my son and take him to visit very close friends for Christmas and Easter. But what to do about Thanksgiving? I’ve made the largest turkey I could find, to feed 20 plus people for just about every Thanksgiving for 15 years now. I guess those days are over.

My husband and I will have to trade off on Thanksgiving. Since my son went to the wedding, perhaps my husband will allow me to take my son to my best friend’s house for Thanksgiving this year. It will be very festive as my best friend’s birthday is very close to the Thanksgiving Holiday, so she celebrates her birthday then as well.

It is hard when you are breaking away from your spouse while having to go through the Holidays, especially with a child. The child is used to everyone being together and having a wonderful time. Now the child gets tossed between one family and another. It’s confusing and painful...for everyone involved.

Being an only child, with now both parent’s deceased, and no close relatives who live nearby, I grew up spending many, many Holidays with my best friend and her family. I recently asked her if it would be okay to resume that historical pattern. She was delighted. A little overwhelmed, but delighted. I kind of get the “warm fuzzies” just thinking about all of the wonderful times in the past that we’ve spent together during the Holidays. Like her Dad serving us spiked Eggnog when we were only 16! We couldn’t understand why the Eggnog tasted so good, nor why we were so giddy hanging ornaments on her tree! It brings back such warm and loving feelings!

My son is the same age as my best friend’s son, who is adopted. My friend chose to become a single Mom right before she turned 40. I wanted to have my first child before I turned 40. The stars aligned in the heavens for both of us! We both have boys and they are only 3 months apart in age! And both boys think they are “cousins!” In a way, they really are. They see each other far more frequently than my son’s actual cousins.

So maybe this can work, this Holiday swapping thing? As I’ve experienced, families don’t have to be related to be close and have fun! I think I’ve had more enjoyable and exciting Holidays spent with close friends than with relatives who critique your cooking!

I guess another chapter of my life is unfolding. Just like going down the tall Mayan water slide at the Atlantis Resort with my son, last month. I am ready to experience another incredible ride. The ride through the Holiday maze! I better hold on tight for this one, too!

On Being Grateful -- by Cara

Gratitude
There is no greater act than giving thanks.
Remember to acknowledge the goodness in your life.
Quiet your mind, listen to your heart
and fill your soul with gratitude.


I wasn’t very grateful this year. As Thanksgiving approached, I began turning into the Turkey Grinch, “Bah, gobble, gobble!!” I had been getting over Strep Throat, which turned into an upper respiratory infection, and two rounds of antibiotics. My son had been sick (which is where I got the Strep to begin with), my husband was a grouch, and one of our elderly dogs was recovering from a very close to death experience.

What gratitude do I have in my life right now?? There is nothing going right in my life right now!! I wanted to boycott Thanksgiving. Practically everyone in my extended family was fighting off one type of illness or another anyway. No one was well enough to cook anything.
I am usually the one who cooks the turkey, but I could hardly get out of bed. I would have preferred just staying in my pajamas all day!

I had been posting, “Bah, gobble, gobble!” messages on Facebook as others were describing their holiday feasts and posting photos of the pies and other goodies they were making for their family gatherings. I was not thankful one bit. Even well meaning friends posted comments of encouragement. But I was steadfast in my ungratefulness of Thanksgiving this year.

Then something changed in me Thanksgiving morning. My grouchy husband was happy and sweet to me. I looked at the front page of the newspaper and saw a picture of a little girl, six years old, hugging her mother, awaiting a bone marrow transplant. I thought, “Thank goodness MY six year old boy doesn’t have to go through something as horrible as that.”
Then I thought of how well my little boy was doing in school, despite that he has learning issues and we were told before school even started that he would most likely be left back. But he won’t. He’s doing fine. And for that I decided I was HUGELY grateful!

Then my elderly dog, who was near death two weeks ago, looked at me with her big eyes! How grateful that her prognosis turned out to be “excellent,” and that she was eating hoards of food! That she gained six pounds in two weeks, and that instead of forcing her to take horse-size pills each day, she now could take very small pills only a couple times per day! For this, of a 15 year old dog, I was EXCEEDINGLY grateful!!!!

My attitude was slowly changing. I was thankful of my washing machine when I knew of someone who couldn’t buy one yet. I was thankful that our family was economically stable in these very unstable times. Although I grumbled when my ancient iBook blew up, I was even thankful that someone in our extended family had an extra Powerbook they didn’t use anymore, so that I could use it until we could buy a newer one for me. And although I still cough as I write this, among the many things I really am grateful for, I am grateful for all that I DO have, so that I can share them with you!

Giving Thanks -- by Jamie

Although this blog entry won’t be posted until after Thanksgiving, I’m hoping I’ll continue to give thanks for all the wonderful things I have in my life long after the holiday has come and gone. That said, I’d like to start here.

As a single mother by choice, I put a lot of thought and effort into becoming a mother, and therefore, I feel very fortunate to be one. I’m especially grateful to Jayda’s sperm donor for helping me create her. But at times when I’m frustrated or disappointed with my daughter’s behavior, I need to remind myself to be thankful that my issues with Jayda aren’t big ones. I may stress over our reward system for potty training, what nursery school will be welcoming and challenging enough for Jayda, and how to get her to fall asleep without rubbing her back and holding her in my arms, but I am fortunate enough to have a healthy, happy, intelligent, and well-loved daughter—and in the grand scheme of things, that’s a lot to be thankful for.

In addition to being a mother, I’m thankful for having a mother—especially one who is so wise, loving, and caring, as well as a wonderful grandmother to Jayda. At a time when I’ve recently witnessed several of my friends lose their mothers, and have listened to others complain about, or battle with their moms, I know I’m very lucky to have a mother who is an amazing maternal figure—as well as my good friend.

I’m also thankful for my father, who has always supported and loved me, and has been there for me to lean on. He epitomizes the type of male role model I want Jayda to have in her life, and fortunately, he’s involved very deeply with her upbringing. He also exhibits many of the qualities I’d like to find in a mate for myself someday, and I’m thankful to him for showing me the depth of love and kindness that both Jayda and I deserve.

After recently listening to the trials of one of my teenage relatives, who laments over not having any good girlfriends, I’ve realized how thankful I should be for my girlfriends. I still socialize with several high school and college friends, as well as my best friend from elementary school. Just as importantly, in the past few years I’ve made some wonderful “mommy friends”—women with children Jayda’s age, whom I can confide in and count on just as much as my friends from my youth. I’ve never taken my friends for granted, but I suppose I may sometimes underestimate how lucky I am to have so many solid connections in my life. And though I still find it difficult to ask my friends for help when I’m in a bind, at least I know I have friends to lean on if I need them. And I’m thankful for that.

Last but not least, I’m thankful for Barney (Aaaargh…did I really just say that?!) for “babysitting” Jayda while I read my paper in the morning, for Folgers coffee for giving me the extra energy I need after Jayda’s 5 a.m. wake-ups, for Gold’s Gym for helping me release my stress (well, at least some of it!) in a positive way every morning, and for all the laughter I have in my life—be it Jayda’s raucous giggles, or my own squeals of amusement while gossiping with friends. These days, while I often find myself stressing over my finances, and my plans for the future, I’m grateful that my life, in general, is filled with happiness, and a wealth of good times. And thankfully, as a result, Jayda is a very happy person, full of lots of laughter, herself. I can only hope she’ll be that way for the rest of her long life. Amen.

Sweet Mommy & Me Time -- by Robin

I just have to share...Seth lost his two front baby teeth....and it's a precious sight. He would kill me if I posted a current photo of him here...but trust me....his toothless grin is one that I'm trying my best to capture and preserve for posterity. I took a ton of photos when he was in the bath earlier this week. Surprisingly, he cooperated and grinned from ear to ear. He has always, for the most part, embraced the camera and looks great in photos (we've been told he could model), but every now 'n then he gets into a mood and bans picture taking of any kind.

This week was parent teacher meetings, so he had half a day before Thanksgiving. (We meet with his teachers next week.) I didn't make any particular plans for us, other than knowing I planned to take him to buy ice skates. He's been on the ice three times thus far (once for a lesson) in the last two weeks , and is totally in his element there. I must confess, I personally much prefer sitting by the fireplace outside the rink with a good book. So, if my husband and I take him, I dart back 'n forth between the rink and cozy sitting place. I'm torn because I want to watch Seth make skating strides, yet the chill combined with lack of seating isn't my thing.

In the past I have stressed a bit knowing Seth is off from school....feeling the need to make plans to keep him busy. ..whether I schedule a playdate or something else. This time, I just let it go, and the end result was a nice one. Seth was quite content for a long time to play in the house, and he was excited in the skate store to watch the owner sharpen the skate blades. (Seth has always been very mechanical.) After that, we did a couple of errands...and he picked out a cute Hanukkah gift at Rite Aide for one of his cousins. I was very touched that he thought of her. He's a big-hearted kid.

He was happy when I agreed to take him to the local pizza place for dinner. And, afterwards (my husband worked late), we watched a movie on cable together. It was really a pleasant afternoon, and Seth was good company. I treasure times like this.

He wasn't ansi and asking, as he sometimes does over 'n over again, what are we doing? And, I wasn't anxious about needing to respond in a strategic fashion. I'm not a mom who overschedules her child. I think downtime is important...you have to know your child. But, that said, Seth often likes to be on the go, so balance becomes essential. And, I can't always anticipate the mood he'll be in in terms of wanting to be home to play or not.

I'm just grateful that on this given day, we had really nice mommy & me time, and if I can look forward to that on his other upcoming days off, our time together will be all sweeter.

Hope you & your family had a wonderful Thanksgiving and enjoyed the time off together!!

Crafty Mom vs. Super Hero Turkey! by Cara

My son brought home from school this week a project titled, “The Family Turkey Project,” to be completed before Thanksgiving recess. The object of the project was to come up with a “disguise” for a turkey outline cut from poster board paper. The disguise needed to prevent the turkey from being caught for Thanksgiving! The outline suggested using a variety of craft-type materials such as ribbon pieces, buttons, feathers, uncooked pasta, felt, glitter and/or glitter paint, etc, to help with the disguise.

I was excited! I wouldn’t even have to go to the craft store because I usually have a plethora of crafting supplies in the house! In fact, last Thanksgiving, my son and I made “pine cone turkeys” where we used real pine cones and gathered fallen leaves of every brilliant color you can imagine, then washed, dried and glued the leaves into the pine cone slots as the turkey tails! I even had google eyes and felt for making the turkey’s face! So I was ready for the challenge, wheels spinning in my head!

Before my husband and I even had time to finish reading the lengthy project instructions, my ambitious son came running to us with the turkey outline, completely colored in with a green outfit, a brown mask, black boots, and some type of weapon. He declared, enthusiastically, that he was finished! Finished? Finished!! How could he be finished with visions of crafting materials were still dancing in my head?!

My husband and I were so quick to share in the excitement of him taking the initiative to start the project as quickly as he did. But we also pointed out to him that this was supposed to be a family project that we had to work on together. My son wouldn’t budge. His turkey was not only complete, but perfect. Just as it was.

“But how about some buttons for his outfit or his boots, I queried?”

“Mommy! My turkey is a green Power Ranger! Power Rangers don’t wear buttons!”

“What about some material to make a cape for him?!”

“Power Rangers don’t WEAR capes, Mommy!”

“Maybe we could make his outfit sparkle with some green glitter??”

“No Mom! Power Rangers aren’t shiny!!

My excitement was diminishing. I looked at my husband for support. “It looks like a great turkey disguise to me,” he chimed in, silently thankful that he didn’t have to participate in the project.

“Okay, then,” I said, a little dejected, “Your turkey looks perfect just the way it is! You chose quite the clever disguise!” Crafty Mom no longer had a project to work on. On second thought, where are those foam sheets for the Teepees we wanted to make last year??!! Let me check the bottom drawer...

MISSING MOM

To give you an update....we made it through week three without a nanny unscathed, and things are gradually shaping up on this end.

We decided to enroll my son in an after school program for two days. Turns out a bunch of boys he knows are also in the program, so he's a happy camper about going there. And, we feel good about him having further socializing opportunities. Having him there is also helping me to straighten out my schedule, since I know that I have a bigger chunk of time available during the day to get things done. I feel a bit less like I'm racing the clock, though there still never seems to be enough hours in the day these days.

I've been sharing our nanny story with people gradually...those who knew her...and everyone is a bit stunned at the way it sadly concluded. Myself included, of course.

It made me think back to when Seth was a little one and how we've always had help. This is a whole new experience for us. So many moms I know have family support, which is so wonderful.

As Thanksgiving approaches, I become accutely conscious of family. I was speaking with one mom friend yesterday who mentioned she is cooking for 16. And, that she and her husband are going away in a couple of weeks to stay at a friends time share. Her parents or her husband's parents will stay with the kids (she has two) while they're gone.

I wondered...what is that like?

I am a "later" mom who is herself the product of "later" parents...and my mom passed away 10 years ago. My dad is a senior with health challenges. And, my husband lost his dad, and his mom is a senior. So, we have no parental help with Seth, and little family to spend holidays with. My sister and her family and my husband's brother and his family are all traveling for Thanksgiving.

I'm not a big entertainer, so I don't mind not having a crowd over for dinner. But, I do get a bit melancholy when I think of what holidays were like for me growing up. My mom would cook, and the whole house smelled great. And, I remember her signature recipes, i.e. matzoh stuff and pumpkin bread with chocolate chips. My husband now makes the pumpkin bread, which my son loves, and I feel like we're sharing a bit of my mom with him, who he never knew.

I mentioned to a new friend the other day that my mom never met my son and how much she would have loved him. I'm sad for that, though we talk about her and share her photos with Seth. And, one day (when I have the emotional strength) can show him videos. But, they remain hard for me to watch.

So, if you have your parents, I urge you to enjoy them and not just during the holidays. Stay in the moment. Treasure their presence in your family's life...even if the relationship isn't perfect. You'll miss them when they're gone, regardless, and perhaps wish things might have been different. So, seize this time and try to create as loving a scenario with them as you can.

I'd love to have my mom back, even for a moment, so she could smile at my son.

Martha Stewart I'm Not

It is Turkey Day. Seth and Marc are home, and we watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade on television. It is a mellow day. Until a week ago, we didn't know if we'd have any particular plans.

I don't love turkey, so for me, it would be no huge loss if we didn't eat it. But, there is something to be said for tradition....especially family tradition. And, I am feeling a bit of a loss in that department.

I lost my mom close to 10 years ago (hard to believe), and making Thanksgiving was her thing. I recall the great smells that would come from the kitchen. She had a way of putting her own stamp on the food. She made a mean stuffing....not from bread or a mix....but matzoh, vegetables, spices. And, her pumpkin bread with chocolate chips would have you talking (and dieting) for weeks. But, it was all worth it. Years later, Marc sometimes bakes some loaves from her recipe, and I love it.

While I now have my own family, I miss the Thanksgivings past. My sister and the kids are never available because they travel for tennis. Yes....believe it or not....there are tournaments on the major holidays. My dad and Marc's mom are around...but quite honestly....I don't love entertaining. We have done it here before, and I find it a lot of work, and not a lot of fun. All the set up, clean up, etc. Just not my thing.

Every year, I say we should start a new tradition and get together with close friends....even if we meet in a diner. But, that has yet to come to pass.

When Marc's brother called a week ago to invite us this year to his home, I was pleasantly surprised. Not that he hasn't invited us in the past, but we didn't know he planned to entertain. I am glad to have a destination....but all the happier for Seth. I like the idea of him being with some extended family and/or people other than us. We don't have a lot of family to begin with, and Seth is an only child. But, regardless, it somehow feels more festive to be with a group. And, certainly a lot easier just to be reponsible for picking up dessert.

In a "perfect" world I'd be more of a Martha Stewart, but I know that will never happen.

I'd probably be happy eating a turkey pot pie, but I don't think Seth or Marc would go for that.

What do you do to celebrate, and what does the holiday mean to you?