Five Lessons Learned While Waiting for Labor to Begin by Leta Hamilton

My house is a mess, and I don’t feel ready to have a baby, but my body is saying, “READY! READY!” Can’t I have everything exactly the way I want it before bringing this baby into the world? There is nothing in my medical history or past birth experiences to merit anything other than a vaginal delivery of baby #4. I know, for me, this is the way it is meant to be. For other moms, a scheduled c-section or induced labor is par for the course. And while a part of me may envy their foreknowledge of when and where their baby will come, I also have a deep reverence for the route I am going. In this time of “any time now,” I am learning five important lessons about what it means to be at peace in an uncertain world.

1. Not knowing when my baby is coming forces me to be present in a way that is otherwise rare. I took out my calendar this morning and looked at my plans for the week, knowing that they may or may not happen – and also knowing that if I missed a meeting because of bringing new life into the world, it would be ok. I am grateful for the opportunity to be present with my body, my family and my schedule. It is a refreshing change from the norm!

2. The waiting and the messy house gives me an opportunity to work on those areas that mean the most to me and let go of the rest. What can I live with? Where do I want to deploy my energetic resources when every time I walk through the house I feel like a whale swimming through molasses? Today I showed my husband where the baby blankets, newborn clothes and diapers were. Secure in the knowledge that I won’t have to think about these things when I am pushing out my baby, I feel like that is pretty much it – we are ready.

3. I am practicing self-compassion and taking the time to rest so I have the energy to do the things I most want to do. Yesterday I had three things in my schedule and I did none of them. Today I have two things that I don’t want to miss and I have the energy to attend them because I took other, less important things, off the agenda yesterday. I am learning how to make compassionate choices that create more harmony within. Physically, I may feel like a whale, but the peace that comes with self-compassion more than makes up for it.

4. Looking into the future is a game. Will he come before or after Halloween? He may be born on Halloween for all I know. All of this uncertainty is a metaphor for how life treats us generally. There are always unforeseen events in our existences. This is a given. Having this time to deal with a big unknown gives me tools for dealing with the surprises that I know are forthcoming. Giving birth over to nature allows me to participate in the cycle of life in a way that is congruent, not adversarial. This flow brings overall peace and I am grateful.

5. Finally, the mystery about the exact day and time I will go into labor brings complications into the picture that serve to enhance my ability to surrender what I cannot control over to the universe. There is a saying, “If you have a problem and can do something about it, why worry? If you have a problem and can do nothing about it, why worry?” It will be alright, no matter what mania surrounds me in the first moments of active labor. I know this. I may not be ready for a nighttime birth with my two year old sleeping next to me, but I know that in the moment I will have a solution. This is faith and a sprinkle of it over my overall approach to life has much needed benefits to my peace of mind.

All of the above are guiding lights toward a peaceful heart in the midst of chaos. As every mom knows, family brings an abundance of that. I know this time of waiting is a deepening of tolerance for whatever mayhem awaits me. With 4 kids ages 7 and under, I need this growth to my spiritual perspective. It’s perfect just the way it is – whale belly swimming through molasses and everything.

GUEST BLOG POST: Creating Work-Life Balance by Diane Lang

We all struggle with work-balance. We have busy lives and at times it can all seem a bit overwhelming. The truth is you won’t always have a perfect work-life balanced life sometimes your life will be chaotic but the good news is there are tips to help you handle the overwhelming days and regain your sense of balance and happiness. Here are a few tips that can help you feel a little more balance is your daily life.

1. We feel the pressure from both work and home but if you don’t like your job, you will feel it more often. If you have a Career instead of a job, you will feel happier going to your office. You will have “Flow” at work. Time will pass quicker and you will enjoy your day if you’re doing what you love. Most of us spend at least 60 hours a week working (this includes e-mails, calls and texts even after 5pm) add your commute and you realize how much time you really spend at work. If you’re doing something you don’t enjoy, you will feel it right away. As a mom, you have to remember you have two jobs. The first being a mom, the second is your job outside of the home. If you’re not happy at your outside job it will affect your role as a mom. Follow your passions and feel more balanced.

2. Home time – when your home, spend some real time with your family. This means set some time aside for family time without taking calls/texts from work. Dinner time is very important. It’s not just about what you eat, it’s about communication. This is the time for everyone to discuss their day. Ask questions that need more then a yes or no answer to keep the discussion going.

3. Live in the here and now – people feel stressed when they focus on the past even though it’s gone and they worry about the future that isn’t here yet. Use your past to learn from and plan for your future but live in the here and now. Live in the moment! It’s like the saying goes: Stop and smell the flowers. When you live in the moment, you will enjoy your life; this is a great lesson to teach your kids. Your kids learn through role modeling, observation and imitation, let them see you enjoying each and every moment.

4. Set a long term goal (1 -5 years). Set up short term goals to reach that long term goal. Make both goals realistic. The key word is “Realistic”. If your goals aren’t realistic, you will feel overwhelmed and will procrastinate. If they are realistic, you will accomplish them and with each accomplishment you will feel a sense of positive reinforcement which will motivate you to move forward and reach your long term goals.

5. NO- Learn to say no. Practice makes it easier. I wish there was another way around it but the truth is the more you say no, the easier it will get. I know a lot of people have a hard time saying no due to guilt or fear of hurting someone’s feelings but the truth is when you say YES but mean NO, you only hurt yourself. You becomes stressed and then angry at yourself. Say no.

6. Mental breaks – throughout your day make sure to take mental health breaks – this is 15-20 minutes to breathe, take a walk, refuel, grab a bite to eat, etc. I remember at my first job (many years ago) every four hours of work we would get a 20 minute break. This should be the rule even if your self-employed, stay at home mom, etc. make sure you give yourself that 20 minute break. When you take small breaks, you will feel refreshed and more creative/productive.

7. Start the day off with extra time – wake up 10-15 minutes earlier then your family this gives you “me” time to get up, stretch, have coffee or just wake up before the chaos of the day starts. You will feel more refreshed to handle the day.

8. Support system – to feel balanced and happy, we need a small support system. We need 4-5 people in our lives that we trust and can call upon if needed.

9. Vacation time – make sure to actually use your vacation/personal time at your job. It’s there for a reason. Unfortunately, a lot of us don’t use our days at all and most only use some. We need leisure time. It gives us a reward (positive reinforcement), something to look forward to and socialization. Plan your vacation with your family, it gives everyone something to look forward to and if you plan it together, you will pick a place that everyone will enjoy which means you can all have a great vacation!

Lang’s first book Baby Steps: the Path from Motherhood to Career, stresses striving for balance, health and happiness rather than “having it all.”  She offers a workshop “The Mom Series” in the NY metro area, to assist mothers returning to work.  Seminar topics include postpartum depression, overcoming guilt, finding a new identity in the workplace, plus interviewing, networking, etc.  Lang contributes to Working Mother and parenting blogs and is an Adjunct Professor in Psychology at Montclair State University and Dover Business College. Mother to eight year old daughter Lauren, she holds an M.A. in Counseling and a B.A. in Liberal Arts from the New York Institute of Technology. Visit http://www.dlcounseling.com.

GUEST BLOG POST: Take Time to Smell the Roses by Dr. Susan Bartell

It’s April and spring has finally sprung! The sun is shining and flowers, bursting with color, are pushing up through the warming ground. Life is insanely busy, but for just two minutes go ahead and jump off the merry-go-round and take a deep breath. Appreciate nature’s miraculous offerings of the season. Now, do you think you can do this for a couple of minutes every day? I’d like you to try it!

It’s so easy to get caught up in our busy, aggravating, stressful and sometimes even mundane lives that we don’t always take the time to appreciate the beauty in our children; nor do we take the time to teach them to appreciate the positive in their own lives.

To begin your daily two minutes of reflection, ask yourself this question:

“As a parent, what am I most grateful about today?” Is it the sweet kiss that you got as you left for work? That, just this once, your teenager didn’t argue with you? That siblings helped each other with homework?

Some days the answer will come easily to you, in fact you may have a long list that makes you feel grateful. However, on more stressful parenting days, feeling appreciative of your child may be somewhat more challenging. These are the days it is most important to stop for a moment to ask yourself the question AND then really search until you find a meaningful answer. Doing so will help you keep a clear perspective on what is most important in your life as a parent. No matter how upset, angry or frustrated you may be right now, you can find the beauty in your relationship with your child when you stop and look for it. You simply have to take the time to stop and do so.

This is also an important skill to teach your child. Begin by helping him ask himself the following question each night before going to sleep:

“What was the best thing about today?” Was it that we had outdoor recess? Am I happy because I made a new friend? Did I have my favorite lunch? Did the teacher give me a compliment? Did I get my homework done really quickly?

Of course, as with parents, kids will have an easier time on some days than on others finding the ‘best’ in their day. If it was a difficult day, it will be harder for your child to find the good in it. This is when it is most important for you to help your child find something positive about the day—don’t accept ‘nothing’ for an answer!

You probably realize that being a good parent is hard work largely due to regular challenges from the very child you are trying to raise! So take a little time each day to appreciate the true beauty in your child (and also teach your child this skill). This will help melt away the frustrations you may feel as you go through the tough parts!


Dr. Susan Bartell is America’s #1 Family Psychologist. Her latest book is The Top 50 Questions That Kids Ask. You can learn more about her at www.drsusanbartell.com.

Everything 'n Nothing by Robin Gorman Newman

I suggested some time back to Marc that it would be nice if he and Seth spent quality father-son time, just the two of them.  Life is so busy, and sometimes they seem like ships that pass in the night.  I wasn't implying  they go away. I thought just spending a dedicated afternoon together would be great.

To my surprise, Marc took it a step further and suggested they visit Great Wolf Lodge for two nights.  I thought it was a terrific idea, for more than one reason. 

We both knew that Seth would love it, and knowing that tax season is coming up and Marc will be missing in action for months working round the clock, time was of the essence for the two of them. Not to mention for me ....the weekend was to be my last hurrah, so to speak, before being consumed with motherhood when Marc works Saturdays.

With all this in mind, I was excited for them and looking forward to "me" time.  On the introspective side, I was hoping my alone time might lead to some self-discovery.  It's not often there is quiet in the house, and I can hear my own thoughts. On the flipside, I wanted to have fun.  While I had things in mind, I made no specific plans. My goal was to see what came up for me.  To live in the moment and make spontaneous, unscheduled choices. To be true to myself and trust my gut in terms of what I did or didn't want to do.

What I found was that I wanted to do everything 'n nothing

A friend said I should bust loose and let my hair down.  Go out on the town.

My single party days are long behind me.  And, sometimes that feels like another lifetime ago.  So, that would have been a fun option.  But, I wasn't being pulled in that direction.

Friday night, I went out locally with a mom friend to see Black Swan, which really spooked both of us.  In particular, it wasn't a great choice since it made me uncomfortable sleeping in the house alone, especially since there is a dangerous predator in my town.  So, to say I was unnerved, is an understatement.  We went out to eat afterwards, though the movie had left us with little appetite.

Saturday, I chose to chill with my cockatiel for part of the time.  Ordered in my fav food...Indian. Watched countless movies on cable. And, for some reason, for which I was grateful, the spirit moved me to do clearing in the house, especially in my bedroom and office.  So, I tackled a bunch of piles and files, feeling like I barely scratched the de-cluttering surface, but I made a dent that felt good.

Sunday, Marc and Seth came home early afternoon.  I had taken myself to see The Fighter, which I enjoyed, and we all had dinner out.

It was interesting the reaction I got from friends when I shared with them that I was a free agent for the weekend.  Shock and envy ranked high.  I could hear the wheels turning in their minds in terms of how they might spend "me" time.

The experience took me back to living in my parents house when many a weekend was spent relaxing in my room and deciding what to do for the weekend.  Life was simple.  I didn't own a home.  I wasn't a mom.  I didn't have pets.  Other than commuting to work in the city on a daily basis, going out with friends, dating, hitting the gym, going on vacation, life felt very safe and under control.  Sure, my future was uncertain, since I was not as yet married, and I yearned to know how my love life would ultimately play out, but I wasn't racing the clock, as I often feel I am now.

When Marc and Seth came home, I was grateful for their presence in my life.  There is something to be said for distance making the heart grow fonder.

It's so easy to fall into pragmatic roles in a family.  We each have tasks we undertake on a daily basis.  But, we're people with passions not just mommy or daddy machines programmed for peak parental performance.

So, allow yourself some "me" time if you're able.  Ask for it if you need to.  Offer it to your partner or spouse in return.

Think back to the person you were before parenthood.  She is still with you.....perhaps yearning to emerge.  Let her out.  It's an interesting exercise.  How does it make you feel about the present?  What do you want or what can you incorporate into your life as it exists today that you've been missing?

Get quiet.

A Quickie by Robin Gorman Newman

Sometimes a quickie is as good as it gets…..and it’s better than nothing.  And, I don't mean in the way you're thinking, though the notion certainly applies.

Whether a foot massage...

Phone chat with a close friend...

Overnight escape...

High intensity run...

Romp in the hay...

It can all feel pretty good, even if fleeting.  And, sometimes as multi-tasking moms, we have to be grateful for what we can squeeze in.

This topic arose for me this week when a friend emailed on Monday that she'd love to chat, and Seth was off from school (Martin Luther King Day), so I had no time for  much of anything other than engaging him.

My friend is single (no kids), so her time is always her own.  And, while she wrote that she understood, I felt she had a strong need to connect.

So, as I finally got out of the house....to head to the gym.....with Seth in tow...I decided to give my friend a call (on speaker cell phone) from the car.  I started off the chat by saying I was calling for a "quickie."  We could have gone on for hours, as we have done in the past, time-permitting.  But, that wasn't about to happen now so I wanted to let her know upfront.  It was good to hear her voice, at the very least. And, she got to share what was on her mind, so I was glad to be there.

It's so easy to feel that we can't do something because our schedule just doesn't permit.  And, then we feel bored or deprived or drained...or any multitude of not-positive emotions.  But, does it have to be that way?  Isn't something better than nothing?  OK....maybe not everything (a whole chocolate bar is better than a bite), but, it's something to consider.  It might satiate you more than you'd expect.

While I often yearn for a vacation, sometimes just an overnight someplace you enjoy can be rejuvenating.

Getting to the gym isn't always viable, but fitness experts will say that high intensity 10 minutes sprints can be beneficial.

Having a 60 minute foot massage, my favorite, is always a treat.  But, if I can't find the time, I'll go for a 30 minute session, or entice my husband to give me one....which would likely be around three minutes, but I'll take it.

My point is that we don't always have to think BIG.  Life is full and busy.....but you can find pockets of joy and carve out time for things that bring you pleasure....even if it's just for mere moments.  Our bodies and minds have muscle memory, so the positive vibes can last and remind you of what you're entitled to want and create in your life, even if caught up in the daily throes of demanding parenting.

This is a "quickie" blog, as it's been one of those weeks, but you get my gist. 

Take a look at your week ahead, and make a vow to work in some "quickie" ME time.  You'll be all the better for it, as will your family.

I Am Not Enjoying My Children by Cyma Shapiro

I am not enjoying my children right now.  I'm feeling jipped.  I want to be a mother. I WANT to enjoy motherhood. I WANT to enjoy my children. But I'm not.

The “fault” is not mine. My children have issues right now. Their issues are impacting everyone (including the cats and the dog). Breathing, meditating and exercising don’t seem enough of a reactive shield to the negative energy swirling around us.

What to do?

One friend suggested that I take in even the smallest moments of joy, as victories in any given day.  Another said that I should just bide my time, as all things are cyclical and pass.

Here’s my problem: this just makes me very unhappy. When Mommy’s unhappy, everyone’s unhappy. I think you see the cycle this is creating.

For those of us who waited this long to become mothers, we don’t have time to waste. We don’t have time to wait. We don’t even have time to fail. And, we sure as heck don’t like to not have fun.

For me, I just want to live each day as joyfully and happily as I can, noting the many others who have lives far worse than ours.

Does anyone have any suggestions? I’d love to hear from you.

What a Difference a Day Makes by Robin Gorman Newman

A week ago, I was preparing to go into NYC to attend our first MotherhoodLater.com outing to a Broadway musical. ...the show MILLION DOLLAR QUARTET.  I was excited and looking forward to meeting everyone, and reconnecting with those I already knew.  My husband, who was coming as well, had driven into Manhattan that morning, so we'd have the car to return home after the show.

We arranged for a sitter for my son.  My senior dad was coming over as well to spend the weekend with us (his live-in aide was going home), so things felt like they were under control and looking good.

Well.....as my beloved mom used to say (may she rest in peace)....."We make our plans, and G-d makes his."

Just as Seth stepped off the school bus and entered the house, I was beginning what would be a night of acute abdominal, pelvic pain such as I have never know.  Out of the blue, I was doubled-over and barely able to walk.  I quickly called my husband and told him I didn't think I could make the play.  My hope was that whatever this was would subside and I'd be ok.  That wasn't the case.  I placed an emergency call to my gastro doc who I had just seen that week, and left a message with their afterhours service.  Disappointingly, no one called back in a timely fashion, so in the interim, at the urging of a good friend, I reached out to my neighbor (who we are friendly with) and asked if he would do me a big favor and run me over ASAP to the emergency room of North Shore Hospital, which is fortunately within easy reach.

He readily obliged and waited with me until they took me in.  At that point, I was alone, aside from the doctors, nurses, etc., who pretty quickly sprung into action.  That was comforting, though the ordeal was very scary since it was 24 hours before we knew the source of my pain and all kinds of thoughts ran through my mind.  And, it was at least an hour before they gave me IV painkiller which didn't kick in immediately.  So, I spent considerable time digging my nails into my hands and groaning.  Luckily, I was given a private room in the ER, and ultimately, my husband joined me for what turned out to be an entire, sleepless, anxious night of tests and waiting.  At least there was, surprisingly, a tv in the room.

It turned out I have a urinary tract infection (not the pain source) and a very small kidney stone (definitely the pain source) which we hope was passing at the time, and that I'm now done with it.  We don't know for sure, but since I've been feeling considerably better, we want to believe that is the case.

All this said, I found it to be both a humbling and empowering experience.  Humbling in that I was totally at the mercy of strangers at the hospital to care for me, and I entrusted them with my life and health, which meant abandoning control, which I always like to feel I have (though we know this isn't true).  Life is a team effort. And, we are all vulnerable, and sometimes it takes the kindness of strangers to help get us through. As a mom, wife and daughter, I'm so used to being in the caretaker mode.  It felt a bit like a foreign experience being the one doted on. (I think I'm overdue for a pampering foot massage.)

Additionally, I was hugely grateful for the support of friends and immediate family who were so there for me....mostly via email and text (I had my Blackberry with me)....and it was comforting to know that I wasn't alone and to feel the love and concern.  Amazing how it takes an emergency to reinforce in your (or my mind) who truly cares and is available to you.

I spent a lot of time thinking about Seth and wondered what he was thinking since he saw his mother run out of the house enroute to the hospital.  I didn't want to frighten him, so I put on a brave, if not grimaced, face.  He would have found the ER an interesting place, since he is all about helping people and finds medical stuff cool, especially ambulances and paramedics.

I also became highly conscious of the value of time and how I spend it. Life goes on, whether I'm sitting 24-7 at my computer or not.  There's a big world out there, and while I recognize the huge benefts of being online, it's also important to venture out, take time to be with people, have new experiences, grow, etc.  I yearn to do more of all of that.

Treasuring the moment also came up for me.  Things can change on a dime.  From one minute to the next, life may throw us a zinger we didn't see coming, and we have to be strong and go with the flow. Things can also change in a good, exciting way, so ya never know what tomorrow may bring.  We wouldn't necessarily want things to remain stagnant, though no one wants to suffer or see a loved one go through a rough time.

All in all, in an odd way, I'm grateful for having had this experience.  Not that I'd ever opt to endure a kidney stone episode again, I value the life lessons I took away.  And, I'm grateful I was able to go home without requiring surgery or involved treatment....though I have to follow-up with a urologist and allergist (since I had a mild allergic reaction to the antibiotic prescribed).

In the short time since turning 50 (since 8/11), it's already been eventful.  If this is any predictor for the decade I've yet to fully experience, it's going to be a wild ride.  I am hopeful it will offer more joyful times than challenges, but I recognize that life has it's ebbs 'n flows, so I'm going to focus as best I can on what makes me happy today.  I can't do more than that.

GUEST BLOG POST: Fun & Safe Fireworks by Marie Coltrane

It is almost the fourth of July. My children love to shoot off fireworks and play with sparklers. But because of a “burn ban” in the area, we are not be able to do that.

Fortunately, there is another way kids can see and “play with” fireworks.

They are called Milk Fireworks. To create them is very easy, safe and fun.

First, gather a cookie sheet (with sides), milk, food coloring, liquid dish soap, and a small dropper. Second, pour some milk into the cookie sheet – enough to cover the bottom. Next, drop some drops of food coloring all over the milk. Finally, on one end of the cookie sheet, drop one small drop (the smaller the better) of liquid dish soap. Watch the fireworks go! When they start to slow down, you can drop another drop of liquid soap in on the opposite end and then you can see it go again. (Repeat as many times as you want.)

Another type of “firework” you can create in your home is straw painting. This is done by having your child drop one drop of liquid paint on their painting surface. Then, taking a straw and blowing through it, they can move the paint around and the results will look like small firework blasts. Do as many colors and blasts as you want. You can also decorate your landscape to make it more realistic or fantastic.

All six of my children love these two activities. I hope yours will as well. 

Have a wonderful 4th!!

Marie Coltrane is the author of Stimulate your Child through the Years without going Bankrupt.  She is the mother of six children ages 16 to 3.  Marie lives and works in Texas and loves to share ideas with parents about how to play with their children without breaking the bank.

What I Collect - by Liimu

Some people collect corkscrews. Others collect stamps or coins. I collect experiences.

Other people look at someone water skiing or running a marathon and say, “Why would anyone want to do that?” And I say, “Why not?”

When my husband and I went to Jamaica for our honeymoon, we were told that the Rick’s Café in Ocho Rios boasted a view of one of the most beautiful sunsets in the world. The first thing I noticed, when we disembarked from our commuter boat from Negril to Ocho Rios was the people leaping off the infamous cliff outside Rick’s Café. I knew as soon as I saw those bodies leaping off the thirty-plus foot cliff that I wanted to do it, too. My husband of just a couple days rolled his eyes; he was already far too familiar with my thirst for excitement. Landing feet first was much harder than it sounded. I ended up with a huge bruise that took up my entire thigh. Worth it, though, I felt. I had yet another experience to add to my collection.

When I began running, I fully intended to run no more than a 10K. During that 10K, I connected and became friends with another woman. We began to run together, trained for Broad Street, and after running it decided we would run a marathon. In my mind, it was another experience to add to my collection. I didn’t care how hard it was, I was determined to do it.

Now, older and wiser, I try to make sure the experiences I collect aren’t life-threatening or even too physically taxing. With three young children and me rapidly approaching my 40th birthday (on May 22), I now have to think about more than just my own gratification. I have to make sure I have the energy and wherewithal to be not just a mom to them, but a present and engaged mom who actually has the energy to enjoy hanging out with them, helping them with their homework, pushing them on the swing, laughing at their jokes. And I now realize that many of the experiences I’m collecting are experiences I’m sharing with them.

Every March, the girls are off school for a week for Spring break. This year, I decided to plan a road trip. No boys, just me and the girls (and our teenage babysitter). We had SO much fun. I didn’t work, I didn’t obsess about working out, I didn’t even plan out our days from sunup to sundown. I let them call the shots and we had a great time. Here’s a picture of my three-year old trying beef jerky for the first time ever.

During this trip, my two youngest daughters swam for the first time (with water wings) all the way across the pool. They touched baby alligators, fed a bearded dragon and sat on a petrified alligator. We took a boat ride alongside real live dolphins as pelicans flew overhead. My older two daughters even got to drive the boat. .

These are the experiences I collect now. When I was a teenager and young adult, the experiences were all about partying, acting crazy – jumping to floor level at the Grateful Dead/Bob Dylan concert. Over the past few years, I have had personal experiences beyond my wildest dreams – diving off the cliff at Rick’s Café, running across the finish line of the Philadelphia Marathon, singing a solo live on NBC for 10 million fans while Patti Labelle directed from just 20 feet away.

Perhaps even more precious than these experiences are the ones I have shared with my children, petting alligators in South Carolina, hiking the mountains of Denver, watching my 7-year old win a hula hoop contest in Florida, driving down Christmas Tree Lane in California, and the hundreds of experiences we’ve shared right here in our home. I’m grateful I don’t need a cabinet in which to store all these amazing experiences. I would have long ago run out of room.

Getting Into Science -- by Cara

A few weeks ago, I, along with Bloggers representing other social media, were invited to an Open House at the New York Hall of Science, along with our families! I was very excited to go, as was my son, because they were featuring, Sid the Science Kid Family Day (which my son watches on television endlessly)! Also featured was an exhibit called Math Midway, an interactive exhibition similar to a math theme park! Math Midway was promoted to demonstrate fun and challenging math games which encourage physical interaction to discover the amazement of just how varied mathematics can actually be!

It was an absolutely gorgeous day! As we walked towards the entrance, my son spotted a mini golf course. He wanted that to be his first stop! Upon being greeted graciously by the Blogger Open House staff and given a folder with directions detailing where to go and what to see, my son shot off to the Rocket Park Mini Golf course! Little did we realize that this wasn’t an ordinary golf course! It was a gravity defying designed course where your skill had to match the force of gravity in order to get the ball into the hole! My son, having already been on a real golf course with his Grandfather, knew the proper techniques of playing golf. However none of these techniques were working on this mini golf course! My son even approached other children who were having a difficult time, and instructed them to, “Keep your thumbs pointed down!” This tip actually worked for a little girl who had been struggling to get the ball to cooperate!

Next, we went back inside to visit the Sports Challenge area upstairs. In this area, you get a chance to throw “baseballs” of different weights and sizes to see how far you are able to distance them. There is a mini rock climbing wall, a surfboard simulator, and an interesting display of Wheelchair Racing.” Here, you sit in an actual wheelchair with an opponent next to you. When you both hit the “go” button, you must only use your hands to push the wheels to try to beat your opponent. My son was amazed at how much work it took to roll a wheelchair using just your arms! I explained that there were many people who need to use only their hands to “steer” their wheelchairs all around, everyday. My son said that they must be very strong people! I told him that I was certain they were!

Our next stop was the Science Playground which was outdoors. My son was climbing, sliding and trying out concepts such as motion and solar energy. He had the most fun climbing up the giant spider web! At one point he was hanging upside-down! The weather, as I said, was beautiful, so I had a difficult time convincing him to come in for lunch!

Finally, after lunch, we went to the Math Midway! At this new exhibit, children can learn about and test theories such as probability and symmetry in a carnival-like atmosphere! There were nine exhibits, however my son gravitated towards the ones that caught his interest the most. One exhibit that he spent quite a bit of time on was, “Pirate X and Lady Y.” He teamed up with a little girl and each took turns placing or taking off small weights in order to “balance” the “ship”. They did quite well and were able to get the ship ALMOST perfectly balanced!

Next stop in Math Midway was the “Universal Wheel of Chance.” My son was either very lucky, or the wheel was designed to stop on a higher number each time! Imagine the fun my son had spinning the wheel over and over only to have the wheel land on a higher number with each consecutive spin! What is the probability of that?

Then we were off to “The Mysterious Harmonograph.” Here, children get to create their own unique mathematical drawings from a swinging steel pendulum! My artist son had a blast with this one! He created a design with more unusual squiggles and circular patterns than I think one can reasonably put on a large piece of paper! He didn’t want to stop, though! He was getting a kick out of the “art creation” he was making!

My son’s last stop in Math Midway, was an exhibit called, “Polyhedral Puzzle Plaza.” At this exhibit, children used oversized toys, sticks and cubes, working collaboratively, to create whatever their imaginative minds would allow them. Except for a squabble between two little girls, the children all nicely worked together to build what they interpreted as a “castle.” No matter what the outcome, this activity gave the children the resources to come up with an unusual geometric design of their own imagination and choosing. My son loves doing things with other children, so this was an ideal activity for him!

We eagerly wanted to see Sid the Science Kid. There were two showings in the auditorium; one at 2 pm and the other at 3 pm. The line at the 2 pm showing was wrapped through the museum. I knew my son would never be able to stay in line long enough to wait for the 2 pm showing, nor would he be able to get and stay in line long enough for the 3 pm showing. So, unfortunately we didn’t get to see Sid. But my son was more than appeased when we looked around the gift shop and ended up buying a gem set for him to take home and examine with his microscope!

All in all, it was a fabulous day at the New York Hall of Science! The gorgeous day allowed us to spend some time at the outdoor exhibits, while the indoor exhibits provided plenty to see, do, examine and explore! What a wonderful museum for the entire family to explore! I know we will be back soon...even if it is only to collect more “gems” from the gift shop!

Then, again, having a gemologist in the family may not be such a bad thing after all! Especially when he is your own son!

Making Our Relationship Work -- by Jamie

Jayda accompanies me to my gym every weekend. First, she joins me in the locker room while I change, and both of us converse with the women around us, who always greet Jayda enthusiastically. Then, Jayda goes into the daycare center to play for an hour or so, while I work out. Along the way, Jayda stops and stares at all the men and women who are training in the gym and bombards all of us with questions, watches the step and spinning classes with obvious fascination, and simply enjoys being in the venue as much as I do—and appears to have a lot of fun with me, chatting and socializing.

The other day, an older woman approached me during my work out and told me that she loved watching me with my daughter and that we “reminded her of herself and her daughter” when her child was Jayda’s age. She then proceeded to tell me about how she had raised her daughter (who is now in her early 20s) by herself following her divorce, and how they had been “buddies” in the way Jayda and I appeared to be. But then she said she “had to warn me that having such a close relationship did have its downside,” and explained that when her daughter had hit her early teens, she’d rebelled. The mother and daughter quickly went from “best friends” to barely speaking and it was a very trying time. She assured me that now her daughter is a successful businesswoman—which I thought meant there was a happy ending to her story—but when I asked, “so now you guys are close again?” she shrugged her shoulders and made a face. She said that now, her daughter’s always so busy and never has time for her mother; she never calls her mom for advice, and always cuts her phone calls short because she “has work to do.” But this, too, the woman warned me, was the “downside of raising her daughter to be so independent,” which she was forced to do as a busy, working single mother. She claimed her daughter didn’t “need” her help or advice because she was taught to be self-sufficient at such an early age.

This woman’s story made me very sad. And the worst part is that she was comparing her family to mine! Of course I don’t know how Jayda’s and my story will “end,” but I’d like to think there are a few important differences that will assure my family of a happier ending than my ill-fated gym friend’s. First of all, though Jayda and I may appear to be “buddies” at the gym, we’re not. I’m Jayda’s mother—and I’m in charge. As difficult as it is to do sometimes, I do make rules and set limits. A single friend of mine recently told me, jokingly, that it was a good thing she wasn’t a mother because “any child of hers would be obese!” She was referring to the fact that she’d never be able to say “no” to candy at the supermarket—and would likely give her son or daughter anything he or she asked for when it came to junk food. I laughed…and then I told her she had a point. It is very difficult to say “no” to Jayda when her big blue eyes are fixed longingly on a bag of M&Ms at the check out counter of CVS. Or to hold my ground as that same adorable girl protests, “but I a good girl, mommy!” after I refuse to let her eat chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. But mommies are supposed to keep their kids healthy…and they’re supposed to set limits. And they’re also supposed to let their kids know that the mommies are the decision-makers—not the kids. Jayda’s “buddy” might let her stay up as late as she wants to at night; I most certainly won’t. In fact, I’m a stickler about Jayda’s bedtime. And though she’ll throw a tantrum now and then—or even shout “I don’t like you, mommy” in a fit of unhappiness—Jayda knows I take care of her—and I always will. And that’s the most important thing in the world to both of us.

Another difference between me and my gym friend is in our concept of teaching our children independence. An independent person doesn’t have to be a disconnected one. Just because I’m teaching Jayda how to take care of herself doesn’t mean I’m training her to never consult me about anything. Hopefully she can follow in my footsteps in that sense: In college, I was independent enough to travel to Australia to study for a semester…but I still “needed” to check in with my parents on the phone at least once a week for support, advice, or even just to share a good story. And now, I’m a mother, myself, raising my own daughter, but I still “need” my own mommy sometimes for help with a problem. Just because I know how to take care of myself doesn’t mean I have to do everything alone. That’s the kind of independence I think every woman should exhibit….and the kind I’m hoping to foster in my own daughter.

Similarly, I think an important part of being able to take care of oneself is knowing how to take care of others. And I’m raising my daughter to do just that. It’s another thing that I hope will keep our relationship thriving until I’m old and gray: Jayda and I take care of each other. Of course as the mother, I’m in charge of the big issues and responsibilities, but there are plenty of ways that Jayda can help take care of me…and she does. For instance, just the other evening, I asked my daughter if she was tired and she said, “No, mommy. Are you?” When I admitted I was “a little tired,” she instructed me to lay my head in her lap and “rest for a wittle while.” She even covered me with one of her baby’s blankets while she sang “Rock-a-Bye Baby” to me and stroked my hair (though I declined the binky she offered). It was a precious moment and I savored it for as long as I could. Then I got up and made us a healthy dinner—with a few M&Ms for dessert.

A Boy and His Dogs -- by Cara

My son loves animals. All animals. Well, except for spiders. But I can’t blame him for that. He especially loves our two dogs. He bonded with our female, Lama, instantly, as she did him, from the day we brought my son home from the hospital for the very first time. And no matter the age, Lama was by his side, almost vying to take care of him. We were told by trainers that even though she is spayed, her maternal instinct could possibly kick in. And boy, did it ever! She treated him just as she would her own puppy and let him do anything...and I do mean ANYTHING to her! When we were teaching him how to brush his teeth, he had to use his own toothbrushes to brush hers (we eventually bought each of them their own!). He would ride her, roll on her, stack cups on her ears, pull her whiskers (“I’m counting them,” he would say). Still, she let him do whatever he wanted to do to her...and still does. Except that now she is close to 15. And is in as excellent health as a 15 year old dog could be! But she sleeps a lot. And she is slowing down. And what a 6 year old boy needs, is a more playful dog. Enter our male dog, Max.

Max was my “baby” 5 years before Brandon came along. Although highly trained and deciplined, Max resented all of the time I had to spend with Brandon when he was young. So poor Max would go off by himself whenever I was busy with baby Brandon. And I tried to give as much attention and affection as I could to Max. But still, it was nowhere near the attachment we had before Brandon was born.

Years went by. Max remained aloof towards Brandon as Brandon grew. But Brandon would try to interact with Max. Max just wasn’t interested. Until now.

I think Brandon realizes that although Lama is spry when she wants to be, she can’t be treated the way Brandon used to treat her. We constantly remind him that he is too big to ride her or put all of his body weight on her. We remind him that she is sleeping and to try to let her rest. You can tell, he wants his dog who had more vigor back.

Now the dynamics are changing. Max has realized that Brandon is staying for good. And although he is not a young dog himself at 11 years old, he has much more pep to him than Lama. So Brandon is again trying to befriend Max and I am happy to see that Max is reciprocating! I am teaching Brandon how to have Max give him his paw on request. I am also showing Brandon through hand signals how to have Max sit, wait or lie down. Brandon thinks he is performing magic! Max just wants to get a treat! But the most important thing is that they are bonding. Bonding in a way I really never thought would ever happen due to Max’s adoration of me. But our relationships are changing. Max goes onto Brandon’s bed to make a “nest,” which Brandon loves. Then Brandon carefully covers him and gives him a stuffed animal to sleep with. I am so proud of both my “boys!”

A rough-and-tumble boy like Brandon needs a rough-and-tumble dog! And although Max is too old to do tricks like he used to or go to agility races, he has enough “spunk” left in him to give Brandon the “boy-dog” interaction Brandon craves! And Brandon is learning not only how to play with Max, he is also learning to be more compassionate to his real “love,” Lama. He still pets her, but more gently. He wants to help feed her. He makes sure she has a blanket and a stuffed animal to sleep with, too. It is sweet to watch him take care of her the way she took care of him. And it is rewarding to know that Brandon still has a “playmate” with Max. I wish both dogs were a bit younger, but I am grateful that both dogs are in terrific health for both their ages! Especially for a boy and his dogs!

GUEST BLOG POST: Communication with Sons - by Renee Martinez, founder, www.raisingboysworld.com

Walking into motherhood after leading an independent life is an enormous change in itself. Having a boy adds an entirely new dimension of newness to the mix.

As women, caring for a girl is familiar. We share the same bodies and for the most part, we know the twists and turns that life will present her. We may have lived through the mother/daughter dynamic and know what to expect at various stages. We lived through it.

Mothers of sons are a special batch. We have an opportunity to shape the men of our future. We’ll never know what it’s like to go through puberty as a boy or to be one of the guys. We’ll likely not understand the unique pressures boys in our society face firsthand, but being different doesn’t mean being distant.

Oftentimes, I’ve heard moms say that they can’t relate to boys, that playing with trucks doesn’t appeal to them and that they find it difficult to connect. How well sons communicate when they are young often impacts their success to handle interpersonal relationships as they grow into men. With that said, the most wonderful gift you can give your son is to keep the lines of communication open so he feels comfortable sharing with you. Working to build a relationship of trust will have tremendous benefits at various stages throughout his life.

The key to any successful relationship is communication. On the drive to school, take the opportunity to ask him questions about what’s going on, what he’s concerned about etc… Tell him about your plans for the day. When he starts chatting about the baseball game in detail that you could care less about, don’t push him away; listen and ask questions. He’ll come back and talk with you when it’s something important because he’ll be comfortable and know you care about what he has to say. When approached, stop what you’re doing and look at your son, listen as you would to a friend or colleague. Give him the respect that you expect him to give you. Listen, listen, listen and try to avoid being confrontational. Don’t finger point or criticize by pointing out problems, instead try to work together to come to a realization of the problem and an appropriate solution…as if you’re playing on the same team.

Getting your son to open up as he grows older can be a huge challenge if you never took the opportunity to make him feel like you could relate when he was young. Why would he suddenly want to open up with you if he felt ignored when he tried to before? Keep in mind that while forging a friendship is nice, he is your son, and your role as a parent is to guide him, not to be his buddy.

So the next time you hear someone say they feel like boys are from another planet, tell them it would be wise to take the time and connect with him and live in the same world with him before he finds living in another universe preferable.

Renee is the founder of http://www.raisingboysworld.com.

Worn Out - by Robin

I am worn out today (Thursday).

It's that time of the month, and my 40-something hormones are whacked, so this was not expected.

Seth is being a total Dennis the Menace....or should I say vandal.

And, I got into a fender bender.

I was driving through town, as I do many days, enroute to TJ Maxx with a friend for a shopping jaunt. I was looking forward to a fun few hours. My week has been consumed with carpet installation, inspectors, and painters. The main street in my town is in a constant state of gridlock, and today was no different.

As I approached a corner, two cars were stopped waiting to turn. It was taking forever, so I endeavored to get around them. I inched out, and as quickly as I did that, an SUV came careening behind me. I didn't see it, and it crashed into the right front side of my car. Totally took off my headlight and the surrounding hardware and part of the front bumper.

I called the police, and an accident report was filed. The other driver took it in stride and basically said, "accidents happen." I, on the other hand, felt it was his fault, and was very rattled about it. I was grateful that no one was hurt, but it made me a bit nervous to drive (although we did still go to TJ). And, it's made me all the more aware of how we can't control others. I have always considered myself a safe, defensive driver, but still, accidents can happen. I just have to accept that. Now we'll have to deal with our insurance company.

Then, once I get home, I made a discovery in the living room. Seth had decided to play Bob the Builder (or something like that). He removed (and destroyed) the hinges to our living room armoire and dropped them in the garbage, along with the screws. I happened to stumble upon the armoire that looked funny and realized the hinges were missing. On top of that, he decided to draw on the armoire with a pen, and denying doing any of it. My husband had the lovely task of dumping out the kitchen garbage and rummaging through it. Amazingly, he found the hinges and screws, but is unable to put it back together.

Then, we discovered that Seth took Duco Cement and put it on the living room phone. What that was about, I have no clue.

Then, we discovered that he scrapped off some of the paint and spackle that was newly done in the hall and on his bedroom door.

I've never seen him go through such a totally destructive streak. It left me completely speechless.

We took away his wallet (with allowance in it), threw out one of his pet fire trucks, took away tv and dessert tonite and told him that we have lost trust in him in our home. And, that he now needs to work on gaining it back.

Just unreal.

I am worn out from it all.

This weekend is the Jewish Holiday, and I look forward to spending some quality time with family and friends.

I'd like to be able to put this week behind me and see Seth work on regaining our trust. I realize he's only six, but he's gotta make some concerted effort to make up for these actions.

Wishing all the Jewish families out there a very happy, and healthy!

The Hands of Time - by Robin

What kind of senior will I be?

It's a hard thing to anticipate. But, I do hope to live to a ripe old age (and hopefully have a "quality" life.) But, how do you define "quality" when you're elderly?

I watched my dad this past week during our annual family vacation, and it was an example of what I hope not to become. I hate to say it, but my dad yearns unrealistically to be 40 again. OK....maybe he'd settle for 60.....but certainly some age where he doesn't feel his age. (He's told often he doesn't look it....but that doesn't offer him much consolation.)

I've said to him on countless occasions...is it truly possible at almost age 91 to feel great?! Does anyone at that age?

I don't feel as I did when I was younger....at almost 50 (I choke when I type that number....though I'm not there yet.)

Ted Kennedy sadly just passed away at age 77 after a bout of brain cancer. That couldn't have been pleasant.

Dominick Dunne, author/journalist, passed away at age 83 from bladder cancer. No doubt also not a walk in the park.

What does my dad expect?! And thank G-d, my dad is not suffering from cancer. Much of his discomfort is the result of complications from surgeries in hindsight he didn't need to have and didn't benefit from. He does not have a disease...unless old age is considered such. I think it is, in his mind.

I can't condemn him for wanting to fight the hands of time. I guess most of us do. But, does that mean your days then become full of constant complaining....bringing down those around you....especially loved ones who try to be supportive to the best of their ability, but have their our challenging lives to lead? Isn't it still possible to find happiness despite physical imperfection? Or is it that from now on the glass is perpetually 1/2 empty? How do people live with chronic illness?

My beloved mom (who passed away at age 73), may she rest in peace, was not one to complain. Even if she was suffering, she always had the presence of mind to consider the other person and try not to fill their head with negativity. Afterall, attitude does affect healing. So, no one gains from incessant crankiness.

But, how does it feel to be really old?! On one hand, a person may be viewed as blessed to have lived such a full life. After all, disease knows no age, and plenty don't make it to 80+ and then some.

Should one just flat-out be appreciative? Or do you gain the right to complain more and more as the years pass? Is that what aging is about?

My dad has become a doctors dream...in that he frequents them. Though, he's not an easy patient since he complains of so much that I imagine they often don't know where to start. My husband jokes (though it's really not funny) and says that if my father didn't have good medical insurance, he'd learn to live with feeling less than up to par instead of constantly searching for a magic healing bullet.

I hate to put my father down. On one hand, I give him credit for practicing vigilant self care, but at times, it does feel self-absorbed. And, I miss him. I miss the dad who was there for me. I know he still loves and supports me, but the tables have turned. He is no longer my caretaker and can only lend a partial ear to hear what is going on in my life. He's quite caught up in his own daily existence.

I find myself often jealous of those who have parents who are truly there for them and will even watch their kids and do things with them. We have never had that. I wonder what that is like?

At the end of the day....I do love my dad....and miss my mom...and I hope that I don't one day become an emotional burden on my son. I really don't want to turn into a whiny curmudgeon. Perhaps having that awareness is a vital starting point.

The Dora Deception -- by Jamie Levine

“Dora yogurt! I want my Dora yogurt!” my daughter screamed in the kitchen as my mother unpacked the groceries she and Jayda had just bought while I was working.

“Huh? You bought her Dora yogurt?!” I barked at my mom. Jayda certainly gets her share of treats, but my mom knows I try hard to make sure that most of Jayda’s food is healthy. She also knows that Jayda loves Greek yogurt. It’s full of protein, low in sugar and fat, and when I mix fresh fruit in it for her, she devours it. Who needs processed, sugar-filled yogurt? Not us!

My mom explained that Jayda had seen a Dora yogurt drink at the store and wanted it. So, as with all the other “unnecessary” items my daughter had begged for while they shopped, my mom put it in the cart and then snuck it back onto a shelf before they checked out. She hadn’t bought it. However, Jayda, who seemed to have forgotten about all the other missing purchases, couldn’t forget Dora. It was “Dora yogurt! I want it!” all night long.

The next day, I went to the supermarket and took a look at my daughter’s new obsession. As I’d suspected, the yogurt drink had practically no protein, and was packed with sugar. But the container was appealing—pink, covered with pictures of adorable Dora, and even featured a “star counting” game. And the six-pack was on sale! So…what was a responsible, loving mom to do?

I bought the Dora yogurt drinks. Then, I ran home and pulled out my blender. Tossed a container of 2% Greek yogurt in there—and some fresh mango. Then, some organic 1% milk, and a pinch of cinnamon. I thought about adding a little honey, but this mango was so sweet, it wasn’t necessary. When I was satisfied with my concoction, I opened up all of the Dora yogurts I had just purchased—and dumped them down the drain. Finally, I refilled the containers with “my” yogurt drink and sealed them all back up. Presto! Healthy, protein-filled “Dora” yogurt drinks. And you know what? My kid loves them!

Now, if they only sold Dora frozen broccoli!

Lessons from the Basement

Bob the Builder Jr. is officially here.

My son went to town as the demolition crew struck ground in the basement yesterday. He put on his rain boots, gloves, grabbed his hammer and shovel and dug his heels in as he helped, after school, to scoop up the remains of the tile floor.

He was in all his glory, and I was consumed with emotion I didn't expect.

As much as I was not wedded to our basement, along with the rubble and remains arose feelings that caught me off guard.

I was chatting with my wise friend, Michele Laub, this morning. She is leading the Conscious Parenting Teleclass Series MotherhoodLater.com is sponsoring starting June 18th (details are posted on our home page.) And, she got me better understanding my thoughts.

It's amazing how you can want to hold on to the familiar, even when it needs an overhaul. Whether a relationship, job, home...or whatever it is. You hear stories all the time of people, for example, staying in abusive relationships, and I've often wondered why? Now I feel like I get it. Because you're used to it...for better or worse.

My basement is teaching me this.

I took pictures before the demolition started, but it frankly, blew my mind to see pieces tumbling down and for the entire basement remains to be loaded on a truck destined for the dump.

We are gutting our basement by choice. Even though it was finished, there wasn't much good about it except for the potential it held. The lighting was poor. Wires were coming out of the ceiling. Doors were falling off. Closet space was sparse. It was in some ways an actual hazard.

Once this project is done, I have no doubt it will look amazing. Our contractor is fastidious, as are the specialists he's called in. Today I met the electrician who seems really on the ball. We'll be "living" with these guys for at least six weeks, so it's good to have confidence.

I'm just a bit stunned re: my reaction. It took some strength for me last night to venture down to the basement to see the bare beams, vacant floor, stripped walls, etc. Everything I knew was gone.

It's letting go of the old and making way for the new. It's trusting that complete strangers will deliver what we hope for and more. It's relinquishing control, knowing that there will be unforeseen challenges along the way. (We lost cable and phone service part of today and yesterday.) It's having the faith that we'll willingly trust our guts and make the right decisions when there are choices.

It's seeing the excitement in my son's eyes as he rushes to exit the school bus and runs to the top of the stairs to check on the status of the project. It's knowing that we'll once again have our living room back as we move Seth's toys downstairs in what will be a terrific play space, not to mention the ample storage closets we anticipate. It's knowing I'll have a place for my books that I treasure that now occupy part of Seth's bookcase in his room because I have no other place to put them.

It's knowing that we've embarked on a major home renovation that will change our lives as a family for the better for years to come. I'm immensely grateful that we're in a position to do this, despite the economy, and I have every confidence it's an investment that is worth its weight in gold on many levels and will ultimately enhance the value of the house.

For now, I'm going to sit with the feelings the demolition has arisen in me, knowing as my beloved mom used to say, "this too shall pass."

Who knew that a basement would unearth so much and lead to a growth experience in more ways than one?!

Adulthood

The school year will soon come to a close. Amazing. Seth will be a kindergarten graduate before I blink my eyes.

This coming week is the orientation for the school he will enter in the fall. It's way larger than where he currently attends and feels so adult to me. How will it feel to him? It's hard to imagine my little guy...who's now really quite the big boy...navivating the long halls and staircases and continuing to create a life for himself separate and distinct from me.

But, isn't that what parenting is really all about? We moms do our best so our children can fly.

We've started a new routine in the house. I pick out Seth's clothes in the evening, or he chooses them in the morning, and then dresses himself. It saves time as we inevitably rush to prepare for the school bus, and it's one more step toward autonomy. Some days he takes the initiative. Other days, I help him. It's still kinda nice to be needed in that way.

Next week we are starting a major demolition/construction project in the house of our basement. A Bob the Builder wannabe when he's not aspiring to be a Rescue Hero or Power Ranger, Seth is chomping at the bit to get out his tool kit and go at it. The contractor said he'd take him under his wing, and Seth is totally thrilled and counting the days.

I, on the other hand, am counting the days this project will be complete. It's been 9 months in the making since we signed with the contractor who is much in demand. But, the end result will be worth it. Seth will have a fantastic playspace in the basement that he can grow into and use with friends even as a teenager. I look forward to regaining my living room and relocating the bulk of his toys downstairs. But, until completion day, there will be much stress and mess. And, workers daily in my house, which I don't embrace.

I was speaking with a friend earlier this week about life. A pretty broad subject to say the least. We were agreeing how sometimes it just feels so full and daunting. Jumping from task to task...responsibility to responsibility. So many details, things to handle, etc. I have days where I wish I weren't an adult. Know what I mean? There's something to be said, on a certain level, for being taken care of when things feel overwhelming.

I hope Seth enjoys his childhood to the fullest and doesn't wish the years away before he grows up. He speaks about his adult aspirations, i.e. having a wife and family and SUV with a television and living in our house (he would like us to move out when he's grown up so he can have it) and be a fireman or some other profession where he can help people.

Though at age 6, he likes to do things for himself, there are times when no one does it like a mom. And, I'm glad to be there for him. He'll be "my little guy" forever in my heart.

Keeping Up with the Mother Joneses

I've never considered myself a competitive person. An achiever....yes. Driven.....yes. Perfectionist at times....sure (not that I've succeeded at that, or should want to). Control freak. I do like things a certain way, I admit.

Well, that and more, needs to be abandoned when it comes to parenting, I'm quickly learning.

And, the other thing that I'm learning is not to compare myself or my child to others.

No book comes with parenting, though plenty are written on the subject. When Seth was little, I used to peruse some of them. These days I have little time for that and would sooner reach out to a parenting expert or seasoned mom friend who has been there, done that.

I did both recently after a chat with a mom friend that left me thinking...a lot.

She was speaking about a series of well-regarded books a friend had recommended as learning tools to teach your child when they are very young. And, she applauded how a couple of moms, in particular, who she knows, have used them with their children to teach them to read at a young age, etc.

I wondered what Seth is supposed to be capable of at this time. I spoke with his teacher who said he is progressing as he should in terms of knowing/writing letters, names, numbers, etc. But, I thought, is this enough? Should I be doing more? As a parent, we want our children to succeed. We have high aspirations for them and want to know that we're doing/have done our best.

No doubt there are varying schools of thought on this subject. But, there is something to be said for letting a child be a child. Sure academics are important, and school does seem WAY demanding these days, but quality play time is essential too. And, according to a parenting expert I well respect and have consulted with, at the age of 5, allowing your child's imagination to soar through creative play is something to strive for.

We can expose them to new experiences, and endeavor to share what we think is cool about the world. And, that is important. But, ultimately, they are their own person with interests, strengths, challenges, etc. that we can do our best to support and nuture...and they may not coincide with ours. But, that's ok.

One day our kids will fly on their own, and their childhood should be just that. A time of fun, games, love...and certainly learning...but it shouldn't be about "keeping up with the mother jones." And, I'm not saying that this mom friend or others I know view parenting as a contest. I'm just speaking for myself in that I need to...and want to... focus on Seth and his uniqueness...and let his natural abilities soar. Comparing him will surely not do either of us any good.